20 quotes
Addressing Personal Issues in Friendship
Lloyd Christmas
Man you got some serious self issues to work out my pudgy-ugly little friend.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Unique Solution to Conflict
Lloyd Christmas
There's only one way to settle this...make out contest.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Journey of Ignorance and Growth
Taglines
The evolution of dumb.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Character's Humorous Observation on Appearance
Harry Dunne
Good one Captain Rob, he does look like a you-know-what!
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Unexpected Feelings and Unanticipated Pain
Harry Dunne
Wow! She's actually making me feel hot. I didn't think the first time would hurt so much... ESPECIALLY IN THE ASS!
[thinking; is shown to be sitting on a heater; Out loud]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Return to School with Dimwits
Taglines
Go back to school with everyone's favourite dimwits.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Comments in a Classroom Setting
Women In Museum
The daddy polar bear was shot by hunter...just like your father!
Ms. Heller
I'm Ms. Heller the lunch lady...oh, damn! I mean your new teacher! ...Yeah!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Changing for Meals and Breakfast Exceptions
Harry Dunne
I changed for dinner, I always change when I eat, except for breakfast and spazz meal.
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Butter Preferences and Introductions in Conversation
Walter
You like your butter, huh? We have some margarine if you want, you can just scoop it out of the tub.
Harry
No I'm fine, thank you.
Jessica's Mom
Oh, hello.
Walter
This is uh...Harry.
Jessica's Mom
You know, they make that in a womens suit to! (Harry covers himself a little with the jacket)
Walter
Jessica were eating!
Jessica
Meet me at the front door Lloyd.
Jessica's Mom
Well I see you like my rolls.
Harry
Sure, I like a women with some meat on her bones. So Charlie, what business you in?
Walter
The names Walter.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Simple Game of Tag
Lloyd Christmas
You're it!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Question About Sharing and Relationships
Lloyd Christmas
So, did you give him some yet? You know some!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Foot Hygiene and Parental Expectations
Jessica
Wipe your feet. My parents are totally anal!
Harry
Oh, that's gross!
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Questioning a Messy Situation
Lloyd Christmas
Harry, why are you covered in poo?
[after seeing chocolate stains all over Harry]
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Lloyd Declares an End to Wedgies
Lloyd Christmas
Next time Turks handing out wedgies...your not going to get one! Na uh! Were done pal, finito, the end...Auf wiener schnitzel...Mozeltov!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
High School Misadventures Before the Journey Begins
Taglines
Before the first movie, there was high school. They missed the bus.
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Misunderstanding in a Conversation
Lloyd
Jessica, you give him some yet?
Jessica
Some what?
Lloyd
You know, SOME.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Chaos and Confusion in a Messy Bathroom
Harry
You two timing slut! And you, I thought you were from St. Louis! I don't ever want to see you again!
Walter
(walks into bathroom to see melted chocolate all over the place) Oh, my God.
Harry
And I'm leaving! (he does so)
Walter
(thinks the chocolate is fecal matter) He shit everywhere. THERE'S SHIT EVERYWHERE! DAMN IT!!! THERE'S SHIT ON THE WINDOWS! OH MY GOD! MY HOUSE IS FULL OF SHIT!! HE SHIT EVERYWHERE!! LOOK WHAT HE DID! HE SHIT ALL OVER THE WALL! GET UP HERE!
Jessica
When can I see you?
Lloyd
Uh, how about tonight at eight?
Walter
MY HOUSE IS FULL OF BILE! SHIT!! (to his wife) Calm down! Just calm down!
Jessica
Th-Thank you Lloyd, I got to go. I got to go for a little peek, see you at eight!
Lloyd
Date with Jessica, YEAH!
Walter
Look what he did! He shit all over the wall!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unclear Communication in Everyday Conversations
Harry Dunne
Then she said something about something.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Consequences of Carelessness
Lloyd
(He uses Harry as a shield against mud being splattered from a car tire) I got some dirt on my shirt. How gross is this? Harry?
Harry
(Harry gets struck by car)
Lloyd
WHOA! Harry? You got to look both ways buddy!
Harry
(Moans) ...Charlie!
Walter
Oh my god...it's you! Your that guy that crapped up my house. What are you- your covered in shit! My car is covered in shit! What are you doing? Oh my god! What is wrong with you? You come back here, I'm not cleaning this up! I'm going to have to have this towed. Come back here! Are you out of your mind? What is it with you and fecal matter, look at this!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Compliment Unexpectedly Shared
Lloyd
You have beautiful eyes!
Harry
You have beautiful eyes!
Jessica
Thank you.
Lloyd
Hey, where'd you come from?
[sees a dog]
Harry
Hey where'd you come from?
Jessica
I was born in St. Louis.
Lloyd
Would you like me to pat your head?
Harry
Would you like me to pat your head?
Lloyd
I bet you want your head scratched.
Harry
I bet you want your head scratched.
Jessica
No why, we still have a lot to talk about.
Lloyd
I bet you... Don't you snap at me like that! You're lucky I don't punch you right in the face!
[dog barks at him]
Harry
Don't snap at me like that! You're lucky I don't punch you in the face!
Lloyd
Oh, I remember you...how could I forget those big hairy nipples.
Harry
How could I forget those big hair nipples?
Lloyd
I can almost smell your stinky fenuter from here.
Harry
I can almost smell your stinky fenuter from here.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.