Burglar (1987) - Quotes

Mysterious Package Delivery Inquiry

Vincent: What'll it be?

Carl: [walking up to the bar] Package delivery.

Vincent: For who?

Carl: It just says "Mayday".

Vincent: Here I'll take it.

Carl: [passing a clipboard] Ya gotta sign for it.

Carl: [reading signature; [Star Wars] Kay-no-bee... K-noby! Is that like in ]?

Vincent: No idiot, it's "Knobby".

Carl: Oh! it's... so it's like a nickname.

Vincent: [knocking on his bald head] Yes, I think maybe it's something like that.

Carl: Well I'm gonna need your full name, please.

Vincent: Sorry...

Carl: Come on, it's the regulations.

Vincent: Hey fuck you, okay?

Carl: [getting more irate; shouting] Fuck you? Thank you very much! I come here to give you a fuckin package and you decide to blow me shit? Like-like-like-like-like-like-like you're my idea of a dream come true - takin shit from a dildo with ears? You know when I was like five I said, "Dad, Dad! Can I get a job where random fuckin shitheads blow me crap all day?" I'm gonna break you in fuckin half and use your head as a ballpoint!

Carl: Now sign the goddamn thing!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Identity and Perception in Society

Carl: Cause I'm a black man in a white man's world...

Detective Nyswander: Uhh, Mr. Hefler, you're caucasian...

Carl: Beautiful! Hold THAT against me too!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Unexpected Revelations in a Criminal Encounter

Frankie: What line of work are you in?

Bernice: I'm a cat burglar.

Frankie: Oh, shit! What do you do with them?

Bernice: What?

Frankie: The cats!

Bernice: I hold them for ransom!

Frankie: [laughing] Is there any money in that? Oh, Jeezus! Look who's asking if there's any money in pussy!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Humorous Observation on Relationships

Bartender at Parker's on Fifth: That guy got more ass than a toilet seat!

Bernice: Ya know, that is beautiful.

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The Complexity of Violence and Despair

Dr. Cynthia Sheldrake: There is a DISTINCT difference between killing someone and fucking them!

Carl Hefler: Did you know that policemen have the highest rate of suicide?

Frankie: That's not really my forte.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Life, Hair, and Tapes Ruined

Bernice "Bernie" Rhodenbarr: [to the man who just tried to kill her by drowning] You ruined my life, my do, AND my Manilow tapes!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Curiosity About an Unknown Person

Bernice "Bernie" Rhodenbarr: [listening to the loud sounds of sex; listening to even louder sounds of sex] Who is this guy? And why don't I have his phone number?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.