Earth Girls Are Easy (1989) - Quotes

A Comedy Adventure Beyond the Stars

Taglines: An out-of-this-world, down-to-earth comedy adventure.

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Prepare for Fun in Earth Girls Are Easy

Taglines: Get ready for Earth Girls Are Easy because this is going to be fun!

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Alien Endorsement of Earth Girls

Taglines: A recent poll showed that 3 out of 4 aliens agree... Earth Girls Are Easy.

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Finding Mr. Right in Unlikely Places

Taglines: Valerie's about to discover how far a girl has to go to find Mr. Right.

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Defining "Easy" in Earth Girls Are Easy

Valerie: I didn't want you to think Earth girls were easy.

Mac: What is "easy"?

Valerie: [kissing him] This is "easy".

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A Playful Farewell Between Characters

Valerie: Aw, Wiploc, I think I'll miss you least of all.

Wiploc: You want a liplock from Wiploc?

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Hospital Plans and Manipulative Strategies

Mac: Joe, take us to hospital, please.

Joe: Hey, clown, you're going to the slammer!

Mac: [looks at Mike, then at Valerie] We go to slammer first.

Valerie: [to Mac] Listen, give them that love touch, then they'll come on to me. They'll be putty in my hands.

Mac: You want sex with Joe and Mike?

Valerie: No, no, just so we can get away. Do it, do it! You'll see.

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Unexpected Confrontation About Relationship Boundaries

Valerie: You brought a girl home to have sex?

Ted: Well, you weren't supposed to be here, Val.

Valerie: You were going to have sex without me?

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A Confused Conversation About Intimacy

Valerie: Wait a minute. Are you like coming on to me? Is this a pass? Because, I mean, if it is, sex is like totally out of the question.

Mac: What is sex?

Valerie: Sex? You know, making love. A man and a woman like each other and they take their clothes off and...

Mac: Okay.

Valerie: [looks at naked Mac's groin] Well, no! No, no, no! We can't, no, because, I mean, me and Ted are, uh, are, uh, well, I guess we're not, but, I mean, uh, we can't because, I mean, you're an alien and I'm from the valley and we may not even be, you know, anatomically correct for each other. That could be - a real problem. No problem. But, I mean, uh, no, no, no. I mean, it just wouldn't work! You're from out of town. The phone bills would just be hell.

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Misunderstandings About Geography in Conversation

Wiploc: Finland is here?

Valerie: Finland? No, this is the Valley. Finland is the capital of Norway. Gawd, you guys sure learn fast.

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Choosing Between Fun and Safety

Candy: Okay you guys, what's the plan for tonight?

Valerie: Whoa, Candy, reality check. We can't go out with these guys, they're aliens!

Candy: So? They can still be dates! Do you guys have margaritas on your planet?

Valerie: Candy, it's just not safe. I'll give you a lift home and that's it.

Candy: Don't get your panties in a bunch! We're with three major cute guys and it's Saturday night! Come on!

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UFO in the Pool Causes Panic

Valerie: Ted is coming home tonight and there's a UFO in my pool. A UFO!

Candy: BFD. Ted's not going to be there for a few hours. Just chill out, Val.

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Don't Freak Out, Just Promise Me

Valerie: Candy, whatever you do, don't freak out.

Candy: Valerie!

Valerie: I mean it, don't freak out. Promise me you will not freak out.

Candy: Stop it! You are freaking me out!

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Unexpected Visitors and Haircuts Amid Chaos

Valerie: [Frantically to Candy] A UFO landed in my pool and they captured me but we made friends and I fed them Pop-Tarts and, um, they're here now, but Ted's coming home tonight so you've got to cut their hair.

Owner of Beauty Shop: What did you say?

Valerie: [Turns back to Candy] Oh, nothing. I'm on drugs. Candy, you've got to help them out.

Candy: [[Mel Gibson] Would you listen to yourself? Valerie, no man is worth getting yourself in this state over. ], maybe, but not Ted! Valerie, come here, just sit down, honey, relax, have a mental margarita, and everything is...

Valerie: Okay, I'm going to show you something that's going to totally change your life, completely, forever. Okay?

Candy: Well, in that case, let me get a cigarette.

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Jail Experience Leads to Unexpected Skills

Woody: Hey! Jail isn't so bad. It's where I learned how to surf.

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Demanding Justice for Home Invasion

Dr. Ted Gallagher: These degenerates broke into my home and destroyed my property. I want them arrested right now. They're MTV scum!

Valley's Appeal in Earth Girls Are Easy

Candy Pink: You guys are so lucky you crashed in the valley. It's the baddest place on earth!

A Freshman's Aspirations and Recognition

Candy Pink: I just want to say that being chosen as this month's Miss August is like a compliment I'll remember for as long as I can. Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA, but my goal is to become a veterinarian, cause I love children.

The Perks of Being Blonde

Candy Pink: [singing] Because I'm blonde, I don't have to think, I talk like a baby, And I never pay for drinks, Don't have to worry, About getting a man, If I keep this blonde, And I keep these tanned, Cause I'm a blonde, Yeah, yeah, yeah, Cause I'm a blonde, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I see people working, It just makes me giggle, Cause I don't have to work, I just have to jiggle, Cause I'm blonde...

Universal Split Ends in Space

Candy Pink: Well I see split ends are universal. Lost in space with no conditioner, huh?

The Fragility of Relationships and Commitment

Valerie Gail: A relationship is a lot like a porcelain nail, Ted. You can break it, and you can glue it back together, but it's not going to be as strong as it was unless the person is really committed to not bringing home nurses!

Questioning the Meaning of Casual Relationships

Valerie Gail: [to Ted] If meaningless sex is what you want, why can't you have it with me?!

Alien Abduction Adds to Valerie's Troubles

Valerie Gail: As if things weren't bad enough, now I've been abducted by aliens.

Confessions of a Tight-Lipped Friend

Valerie Gail: Really, I could keep my mouth shut. I mean, I'm the kind of person that you could tell anything to and I'd never tell. Ask my cousin, Debbie. You know, she got like her boobs done and I never told anyone. Oh! Except I just told you.