9 quotes
Humorous Observation on Relationships
Bartender at Parker's on Fifth
That guy got more ass than a toilet seat!
Bernice
Ya know, that is beautiful.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Complexity of Violence and Despair
Dr. Cynthia Sheldrake
There is a DISTINCT difference between killing someone and fucking them!
Carl Hefler
Did you know that policemen have the highest rate of suicide?
Frankie
That's not really my forte.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Curiosity About an Unknown Person
Bernice "Bernie" Rhodenbarr
Who is this guy? And why don't I have his phone number?
[listening to the loud sounds of sex; listening to even louder sounds of sex]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mysterious Package Delivery Inquiry
Vincent
What'll it be?
Carl
Package delivery.
[walking up to the bar]
Vincent
For who?
Carl
It just says "Mayday".
Vincent
Here I'll take it.
Carl
Ya gotta sign for it.
[passing a clipboard]
Carl
Kay-no-bee... K-noby! Is that like in ]?
[reading signature; [Star Wars]
Vincent
No idiot, it's "Knobby".
Carl
Oh! it's... so it's like a nickname.
Vincent
Yes, I think maybe it's something like that.
[knocking on his bald head]
Carl
Well I'm gonna need your full name, please.
Vincent
Sorry...
Carl
Come on, it's the regulations.
Vincent
Hey fuck you, okay?
Carl
Fuck you? Thank you very much! I come here to give you a fuckin package and you decide to blow me shit? Like-like-like-like-like-like-like you're my idea of a dream come true - takin shit from a dildo with ears? You know when I was like five I said, "Dad, Dad! Can I get a job where random fuckin shitheads blow me crap all day?" I'm gonna break you in fuckin half and use your head as a ballpoint!
[getting more irate; shouting]
Carl
Now sign the goddamn thing!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identity and Perception in Society
Carl
Cause I'm a black man in a white man's world...
Detective Nyswander
Uhh, Mr. Hefler, you're caucasian...
Carl
Beautiful! Hold THAT against me too!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Revelations in a Criminal Encounter
Frankie
What line of work are you in?
Bernice
I'm a cat burglar.
Frankie
Oh, shit! What do you do with them?
Bernice
What?
Frankie
The cats!
Bernice
I hold them for ransom!
Frankie
Is there any money in that? Oh, Jeezus! Look who's asking if there's any money in pussy!
[laughing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Life, Hair, and Tapes Ruined
Bernice "Bernie" Rhodenbarr
You ruined my life, my do, AND my Manilow tapes!
[to the man who just tried to kill her by drowning]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting the Alarm Issue Directly
Bernice "Bernie" Rhodenbarr
That's right, bitch, don't tell me about the alarm.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Ethics of Theft and Target Selection
Bernice "Bernie" Rhodenbarr
It's not what you steal... it's who you steal it from.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.