31 quotes
Questioning Acceptance and Friendship
Nuke
How come you don't like me?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Throwing Heat in Baseball Strategy
Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh
Why does he want me to throw the heat again, I just threw it. No, don't think, Meat, just give him the gas.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Challenge to Prove a Point
Nuke
I don't hit no man first.
[After he has challenged Crash to a fight]
Crash
All right, then, hit me in the chest with that.
[throws him a baseball]
Nuke
I'd kill you!
Crash
Yeah?! From what I hear, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a fucking boat! Come on; right here, right in the chest!
[the crowd that has gathered laughs]
Nuke
No way!
Crash
C'mon, Meat! Throw it! You know you're not gonna hit me, cause you've already started to think about it, eh?! Thinkin about how embarrassing it would be to miss in front of all these people, how somebody might laugh?! Come on, Meat, show us that million-dollar arm, Cause I got a good idea about that five-cent head of yours!
Crash
Ball four.
Nuke
Who the fuck are you, man?!
Nuke
Good punch...
Crash
I'm Crash Davis; I'm your new catcher, and you just got lesson number one: Don't think. You can only hurt the ball club.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Annie's Unconventional Spring Training Proposal
Annie
Well -- you boys stopped fighting yet? Are you pals now? Good. I love a little macho male bonding -- I think it's sweet even if it's probably latent homosexuality being "re-channeled" but I believe in "re-channeling" so who cares, right? Shall we go to my place?
[pause]
Nuke
Which one of us?
Annie
Oh both of you, of course...
Annie
These are the ground rules. I hook up with one guy a season. Usually takes me a couple of weeks to pick the guy - kinda my own spring training. And, well, you two are the most promising prospects of the season so far, so I just thought we should kinda get to know each other.
Crash
Time out. Why do you get to choose?
Annie
What?
Crash
Why do you get to choose? I mean, why don't I get to choose? Why doesn't he get to choose?
Annie
Well, actually, nobody on this planet ever really chooses each other. I mean, it's all a question of quantum physics, molecular attraction, and timing. Why, there are laws we don't understand that bring us together and tear us apart. Uh, it's like pheromones. You get three ants together, they can't do dick. You get 300 million of them, they can build a cathedral.
Nuke
So is somebody going to go to bed with somebody or what?
Annie
Honey, you are a regular nuclear meltdown. You'd better cool off. Ha ha, ha ha!
Annie
Oh, where are you going?
Crash
After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don't try out. Besides, uh, I don't believe in quantum physics when it comes to matters of the heart.
Annie
What do you believe in, then?
Crash
Well, I believe in the soul. The cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of ] are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe ] ]. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing ] and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. Goodnight.
[[w:Susan Sontag|Susan Sontag; [w:Lee Harvey Oswald|Lee Harvey Oswald; [w:John F. Kennedy assassination conspiracy theories|acted alone; [w:AstroTurf|AstroTurf; ''pause'']
Annie
Oh my. Crash...
Nuke
Hey, Annie, what's all this molecule stuff?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unusual Season for Annie Savoy
Annie Savoy
This is the damndest season I've ever had; the Durham Bulls can't lose and I can't get laid!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Empowerment and Responsibility in Relationships
Annie
Millie, you've got to stay out of the clubhouse. It'll just get everybody in trouble.
Millie
I got lured.
Annie
You did not get "lured". Women never get lured. They're too strong and powerful for that. Now say it - "I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions".
Millie
I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions.
Annie
That's better.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Faith in the Church of Baseball
Annie Savoy
I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped ], ], ], ], ], trees, mushrooms, and ]. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I learned that, I gave ] a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology.
[Opening narration; [Buddha; [Allah; [w:Brahma|Brahma; [w:Vishnu|Vishnu; [w:Siva|Siva; [Isadora Duncan; [Jesus; sigh]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding "Limping Jets of Love
Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh
Limping jets of love"...Hey, Crash. Does that mean what I think it means, "limping jets of love"?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of a Winning Streak
Crash Davis
Never fuck with a winning streak.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Eccentricity in Life's Moments
Crash Davis
I've been known on occasion to howl at the moon.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Unrecognized Beauty of Nature
Annie Savoy
Full many a flower's born to blush unseen and waste its sweetness on the desert air." - ]...or ], I don't know. I get them mixed up.
[narrating; [Thomas Gray; [William Cullen Bryant]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Masculinity and Sensuality in Sports
Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh
This underwear feels kinda sexy...that don't make me queer, right? Right.
[Wearing Annie's garter belt under his uniform for the first time]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration Over a Poor Decision
Crash Davis
That was a cocksucking call!
[Complaining to an umpire]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Burden of Self-Awareness
Annie Savoy
The world's made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness.
[narrating]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Lessons on Fun and the Game of Baseball
Crash
Hey. Relax, all right? Don't try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls - it's more democratic.
[walking with Nuke back to the pitcher’s mound]
Nuke
What's this guy know anyway? If he's so great, how come he's been in the minors for ten years? If he's so hot how come Annie wants me instead of him?
[to himself as Crash walks away]
Crash
Oh, hey, and another thing, Meat. You don't know shit, all right? If you wanna make it to the show, you'll listen to me. Annie only wants you so she can boss you around, got it? So relax! Let's have some fun out here! This game's fun, OK? Fun goddamnit. And don't hold the ball so hard, OK? It's an egg. Hold it like an egg.
[turns back]
Nuke
What's he know about fun? I'm young. I know about fun. An old man. He don't know nothin about fun.
[to himself again]
Crash
All right. Nobody's goin out there.
[behind the plate again; Crash calls for a curve ball]
Nuke
Why's he calling for a curve ball? I want to bring heat. Shake him off. Throw what you want.
[to himself]
Crash
Goddamit. Timeout. Hey! Why are you shaking me off? Huh?
[Walks to the mound]
Nuke
I want to bring the heater. Announce my presence with authority.
Crash
To announce your what!?
Nuke
Announce my presence with authority!
Crash
To announce your fucking presence with authority?! This guy's a first-ball, fastball hitter, he's looking for the heat.
Nuke
Oh yeah? So what? He ain't seen my heat.
Crash
All right, Meat. Give him your heat.
[He walks back to his place behind the plate.]
Nuke
Why's he always calling me Meat? I'm the guy driving a Porsche.
Crash
Fastball.
[to the batter at the plate]
Crash
What are you doin'? Huh? What are you doing standing here? I gave you a gift. You stand here showing up my pitcher? Run, dummy! Gimme a ball. Well, he really hit the shit outta that one, didn't he?
[to the batter; to the umpire; the umpire tosses a new baseball to Crash and he walks over to Nuke with it on the pitching mound; laughs]
Nuke
I held it like an egg...
[softly, infuriated]
Crash
Yeah, and he scrambled the son of a bitch. Look at that, he hit the fucking bull! Guy gets a free steak! You having fun yet?
[laughs]
Nuke
Oh, yeah. Havin a blast.
Crash
Good.
Nuke
God, that sucker teed off on that like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball!
Crash
He did know.
Nuke
How?
Crash
I told him.
Nuke
Don’t think, just throw. Don’t think, just throw.
[to himself after Crash leaves]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expressions of Frustration and Emotion
Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh
Shit, piss, fuck!
[Gives up a hit in a close game]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Front Rose Placement in Baseball Uniform
Crash Davis
The rose goes on the front, big guy.
[Adjusts Nuke's garter belt]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Personal Boundaries at the Ballpark
Skip
Jesus, Ebby, this is your professional debut tonight! A million guys would give their left nut to be in your shoes, and you're leaving your fastball in the locker room in some piece of ass!
Millie
Skip, it's me! I'm not some quote, "piece of ass", unquote.
Skip
Ah, Millie, sorry, didn't recognize you. And, don't take this personally, Millie, but if I catch you in here again, I'm banning you from the ballpark.
Millie
You can't ban me from the ballpark, cause my daddy donated that scoreboard, and if you ban me, he just might take that scoreboard away.
Skip
Well, what do we need a scoreboard for? We haven't scored any runs all year.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Impact of Small Differences in Performance
Crash Davis
You know what the difference between hitting .250 and .300 is? It's 25 hits. 25 hits in 500 at-bats is 50 points, okay? There's six months in a season; that's about twenty-five weeks. That means if you get just one extra flare a week, just one; A gork, a groundball—you get a groundball with eyes—you get a dying quail...just one more dying quail a week, and you're in Yankee Stadium.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Baseball: A Blend of Magic and Work
Annie Savoy
Baseball may be a religion full of magic, cosmic truth, and the fundamental ontological riddles of our time, but it's also a job.
[narrating]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Baseball as a Source of Hope
Annie Savoy
] once said, "I see great things in baseball. It's our game, the American game. It will repair our losses and be a blessing to us." You could look it up.
[Closing narration; [Walt Whitman]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Past Encounter Between Baseball Players
Larry
Who are you? Who's he?
[To Skip]
Crash
I'm the player to be named later.
Skip
Crash Davis? I'm Joe Riggins.
[Shakes Crash's hand]
Crash
And you, Larry Hockett, should recognize me, cause five years ago in the Texas League, you were pitching for El Paso, I was batting clean-up for Shreveport. You hung a curveball on a 0-2 pitch in a 3-2 game in the bottom of the 8th, and I tattooed it over the Michelin Tire sign and beat you 4-3.
Larry
Yeah, I remember, I should've thrown a slider. Damn, Crash, how you doing?
[grins]
Crash
I'm too old for this shit. Why the hell am I back in A-ball?
Skip
Cause of Ebby Calvin LaLoosh. Big club's got a hundred grand in him.
Larry
He's got a million-dollar arm, and a five-cent head.
Skip
Had a gun on him tonight. The last five pitches he threw were faster than the first five, He has the best young arm I've seen in 30 years. You've been around. You're smart, professional. We want you to mature the kid. We want you to room with him on the road, stay on his case all year. He could go all the way.
Crash
Where can I go?
Skip
You can keep going to the ballpark, and keep getting paid to do it. Beats the hell out of working at Sears.
Larry
Sears sucks, Crash. I worked there once, sold Lady Kenmores. Nasty. Nasty business.
Skip
And even if it is the Carolina League, it's a chance to play every day.
Crash
You don't want a ballplayer; you want a stable pony.
Skip
Nah.
Crash
Well, my Triple-A contract gets bought out so I can hold some flavor-of-the-month's dick in the bus leagues, is that it? Well, fuck this fucking game! I quit, all right? I fucking quit.
[pause]
Crash
Who we play tomorrow?
Skip
Winston-Salem. Batting practice at 11:30.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Classiness and Success in Professional Baseball
Crash Davis
Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you'll be classy. If you win 20 in the Show, you can let the fungus grow back on your shower shoes and the press'll think you're colorful. Until you win 20 in the Show, however, it means you're a slob.
[To Nuke]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Night of Poetry Over Physical Intimacy
Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh
We didn't fuck. She just read poetry to me all night. It was more tiring than fucking.
[Describing his first night with Annie]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Complexity of Winning in Baseball
Reporter
So, how does it feel to get your first professional win?
Nuke
It feels "out there", I mean it's a major rush. I mean, it doesn't just feel "out there", I mean it feels out there, you know? Um, kind of radical in a kind of tubular way, you know? But, most of all, it's out there...
[Grabs the reporter's recorder and continues talking into it]
Crash
This is hopeless. This is utterly fucking hopeless.
[Watching nearby]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Natural Disaster Announcement by Crash Davis
Crash Davis
Oh my goodness, we've got ourselves a natural disaster!
[Turns on the sprinklers on a ball field]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Coaching Strategies for Young Athletes
Skip
Hell of a shot. Sorry it got wasted. I don't know what to do with these guys; I beg, I plead, I try to be a nice guy. I'm a nice guy-
[Talking to Crash after another loss]
Crash
Scare em.
Skip
Huh?
Crash
They're kids. Scare em. That's what I'd do.
Skip
Yeah..
[Realizes something and walks away chuckling'']
Skip
Everybody into the Shower!! Anybody ain't in the shower in ten seconds gonna get fined a hundred dollars! Larry!
Larry
1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi, 5 Mississippi, 6 Mississippi, 7 Mississippi, 8 Mississippi, 9 Mississippi, 10 Mississippi.
[Begins counting to ten as all the players run into the shower area]
Skip
You guys...you lollygag the ball around the infield! You lollygag your way down to first! You lollygag in and out of the dugout! Do you know what that makes you? Larry?!
Larry
Lollygaggers!
Skip
Lollygaggers! What's our record, Larry?
Larry
8-16.
Skip
8-16...How did we ever win eight?
Larry
It's a miracle.
Skip
It's a miracle. This is a simple game: You throw the ball, you hit the ball, you catch the ball. You got it?! Now we have got a twelve day road trip startin tomorrow! Bus leaves 6 in the morning.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Weakness in Sports Competition
Crash Davis
C'mon, Meat. Bring me that weak-ass shit.
[Repeated line]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Simplicity of the Game
Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh
A good friend of mine used to say, "This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains." Think about that for a while.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pitching Skills and Personal Performance
Millie
What's it say?
Annie
It says he's not bending his back enough on his follow-through. Donny? Baby, take this to Ebby Calvin. Right, honey, let's get down to it. How was Ebby Calvin LaLoosh?
[Donny takes the note]
Millie
Well, he fucks like he pitches: Sorta all over the place.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration with a Pitcher's Decision
Crash Davis
This sonofabitch's pitching a 2-hit shutout and he's shaking me off, you believe that shit? Charlie, here comes the deuce, and when you speak of me, speak well.
[To the batter after Nuke ignores his signs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.