Name: Ed Wood
Genre: Drama, Comedy, History
Released: 1994-09-30
Duration: 127 min
Rating: 7.5
Cast: Johnny Depp, Martin Landau, Sarah Jessica Parker, Patricia Arquette, Jeffrey Jones

Ed Wood

Disagreement Over Driving Preferences

Bela Lugosi I refuse to drive in this country. Too many madmen.

Ed Wood Well... I have a car.

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Ed Wood

The Decline of a Hollywood Star

Ed Wood Boy, Mister Lugosi, you must lead such an exciting life! When is your next picture coming out?

Bela I have no next picture.

Ed You gotta be joking. A big star like you? You must have dozens of em lined up.

Bela In the old days, yes. Now, no one gives two fucks for Bela.

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Ed Wood

Nurse's Surprising Reaction to Appearance

Nurse OH! My goodness, you gave me the willies! You look like that Dracula guy.

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Ed Wood

Pride in Creation Versus Unconventional Choices

Ed Wood But, Georgie, I'm proud! I wrote, directed, and starred in it, just like Orson Welles did in ].

[[Citizen Kane]

George Weiss Yeah? Well, Orson Welles didn't wear angora sweaters, did he?

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Ed Wood

Critique of Passionate Filmmaking

Dolores Fuller You people are INSANE! You're wasting your lives making shit! Nobody cares! These movies... are TERRIBLE!

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Ed Wood

Madness of Live Television

Bela Lugosi This... this live television is madness!

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Ed Wood

Peace in the Afterlife Concept

Bela Lugosi It's a wonderful idea! We'll be at peace! In the afterlife, you don't have to worry about finding work!

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Ed Wood

Coffin Purchase Sparks Dark Humor Among Friends

Ed Wood Mister Lugosi, why are you buying a coffin?

Bela I'm planning on dying soon.

Ed No!

Bela Yes. I'm embarking on another truck and bus tour of Dracula. Twelve cities in ten days, if that's conceivable.

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Ed Wood

Advertising Struggles for Glen or Glenda

Ed Wood Georgie, what happened? I thought Glen or Glenda was opening this week! Where's the ads?

[over the phone]

George Weiss Where's the ads?" The ads are in Alabama, Indiana and Missouri, you schmuck! It ain't gonna play in L.A.!

Ed Wood Why not?

George Weiss Nobody wants to see this piece of shit!

Ed Wood Hey, you can't talk that way about my movie!

George Weiss Your movie?! I wish it was your movie! I wish I had never blown every dime I ever made into making this stinkbomb! And if I ever see ya again, I'll kill ya!

[angrily hangs up]

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Ed Wood

The Shocking Story of Edward D. Wood, Junior

Criswell Can your heart stand the true facts of the shocking story... of Edward D. Wood, Junior?

[from opening monologue]

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Ed Wood

Bela Lugosi Critiques Coffin Quality

Bela Lugosi Too constrictive! I can't even fold my arms.

Coffin Salesman Gee, Mister Lugosi, I-I've never had any complaints.

Bela This is the most uncomfortable coffin I've ever been in. Your selection is quite shoddy. You are wasting my time!

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Ed Wood

Determination in the Face of Criticism

Ed Wood So — we gonna be working together? Really? Worst film you ever saw. Well, my next one will be better. Hello. Hello?

[pauses to listen]

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Ed Wood

Casting for a Unique Film Project

Bela Lugosi Eddie, you got me a new picture, eh?

Ed Wood Yes. It's gonna be a great picture and you'll love your character. Have a seat. Listen, Bunny? Bela's here. I gotta go. Listen, work some parties, hit the bars, and get me transvestites! I need transvestites! All right. Bye.

[back on phone; hangs up]

Bela Eddie... what kind of a movie is this?

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Ed Wood

Real Life vs. On-Screen Terror

Ed You know, you're, you're much scarier in real life than you are in the movies.

Bela Thank you.

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Ed Wood

Colorblind Choices in Costume Selection

Ed Wood Say, Bill, which dress works best for you, the red one or the green one?

Cameraman Which one is the red one?

Ed Wood What do you mean?

Cameraman I mean I can't see the difference. I'm colorblind. But I kinda like the dark gray one.

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Ed Wood

Embarking on a Creative Journey Together

Ed Wood Everybody, we're about to embark on quite a journey: four days of hard work. But when it's over, we'll have a picture that'll entertain, enlighten, and maybe even move millions of people.

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Ed Wood

Vacation Plans and Beach Dreams

Bunny Breckinridge Guess where I'm going next week.

Ed Wood I don't know. Where?

Bunny Me-hee-co. Guess what I'm doing when I get there.

Ed I don't know — lie on a beach.

Bunny Wrong. I'm getting my first series of hormone injections. And when those girls kick in, they're gonna take out my organs and make me... a woman.

Ed Are you serious?

Bunny It's something I've wanted to do for a long time. But it wasn't until I saw your movie that I realized I have to take action! Goodbye, penis!

Dolores Fuller Would you please keep it down?

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Ed Wood

Cultural Traits and Physical Abilities Discussed

Ed Wood My gosh, Bela, how do you do that?

Bela Lugosi You must be double-jointed. And you must be Hungarian.

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Ed Wood

Disagreements on Respect and Appreciation in Film

Ed Wood Oh, I hate it when she interrupts the picture. She doesn't show em the proper respect.

Bela Lugosi I think she's a honey. Look at those jugs!

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Ed Wood

Introduction of Ed Wood's Identity

Criswell And who may you be?

Ed Wood Edward D. Wood, Junior.

Criswell Ah — the director of Glen or Glenda.

Ed How'd you know?

Criswell I am Criswell. I know all.

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Ed Wood

The Key to Movie Success

Weiss So what was the important news you couldn't tell me on the phone, again?

Ed Wood Well, I started thinking about how you said your movies needed to make a profit. Now, what is the one thing, if you put it in a movie, it'll be successful?

George Weiss Tits.

Ed No, better than that. A star!

Weiss Kid, you must have me confused with ]. I don't make major motion pictures, I make crap.

[[w:David O. Selznick|David Selznick]

Ed Yes — but if you take that crap and put a star in it, then you've got something!

Weiss Yeah. Crap with a star.

Ed No, something better! Something impressive. Maybe the biggest money maker you've ever had.

Weiss Fine, alright. You maybe right, but it doesn't frickin matter! I can't afford a star, so what are we even talking about?

Ed Alright, what if I told you you could have a star for $1000?

Weiss Who?

Weiss Lugosi?

Ed Yes, Lugosi!

Weiss Isn't he dead?

Ed No, he's not dead! He lives in Baldwin Hills. I met him recently, and he really wants to be in our movie.

Weiss Why would Lugosi wanna do a sex-change flick?

Ed Because he's my friend!

Weiss All right, fine! You can direct it. I want a script in three days. We start shooting a week from Monday.

Ed Oh... oh, Mister Weiss, thank you so much! You won't regret it! I won't let you down!

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Ed Wood

Debate on Film Quality and Expectations

Conrad Brooks Glen or Glenda. Now that was a great movie.

Paul DeMarco Yeah, but this new one is gonna be a million times better.

Conrad Is that possible?

[awed]

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Ed Wood

Perceptions of Normalcy and Acceptance

Dolores Fuller How can you walk around like that in front of all these people?

Ed Well, hon, look around. Nobody's bothered but you.

Dolores Ed, this isn't the real world! You've surrounded yourself with a bunch of weirdos!

Ed Wood

The Harsh Reality of Showbiz

Bela This business, this town... it chews you up and spits you out. I'm just an ex-boogeyman.

Ed Wood

Missing Sweater Revealed in Conversation

Dolores Fuller So that's where my sweater's been.

Ed Wood

Bela Lugosi Praises Ed Wood's Filmmaking Speed

Bela Lugosi At Universal, we used to shoot one or two scenes a day. Eddie can knock off twenty, thirty — he's amazing!

Ed Wood

Misunderstandings About Identity and Intentions

Ed Wood Listen, I was wondering if you'd like to go out some time. Grab some dinner, maybe.

Vampira You mean a date? I thought you were a fag.

Ed No, no. I'm just a transvestite.

Ed Wood

Lugosi's Fiery Response to Karloff Comparison

Brooks You know which movie of yours I love, Mister Lugosi? The Invisible Ray. You were great as Karloff's sidekick.

Bela Lugosi Karloff? Sidekick? FUCK YOU! Karloff does not deserve to smell my SHIT! That Limey cocksucker can rot in hell for all I care!

Ed Wood W-what happened?

Bela How dare that asshole bring up Karloff? You think it takes talent to play Frankenstein? It's all, all makeup, and-and grunting. Grrr-Rrrr!

[imitates Frankenstein]

Ed I agree, Bela. I agree a hundred percent. Now Dracula — there's a part that takes talent.

Ed Wood

Changes in Movie Direction and Content

Ed Wood I'm Ed Wood, I'm here about directing the ] picture.

[[w:Christine Jorgensen|Christine Jorgensen]

George Weiss Well, a couple of things have changed. It ain't gonna be the Christine Jorgensen story no more. Goddamn Variety had to put the story before I got the rights. Now that bitch is asking for the sky.

Ed Wood Oh, you're not gonna make the movie?

George Weiss No, of course I'm gonna make the picture! I already presold Alabama and Oklahoma. Those repressed Okies, they go for that twisted, perverted stuff. We'll just do it without the shemale. We'll fictionalize it.

Ed Wood Is there a script?

George Weiss Fuck, no. But there's a poster. It opens nine weeks in Tulsa.

[he holds up a movie poster for "I Changed My Sex"]

Ed Wood Well Mr. Weiss, look no further, I'm your man. I work fast and I'm a deal. I write and direct. And I'm good. I just did a play in Hollywood and Victor Crowley himself praised its realism.

George Weiss There's about 500 guys in this town that could say the same thing. On the phone you said you had some "special qualifications"?

Ed Mister Weiss... I have never told anyone what I'm about to tell you. But I really want this job. I like to wear women's clothing.

[pauses, takes a deep breath]

George Weiss You're a fruit?

Ed No, not at all. I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.

George Weiss You're not a fruit?

Ed No, I'm all man. I even fought in W.W. Two. Of course, I was wearing women's undergarments under my uniform.

George Weiss You gotta be kidding me.

Ed Confidentially, I even paratrooped wearing a brassier and panties. I wasn't afraid of being killed, but I was terrified of being wounded and having the medics discover my secret.

George Weiss So you think this qualifies you to direct my movie?

Ed Yes. I know what it's like to live with a secret and worry what people are gonna think of you. My girlfriend still doesn't know why her sweaters are always stretched out.

George Weiss Ed, you seem like a nice kid, but look around ya. I don't hire directors with burning desires to tell their stories. I make movies like "Chained Girls." I need someone with experience, who can shoot a film in four days, and make me a profit. I'm sorry, that's all that matters.

Ed Wood

Vampira Asserts Her Professional Integrity

Vampira Look, buddy, I've got real offers from real studios. I don't need to blow some dentist to get a part. Forget it.

Ed Wood

Discussion of Substance Use in Filmmaking

Ed Wood Bela, what's in the needle?

Bela Lugosi Morphine. With a Demerol chaser.

Ed Wood Quotes

find it. watch it.