32 quotes
Aunt Ida's Take on Heterosexual Life
Aunt Ida
The world of the heterosexual is a sick and boring life.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Divorce Announcement and Desire for Destruction
Dawn Davenport
I'm afraid I'm going to have to break the news to you, but I've thrown Gator out and started divorce proceedings. I don't want to seem overly bitter, but I want you to destroy all of his belongings.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Mother's Control Over Her Child's Education
Taffy as a child
Why can't I go to school? Why can't I have friends?
Dawn Davenport
You can't go to school because I said so. I won't have you nagging me for lunch money and whining for help on your homework. There is no need to know about presidents, wars, numbers or science. Just listen to me and you'll learn. And no little friends over here, repeating rhymes, asking flippant questions, and talking in those nagging baby voices. Can't you just sit here and look out into the air? Isn't that enough? Do you always have to badger me for attention?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Aunt Ida's Outburst on Heterosexuality
Aunt Ida
Fucker! Pig fucker! Hetero! Filthy hetero stink-shit!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Strong Rejection of Unwanted Advances
Taffy Davenport
I wouldn't suck your lousy dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls!
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Aunt Ida's Open Invitation
Aunt Ida
And remember, my offer still stands. If you get tired of being a Hare Krishna, you come live with me and be a lesbian!
[to Taffy]
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Taffy Davenport's Dismissal of Artistic Pursuits
Taffy Davenport
Writing a book, hippie? Why don't you go listen to some folk music and give me a break!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation on Beauty and Anatomy
Wink
I'm getting a hard-on! Beauty always gives me a hard-on!
Donna Dasher
Aim it the other way then, Wink. You know how I detest organs. Beauty has absolutely nothing to do with that WORD, that THING you have hanging there like an obscene pickle. Spare me your anatomy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Curiosity and Expectations at "Le Lipstique
Donald Dasher
We are always curious as to what drew you here to "Le Lipstique".
Stripper
Well I heard all the strippers come here, and I got sick of my old salon.
Donna Dasher
And supposing we become sick of you?
Stripper
Well, I had hoped that wouldn't happen...!
Donna Dasher
Well, I think it IS happening. It's hard to describe, but when I look into your face, I pick up the distinct sensation of NAUSEA.
Stripper
Hey, WAIT A MINUTE...!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Jailhouse Behavior
Butterfly
Beauty, beauty, look at you, I wish to God I had it, too.
Prison Matron
OK, Lez-beans! I caught ya! Bumpin pussies is a violation of jail rules!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Introductions Among Friends
Gator
Hello, Aunt Ida.
Aunt Ida
Gator Nelson, what a coincidence! There's somebody here dying to meet you! Gator, this is Ernie; Ernie, this is Gator!
Ernie
Hi, stud!
Gator
Get him outta here!
Aunt Ida
Gator Nelson, you be polite to Ernie! He wants a date with you!
Gator
Well, I don't want a date with him. I came to say goodbye, Aunt Ida, I'm moving to Detroit.
Aunt Ida
WHAT?
Gator
I want to be near the auto industry. I'm sick of hairdressing and besides, Dawn had me fired.
Ernie
I can get you a job in the baths, Mary!
Gator
Look, fucker, take a walk!
Ernie
Well!
Gator
Look, you better beat it before I punch your fuckin face out that window.
Ernie
No gay knocks for me, Ida! At best, all you've got is trade.
Aunt Ida
Oh Gator! Ernie's your type! Move in with me again, and we'll get you a job as a female impersonator!
Ernie
His hands are too big, dahling. BYE, Gator. It was...FAB meeting you!
Gator
FUCK you, you're worse than my wife!
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Taffy's Disdain for Dining with Gator
Taffy Davenport
If I have to eat with Gator, I'll spit food!
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Disagreement over Dawn's new shoes
Dawn Davenport
WHAT are THESE?
[Dawn discovers the shoe box under the Christmas tree does not contain cha cha heels]
Mrs. Davenport
Those are your new shoes, Dawn!
Dawn Davenport
Those aren't the right kind! I told you cha cha heels, black ones!
Mr. Davenport
Nice girls don't wear cha cha heels!
Dawn Davenport
Gimme those presents! I'll never wear those ugly shoes! I told you the kind I wanted! You ruined my Christmas!
[stomps on all of the Christmas presents]
Mrs. Davenport
Please, Dawn! Not on Christmas!
Dawn Davenport
Get off me, you ugly witch!
[pushes mother into the Christmas tree, knocking Mrs. Davenport and the tree down]
Mr. Davenport
Dawn Davenport, are you crazy, look at your mother!
Dawn Davenport
Get off me...LAY OFF ME! I hate you, fuck you! Fuck you both, you awful people! You're not my parents! I hate you, I hate this house, and I hate Christmas!
Mrs. Davenport
Not on Christmas! Not on Christmas!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion of a Mother's Beauty
Taffy Davenport
What's that camera for?
Donald Dasher
To take pictures of your mother.
Taffy Davenport
HER?
Donald Dasher
We happen to think she's quite beautiful.
Taffy Davenport
You must be cockeyed then!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Demand for Perfection and Cleanliness
Dawn Davenport
Where did you get this crap, Taffy? I told you to spend that money I gave you on a cute outfit, but ooooh-noooo! As soon as my back is turned, you run right out and spend it on props for your morbid little games! Well, I want it cleaned up pronto! We're having guests for dinner and I want you looking as P-R-E-T-T-Y as humanly possible!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Queer Identity and Pride
Aunt Ida
Queers are just better. I'd be so proud if you was a fag.
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A Night of Fame Turns to Embarrassment
Taffy
Hare Krishna, mother!
[showing up at Superstar nightclub dressed in saffron robes]
Dawn Davenport
You've finally done it, haven't you! Embarrassed me on my night of FAME! No reporters saw you did they?!
[grabs her]
Dawn Davenport
Look at you, I could vomit!
Donald Dasher
THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF BEAUTY!
Donna Dasher
Remember Alice Crimmins.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jealousy and Destruction in Female Trouble
Dawn Davenport
I'd like to set fire to this dump!
Concetta
Just cause we're pretty, everybody's jealous!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Classroom Chaos and Tensions Rise
School snitch
Mr. Weinberger, Dawn Davenport is eating a meatball sandwich right out in class...AND she's been passing notes!
Dawn Davenport
I was not eating!
Mr. Weinberger
From the look of you, Miss Davenport, you never stopped eating!
Concetta
I got a knife here in my pocketbook and I'm gonna cut you up after class!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Hair and Beauty
Concetta
Just get your hair done. That's what I always do when I get depressed.
[consoling Dawn]
Dawn Davenport
Maybe I will.
Concetta
I'll tell ya, the Lipstick Beauty Salon is the best. They only let, well, you know, "special" girls in. You have to audition to even get your hair done!
Chicklette
AND, there's this guy that does hair there, MMMM MMMM. I'd suck the socks off him in a minute.
Concetta
Yeah, Gator's his name, and you know what? He lives right next door.
Dawn Davenport
Wonder what HIS story is? Maybe he's a...CHUBBY CHASER!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unpleasant Exchange Between Gator and Taffy
Gator
Hey Taffy, baby, come suck your daddy's dick.
Taffy
I wouldn't suck your lousy dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concetta Greets Taffy in Female Trouble
Concetta
Hey there, Taffy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Pregnancy and Demands for Money
Earl Peterson
Hello?
[answering phone]
Dawn Davenport
Is Earl Peterson there? Earl Peterson! This is Dawn Davenport. Dawn Davenport...you made love to me Christmas morning.
Dawn Davenport
Well, I just called to tell you I'm pregnant and I want money.
Earl Peterson
You stole my wallet, you fat bitch!
Dawn Davenport
So what if I did? I want money!
Earl Peterson
You'll never get any money from me, cow! Just cause you got them big udders don't mean you're somethin special. Get the hook! Go fuck yourself for all I care. YEAH! Go fuck yourself!
[hangs up]
Dawn Davenport
Hello? Hello? UGH!
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Innocence and Unwanted Attention
Dribbles
How's your little girl? Why don't you bring her in here more often?
Sally
Why? So you can undress her with your eyes? For Christ's sake, she's only six years old.
Dribbles
I know, but I just like to play with her. I wish I was a little girl.
Sally
Well, throw a goddamn penny in a fountain and make a goddamn wish and maybe it'll come true.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Common Sense on Love and Identity
Aunt Ida
Oh, Ernie! Have another pretzel, for Chrissakes! Wait til you meet my little Gator. You two are gonna fall right in love.
Ernie
My dear, I hope so. Are you sure he's gay?
Aunt Ida
Well, I just use common sense. I mean, if they're smart, they're queer, and if they're stupid, they're straight, right, Ernie? Are you sure you won't have another pretzel?
Ernie
I'm sure, Miss Thing, I'm sure. Pretzels give you plaque.
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Dinner Choices and Cultural Identity
Dawn Davenport
You want your spaghetti with or without cheese?
Donna Dasher
I'll have two chicken breasts please.
Dawn Davenport
Well, uh, we're not having that, we're having spaghetti.
Donna Dasher
I couldn't possibly eat spaghetti. Do I look Italian?
Donald Dasher
We rarely eat any form of noodle. But I'll take a small portion to be polite, with cheese, please.
Donna Dasher
I'll have an extremely large glass of ice water.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Innocence and Unwanted Attention
Dribbles
How's your little girl? Why don't you bring her in here more often?
Sally
Why? So you can undress her with your eyes? For Christ's sake, she's only six years old.
Dribbles
I know, but I just like to play with her. I wish I was a little girl.
Sally
Well, throw a goddamn penny in a fountain and make a goddamn wish and maybe it'll come true.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Challenges of Motherhood and Love
Dawn Davenport
I've DONE everything a mother can do: I've locked her in her room, I've beat her with the car aerial. Nothing changes her. It's HARD being a loving mother!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dawn's Frustration with Taffy's Behavior
Dawn Davenport
You're a pain, Taffy. A pain in my big asshole!
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Rejection of Authority and Disgust
Taffy Davenport
You're not my daddy, you disgusting hippie pig! And I wouldn't get near a bed that had been defiled by the likes of you two! I'd sooner jump in a river of snot!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Fame and Rebellion
Dawn Davenport
Davenport. Dawn Davenport! I'm a thief and a shitkicker, and, uh, I'd like to be famous.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Gratitude and Sacrifice in a Career Journey
Dawn Davenport
I'd like to thank all the wonderful people that made this great moment in my life come true. My daughter Taffy, who died in order to further my career. My friends Chicklette and Concetta who should be here with me today. All the fans who died so fashionably and gallantly at my nightclub act. And especially all those wonderful people who were kind enough to read about me in the newspapers and watch me on the television news shows. Without all of you, my career could never have gotten this far. It was you that I murdered for and it is you that I will die for! Please remember, I love every fucking one of you!
[before being executed]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.