Dog Man (2025) - Quotes

Taglines: Part dog. Part man. All hero.

Petey: Partners?

Singer: Hero dog, evil cat

Chorus: Working together

Singer: How about that?

Chorus: All Fur One!

Announcer: In color.

Petey: [removes his sunglasses] Ugh! What was that?

Sarah: How evil can one cat be?!

Petey: Pretty evil! Ha-ha-ha!

Petey: [laughs; flips the switch on a sphere-shaped machine, but nothing happens; tries again, then grunts angrily before noticing a coin slot; puts in 75 cents, causing the machine to stand up on its leg. As he smiles, the machine puts its feet in flip-flops; he and 80-Hexotron Droidformigon high-five] At last! Huh. Oh, right. Yes! My 80-Hexotron Droidformigon is complete!

Petey: [to Li'l Petey, who is taped to a chair] OK, listen up. You're my clone which means evil runs through your veins.

Li'l Petey: OK.

Petey: You're destined to be a villain.

Li'l Petey: Ooh! Is that fun?

Petey: So much fun.

Li'l Petey: Yay!

Petey: [Li'l Petey chuckles] Of course, fun… surrounded by, you know, miserable suffering, loneliness, and, like 0 appreciation. I mean, 0. Do you even know what I'm saying?

Li'l Petey: No, but it sounds fun. I wanna be miserable, too!

Petey: Good. That's the spirit. Now, I gotta go do something. You stay put.

Petey: [as the cloning machine arrives in a wooden box; opens it with a crowbar; grabs the directions from the side of the machine, and reads them; plucks one of his whiskers, and inserts it into the chute; presses a button labeled "Start", and the machine activates. He laughs menacingly as a picture of himself appears on the door; opens the door, then looks down with a confused look on his face. The smoke clears to reveal his clone which is actually a kitten named Li'l Petey; measures Li'l Petey with his hand, then continues to read the directions; reads the questions on the direction sheet; buys the "Undo" button online, then sighs with relief] Help has arrived. "Step 1: Insert your DNA into the DNA chute". "Step 2: Press the "Start" button". "Step 3: Open the door to retrieve your clone". Ha-ha-ha! Yeah! Uh, eh… What? "Step 4: Wait 18 years for your clone to reach adulthood"? What?! 18 years? No! "If you make a mistake, hit the "Undo" button. Sold separately.". "Sold separately"?! No!

Li’l Petey: Papa?

Petey: [looks around, then gasps as he sees Li'l Petey looking up at him] What? Huh?

Li'l Petey: [jumps up to hug him, but Petey grabs him by his armpits, stopping him] Papa!

Petey: Who are you talking to?

Li'l Petey: Papa!

Petey: Papa"? No, I'm not your papa, you're my clone.

Chief: O-Oh! Mayor!

Mayor: Petey escaped again!

Chief: Again?

Petey: [as he is launched out of cat jail] Again!

Mayor: [shouts as the word "AGAIN!!" appears, then shuts the door behind her; approaches the Chief's desk, pounds on it] Yeah. That's why I said "again" again. Yet again! I have had it! Dog Man has got to go!

Chief: [Dog Man hides behind a potted plant.] What? Uh, listen, Mayor. D-Don't you think the problem might be at cat jail?

Mayor: [gets into the Chief's face, pointing a finger at his chest] Excuse me? Are you saying my brother is bad at running cat jail?

Chief: Your brother?

Mayor: [Dog Man gasps at this.; Dog Man whimpers.] I want Dog Man off the Petey case. And I want Petey captured! Capische?! That's English for "A.S.A.P."!

Chief: [Dog Man joins at his side.] Wait, wait, wait. Mayor, Dog Man is the champ of catching Petey. That's not fair.

Mayor: [mockingly; takes out a card] Aww, that's not fair! That's not fair! Here, call this number.

Man: Life's not fair.

Chief: [on the phone] What?

Man: [hangs up] Life's not fair.

Doctor: I'm sorry to say, Mr. Cop, that your head is just no good anymore.

Officer Knight: [muffled] Bummer!

Doctor: And your body is no good either, Cop Doggy.

Nurse: Oh! I've got an idea!

Doctor: Tell me, Nurse. What's your idea?

Nurse: What if we sew the dog's head onto the man's body?

Doctor: Great idea and stuff!

Sarah: [A figure runs to the exit. Sarah looks over her shoulder at the door. The doctor and the nurse shake hands, and wink at each other. Seamus points his camera at the front door as a hybrid with the head of Greg and the body of Officer Knight kicks the door open.] This is Sarah Hatoff, reporting live from the Major Hospital in town. This is just in, it stopped raining, and doctors and nurses have successfully saved Officer Knight and Greg the dog by creating… Dog Man!

Officer Knight: Wait. Aren't dogs colorblind?

Officer Knight: It's a… bomb!

Officer Knight: [he and Greg fist-bump] You know that I gotcha, buddy. Fam.

Officer Knight: Greg, if anything happens to me, take care of my girlfriend, Alice, will you?

Officer Knight: It's him! Greg the Dog, hit the siren!

Officer Knight: Where are you, Petey, the World's Most Evilest Cat?!

Flippy: Arise, my beastly building! Arise!

Flippy: [repeated line; in a robotic voice] Destroy all do-gooders.

Li'l Petey: Maybe, Flippy… Maybe you just need a friend.

Li'l Petey: [upon meeting Grampa] I'm not Petey, I'm Li'l Petey, your grandson.

Sarah Hatoff: ['''Petey''': Pretty evil! Ha-ha-ha!] How evil can one cat be?!

Sarah Hatoff: [from the trailer] This super-cop makes friends, solves crimes, and even plays piano for the old folks.

Chief: [spits, censoring himself; Dog Man grunts "I don't know"] Why do you always gotta lick the… …inside of my mouth?!

Chief: [Dog Man sits on a desk chair, which spins; The chair comes to a stop; pulls out a rubber ducky; pulls out a bone; takes off his hat, revealing an Eastern gray squirrel on his head; grabs Dog Man, who tries to get the squirrel as it scurries away] You're on thin ice, Dog Man. So don't mess this up. Now, sit! Stay! You only have one job to do: keep your eyes on those monitors. So, if somebody breaks out your favorite chew toy, and waves it around, you… You look at the monitors! And if somebody has a juicy and delicious treat, you're not gonna look at it. You… You look at the monitors! And if somebody just happens to have an Eastern gray squirrel, you… No! Dog Man! Just sit here, and don't mess this up, or you'll lose your job!

Chief: Will you get outta here?! Go and arrest Petey, AND I DON'T CARE IF IT TAKES A MONTAGE!

Chief: Dog Man, get in here! Now!

Petey: ['''Li'l Petey''': What?; '''Li'l Petey''': What, Papa?] Hey, kid. Look up. You want to know something, kid? This world has a lot of problems. But it can never be a horrible place. Cause you're in it.

Petey: Yes! My 80-Hexotron Driodformigon is complete!

Petey: ['''Li'l Petey''': Do you have a car seat?; '''Li'l Petey''': A kid's car seat.; '''Li'l Petey''': OK, Papa.] A what? You're a clone cat sitting in a flying mechanical bug. They don't make a car seat for that.

Petey: I need someone, who thinks like me, acts like me, and has a retched soul like me. I need another me!

Petey: [to Butler] You're fired!

Petey: ['''Sarah''': How evil can one cat be?!] Pretty evil! Ha-ha-ha!

Petey: [from the trailer] Enough about this Dog Man! It's time to stop this super-cop!