Ed Wood (1994) - Quotes

Nurse's Surprising Reaction to Appearance

Nurse: OH! My goodness, you gave me the willies! You look like that Dracula guy.

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Peace in the Afterlife Concept

Bela Lugosi: It's a wonderful idea! We'll be at peace! In the afterlife, you don't have to worry about finding work!

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Misunderstandings About Identity and Intentions

Ed Wood: Listen, I was wondering if you'd like to go out some time. Grab some dinner, maybe.

Vampira: You mean a date? I thought you were a fag.

Ed: No, no. I'm just a transvestite.

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Critique of Passionate Filmmaking

Dolores Fuller: You people are INSANE! You're wasting your lives making shit! Nobody cares! These movies... are TERRIBLE!

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Debate on Film Quality and Expectations

Conrad Brooks: Glen or Glenda. Now that was a great movie.

Paul DeMarco: Yeah, but this new one is gonna be a million times better.

Conrad: [awed] Is that possible?

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Vampira Asserts Her Professional Integrity

Vampira: Look, buddy, I've got real offers from real studios. I don't need to blow some dentist to get a part. Forget it.

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Bela Lugosi Praises Ed Wood's Filmmaking Speed

Bela Lugosi: At Universal, we used to shoot one or two scenes a day. Eddie can knock off twenty, thirty — he's amazing!

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Introduction of Ed Wood's Identity

Criswell: And who may you be?

Ed Wood: Edward D. Wood, Junior.

Criswell: Ah — the director of Glen or Glenda.

Ed: How'd you know?

Criswell: I am Criswell. I know all.

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Madness of Live Television

Bela Lugosi: This... this live television is madness!

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Determination in the Face of Criticism

Ed Wood: [pauses to listen] So — we gonna be working together? Really? Worst film you ever saw. Well, my next one will be better. Hello. Hello?

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Discussion of Substance Use in Filmmaking

Ed Wood: Bela, what's in the needle?

Bela Lugosi: Morphine. With a Demerol chaser.

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Vacation Plans and Beach Dreams

Bunny Breckinridge: Guess where I'm going next week.

Ed Wood: I don't know. Where?

Bunny: Me-hee-co. Guess what I'm doing when I get there.

Ed: I don't know — lie on a beach.

Bunny: Wrong. I'm getting my first series of hormone injections. And when those girls kick in, they're gonna take out my organs and make me... a woman.

Ed: Are you serious?

Bunny: It's something I've wanted to do for a long time. But it wasn't until I saw your movie that I realized I have to take action! Goodbye, penis!

Dolores Fuller: Would you please keep it down?

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Perceptions of Normalcy and Acceptance

Dolores Fuller: How can you walk around like that in front of all these people?

Ed: Well, hon, look around. Nobody's bothered but you.

Dolores: Ed, this isn't the real world! You've surrounded yourself with a bunch of weirdos!

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Advertising Struggles for Glen or Glenda

Ed Wood: [over the phone] Georgie, what happened? I thought Glen or Glenda was opening this week! Where's the ads?

George Weiss: Where's the ads?" The ads are in Alabama, Indiana and Missouri, you schmuck! It ain't gonna play in L.A.!

Ed Wood: Why not?

George Weiss: Nobody wants to see this piece of shit!

Ed Wood: Hey, you can't talk that way about my movie!

George Weiss: [angrily hangs up] Your movie?! I wish it was your movie! I wish I had never blown every dime I ever made into making this stinkbomb! And if I ever see ya again, I'll kill ya!

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Pride in Creation Versus Unconventional Choices

Ed Wood: [[Citizen Kane] But, Georgie, I'm proud! I wrote, directed, and starred in it, just like Orson Welles did in ].

George Weiss: Yeah? Well, Orson Welles didn't wear angora sweaters, did he?

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Lugosi's Fiery Response to Karloff Comparison

Brooks: You know which movie of yours I love, Mister Lugosi? The Invisible Ray. You were great as Karloff's sidekick.

Bela Lugosi: Karloff? Sidekick? FUCK YOU! Karloff does not deserve to smell my SHIT! That Limey cocksucker can rot in hell for all I care!

Ed Wood: W-what happened?

Bela: [imitates Frankenstein] How dare that asshole bring up Karloff? You think it takes talent to play Frankenstein? It's all, all makeup, and-and grunting. Grrr-Rrrr!

Ed: I agree, Bela. I agree a hundred percent. Now Dracula — there's a part that takes talent.

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Colorblind Choices in Costume Selection

Ed Wood: Say, Bill, which dress works best for you, the red one or the green one?

Cameraman: Which one is the red one?

Ed Wood: What do you mean?

Cameraman: I mean I can't see the difference. I'm colorblind. But I kinda like the dark gray one.

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Embarking on a Creative Journey Together

Ed Wood: Everybody, we're about to embark on quite a journey: four days of hard work. But when it's over, we'll have a picture that'll entertain, enlighten, and maybe even move millions of people.

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Casting for a Unique Film Project

Bela Lugosi: Eddie, you got me a new picture, eh?

Ed Wood: [back on phone; hangs up] Yes. It's gonna be a great picture and you'll love your character. Have a seat. Listen, Bunny? Bela's here. I gotta go. Listen, work some parties, hit the bars, and get me transvestites! I need transvestites! All right. Bye.

Bela: Eddie... what kind of a movie is this?

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Cultural Traits and Physical Abilities Discussed

Ed Wood: My gosh, Bela, how do you do that?

Bela Lugosi: You must be double-jointed. And you must be Hungarian.

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Disagreements on Respect and Appreciation in Film

Ed Wood: Oh, I hate it when she interrupts the picture. She doesn't show em the proper respect.

Bela Lugosi: I think she's a honey. Look at those jugs!

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Missing Sweater Revealed in Conversation

Dolores Fuller: So that's where my sweater's been.

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The Key to Movie Success

Weiss: So what was the important news you couldn't tell me on the phone, again?

Ed Wood: Well, I started thinking about how you said your movies needed to make a profit. Now, what is the one thing, if you put it in a movie, it'll be successful?

George Weiss: Tits.

Ed: No, better than that. A star!

Weiss: [[w:David O. Selznick|David Selznick] Kid, you must have me confused with ]. I don't make major motion pictures, I make crap.

Ed: Yes — but if you take that crap and put a star in it, then you've got something!

Weiss: Yeah. Crap with a star.

Ed: No, something better! Something impressive. Maybe the biggest money maker you've ever had.

Weiss: Fine, alright. You maybe right, but it doesn't frickin matter! I can't afford a star, so what are we even talking about?

Ed: Alright, what if I told you you could have a star for $1000?

Weiss: Who?

Weiss: Lugosi?

Ed: Yes, Lugosi!

Weiss: Isn't he dead?

Ed: No, he's not dead! He lives in Baldwin Hills. I met him recently, and he really wants to be in our movie.

Weiss: Why would Lugosi wanna do a sex-change flick?

Ed: Because he's my friend!

Weiss: All right, fine! You can direct it. I want a script in three days. We start shooting a week from Monday.

Ed: Oh... oh, Mister Weiss, thank you so much! You won't regret it! I won't let you down!

The Harsh Reality of Showbiz

Bela: This business, this town... it chews you up and spits you out. I'm just an ex-boogeyman.

The Decline of a Hollywood Star

Ed Wood: Boy, Mister Lugosi, you must lead such an exciting life! When is your next picture coming out?

Bela: I have no next picture.

Ed: You gotta be joking. A big star like you? You must have dozens of em lined up.

Bela: In the old days, yes. Now, no one gives two fucks for Bela.

Disagreement Over Driving Preferences

Bela Lugosi: I refuse to drive in this country. Too many madmen.

Ed Wood: Well... I have a car.

Real Life vs. On-Screen Terror

Ed: You know, you're, you're much scarier in real life than you are in the movies.

Bela: Thank you.

Coffin Purchase Sparks Dark Humor Among Friends

Ed Wood: Mister Lugosi, why are you buying a coffin?

Bela: I'm planning on dying soon.

Ed: No!

Bela: Yes. I'm embarking on another truck and bus tour of Dracula. Twelve cities in ten days, if that's conceivable.

Bela Lugosi Critiques Coffin Quality

Bela Lugosi: Too constrictive! I can't even fold my arms.

Coffin Salesman: Gee, Mister Lugosi, I-I've never had any complaints.

Bela: This is the most uncomfortable coffin I've ever been in. Your selection is quite shoddy. You are wasting my time!

Changes in Movie Direction and Content

Ed Wood: [[w:Christine Jorgensen|Christine Jorgensen] I'm Ed Wood, I'm here about directing the ] picture.

George Weiss: Well, a couple of things have changed. It ain't gonna be the Christine Jorgensen story no more. Goddamn Variety had to put the story before I got the rights. Now that bitch is asking for the sky.

Ed Wood: Oh, you're not gonna make the movie?

George Weiss: No, of course I'm gonna make the picture! I already presold Alabama and Oklahoma. Those repressed Okies, they go for that twisted, perverted stuff. We'll just do it without the shemale. We'll fictionalize it.

Ed Wood: Is there a script?

George Weiss: [he holds up a movie poster for "I Changed My Sex"] Fuck, no. But there's a poster. It opens nine weeks in Tulsa.

Ed Wood: Well Mr. Weiss, look no further, I'm your man. I work fast and I'm a deal. I write and direct. And I'm good. I just did a play in Hollywood and Victor Crowley himself praised its realism.

George Weiss: There's about 500 guys in this town that could say the same thing. On the phone you said you had some "special qualifications"?

Ed: [pauses, takes a deep breath] Mister Weiss... I have never told anyone what I'm about to tell you. But I really want this job. I like to wear women's clothing.

George Weiss: You're a fruit?

Ed: No, not at all. I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.

George Weiss: You're not a fruit?

Ed: No, I'm all man. I even fought in W.W. Two. Of course, I was wearing women's undergarments under my uniform.

George Weiss: You gotta be kidding me.

Ed: Confidentially, I even paratrooped wearing a brassier and panties. I wasn't afraid of being killed, but I was terrified of being wounded and having the medics discover my secret.

George Weiss: So you think this qualifies you to direct my movie?

Ed: Yes. I know what it's like to live with a secret and worry what people are gonna think of you. My girlfriend still doesn't know why her sweaters are always stretched out.

George Weiss: Ed, you seem like a nice kid, but look around ya. I don't hire directors with burning desires to tell their stories. I make movies like "Chained Girls." I need someone with experience, who can shoot a film in four days, and make me a profit. I'm sorry, that's all that matters.