31 quotes
Proposition Discussed with Humor and Skepticism
Alan Stanwyk
If you reject the proposition, you keep the thousand - and your mouth shut.
Fletch
Does this proposition entail my dressing up as Little Bo Peep?
Alan Stanwyk
It's nothing of a sexual nature, I assure you.
Fletch
Yeah, I assure you.
Alan Stanwyk
One thousand just to listen. I don't see how you can pass that up, Mister...?
Fletch
Nugent. Ted Nugent.
Alan Stanwyk
Alan Stanwyk.
Fletch
Ellen? Charmed. You know, for an extra grand, I'll let you take me out to dinner...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dislike for Tommy Lasorda Expressed by Fletch
Fletch
Hey that's you and Tommy Lasorda... I hate Tommy Lasorda.
[smashes picture]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Relief at the Arrival of Police
Fletch
Thank God. The police.
[Corrupt Police Chief Karlin surprises Stanwyk holding Fletch at gunpoint - said in the dryest manner possible]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Violence in Humanitarianism
Fletch
You know, if you shoot me, you're liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Knowledge and Consequences
Fletch
...and who would have known that the Vice President knew I was opening the door, but the Secret Service, they just whack blood...
[mimes door hitting him in the face]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unrecognized Introduction in Conversation
Madeline
I'm sorry, who are you again?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Son's Request to Express Love
Fletch
Can I call my mother? Tell her how much I love her?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Request After an Accident
Fletch
Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo.
[to Gail Stanwyck, who answers the door wearing a towel]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Obscure Ruling on Airline Tickets Explained
Fletch
In the court ruling US vs. Fishbine, a man subjected to potential incineration while wearing another man's suit is entitled to $10,000 worth of airline tickets. It's an obscure ruling, but a very important one. To me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unconventional Banter Between Characters
Gail Stanwyk
You ordered lunch to my room.
Fletch
Well, I knew that's where my mouth would be.
Gail Stanwyk
Are you always this forward?
Fletch
Only with wet, married women.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fletch Orders Caviar at a High Price
Fletch
Do you have caviar?
Waiter
Si señor, Beluga, but it is 80 dollars a portion.
Fletch
Well, I better just take two portions of that, then.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Strangers Exchanging Clothing in the Night
Fletch
Strangers in the night, exchanging clothing, strangers in my pants...
[singing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Rental Humor in Fletch's Dialogue
Alan Stanwyk
Do you own rubber gloves?
Fletch
I rent. I have a lease, with an option to buy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Morning Greetings and Fast Food Humor
Hispanic Housekeeper
Buenos días.
Fletch
Pup n Taco.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Surprising Twist of Fortune
Fletch
Hey! I think all of our problems may have just been solved. Ed McMahon. Think I just won a million bucks. Yeahhahhah, Irwin M. Fletcher you choose. Woo wee! Oh boy, I lost. Again. Sorry.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Club Membership and Unexpected Departures
Waiter
Excuse me señor, you are a member of the club?
Fletch
No, I'm here with the Underhills.
Waiter
The Underhills? They are left, Señor.
Fletch
Oh they'll be back. He went out for his urinalysis.
Waiter
Would you like some drinks, señor, while you wait? I will put it on the Underhills bill.
Fletch
Oh, yes. Very good. I'll have a Bloody Mary, a steak sandwich and a...steak sandwich.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fletch Observes Vulnerable Infants
Fletch
Look, defenseless babies!
[to a Doberman Pinscher]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Defending Boundaries in a New Role
Fletch
Hey, don't talk to me that way, assface. I don't work for you yet.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embrace Your Body, Larry
Fletch
Love your body, Larry.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Observation on Garage Remodeling Costs
Fletch
Oh, you've remodeled the garage. Must have cost you hundreds.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Fondness for Unusual Names
Fletch
Mr. Stanwyk's parents Marvin and Velma of Provo, were unable to attend the wedding. Those are three names I enjoy; Marvin, Velma, and Provo.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Witty Comment on Physical Similarities
Fletch
It was something your wife said while we were in bed together. She said we had the same build. From the waist up I imagine.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Geographical Reference in Fletch's Dialogue
Fletch
Tierra Del Fuego.
[server says, "muchas gracias" and Fletch responds]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Delays and Unpleasant Surprises
Fletch
I would have been here sooner, but a manure-spreader jackknifed on the Santa Ana. Gawdawful mess. You should see my shoes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fletch Asserts Authority Over Mattress Regulations
Fletch
I didn't want to do this, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pull rank on you. I'm with the Mattress Police. There are no tags on these mattresses.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dinner Offer for a Grand
Fletch
For another grand, I'll let you take me out to dinner.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Arrival at the Apartment Building
Fletch
As I pulled up to my palatial, imitation apartment building, I noticed the familiar red Oldsmo-Buick of Mr. Arnold T. Pants, Esquire. Attorney for the former Mrs. Irwin M. Fletcher. Time to use the service entrance.
[narrating]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Undercover Investigation on Drug Traffic
Fletch
If you haven't guessed, there's been a lot of drug traffic on the beach lately. And I'm not talking about Robitussin and No-Doz...I'm talking about the hard stuff. I've been posing as an amiable, minor league junkie in order to get to the bottom of it. It hasn't been easy. I don't shower much.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unusual History Behind Potential Purchase
Fletch
You know, I came this close to buying this place, but then I found out that Hop-along Cassidy killed himself here.
Alan Stanwyk
Who?
Fletch
Hop-along Cassidy. Bow and arrow. Very Weird.
Alan Stanwyk
What, are you doped up now?
Fletch
Don't talk to me like that, ass-face, I don't work for you, yet.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Exchange of Introductions
Fletch
I'm a friend of Alan's. I'm John.
Gail Stanwyk
Ohhhh, John. John who?
Fletch
John Cock... tos... ton.
Gail Stanwyk
That's a beautiful name.
Fletch
It's Scotch-Romanian.
Gail Stanwyk
That's an odd combination.
Fletch
So were my parents.
Fletch
I saw Alan this morning and you know what I can't figure out?
Gail Stanwyck
Alan's in Utah
Fletch
I...can't figure out what I was doing in Utah this morning.
Gail Stanwyck
You know, if I had a nickel for every one of Alan's flyboy buddies who hit on me, I'd be a rich woman.
Fletch
You ARE a rich woman.
Gail Stanwyck
See what I mean?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Advice on personal enjoyment and indulgence
Fletch
Keep ten for yourself. Go and get yourself a nice piece of ass.
[after paying his ex-wife's attorney, Fletch walks him to the door]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.