Dumb and Dumber (1994) - Quotes

Life's Simple Choices for Harry and Lloyd

Taglines: For Harry and Lloyd every day is a no-brainer.

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Complementary Flaws in Friendship

Taglines: What the one doesn't have, the other is missing.

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Confusion and Chaos over a Phone Number

Beth: The number's 555-...

Harry: (quietly and rapidly) 555-...

Beth: 905-- Wait a minute, that's my old number. (laughs) That is so weird how your mind just goes blank!

Harry: (screams while his left leg is on fire) FOR GOD'S SAKES, JUST GIMME THE DAMN NUMBER!!!

Beth: Okay, look. Uh, you're gonna get pushy, forget about it!

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Childish Game of Quitsies and Anti-Quitsies

Lloyd: [nudges Harry] You're it.

Harry: [nudges Lloyd] You're it.

Lloyd: [nudges Harry] You're it, quitsies!

Harry: [nudges Lloyd] Anti-quitsies. You're it! Quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!

Lloyd: You can't do that!

Harry: Can too!

Lloyd: Cannot, stamped it!

Harry: Can too, double stamped it, no erasies!

Lloyd: [puts his hands over his ears and sings] Cannot, triple stamped it, no erasies, touch blue make it true.

Harry: No! No! You can't triple stamp a double stamp! You can't triple stamp a double stamp, Lloyd! You can't triple stamp a double stamp! LLOYD! LLOYD! You c--

Joe: GUYS!!! ENOUGH!!

Lloyd: [makes a really loud noise and Harry does it with him] Hey... want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?

Joe: GUYS! GUYS! GUYS! Fellas... you think we could... listen to the radio or something?

Lloyd: [singing] Radio? Who needs a radio? Ready, Harry? Mock...

Harry: [singing] Yeah...

Lloyd: Ing...

Harry: Yeah...

Lloyd: Bird...

Harry: Yeah...

Lloyd: Yeah...

Harry: Yeah...

Both: [singing] Mockingbird, everybody have you heard?

Harry: Hey, Lloyd, look! There's some people who wanna ride too.

Lloyd: Pick em up!

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Conflict Among Friends Over Past Mistakes

Nicholas: Which one of you losers wants to get it first?

Lloyd: Over here. I was the one who got us into this whole mess. C'mon, shoot me.

Harry: No! Wait. Do me first. I stole your girl, Lloyd, I deserve it.

Lloyd: No, you don't.

Harry: Yes, I do.

Lloyd: No, you don't. No, you don't!

Harry: Yes, I do! Yesterday was one of the greatest days of my life! Mary and I went skiing, we made a snowman, she touched my leg.

Lloyd: [sarcastically] Okay. Kill him!

Lloyd: [whimpers; to Nicholas] Oh, no! You killed my best friend, you bastard!

Nicholas: [points his gun at Lloyd] If it's any consolation, you're about to be reunited.

Lloyd: Harry! You're alive! And you're a horrible shot.

Nicholas: Lucky me.

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Job Loss and Insults Among Friends

Harry: So you got fired again?

Lloyd: Yeah, they always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, ya know.

Harry: Yeah, I lost my job too.

Lloyd: Man, You are one pathetic loser. No offense.

Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaffs my ass, though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog.

Lloyd: Hi, Petey!

Harry: The alarm alone cost me 200.

Lloyd: Hey! Chicks love it. It's a shaggin wagon.

Harry: What's with the briefcase?

Lloyd: It's a love memento. The most beautiful woman alive. I drove her to the airport, sparks flew, emotions ran high. She actually talked to me, man.

Harry: Get out of here.

Lloyd: [imitates tractor beam by whistling] Oh, yeah, yeah, tractor beam. Sucked me right in. Anyway... she left this in the terminal and flew to Aspen and out of my life.

Harry: What's in it?

Lloyd: Man... I would have to be a lowlife to go rooting around in somebody else's private property.

Harry: Is it locked?

Lloyd: Yeah, really well.

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Casual Conversation Between Friends

Harry: Hi, Lloyd.

Lloyd: Hi, Harry.

Harry: How was your day?

Lloyd: Not bad. Fell off the jetway again.

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A Meal with Unconventional Plans

Joe: [on the phone with Nicholas] Yeah, it's Mental. I'm just sitting down to a nice meal with our boys.

Nicholas: Oh, how nice for you. Don't forget that your bread plate is on the left! Look, I can't have these guys runnin around Aspen!

Joe: Don't worry. They ain't gonna be runnin around nowhere after I dump a little rat poison in their Shirley Temple.

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Conflict Over Missing Money

Joe: [after punching the guy behind him while he is on the phone with Nicholas] I'm sorry, Mr. Andre. You were saying?

Nicholas: Look, Mental. Those jokers have got a lot of money that belongs to me! I wanna know who they are and what they're doing with it!

Joe: Hey, hey, hey. I told you already, I'm on it. Alright?

Nicholas: [Hangs up and drinks his cup] Good.

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Discussing Budget and Expenditures on their Trip

Harry: Hey, where'd you get those?

Lloyd: I bought them when we filled up.

Harry: We're supposed to talk about our expenditures, Lloyd. We're on a very tight budget.

Lloyd: This didn't come out of our travel fund. I was able to raise twenty-five extra bucks before we left.

Harry: Where did you get twenty-five extra bucks?

Lloyd: I sold some stuff to Billy in 4C.

Harry: The blind kid?!

Lloyd: Yeah! ... Yeah.

Harry: What did you sell him, Lloyd?

Lloyd: Stuff.

Harry: What kind of stuff?

Lloyd: I dunno. A few baseball cards, a sack of marbles. (fake coughs) Petey.

Harry: Petey? You sold my dead bird to a blind kid?! Lloyd!! What are you -?! Petey didn't even have a head!

Lloyd: Harry. I took care of it

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Confrontation Over a Stolen Briefcase

Joe: (sees a note on Harry and Lloyd's door) Those rat bastards. They're rubbin it right in our faces.

Shay: Man! Andre'll have a goddamn hemorrage if we don't get that briefcase back!

Joe: They must've been followin us for weeks.

Shay: Why ya say?

Joe: Gas Man". How the hell do they know that I got gas?

Shay: They gotta be pros.

Joe: [crumples the note] Don't worry. We're gonna get that money back. And I'll tell you somethin else. They ain't never gettin to Aspen. I'm gonna see to that.

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Confronting Mistakes and Finding Solutions

Lloyd: I'm only human, Harry! Anybody can make a mistake. Come on! Stop bein a baby! So we backtracked a tad!

Harry: A TAD?!! (he furiously runs up to Lloyd) A tad, Lloyd?! You drove almost a 6th of the way across the country in the wrong... DIRECTION!!! Now we don't have enough money to get to Aspen! We don't have enough money to get home! We don't have enough money to eat! We don't have enough money... TO SLEEP!!

Lloyd: Well, it's not gonna do us any good to sit here whinin about it. We're in a hole. We're just gonna have to dig ourselves out.

Harry: (nods unhappily) Okay. Right. You're right. You're absolutely right, Lloyd.

Lloyd: Where ya goin'?

Harry: Home. I'm walking home!

Lloyd: Oh! Well, pardon me, Mr. PERFECT!!! (nervously laughs) I guess I forgot that you never, ever make a mistake!

Frustration and Desperation in a Small Town

Lloyd: [upon hearing Petey's death] Ohh...! That's it. I've had it with this dump! We got no food, we got no jobs, our pets HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!

Harry: Okay, just calm down!

Lloyd: What the hell are we doing here, Harry?! We gotta get outta this town!

Harry: Yeah, and go where, huh? Where are we gonna go?

Lloyd: I'll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Aspen.

Harry: [gets up from his chair] I don't know, Lloyd, the French are assholes. Wait a minute. Wait a minute! I know what you're up to, mister. Yeah! You just wanna go to Aspen and find that girl who lost her briefcase and you need me to drive you there, right? Am I right? Am I right? Am I right, Lloyd?

Lloyd: Yeah, so? Yeah! So? So I wanna go someplace where we know somebody who can plug us into the social pipeline.

Harry: No! No, no, no, no, Lloyd! No! I say we stay here, we hunt for jobs and we keep saving money for the wormstore! I don't know about you, but I am getting sick and tired of running from creditors.

Lloyd: You know what I'm sick and tired of, Harry? I'm sick and tired of having to eke my way through life. I'm sick and tired of being a nobody. But most of all... I'm sick and tired of having nobody.

Harry: Okay, Lloyd. Aspen it is.

Lloyd: [walks over to Harry and hugs him while crying] You better not be fooling.

Harry: Okay, okay. Just let it out. Have a good cry, come on. Okay, that's enough.

Comment on Physical Appearance

Harry Dunne: [to Mary, while looking at a pair of owls] Nice set of hooters you got there.

Unexpected Redemption in Dumber Moments

Harry Dunne: You know, Lloyd, just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

Meeting in Aspen for Hot Chocolate

Harry Dunne: Yeah, I'm heading to Aspen myself. Maybe we could meet up and have some hot chocolate.

Embrace Life and Seize Opportunities

Lloyd Christmas: [deleted scene] Let me ask you something. Do you want to end up like Petey? Dead? In some flea-ridden apartment? Face down in your own droppings? A soggy sunflower seed pressed against your beak? Come on, Harry! Don't you see what Petey was trying to say to you? You got to take life by the balls! Chew it up and spit it out! Dance to the tune of a different drummer! Spread your wings and fly and run and jump! God, help me!

Inappropriate Desire for a Young Boy

Lloyd Christmas: Mary, I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy.

Unusual Culinary Preference Expressed by Character

Lloyd Christmas: [he and Harry imitate Hannibal Lecter] (about a passing woman at the preservation society) I'd like to eat her liver with some "farver" beans and a nice bottle of chianti!