Duck Dodgers in the 24½th Century (1953) - Quotes

Duck Dodgers: And now then, eager young space cadet, here is the course we shall pursue to find Planet X. Starting from where we are, we go 33,600 turbo miles due up. Then west in an Astro-arc deviation to here, then following the great circle seven radio lubes south by DownEast. By astrolatries to here, here, and here, then by space Navigo-compass to here, here, and then to here and here. By thirteen-point strata-cumulus bearing four million light-years, and thus to our destination. Now do you know how to reach Planet X?

Porky Pig: Y-y-ye... Oh sure.

Duck Dodgers: [Staring stunned at the cadet, then at the chart's ridiculously complex path] Well, I wish you'd explain it to me some time, buster!

Porky Pig: [Points to progression of lettered planets] Why, it's very simple, sir. If we follow those planets, we can't very well miss Planet X.

Duck Dodgers: [laughing] Oh, that's ridiculous! Of all the stupid suggestions! Ha! Hey, wait a minute. I think I've got it. I'll just bet that if we follow those planets, we'll find Planet X. Gad! How do I do it?

Porky Pig: I d-d-don't know.

Duck Dodgers: [plants his flag] I claim this planet in the name of the Earth!

Marvin the Martian: I claim this planet in the name of Mars! Isn't that lovely?

Duck Dodgers: Look, bud, I've got news for you. I have already claimed this bit of dirt for the Earth, and there just isn't room enough on this planet for the two of us.

Marvin the Martian: [pulls his disintegrating pistol] I do believe you are right.

Duck Dodgers: Heh! Little does he realize that I have on my disintegration-proof vest. You may fire when ready, Gridley.

Duck Dodgers: What-where-who-how- Oh, you, huh? Just when I had him going, you had to butt in! Well, get back in that spaceship!

Porky Pig: [heads back to the ship.] Eh, y-y-yes, sir, Your Hero ship, sir.

Duck Dodgers: [runs back to Marvin with his own disintegrating pistol; pulls the trigger, whereupon the pistol itself disintegrates.] Ha-ha, got the drop on you with MY disintegrating pistol! And, brother, when it disintegrates, it disintegrates!

Duck Dodgers: [Marvin fires, but Dodgers gets out of the way in time and runs into the ship. Porky opens the door and gives Marvin a lit stick of dynamite] Heh, well, what do you know? It disintegrated.

Porky Pig: [Porky closes the door] Happy b-b-birthday you think from another world you.

Marvin the Martian: [the dynamite explodes, leaving only Marvin's helmet. Looking angry, he glares at the closed door, and still in his helmet, goes back to the Martian Maggot] Oh, thank you.

Duck Dodgers: [He produces a pistol marked "Acme Ultimatum Dispatcher", which fires a bullet into Marvin's Maggot-class spacecraft. The bullet screeches to a halt in front of Marvin, then opens up and rolls out a sign which reads "Surrender or be blown into 17,670,002 micro-cells". Marvin produces a pistol marked "A-1 Ultimatum Answerer", which fires a bullet into Dodgers' spacecraft. This bullet, upon screeching to a halt in front of Dodgers, opens up and catches our hero in the face with a shotgun-blast. Dodgers then fires another ultimatum-bullet into Marvin's Maggot; this one opens up and rolls out a sign which reads "OUCH!"] Well, I guess he's had enough. I'll send him an ultimatum.

Duck Dodgers: Oops! Had the silly thing in reverse!