Fast Times at Ridgemont High Quotes

Mr. Hand C, D, F, F, F. Three weeks we've been talking about the Platt Amendment. What are you people, on dope?! Where is Jeff Spicoli? I saw him earlier today near the first floor bathrooms. Is he still on campus? Anyone?

Mr. Hand Yes, Desmond?

Desmond I saw him outside near the food machines.

Mr. Hand How long ago?

Desmond Right before class.

Mr. Hand Alright, bring him in.

Mr. Hand What is this fascination with truancy? What is it that gets inside of your heads? There are some teachers at this school who look the other way at truants. It's a little game you both play. They pretend they don't see you, and you pretend you don't ditch! Now, in the end, who pays the price? YOU!

Taglines It's Awesome! Totally Awesome!

Jefferson's Brother My brother's gonna kill us! He's gonna kill us! He's gonna kill you and he's gonna kill me, he's gonna kill us!

Spicoli Hey man, just be glad I had fast reflexes!

Jefferson's Brother My brother's gonna shit!

Spicoli Make up your mind, dude. Is he gonna shit or is he gonna kill us?

Jefferson's Brother First he's gonna shit, then he's gonna kill us!

Spicoli Relax, alright? My old man is a television repairman, he's got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it.

Damone This is going to be great, Rat. It's like the highlight of their day.

Mark Hey, maybe we'd better call first. I dunno about dropping in like...

Damone What are you kidding? We're gonna surprise them. Look, just fix your collar, alright? Relax, just be cool, attitude, remember? Where'd you get that, outta the hamper?

Mark Hey, come on, this is clean.

Damone Look Rat, it's like riding a bike. Fall off, you're right back on. Mess up a date, do it again.

Linda I told you to tell Mike to pay for it. Why didn't you tell him?

Stacy Linda, he didn't show up.

Linda That little prick.

Stacy I even called his house, and his mother told me that he was in the garage out by his father.

Linda Well, Mike Damone's a no-brain little prick, Stacy. I'm not gonna let him get away with this.

Stacy Linda, please don't do anything. I don't even like the guy.

Linda Stacy, he's not a guy. He's a little prick.

Stacy Linda, I finally figured it out. I don't want sex. Anyone can have sex.

Linda Yeah, Stacy? What do you want?

Stacy I want a relationship. I want romance.

Linda You want romance? In Ridgemont? We can't even get cable TV here, Stacy, and you want romance!

Mr. Hand Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?

Spicoli Learning about Cuba and having some food.

Mr. Hand Mr. Spicoli, you're on dangerous ground here. You're causing a major disturbance on my time.

Spicoli I've been thinking about this, Mr. Hand. If I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make it our time? Certainly, there's nothing wrong with a little feast on our time.

Mr. Hand You're absolutely right, Mr. Spicoli. It is our time. Yours, mine and everyone else's in this room. But it is my class.

Mr. Hand Mr. Spicoli has been kind enough to bring us a snack. Be my guest. Help yourselves. Get a good one.

Brad Hamilton Mister, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna kick 100% of your ass!

Damone I mean, don't just walk in. You move across the room. And you don't talk to her. You use your face, you use your body, you use everything. That's what I do. I mean, I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.

Mark Well, naturally something happens. I mean, you put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.

Damone That's the idea, Rat. That's the attitude.

Mark The attitude?

Damone Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean, whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.

Brad Hey, you guys had shirts on when you came in here.

Spicoli Well, something must have happened to them, man.

Brad Come on, Spicoli, put the shirts back on. You see that sign?

Spicoli No shirt, no shoes...

Spicoli and Stoner Buds No dice! Ohhhh.

Brad Right. Learn it. Know it. Live it.

Spicoli He's the full hot orator.

Mr. Hand What are you people, on dope?!

Mike Damone Alright, now pay attention. First of all, Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh, Debbie. Hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of ya. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five – now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of ].

Brad Hamilton Wait. Just a minute. Doesn't anybody ever fucking knock anymore?

Brad Why don't you get a job, Spicoli?

Spicoli What for?

Brad You need money.

Spicoli All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.

Spicoli Hey, wait a minute. There's no birthday party for me here! Hola, Mr. Hand.

Mr. Hand What's the reason for your truancy?

Spicoli Just couldn't make it on time.

Mr. Hand You mean you couldn't or wouldn't?

Spicoli See, there was a full crowd at the food lines.

Mr. Hand Food will be eaten on your time. Why are you continuously late for this class, Mr. Spicoli? Why must you shamelessly waste my time like this?

Spicoli I don't know.

Mr. Hand I like that. Hmm-hmm. "I don't know." That's nice. "Mr. Hand, will I pass this class?" Gee Mr. Spicoli, I don't know. That's nice, I really like that. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to leave your words on my board for all my classes to enjoy, giving you full credit of course, Mr. Spicoli.

Spicoli Alright!

Spicoli Hey, you're ripping my card.

Mr. Hand Yes.

Spicoli Hey bud, what's your problem?

Mr. Hand No problem at all. I think you know where the front office is.

Spicoli You dick!

Taglines At Ridgemont High Only the Rules get Busted!

Mark Mike, tell me what went on between you and Stacy.

Damone We were out messing around and something happened.

Mark What do you mean something happened?

Damone Look, I never even talked to her again. Rat, if you asked me, she's a very aggressive girl.

Mark No, I don't know what you mean.

Damone Rat, she never really was your girlfriend.

Mark You know, Damone. I always stick up for you. They say, "Oh, Damone, that loud mouth," and they say that a lot. I say, "Oh, no, you just don't know Damone." I mean, when they call you an idiot, I say Damone's not an idiot. Well, you know something? Maybe they know you pretty good. Maybe I'm just starting to find out.