24 quotes
Lessons in Confusion and Frustration
CIA Supervisor
Jesus Fucking Christ.
Palmer
Yeah.
CIA Supervisor
What did we learn, Palmer?
Palmer
I don't know, sir.
CIA Supervisor
I don't fucking know either. I guess we learned not to do it again.
Palmer
Yes, sir.
CIA Supervisor
I'm fucked if I know what we did.
Palmer
Yes, sir. It's, uh ... hard to say.
CIA Supervisor
Jesus Fucking Christ.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Relativity of Intelligence
Taglines
Intelligence is relative.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Report Back When It Makes Sense
CIA Supervisor
Report back to me... when it makes sense.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unpleasant Changes in Workplace Dynamics
Palmer
In fact, we're moving you out of Sigint entirely.
Osbourne
Just no discussion? Just, you're out?
Palmer
Well, we're having the discussion now. Look, um, Oz. This doesn't have to be unpleasant. Uh...
Osbourne
Palmer, with all due respect. What the fuck are you talking about? And why is Olsen here?
[looks at Olsen]
Palmer
Uh, look, Ozzie, look...
Osbourne
What the fuck is this?! I know it's not my work.
Palmer
Ozzie...
Osbourne
I'm a great fucking analyst.
Palmer
Okay, Ozzie...
Osbourne
Is - is it my...
Palmer
Ozzie, things have not been going well, as you know.
Peck
You have a drinking problem.
Osbourne
I have a drinking problem?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
CIA Inquiry into Messy Situation
CIA Supervisor
Palmer? What's up?
Palmer
Ah, not quite certain, sir, but it's...messy.
Palmer
Kalima 2 tells us they have computer files from an ex-analyst of mine, Osbourne Cox.
CIA Supervisor
Kalima 2...?
Palmer
Our man in the Russian embassy.
CIA Supervisor
Hmm.
Palmer
They were brought in to them by a woman--
CIA Supervisor
The Russians?
[interrupting]
Palmer
Yeah. It was, ah, brought in by a woman named Linda Litzke, an associate of a guy named Harry Pfarrer. Her picture's in the file, with Pfarrer's.
CIA Supervisor
The Russians?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Clowns Misappropriate Osbourne's Memoirs
Katie
What is going on?
Osbourne
Some clown—a couple of clowns got ahold of my memoirs.
Katie
Your what?
Osbourne
Stole it or... I have no idea how they—
Katie
Your what?
Osbourne
My memoirs... the book I'm writing.
Katie
Why in God's name would they think that's worth anything?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Osbourne Cox's Frustration with Uncertainty
Osbourne Cox
What the fuck is this?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertainty in Identity and Communication
Osbourne
Hello?
[sleepily]
Chad
Uhhh... Osbourne?... Osbourne Cox?
Osbourne
Yes?... Uh... Who is this?
Chad
Ummm... This ummm... Is this Osbourne Cox?
Osbourne
Who is this?.. What time is it?.. Who is?
[still sleepy]
Chad
Um... I'm a Good Samaritan... I'm sorry I'm calling at such an hour... But I thought you might be worried...
Osbourne
Worried?
Chad
About the security...... Of your shit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion of Security Clearance Levels
CIA Supervisor
And this, uh, analyst--ex-analyst--uh...
Palmer
Cox.
CIA Supervisor
Yeah. What's his clearance level?
Palmer
Three.
CIA Supervisor
...okay. No biggie.
[shrugging]
CIA Supervisor
Just...for now, just keep an eye on everyone, see what they do.
Palmer
Yes sir. And we'll interface with the FBI on this, ah, dead body.
CIA Supervisor
No, no! God, no! We don't want those idiots bumbling around in this! Burn the body. Get rid of it. And, uh, keep an eye on everyone...see what they do. Report back to me, when, uh...I dunno. When it makes sense.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration Over Financial Knowledge
Osbourne Cox
I'm sorry, I don't know the number to, uh, my savings account because, believe it or not, I don't spend my entire day sitting around trying to memorize the fucking numbers to my fucking bank accounts! MORON!
[on the phone]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation about Personal Issues and Accountability
Osbourne
This is an assault. I have a drinking problem? Fuck you, Peck. You're a Mormon!
Peck
Ozzie...
Osbourne
Next to you, we all have a drinking problem! What the fuck is this! Whose ass didn't I kiss! Huh?! Let's be honest!
Palmer
Okay, uh...
Osbourne
I mean, let us be fucking honest. This is a crucifixion! This is political! And don't tell me it's not! "I have a drinking problem.
[opens the door; leaves]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Nature of Intelligence in the Workplace
Taglines
Intelligence is only their job.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Violence and Confusion
Harry Pfarrer
Oh, my fuck! I shot a fucking spook! Who the fuck are you, you fucker?!
[panicking, after having reflexively shot Chad in the head]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Lactose Intolerance and Acid Reflux
Harry
Is this goat cheese?
Osbourne
Chevre, yes, that is a goat cheese.
Harry
Because I have lactose reflux. I can—
Osbourne
You're lactose intolerant? Or you have acid reflux? They're two different things.
Harry
I know what they are.
Osbourne
Then you misspoke.
Harry
Well thank you for correcting me.
[sarcastic]
Katie
Try the chevre, Harry, it's very good.
[walking up]
Harry
Oh, yeah, I can eat goat cheese.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Communication Breakdown in a High-Stress Situation
Palmer
Um, there is--
CIA Supervisor
What?
Palmer
Um--
CIA Supervisor
What?
Palmer
There is the woman, the gym woman, Linda Litzke--
CIA Supervisor
Oh, fuck, yeah! God! Where is she?
[exasperatedly]
Palmer
Oh, we picked her up, we, we have her.
CIA Supervisor
We have her"? To-to-to do what with?
Palmer
She says she'll, uh, "play ball", if we pay for, um, some--I know this sounds odd--some surgeries that she wants. Cosmetic surgery. She says she'll sit on everything.
CIA Supervisor
How much?
Palmer
There were several procedures, altogether they--
CIA Supervisor
Pay it.
[dismissively]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation and Identity in Burn After Reading
Osbourne Cox
I know who you are, fucker!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Searching for the Missing Money
Linda
Where's the money?
Chad
He hit me.
Linda
Where's the money?!
Chad
He didn't give it to me.
[Pause]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Actions in a Tense Situation
Palmer
Well, um, this analyst--Cox--was attacking the gym guy. Um, it was in broad daylight, on the street, and our man did not know what to do, felt he had to step in.
CIA Supervisor
...yes?
Palmer
He, um, he shot the analyst. He shot Cox.
CIA Supervisor
Good.
CIA Supervisor
Great! Is he dead?
Palmer
No sir, he's in a coma.
Palmer
Um, they don't think he's gonna make it. They--they--they don't think--they're pretty sure that he has no, ah, no brain function.
CIA Supervisor
Okay. Okay. If he wakes up, we'll worry about it then.
[sighing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Complicated Relationships in a Spy World
Taglines
A high stakes love life and Jewel CIA shelter.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Classified Information and Miscommunication in the Workplace
Chad
Throw it out?!
Linda
You can't do that! You should put a note up in the ladies locker room.
Chad
Put a note up? "Highly classified shit found, Signals Intelligence shit, CIA shit? Hello? Did you lose your secret CIA shit?" I don't think so.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation about Drinking and Personal Beliefs
Osbourne Cox
I have a drinking problem? Fuck you, Peck! You're a Mormon! Next to you, we all have a drinking problem!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Location of the Treasury Agent Revealed
CIA Supervisor
Where is the Treasury guy, Pfarrer?
Palmer
Right now?
CIA Supervisor
Right now.
Palmer
Um, he is in a detention room in Washington Dulles.
CIA Supervisor
Why?
Palmer
He was trying to board a flight to Venezuela. We had his name on a hot list, ah, CBP pulled him in. Um...don't know why he was trying to go to Venezuela.
CIA Supervisor
...you don't know?
Palmer
No, sir.
CIA Supervisor
We have no extradition with Venezuela.
Palmer
...oh. So what should we do with him?
CIA Supervisor
Fuck's sake, put him on the next flight to Venezuela!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication About a Message
Osbourne
What did Kathleen say?
Katie
What?
Osbourne
When you left the message.
Katie
That she would give you the message!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Enthusiasm for a DIY Project
Harry
Yeah, I tell ya. I saw an ad for this in a gentlemen's magazine. Twelve hundred bucks, TWELVE HUNDRED BUCKS. I'm lookin at this thing and I think, "You gotta be kiddin me." I'm a hobbyist. Thing's basically nothing but speed rails. I figure I'd go down to Home Depot and whip this up myself for... a hundred bucks.
[Leading Linda downstairs; Pulls the tarp off the machine]
Linda
...What is it?
Harry
What is it?? You sit down there, make yourself comfortable, put your feet in the stirrups, and...
[Points to the chair]
Linda
Oh my God!... THAT'S FANTASTIC.
[Hushed voice]
Harry
Something, isn't it? Hundred bucks, all in; not counting the labor and...the cost of the dildo; those things aren't cheap. See, I like to...I'm not set up to mold hard rubber.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.