City Slickers (1991) - Quotes

Defining the Best Day of Your Life

Phil: Alright what is the best day of your life?

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The Contrast Between Cowboys and City Dwellers

Ed: This guy, Curly, is a true cowboy. One of the last real men. He's untamed. A mustang. We're trained ponies. It'll do us good to be in his world for a while.

Mitch: Do us good? Didn't you guys see? He was hanging the help! Did you see his eyes? He's got crazy eyes. He's a lunatic! I am telling you, we are going into the wilderness being led by a lunatic!

Mitch: He's behind me, isn't he?

Curly: Time to turn in.

Everyone, in unison: Goodnight!

Mitch: [frightened] I'm sorry; I didn't mean anything by it!

Curly: I crap bigger than you.

Mitch: He's gonna kill me.

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Acknowledging Feelings of Inadequacy

Mitch: [to Phil] Feel like a schmuck?

Phil: Oh yeah, big schmuck. A big one!

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A Dispute Over Personal Pride and Appearance

Mitch: I wish you hadn't worn this jacket.

Ed: What's wrong with it?

Mitch: Well, look at it; it's got your name and your picture on it. It's a little grotesque.

Ed: I'm proud of what I do.

Phil: So is the President; he doesn't put his picture on a suit.

Ben Jessup: Hi.

Mitch: [shakes Ben's hand] Hi, Mitch Robbins.

Ed: I'm Ed Furillo; I sell sporting goods.

Mitch: Show him your jacket.

Phil: I'm Phil Berquist. I committed adultery, lost my job and my family.

Mitch: His jacket's being made.

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Facing Uncertainty Together

Barbara: Go ahead, go with Phil and Ed. Find your smile.

Mitch: What if I can't?

Barbara: [sighs] We'll jump off that bridge when we get to it.

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Unexpected Visit Brings Trouble for Phil

Nancy: [Shows up at the door during Mitch’s party] Umm is Mr. Phil Berquist here?

Barbara: [Nancy walks past her and over to Phil] Can I get you something to…?

Nancy: Mr. Berquist your housekeeper told me where you were. I’m in trouble.

Phil: What are you doing here, Nancy? Who’s on Register 9?

Nancy: I don’t know what to do.

Mitch: [Holds up a tray next to Nancy] Rumaki?

Phil: [Becoming anxious] I don’t think this is the time or the place to talk about this!

Nancy: I'm late!

Phil: What?

Nancy: I missed my period!

Mitch: Whoops.

Phil: What!?

Nancy: I was at work and on my break and I took one of those home pregnancy tests from Aisle 11.

Phil: The ones on special?

Nancy: Yes, and it came up blue!

Arlene: Why is she telling you this, Phil?

Phil: [Embarrassed] Because... because I'm her boss! And... we have a health plan!

Arlene: You son of a bitch, you screwed this little girl in my father's store!?

Phil: No, no, no!

Nancy: It was in his car!

Phil: Oh, Jesus.

Nancy: And I'm not a little girl, I'm 20.

Arlene: Get out of this house, you little whore!

Phil: Hey! I will not permit you to talk to her that way.

Arlene: Fine. I'll tell my father what you did!

Phil: [struggles to take the phone from her and the phone jack is torn from the wall] No, do not call Mr Levine! Hey! Put down that phone!

Mitch: That’s my phone!

Arlene: You're crazy!

Phil: That's right - not having sex for 12 years will do that to a person!

Mitch: [Trying to break them up] Stop it.. come on, not in front of your friend’s..

Arlene: [let’s go of the phone and leaves the room] I’m not afraid of you! I'll call from the bedroom.

Phil: The bedroom? How the hell would you know where the bedroom is?

Arlene: [from the other room] I'm calling...

Phil: Go ahead, call him, I'm sure he's home! It's his night to meet with the other escaped Nazis!

Arlene: I hate you!

Phil: I hate you more! If hate were people, I'd be China!

Mitch: [awkward pause] Let's bring out the cake!

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Panic and Leadership in a Crisis Situation

Mitch: [While running with the bulls in Pamplona] Whose idea was this anyway!?

Phil: THEY'RE GAINING ON US!

Ed: Andele, ANDELE!

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Transformation of Tenderfeet into Competent Ranchers

Clay Stone: When you three first got here, you were as worthless as hen shit on a pump handle. But look at ya now; a bunch of tenderfeet bringin in a whole herd!

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Puppy Dog Happiness Expression

Clay Stone: I feel as happy as a puppy dog with two peters.

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Unexpected Nature Encounter

Clay Stone: Great gobs of goose shit!

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The Perspective of City Folk

Curly: City folk.

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Curly's Preference for Redheads

Curly: She a redhead? I like redheads.

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Cattle Disturbance Concerns

Curly: You're spookin the cattle.

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A Bold Statement of Size and Strength

Curly: I crap bigger than you.

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Self-Reflection on Personal Growth

Phil Berquist: I've gotta stop being a schmuck.

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Consequences of an All-Bacon Diet

Phil Berquist: [at Curly's impromptu funeral] The man ate bacon at every meal... you just can't do that!

Seeking Peace Amidst Personal Turmoil

Phil Berquist: Now let's have some peace and quiet around here, for Christ's sakes! I'm tired! I been under a lot of stress! I lost my wife, I lost my job, and I got some sort of rash from making in the bushes!

Reflections on Attraction and Life

Phil Berquist: [Seeing Bonnie for the first time] You know, when I was alive, I would've found her attractive.

Phil's Hyperbolic Expression of Hatred

Phil Berquist: If hate were people, I'd be China!!

Visa Charge for a New Shirt

Ed Furillo: [spits out chewing tobacco and it lands on a denim shirt for sale] Charge all this to my Visa I'll take that shirt, too.

Ed's Question on Protection Choices

Ed Furillo: What'd ya use for protection, Phil; paper or plastic?

Questioning Trust and Motivation in Leadership

Ed Furillo: TRUSTED us? They don't even KNOW us! They followed us because we yelled "yah!".

Humorous remark about unconventional fashion choice

Ed Furillo: No, that was "I like your ass; can I wear it as a hat?".

Preserving Dignity in Difficult Times

Ed Furillo: [while Phil is taking pictures of Mitch getting his butt wound stitched] Phil, let the man keep what's left of his dignity.

Unexpected Experiences on the Ranch

Mitch Robbins: To Curly, as they're delivering a calf.] You know, this was not in the brochure.

Surgical Caution from Mitch Robbins

Mitch Robbins: [to a Spanish doctor treating a puncture wound on his buttock] Excuse me, el doctor! Helloooo...? Don't sew anything up that's supposed to remain open, OK?

Mitch Robbins' Humorous Spin on Life's Challenges

Mitch Robbins: [singing] Rollin', rollin', rollin', keep them dogies rollin', man my ass is swollen, Rawhide! Get em up, move em out, wake em up, get em dressed, get em shaved, comb their hair, Rawhide! Tie me down, tell me lies, pull my hair, smack my thighs - with a big wet strap of, Rawhide!

The Passage of Time and Life Choices

Mitch Robbins: [to a classroom full of children on Career Day] Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so fast. When you’re a teenager you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, “What happened to my twenties?” Your forties, you grow a little pot belly, you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud. One of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Fifties you have a minor surgery. You’ll call it a procedure, but it’s a surgery. Sixties you have a major surgery, the music is still loud, but it doesn’t matter because you can’t hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, start eating dinner at two o'clock in the afternoon, lunch around ten, breakfast the night before. And you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate soft yogurt and muttering “How come the kids don’t call? How come the kids don’t call?” The eighties, you’ve had a major stroke, and you end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can’t stand but who you call mama. Any questions?