Diary of a Wimpy Kid Quotes

Angie Steadman It's completely barbaric. This place is an intellectual wasteland, but it's nice to meet a person more interested in his mind than his body.

Rowley Jefferson My name is Bell E. Button. What's yours?

Fregley I guess this is where all the cool guys hang out.

Greg Heffley Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be the dumbest idea ever invented.

Greg Heffley Thank God there are a few normal people or this place would be a total freak show.

Rowley Jefferson Zoo-wee-mama!

Chirag Gupta This is a terrible place!

Rowley Jefferson Wow. Everyone knows me now. lt's like l'm famous!

Chirag Gupta The Cheese Touch. Nobody knows when or how, but one day, that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. Nobody knew who it belonged to. Nobody touched it, nobody threw it away. So there it sat, growing more foul and powerful by the day. And then, one day, a kid named Darren Walsh made the biggest mistake of his life. Darren had the Cheese Touch! It was worse than nuclear cooties. He became an outcast. The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch was by passing it on to someone else. And so began the Cheese Touch frenzy! Friend turning on friend, brother turning on sister, it was madness! Until, a German exchange student named Dieter Müller took it away. Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation. Thankfully, he moved back to Düsseldorf, and took the Cheese Touch with him. And so the Cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim.

Angie Steadman You know, Patty? One day you'll wake up and all the things you thought were important won't be anymore.

Rowley Remember that secret language we made up last week?

Patty Farrell Who let you into the school, Greg Heffley?

Rodrick Heffley What? Let go, baby hippo!

Rodrick Heffley It's the bass solo, Turd Burglar! Don't you know anything about music? Listen, I came here to get a new drumstick, and now Greg, since Mom and Dad are gone, I'm going to kill you. Literally kill you!

Chirag Gupta STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch.

Rowley Jefferson So, wanna play Twisted Wizard?

Rodrick Heffley So, look. Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school. It's real simple: don't talk to anyone, don't look at anyone, don't go anywhere, don't sit down, don't raise your hand, don't go to the bathroom, don't get noticed, don't choose the wrong locker, don't... Who am I kidding? You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year anyway. And don't be seen with Rowley.

Fregley Wanna have a tickle fight?

Greg Heffley Right now, I have to take abuse from these morons. But in twenty years, Quentin here will be workin for me.

Greg We got to stay in this neighborhood the rest of the night.

Rowley That guy gave two full-size Snickers!

Greg Did I tell you or did I tell you? These people have money to burn. Can't believe we got this much candy. This is like the best day ever.

Teenager Hey, reflector dude, nice costume!

Rowley Thanks! My mom made it...

Greg I saw your plates! We're calling the cops! Uh-oh.

Rowley Oh, boy.

Greg RUN!

Angie Y'know, I like your point of view. You should sign up for the school paper. We are the voice of the people. Well, the people are mostly idiots so I guess technically speaking we're the voice of the people making fun of the people.

Greg Heffley OK, first of all, let me get something straight, this is a journal, not a diary. Yeah, I know what it says on the cover, but when my mom went out to buy this thing, I specifically told her not to buy the thing that says "diary" on it. This just proves that Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age.

Bully Huh, Sissy!

Greg The only reason why I agreed to write in this thing, is because one day, when I'm rich and famous, I'll have better things to do than answer people's stupid questions all day long.

Reporter #1 Gregory! Tell us about your childhood!

Reporter #2 Were you always so smart and handsome?

Greg Here's my journal. Now shoo, shoo.

Bully Jerk.

Greg Rowley, if you had to say what you were ranked in terms of popularity from 1 to 200, where would you put yourself?

Rowley Jefferson Is 200 good or bad?

Greg I'd say you're somewhere around the 154 mark. I'd put myself around number 19 or 20. I might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year. If things will go the way I think they will.

Rowley Well, who's at the bottom?

Fregley Hey, guys! You wanna see my secret freckle?

Greg & Rowley EEEWWW!

Greg Fregley, sent home for hygiene issues at least once a month.

Fregley Check it out. It's got a hair in it!

Fregley Hey, guys. Wanna see my secret freckle? Check it out, it’s got a hair in it!

Patty Farrell Can I wrestle with somebody Good Now?

Rodrick Heffley What did I tell you would happen if you ever went into my room again?

Greg Heffley She's a girl! Where do I grab her?

Angie Steadman You rejected the school paper, but you joined the Safety Patrol? Are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder?

Chirag Gupta STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch!

Greg The what?

Chirag The Cheese Touch.

Patty Farrell Come on! What are you waiting for, huh? Don't be such a wuss, Heffley. Make your move!

Angie Steadman It all starts in middle school, y'know. You're not a kid anymore, the coddling's stopped. Kids aren't separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on. The girls you've known since kindergarten won't even talk to you anymore.

Greg Okay, well it sounds like you've got it all figured out, so go back to your book.