Fletch Lives (1989) - Quotes

Introduction of Calculus Entropy to the Fletchers

Calculus Entropy: How do you do? I be Calculus Entropy, you be Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher?

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Unexpected Turbulence and a Parachuting Pilot

Cindy Mae: (Turbulence) Oh Lord, what was that?

Fletch: We just clipped a Piper Cub. Pilot's okay, I just saw him parachuting.

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Nostalgia and Basketball in Fletch Lives

Fletch: It's a championship Laker watch.

Cindy Mae: Oh, are you a Laker?

Fletch: I used to date one - only thing I have to remember him by.

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Unexpected News Sparks Gratitude and Skepticism

Man on Computer: Who are you?

Fletch: Hello, I'm Peter Lemon-Jello and they told me to tell you your house is on fire.

Man on Computer: Thank you!! Good bless you!!

Fletch: (to himself) Thank you for believing this shit!

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A Comedic Exchange of Identity and Address

Doorman: Name?

Fletch: Ah...Irwin M Fletcher. Irwin Mahatma Fletcher.

Doorman: Address?

Fletch: 7.

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Identity Confusion in a Strange Encounter

Fletch: Name's Ed... Ed Harley.

Joe Jack: Ed... you sure you're in the right place?

Fletch: I think so!

Joe Jack: (mocking) Think so!

Joe Jack: Ed...

Joe Jack: What are you doing in here?

Fletch: I'll give you a hint... Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Fletch: You don't get it?

Joe Jack: (grabs Fletch) No, Ed... you're the one that doesn't get it.

Fletch: Ed HARLEY. Harley-Davidson Motorcycles!

Joe Jack: (shocked) You own the company?

Fletch: Well, my granddaddy started it, then my Daddy screwed Davidson out of his half, and now I own the whole thing.

Joe Jack: (really shocked) Harley-Davidson, no shit?

Fletch: No shit!

Joe Jack: (smiling broadly) Hey, everybody! Ed the Third here owns Harley-Davidson! We're the Nazis from Natchez!

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Flirting and Rejection at In N Out

Fletch: (flirting) Hey Betty, how about lunch at the In N Out Burger?

Betty Dilworth: (disgusted) No.

Fletch: Okay, forget the burger, how about just the In N Out?

Fletch: OK, how about just the In?

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Discussion on Toxic Waste Locations

Fletch: What do you mean, toxic waste?

Frank: Well, it's some special stuff. There's only eleven places in the country that makes this shit.

Fletch: Where?... Frank, just give me the ones that aren't in New Jersey.

Frank: Uh, there's only one.

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Humorous Confession of Minor Sins

Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: Erwin, admit that you are a sinner.

Fletch: Uh. Well, I've sinned. I didn't take any Polaroids or anything. But, yeah, I've sinned.

Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: The Lord forgives ya!

Fletch: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Amen. What? Other sins? Uh, I parked in a handicap spot on my way up here. Actually, on a handicapped person. I told him I'd be back in five minutes, so that's not such a big deal.

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Misunderstanding Beaujolais as a Drug

Sheriff: Was y'all usin any kinna drugs you brought in from Califor'ny by any chance?

Fletch: Just some beaujolais.

Sheriff: Beaujolais?

Fletch: It's a very popular drug. Made from grapes.

Sheriff: Well, I see you just wanna make it hard on everybody ... maybe you'd feel better after some time in tha Tank. Y'all come.

Fletch: All of us?

Sheriff: Just you.

Fletch: What's the charge?

Sheriff: Pissin me off.

Fletch: Is that a felony or a misdemeanor?

Sheriff: That's it!

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Guest Healer Introduction in Fletch Lives

Fletch: Announcer: Let's welcome our guest healer Mr. Claude Henry Smoot.

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Change in the KKK's Presence

Fletch: KKK Leader: Folks ain't home. Cross won't burn. Hell, it ain't like it used to be.

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Name Mention in Fletch Lives

Fletch: Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee Schwartz.

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Fletch's Discomfort with Guns

Fletch: (narrating) I never liked guns, especially when they're pointed at me.

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The Utility of Mr. Underhill's Credit Card

Fletch: (narrating) Over the years, I found Mr. Underhill's credit card to be a useful tool, much like Underhill himself.

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Fletch Reflects on a Cozy Return

Fletch: (narrating) When I got back, there was a cozy fire in the fireplace...and on the roof, and on the porch. It was great.

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A Dead End at the Morgue

Fletch: (narrating) The morgue proved to be a dead end. But I guess it is for most people.

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A Comment on Eye Makeup Choices

Fletch: You shouldn't wear so much eye shadow. It makes you look cheap.

Concerns About Rapid Wall Deterioration

Fletch: These walls are deplaning at an alarming rate!

Fletch's Rejection of Unwanted Visitors

Fletch: Scum! Scum! Scum! Go back to where you're from!

Fletch Reflects on Financial Mismanagement

Fletch: I've been foolishly squandering my salary on food and heat.

A Humorous Take on Reproduction

Fletch: They multiply by masturbation.

Fletch's Take on Louisiana's State Nickname

Fletch: I believe Louisiana is the Pelican State.

A Lightning Strike Changes Everything for Fletch

Fletch: I was on my gazebo, on the roof, making some repairs, and I was struck by lightning...and I've had migraine headaches and blurred vision ever since then but praise the Lord that was my lucky day because ever since then, I've had the healing power. Amen, God bless you. Thank you very much. Good night. Yes? What happened? Yes?

A Request for Assistance

Fletch: What can I do to y- for you?

Humorous Take on Borrowed Personal Items

Fletch: I borrowed your toothbrush. I would have used your razor but it looks like you've been doing some gardening with it.

Fletch on Solving a Simple Mystery

Fletch: (narrating) Figuring out that the guy who dropped my watch in the swamp was the same guy who stole it at the morgue didn't take Sherlock Holmes... Larry Holmes could've figured that one out.

Judging Character Beyond Family Ties

Fletch: (narrating) The Reverend Farnsworth was Becky's father, but I wasn't going to hold that against her. If I was going to hold anything against her, it wouldn't be her father.