18 quotes
Reflections on Aging and Time's Passage
Lee Simon
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High and you fucking blink and you're 40, you blink again and you can see movies at half price on a senior citizen's pass. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately, ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concern About Ticks at a Retreat
Robin
There aren't any ticks around here, are there? I'd hate to get Lyme disease.
Priest at Catholic Retreat
We haven't had any casualties.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dalton Freed Discusses Upcoming Project at Premiere
TV Reporter at Premiere
What's your next project?
Dalton Freed
], an all-black version.
[[w:Birth of a Nation|Birth of a Nation]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Pursuit of Fame and Recognition
Taglines
A funny look at people who will do anything to get famous... or stay famous.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Timing and the Danger of Comedy
Lee Simon
Just in time. Another minute, I'd have been found dead of comedy poisoning...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Trump's Ambitious Plans for St. Patrick's Cathedral
Donald Trump
Well, I'm working on buying St. Patrick's Cathedral, maybe doing a little rip-down job and putting up a very very tall and beautiful building.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
About a Star in New York
Tony Gardella
Tom Dale. Big star. He's in New York filming an adaptation of a sequel of a remake.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Critic's Changing Opinions After Marriage
Tony
Oh, and getting out of the elevator I see there's a famous critic.
Robin
Him, I recognize.
Tony
Oh, he used to hate every movie. Then, he married a young, big-bosomed woman, and now he loves every movie.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Appreciation of Beauty and Meaning in Life
Lee Simon
Every curve in your body fulfills its promise. If the universe has any meaning, I'm looking at it.
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Willingness to Risk for Attraction
Supermodel
You're not afraid of catching germs? And you know, I'm coming down with a cold and everything...
Lee
From you I'd be willing to catch terminal cancer.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Role of Luck in Love
Robin Simon
No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Changing Landscape of Celebrity Fame
Father Gladden's Fan on Porch
Did you agree with the ], years ago, at the height of their fame, that they were bigger stars than ]?
[[Beatles; [Jesus]
Father Gladden
The world population was much less then.
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Critique of Arty Filmmakers and Their Choices
Tony Gardella
He's very arty, pretentious, one of those assholes who shoots all his films in black and white.
[about Papadakis]
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Wishing for a Moment of Relief
Robin Simon
I hope you catch a break.
[to Lee]
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Loyalty and Desire: A Complex Dilemma
Nicole Oliver
I can't have sex with you! My body belongs to my husband and there is no way that I could betray him in that way. But what I do from the neck up is a different story.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Doctor's Office Limits on Procedures
Waiting Room Nurse
I'm sorry, the doctor just doesn't do penis enlargements. We don't have the space.
Waiting Room Patient
We're talking about 3 inches here!
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Critique of an Author's Early Works
Bonnie
Apparently his first two books...
Lee
They were obliterated. I got the 3 esses: self-indulgent, sophomoric, solipsistic...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Change Despite Self-Dislike
Robin Simon
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.