31 quotes
A Disturbing Discovery of Unpleasant Odors
Francis
The musty stench hit me like a sledgehammer. I realized immediately that this revolting smell was not coming up the stairs from the cellar, but was in fact creeping down the stairs from the second floor. It was a mixture of drugstore, vet's office and toxic waste dump. And I should've known better than to set paw in the place.
[narrating]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on life and existence
Voice cast
Ulrich Wildgruber as Joker.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploration of Morality and Existence
Voice cast
] as Francis.
[[w:Ulrich Tukur|Ulrich Tukur]
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Understanding the Complexity of the Killer
Pascal/Claudandus
Haven't you got it yet? He wants his motives to be known and understood. He's as complicated as a crossword puzzle. No. The killer is the puzzle and he wants us to... to solve it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring the nature of existence and morality
Voice cast
Gerhard Garbers as Professor Julius Preterius.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Welcoming Friends to the House Tour
Pascal/Claudandus
Delighted to see you, my friends. I hope you enjoyed your tour of the house.
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Caution Against Underestimating Dangerous Situations
Bluebeard
Hey, smartass. You've gotta watch your tail a little more carefully, or you'll get hurt.
Francis
What do you mean?
Bluebeard
Think about it. The killer ain't gonna be pleased with you on his trail and might try to do something about you.
Francis
Yeah, and Pascal as well. He knows more than me.
Bluebeard
Don't worry about Pascal. If what you found out about the murders is right, he just kills the brothers who got balls. Good ol Pascal had them cut off years ago. And besides, he isn't gonna be around that much longer.
Francis
Why's that?
Bluebeard
He's got stomach cancer. They've given him six months. It's only recently the news got around the neighborhood.
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Conflict Over Standards and Recent Killings
Francis
Did you come back here to take a leak? Forget it! You don't piss in here anymore! I live here now and I have my standards! Another killing?
Bluebeard
How the hell did you--? Yeah, there's been another one.
Francis
Let me guess. This latest victim's also a tom, just like the other four stiffs.
Bluebeard
Smartass. How the hell did you know that?
Francis
A guess, but an educated one.
Bluebeard
Anyway this time it's tight-assed Deep Purple that's taken out his last rat. His throat looks exactly though someone decided to test an ice pick to see if it works.
Francis
One question, was he castrated?
Bluebeard
Purple had his jewels intact, but, he couldn't get it up anymore.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Excess and Concern for Solitaire
Francis
Oh my God...
[spotting a dead cat with her stomach and throat ripped out]
Kong
Looks like he's run out of steam suddenly. That's what happens to you when you eat too much junk food.
Francis
Yeah, I'm out of breath. And it looks like I'm not the only one.
[indicating the dead cat]
Kong
What bullshit you talking now? Solitaire! Oh Solitaire! What have they done to you? What the hell has that evil bastard done?! My lovely, lovely Solitaire!
[gasps; cries]
Francis
Who was she?
Herman 1
Solitaire was the boss favorite girl, and chances are those are his family you can see as well.
[pointing out the dead kitten fetuses]
Kong
I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna hamburger him! I'll tear his balls off and stuff them down his throat! What kind of heartless bastard would do this?! Who?! Who?! Tell me! Was it you? No, you didn't have the time. Well then who did it? Who was it?!
[to Francis]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The History of Unsolved Murders
Francis
It isn't seven murders we have to deal with, it's hundreds! These murders started many, many years ago. It may go right back to the closing of a certain laboratory.
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Seeking Truth in a Dangerous Neighborhood
Francis
Bluebeard, don't kid yourself. An ice pick didn't do this; this was done by teeth. In order to crack this case, I've gotta meet as many of our brothers as I can in this godforsaken neighborhood. And you are the very brother to help me, Bluebeard!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Identity and Existence
Voice cast
] as Bluebeard.
[[w:Mario Adorf|Mario Adorf]
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Introduction to Francis and His Story
Francis
Greetings, and salutations, friends. Sit back in your seat, look hard, and listen. Because I got a story to tell, and it's not gonna be pretty. Oh, the name's Francis. You can see what species I belong to, but don't take me too lightly.
[first lines; narrating]
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A Challenge to Confrontation
Bluebeard
I can see you're scratching for a fight. Okay, you've got one! Pretty frightening. I can see you wanna show off to my friend, Francis. So, I better make it clear that I won't stand by and watch three take on one! So, okay! Come and get it, asshole!
[to Kong]
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Questioning the motive behind running away
Bluebeard
Why did you run off? The brothers just wanted to talk.
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The Nature of Good and Evil in Humanity
Pascal/Claudandus
No, no! There aren't any good men! They're all bad! They're all the same! Animals are good creatures. But men are evil animals.
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Bluebeard's Presence Acknowledged
Bluebeard
Bluebeard was here.
[sprays]
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Reflections on Life and Existence
Voice cast
] as Jesaja.
[[w:Helge Schneider|Helge Schneider]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on life and existence
Voice cast
Wolfgang Hess as Kong.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Meeting a Clever Character Tomorrow
Bluebeard
Tomorrow, I'm gonna take you to meet someone. He's a real clever bastard. You aren't the only smartass in town, you know?
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Search for Joker in a messy house
Bluebeard
I looked in the house Joker lives in, and it's a mess. But still, I went through it bottom to the top, but I found no sign of him.
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The Nature of Humanity and Animality
Pascal
Oh dear, Francis. You live through your ordinary little day and fall asleep to dream about your ordinary, carefree little dreams through the course of the peaceful, undisturbed night. But then, I brought nightmares to your mind. Do you deny it? The world is hell, Francis. And the crowning glory of hatefulness in this world is man. And the joke, my friend, is that we're now no different to him.
Francis
You've become like him, Pascal! You think like man, you act like man! And so, tell me, what's the role assigned to lesser animals in your world?!
Pascal
None at all. They're stupid. They're victims to their fate.
Francis
And what about the good men?! Pascal or Claudandus or Felidae or whatever you want to call yourself?!
Pascal
NO, NO! THERE AREN'T ANY GOOD MEN! THEY'RE ALL BAD! THEY'RE ALL THE SAME! Animals are good creatures. But men are evil animals.
Francis
I'll fight you with all my might, all my strength! I'll start by erasing this unholy program listing your murders! You had it.
Pascal
You can't begin to imagine how deeply I regret this, Francis.
Pascal
The horror... so much pain... darkness... Francis... so much darkness... look at me now, and all you see, Francis, is evil. Yet once I was good...
[last words before his death]
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The Transformation from Good to Evil
Pascal/Claudandus
The horror... so much pain... darkness... Francis... so much darkness... look at me now, and all you see, Francis, is evil. Yet once I was good...
[last lines before his death]
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Joker's Hasty Exit or Stomach Troubles
Bluebeard
Either Joker left here in a hurry or his stomach can't take cream anymore.
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The Significance of Felidae in Evolution
Francis
To tell the truth, I never thought I see one of us sitting at a computer and actually knowing how to use it.
[in Pascal's house]
Pascal
I'm trying in my feeble way to use the computer to get on the track of the murderer you're out to find. Do you know the meaning of this word, Felidae?
[types the word "FELIDAE" on the computer]
Francis
Could it be a scientific name for all our family divisions, "cats" as they're usually called?
Pascal
Felidae. Evolution has created an astounding number of various creatures. Not one however deserves the respected wonder the genus Felidae has earned.
[shows on the computer a list]
Francis
Wow! What did you combine on this list.
Pascal
Those of us who live in the neighborhood, name, age, gender, breed, marking. I almost forgot, I need to enter you now as well.
Francis
Incredible!
Pascal
Yes, it is. Even better if it can help us solve a murder.
Francis
Did you know that all of the dead brothers--?
Pascal
Yes! They were all on the prowl after some female in heat.
Francis
I... I have an idea. Find out what breed they were. That may lead us to a new tie-up.
Pascal
Simple enough.
[shows on the computer the murdered cats' type of race]
Pascal
Well, none of them were particularly aristocratic examples of Felidae.
Francis
But all the same race, so they weren't just excited and male. They were all European Shorthairs.
Pascal
No, not true. I haven't yet added the sixth victim to the list.
Francis
There's been another? Felicity!!
[shocked; he watches carefully as Pascal types in the sixth victim on this list named "Felicity", he looks on in horror]
Pascal
Yes. Felicity, I'm afraid.
Francis
Pascal, no! That can't be true! I just left her an hour ago!
Pascal
Agatha informed me just before you and Bluebeard arrived.
[he looks on, thinking that Francis might come back]
Francis
Her eyes were wide opened as though even with her last breath, the one thing she longed desperately for was to see.
[laying on the grass]
Bluebeard
It's sad, but life goes on, Francis.
[hanging on a tree]
Francis
Did you find that cliche on the one and only book you posted that you read?
[looks up at Bluebeard; crossly]
Bluebeard
I was just trying to help.
Francis
I swear, that whoever murdered Felicity is gonna pay for it! YOU HEAR ME, YOU BASTARD?!!! I'M GONNA MAKE YOU PAY!!!
[yelling at the sky]
Bluebeard
WE'LL GET YA, YOU SHITHEAD!!!
Francis
Forget what Pascal says. Felicity was killed because she knew too much.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Identity and Existence
Voice cast
] as Pascal/Claudandus.
[[w:Klaus Maria Brandauer|Klaus Maria Brandauer]
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The Nature of Humanity and Its Darkness
Pascal/Claudandus
The world is hell, Francis. And the crowning glory of hatefulness in this world is man. And the joke, my friend, is that we're now no different to him.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
New Neighbors and Uncertain Alliances
Felicity
You're new in the neighborhood, aren't you?
Francis
Yes, that's right. The name's Francis.
Felicity
Friend or foe?
Francis
Friend. A friend forever.
Felicity
A friend who fell suddenly out of the sky
Francis
Well, not exactly. Only through the skylight, not through the sky. I was escaping from lunatics from the Claudandus sect. They objected to me watching their ceremony.
Felicity
That sounds typical of them. Has it gotten light outside yet?
Francis
Yes, but surely you can see that for your-- Oh, you're blind.
[noticing Felicity's eyes]
Felicity
I'm not blind.
Francis
Then what...?
Felicity
I just can't see.
Francis
Do you ever go out?
Felicity
No. Though not a day goes by, not one day that I haven't wished I could see this world, evil and cruel though it is.
Francis
I'm... I'm sorry.
[places his paw on Felicity's]
Felicity
Why? There are much worse things, Francis. We can get used to anything, except to live in a dog kennel possibly.
[they both laugh]
Francis
But, listen; have you always... I-- I mean...?
Felicity
Been blind?
Francis
Hmm.
Felicity
Yes, from birth. But, you know what? I see pictures. Pictures in my mind.
Francis
What kind of pictures?
Felicity
I see these people grouped around me, and they're so big, tall and somehow bright. One of them bends over me, he smiles and then he has something that glistens in his hand, then terrible pain, and I fall asleep.
Francis
I don't think you were blind from birth. I'd say some human has done something terrible to you.
Felicity
But that can't be. The human race is the kindest there is. Who else would give a useless thing like me a home?
Francis
Can I change the subject and ask you a question, um...?
Felicity
Felicity.
Francis
Have you heard anything you described as unusual in the last few weeks?
Felicity
Only the death cries.
Francis
This means you're the first witness I'd found in the killings!
Felicity
I don't see why you're so interested in this.
Francis
Felicity, we're talking about murder.
Felicity
Murder? Oh, I'm sure you're wrong. I think it's more likely that it's sex that's just gone too far.
Francis
And why do you think that?
Felicity
The death cries, always uttered by tomcats. I could tell by their growls they were excited. Somebody they knew is suddenly there, and although they're excited, they don't attack him.
Francis
And did this somebody speak to our excited expected brothers?
Felicity
Yes. I'm sorry I couldn't hear what he was saying to them, but his tone of voice, there was a sense of urgency in his tone, a pervasive conviction. He was trying to tell them something of great importance.
Francis
What, though? So, what then?
Felicity
And then, then I hear those awful cries.
Francis
Do you know anything about the Claudandus Sect?
Felicity
Not much. Only they prayed to a dead martyr called Claudandus a brother, who lived around here many years ago and was tortured by men all his life. Tormented horribly.
Francis
How do you know that?
Bluebeard
Why did you run off? The brothers just wanted to talk.
Francis
I bet they did when 300 volts loosening my tongue, right? I'll be back soon.
[to Bluebeard; to Felicity]
Felicity
Hmm?
Francis
Real soon. But right now, I gotta get something straight with my friend.
[he leaves with Bluebeard as Felicity watches him leave]
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Searching for the Murderer Using Technology
Pascal/Claudandus
I'm trying in my feeble way to use the computer to get on the track of the murderer you're out to find.
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Dark Humor in a Disturbing Discovery
Francis
And there in the backyard was my house warming present. There he lay, a black brother, legs stretched out as though he was asleep. Only he wasn't asleep.
[narrating]
Bluebeard
It must've been a can opener.
Francis
Pardon? Can opener? I'm sorry, you lost me.
Bluebeard
It must've been a freaking can opener. Ain't it obvious? He gave our poor little Sasha an extra ventilation hole in the throat.
Francis
Oh, you mean a man! Did you witness it?
Bluebeard
Hell no; but only man are brutal enough to do a thing like this. Lousy can openers, whose only useful function is opening our dinner cans! And he's the fourth in the last month.
Francis
Do you mean it's the fourth dead body?
Bluebeard
I guess you're new on the block. Taking over that shitheap in there? Interesting, please. I go in there for a piss occasionally. Hehehe.
Francis
I don't think a can opener did it. This brother's throat has been shredded, not cut.
Bluebeard
Hey, little smartass. What do they call you?
Francis
Francis.
Bluebeard
Francis.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Tense Invitation Among Friends
Pascal
My friends. I want to thank you for responding so quickly to our invitation.
Kong
You'd better be sure this is worth our while, because if it's not, then you and cutie pie there are going to pay for making me miss my favorite TV show!
Francis
Kong, you stupid pea-brain idiot!
Kong
Huh?
Francis
Listen, don't you want to catch the crazy killer who murdered Solitaire, who you're pretending you loved?!
Kong
Don't worry. I'll catch up with him eventually! And when I do--!
Francis
You fool! You won't catch up with anyone! You really think the murderer will knock at your door someday and beg your forgiveness, you moronic imbecile?!
Kong
Alright, wise guy. I was only joking anyway.
Francis
Crack all the jokes you like! The trouble is the killer doesn't have your kind of humor in him!
Pascal
Francis and I have analyzed the computer's data. We could say with a degree of certainty, that the murderer is responsible, not for the death of 7, but 450 brothers and sisters. These murders-- These murders are most probably connected with the events which occurs in the laboratory of the criminal, Preterius, some time ago. Experiments, some of you here, were subjected to though you may not remember it now.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.