10 quotes
Concerns Over Navy Equipment and Personal Choices
Rear Admiral Yancy Graham
There is physical evidence that, as an ensign, he did become so physically intoxicated that he not only allowed himself to be tattooed, but tattooed on his genitalia. Now, call me a prude if you want, but I don't think it's good policy for the Navy to hand over a billion-dollar piece of equipment to a man who has "Welcome Aboard" tattooed on his penis!
[Objecting at a meeting of flag officers regarding Dodge's command]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pantry Stocking Mishap in Submarine Crew
Pascal
BUCKMAN! What the hell are you doing?!
[Buckman turns around with a start]
Seaman Buckman
Stocking the pantry, sir!
Pascal
You forgot like an idiot, Buckman, because you're stocking the pantry like an idiot! What are in these cans, Buckman?!
[grabs two cans from the shelves]
Buckman
That one's coffee. That one looks like cooking lard, sir.
Pascal
And which one do you think we're gonna be using more often, sailor? The coffee, or the lard?! You think we're all gonna jump out of bed in the morning and have a big, hot, steaming cup of pig fat?!
Buckman
Well, it depends. If it's a cold morning, sir, you might go either way --
Pascal
The lard... is in... your head, Buckman! Now you take a look at that galley chart, cause I want that cabinet repacked, regulation style, by eleven hundred! Do you know what time eleven hundred is?!
[turning to hurl cans from the pantry; grabs Buckman by the ear, as Dodge enters behind him]
Buckman
That would be after ten hundred, sir!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Captain's Return and Order Challenges
Winslow
Welcome back, Captain. You certainly pushed my order to the breaking point.
Dodge
Thank you, sir. I mean, if that's a compliment.
Winslow
However, under the circumstances, I will not be able to give you your own ].
[[w:Los Angeles-nuclear submarine|''Los Angeles''-class nuclear submarine]
Dodge
Yes, sir.
[saddened at the admiral's news]
Winslow
You will be given instead a new ] and will attend its launching on Friday! And this time, you'll be given a proper crew, one commensurate with your tactical and leadership abilities.
[[w:Seawolf-class_submarine|''Seawolf''-class nuclear submarine]
Dodge
Thank you, sir, but I'd have to decline.
Winslow
Decline?
Dodge
I would not be in line for such a promotion without the help of my present crew. I could not in good conscience accept another command without them.
Winslow
Still setting terms, huh, Dodge?
Dodge
Just respectfully requesting, sir.
Winslow
Well, at least you got my son to face forward.
[Stepanek looks embarassed; Engineer Howard snickers]
Dodge
Your son? Stepanek, sir?
Winslow
Yes. It's his mother's name. His salute still leaves something to be desired.
Dodge
We'll work on that, sir.
Winslow
You do that, Commander.
[Salutes Dodge and also returns Stepanek's salute]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Authority and Orders
Graham
Sir, this entire exercise is invalid. Dodge left the containment area -
[gestures with his fingers]
Winslow
... after you had narrowed him without proper authorization.
[gestures with hands pressed as if compressing something]
Graham
He ignored a direct order!
Winslow
Stow it, Yancy. He had higher orders... and you can forget about that third star.
[Smiles and walks away]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reunion and Aspiration in Submarine Service
RADM Yancy Graham
It's good to see you again, Dodge. Been about four years.
LCDR Tom Dodge
Something like that, sir; not since we were both at King's Bay.
Graham
You're about to join the elite of the submarine service. The best the U.S. Navy has to offer.
Dodge
Damn good feeling, sir.
Graham
As a matter of fact, there she is right now: your new boat. USS Stingray, SS-161.
[Dodge turns to look; a rusty old submarine is tied up at the pier.]
Dodge
That! This can't be my boat, sir.
[Horrified]
Graham
Well, it most certainly is. ], refitted 1958.
[[w:Balao-class submarine|''Balao''-class]
Dodge
Balao-class?! But that's a diesel sub! This is a joke, right? The Navy doesn't even use diesels anymore!
Graham
They do now; she's been recommissioned.
Dodge
Well, no disrespect to the USS Rust-Oleum here, but I'd be better off in the ]! I was trained to command a nuclear boat!
[[w:CSS Virginia|''Merrimac'']
Graham
Are you refusing to take command?
Dodge
...No, sir.
Graham
Good. You'll meet your crew here tomorrow morning, at 0700.
Dodge
They also left over from World War II, sir?
[Sarcastic]
Graham
No, Captain. They've been hand-picked. By me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mission Assignment and Naval Strategy Discussion
LCDR Tom Dodge
Sir, I have dedicated the better part of my life to getting my own boat. I was wondering why the Navy chose to embarrass me in this way.
VADM Dean Winslow
No embarrassment intended, Captain; you've been chosen for a specific mission.
Dodge
To turn her into a museum, sir? The Wonderful World of Corrosion"?
Winslow
Hardly. Here are some recent satellite photos of Petropovlosk, Vladivostok. That's where the Russians have got their diesel sub fleet. They're docked there. But each week, there are fewer, cause they're sellin em off like hotcakes to countries like Iran, Iraq and Libya, to name a few.
Dodge
With all due respect, sir, one American nuclear attack sub could defeat several diesels.
Winslow
In a conventional battle, certainly, that's true. But what if you had one renegade diesel captain, decided to hit us - bam - suddenly, without cause or warning, like a terrorist intent on getting a nuclear warhead into one of our harbors. You think we could catch and kill a bogey like that in time?
Dodge
Absolutely, sir.
Winslow
Well, the Department of Defense and most of the Admiralty, they would agree with you. But me, personally? I'd like to know for sure. And that's why you're gonna clean up the Stingray and take her out, off the Atlantic coast, for a series of wargames. One rebel diesel against the U.S. nuclear Navy. Come on. First, you're going to attempt to invade Charleston harbor. And if you're good enough to evade further pursuit, you'll attempt to sink shipping right here at the naval base in Norfolk. Simulated, of course. What do you think, Mr. Dodge?
[Shows Dodge a map]
Dodge
I think I'm gonna get my ass kicked, sir.
Winslow
Aw, don't think like that! Damn it to hell, don't go by the book! Think like a pirate! I want a man with a tattoo on his dick! Have I got the right man?
[irritated at Dodge's pessimism]
Dodge
By a strange coincidence, you do, sir. However, the task I have been handed here is close to impossible. If I pull this off - that is, get both ports - I would like command of my own nuclear sub.
Winslow
Setting terms, now?
Dodge
No, sir. But without a command, once this exercise is over, I'm headed for a desk job, which means I'm out of the Navy.
Winslow
I can't make you any guarantees, Dodge. But this is what I'll do. I'll give you two live torpedoes, set a dummy ship in Norfolk harbor. If I see that baby go up, then we'll talk about your boat.
Dodge
Thank you, sir.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concerns About Health and Crew Competence
Dodge
Marty, I'm a little worried about your health. Not exactly a people person, are you? I'm afraid you're headed straight for an ulcer if you can't ease up a little bit.
Pascal
I'm-I'm not happy with this boat, sir. Requesting permission for a transfer.
Dodge
What?
Pascal
Commander, this-this boat... it's a rustbucket! It's a shitbox! And this crew is the most incompetent bunch of retards and assholes in naval history! I mean, I know why you're here, but- I don't know why I was even considered for such an assignment-
Dodge
Scuse me, scuse me. Why am I here?
Pascal
You know, your thing!
Dodge
What "thing"?
Pascal
The weenie tattoo.
Dodge
Wow. Look, Pascal, I hate to disappoint you, but I may have had some other things going for me.
[laughs]
Pascal
Yeah, yeah, yeah- I believe you, sir. Now, about my transfer. This post could seriously jeopardize my chances for advancement. I mean, I am this close to command, sir-
Dodge
Forget it.
Pascal
Sir?
Dodge
You think you're the only one embarrassed to be here, you think this is the command I dreamed about? Well, we're all in this mess together, mister. And you and your career are in the hands of those very assholes! Including this one. That answer your question?
Pascal
Yes, sir.
Dodge
Dismissed.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Culinary Mishaps in the Kitchen
Pascal
Buckman! There was a fingernail in my food, you fat-ass moron! Yesterday, it was a band-aid!
Buckman
Sorry, sir. Band-aid was holdin the fingernail on.
Pascal
What else do you put in your sauces, Buckman?!
Buckman
It's an old family recipe, sir. It's a secret.
Pascal
Oh, my God! There's cockroaches in the flour! Your cigar ash is in the spaghetti! Jesus, Buckman! This stuff's been on the Stingray since Korea! This can expired in 1966!
[inspects the galley, while Buckman greases the floor and the ladder]
Buckman
What's the matter, sir? It still tastes like creamed corn.
[pokes finger into can and tastes sample]
Pascal
Except- it's deviled ham!
Buckman
Now that would be a problem.
Pascal
The Captain's gonna hear about this! Nobody saw that.
[turns to leave, and slips and falls on his back on the slippery floor; then rises]
Buckman
You should be more careful, sir. Remember: when you rush, that's when accidents happen.
[smugly]
Pascal
Shut up, Buckman!
[moves to go up the ladder, only to bang his head on every rung before collapsing to the floor]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confidence in Performance and Appearance
Lieutenant Commander Tom Dodge
Well done, guys. She may not be the youngest girl at the ball... but she'll turn a head or two. If she drives as well as she looks, we may even survive!
[After the ''Stingray's ''overhaul]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navy Banter and Command Disputes
LT Martin Pascal
Engineman First Class Brad Stepanek!
EN1 Brad Stepanek
Sit on it and rotate, sir.
[looks at Dodge, unimpressed]
Pascal
WHAT?! What did you say, sailor?! You can't say that! He can't say that!
[to Dodge]
Dodge
Pascal, down! Down! Heel!
Stepanek
By the Uniform Code of Military Justice, that constitutes gross insubordination, punishable by one month in the brig. I'm ready to go, sir.
[holds out his arms, as if for handcuffs]
Dodge
Board the boat. I like a challenge.
Stepanek
You'll throw me off within a week. I'm a dedicated pain in the butt, sir.
Dodge
Stepanek...
Stepanek
What?
Dodge
If I throw you off, it'll be in the middle of the Atlantic. Board the damn boat.
[beat]
Stepanek
Aw, man... What's our mission, ]?
[shoulders his kit bag and goes aboard; [Gilligan's Island|rescue Gilligan]
Pascal
YOU'RE MINE, MAGGOT!
Dodge
Ha! I love this job! And who's our next contestant?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.