31 quotes
A Comedy of Galactic Proportions
Taglines
A comedy of galactic proportions.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Fame and Performance
Alexander Dane
How did I come to this?
Tommy Webber
Not again.
Alexander Dane
I played ].
[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]
Fred Kwan
Five curtain calls.
Alexander Dane
There were five curtain calls. I was an actor once, damn it. Now look at me. Look at me! I can't go out there, and I won't say that stupid line one more time. I can't. I won't.
Gwen DeMarco
Well, Alex, at least you had a part. Okay? You played a character people loved. I mean, my TV Guide interview was six paragraphs about my boobs and how they fit into my suit! No one even bothered to ask what I do on the show.
Fred Kwan
You had the - wait. Wait, I'll think of it.
Gwen DeMarco
I repeated the computer, Fred.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cancelled Show Sparks New Adventures
Taglines
The show has been cancelled... but the adventure is just beginning.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debating the Safety of an Alien Planet
Guy Fleegman
Hey! Don't open that! It's an alien planet! Is there air?! You don't know!
Fred Kwan
Seems okay.
[calmly sniffs the air and takes a few quick breaths]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate on How to Defeat an Enemy
Alexander Dane
Fred's no good, Jason; you're just gonna have to kill it.
Jason Nesmith
Kill it"? Well, I'm open to any suggestions!
Tommy Webber
Go for the eyes, like in Episode 22!
Jason Nesmith
It doesn't have any eyes, Tommy!
Tommy Webber
Well, then go for the throat or mouth, its vulnerable spots!
Jason Nesmith
It's a rock: It doesn't have any vulnerable spots!
Guy Fleegman
I know! You construct a ]. Look around you. Can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?
[[weapon]
Jason Nesmith
A LATHE?! GET OFF THE LINE, GUY!! Alexander, you're my advisor. Advise me!
Alexander Dane
Well, you're just gonna have to figure out what it wants. What is its motivation?
Jason Nesmith
It's a rock monster! It doesn't have motivation!
Alexander Dane
You see, this was your problem, Jason. You were never serious about the craft!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
All Systems Functioning Normally
Taglines
All systems are functioning Commander.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning the Logic of Fictional Elements
Gwen DeMarco
What is this thing? I mean, it serves no useful purpose for there to be a bunch of chompy, crushy things in the middle of a hallway!
Jason Nesmith
Gwen, Gwen!
Gwen DeMarco
No! I mean, we shouldn't have to do this! It makes no logical sense! Why is it here?
Jason Nesmith
Because it's on the television show!
Gwen DeMarco
Well, forget it! I'm not doing it! This episode was badly written!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Avenging with Grabthar's Hammer
Taglines
By Grabthar's Hammer, by the Suns of Warvan, you shall be avenged.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Lines and Episode Roles
Jason Nesmith
Come on, old friend!
[Keeping Dane from running away]
Alexander Dane
Old friend?! You stole all my best lines, you cut me out of episode two entirely!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unidentified Objects in Space Encounter
Guy Fleegman
Hey, guys, th–there's a red-uh thingy, movin toward the green thingy.
[manning the sensor station; Sarris has sent missiles at the ''Protector'']
Jason Nesmith
What?
Guy Fleegman
Red thingy, movin toward the green thingy. I think we're the green thingy.
[repeating]
Sarris
A little present for you, Commander.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fireworks and Family Dinner Plans
Brandon's Mom
Where are you goin with those fireworks?
Brandon Wheegan
Well, the Protector got super-accelerated coming out of the black hole and just, like, nailed the atmosphere at Mach 15, which you guys know is pretty unstable, obviously, so we're gonna help Laredo guide it on the vox ultra-frequency carrier and use Roman candles for visual confirmation.
Brandon's Mom
Uh, all right. Dinner's at 7:00.
Brandon's Mom
Well, at least he's outside.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Avenging with Grabthar's Hammer
Alexander Dane
By Grabthar's Hammer, by the Suns of Warvan, you shall be avenged.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration with Illogical Plot Decisions
Gwen DeMarco
We shouldn’t have to do this! It makes no logical sense! Why is this here? Whoever wrote this episode should die!
[before going through the chompers; after going through the chompers]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion Amidst Unfamiliar Surroundings
Mathesar
The medical quarters are to the left.
Tommy Webber
What the hell is going on?
Alexander Dane
Jason, what have you gotten us into?
Gwen DeMarco
I don't believe this, it's insane.
Fred Kwan
Wow, the floors are so clean.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Commitment to a Challenging Task
Gwen DeMarco
Look, I have one job on this lousy ship. It's stupid, but I'm gonna do it, okay?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Heroic Sacrifice in a Desperate Situation
Fred Kwan
We gotta turn off that valve. Their ]'s almost gone.
[[oxygen]
Guy Fleegman
Listen. I'll go in. I'll create a distraction. I got this, I'm okay. I might be able to hold them back long enough for the aliens to escape.
[brandishes an oversized alien gun]
Fred Kwan
That's suicide.
[concerned]
Guy Fleegman
I'm just a glorified extra, Fred, I'm a dead man anyway. If I gotta die, I'd rather go out a ] than a coward.
[[hero]
Fred Kwan
Guy. Guy, maybe you're the plucky comic relief, you ever think about that?
Guy Fleegman
Plucky?
Fred Kwan
Besides, I just had this really interesting idea. Yeah, let's go.
[goofy laugh]
Guy Fleegman
Are you stoned?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Unique Perspective on Great Savings
Alexander Dane
By Grabthar's Hammer... what a savings.
[completely deadpan]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perseverance in Adversity
Taglines
Never give up, never surrender!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Unexpected Challenges in Space
Alexander Dane
Could you possibly try not to hit every...single...one?!
Tommy Webber
Sorry, man, they're driftin towards us! I think they're magnetic!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Recognizing an Unfavorable Sound
Gwen DeMarco
I remember that sound! That's a bad sound!
[on the ship's klaxon sounding]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Between Miners and Minors
Alexander Dane
Could they be the miners?
Fred Kwan
Sure, they're like, three years old.
Alexander Dane
Miners. Not minors.
Fred Kwan
You lost me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Damage Report and Engine Status Inquiry
Computer
Forward thruster shaft, 87% damage. Aft vector guards, 96% damage. Structural breaches in quadrants 32, 34, 40...
Jason Nesmith
What about the engines?
Computer
Forward thruster shaft, 87% damage.
Gwen DeMarco
Computer, what about the engines? Why don't we have power?
Computer
The beryllium sphere has fractured under stress.
Gwen DeMarco
It's fractured.
Jason Nesmith
Can it be repaired?
Gwen DeMarco
Computer, can it be repaired?
Computer
Damage to beryllium sphere: Irreparable. New source of beryllium must be secured.
Gwen DeMarco
We need another one.
Alexander Dane
You broke the ship. You broke the bloody ship!
[to Jason]
Jason Nesmith
Eh, uh-- Computer, is there, uh, a replacement Beryllium sphere on board?
[clears throat]
Gwen DeMarco
Computer, is there a replacement Beryllium sphere on board?
Computer
Negative, no reserve Beryllium sphere exists on board.
Gwen DeMarco
No, we have no extra Beryllium sphere on board.
[to crew]
Tommy Webber
You know, that is really getting annoying!
Gwen DeMarco
Look! I have one job on this lousy ship. It's stupid, but I'm gonna do it! Okay?
Tommy Webber
Sure, no problem.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Seeking Refreshment in Unlikely Places
Gwen DeMarco
Alex, where are you going?
Alexander Dane
To see if there's a pub!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Sounds in a Calm Situation
Jason Nesmith
What? what was that?
Alexander Dane
Uh, nothing.
Jason Nesmith
I heard some squealin or somethin'.
Gwen DeMarco
Oh, no. Everything's fine.
Teb
But the animal is inside out.
Jason Nesmith
I heard that! It turned inside out?
Teb
And it exploded.
Jason Nesmith
Did I just hear that the animal turned inside out, and then it exploded? Hello?
Gwen DeMarco
Hold, please.
[Flipping a bit of pig-lizard off her communicator]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Comment on Shirt Removal
Alexander Dane
I see you managed to get your shirt off.
[to Jason, after Jason fights Gorignak]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Actors Face Off Against Their Adversary
Tommy Webber
Whoo!
Guy Fleegman
We're getting hammered, Jason! Return fire?
Jason Nesmith
No! Divert all energy to the armor!
Sarris
How adorable. The actors are going to play war with me.
Gwen DeMarco
Sarris ship accelerating toward us at Mark 2.
Jason Nesmith
Accelerate to Mark 4!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation in the Face of Danger
Sarris
Let me remind you, sonny: I am a general. If you are counting on me to blink, then you are making a deadly mistake.
Jason Nesmith
Well, let me tell you somethin', Sarris! It doesn't take a great actor to recognize a bad one. You're sweating!
Gwen DeMarco
Armor almost gone, Jason!
Sarris
You fool! You fail to realize that with your armor gone, my ship will tear through yours like tissue paper!
Jason Nesmith
And what you fail to realize is my ship is dragging mines!
Sarris
OH, NO! TURN! TURN!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Urgent Escape from Imminent Danger
Gwen DeMarco
Let's get out of here before one of those things kills Guy!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fear of the Unknown in Space Adventure
Guy Fleegman
I changed my mind; I wanna go back.
[whimpering]
Alexander Dane
After all the fuss you made about getting left behind?
Guy Fleegman
Yeah, but that's when I thought I was the crewman that stays on the ship and something is up there and it kills me. But now I'm thinking I'm the guy that gets killed by some monster five minutes after we land on the planet.
Jason Nesmith
You're not gonna die on the planet, Guy.
Guy Fleegman
I'm not? Then what's my last name?
Jason Nesmith
It's, uh, uh-- I don't know.
Guy Fleegman
Nobody knows. You know why? Because my character isn't important enough for a last name, because I'm gonna die five minutes in.
Gwen DeMarco
Guy, you have a last name.
Guy Fleegman
DO I??!! DO I??!! FOR ALL YOU KNOW, I'M "CREWMAN #6"! Mommy! Mommy!
[puts his head on Gwen's shoulder and cries]
Alexander Dane
Are we there yet?
[wearily]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Love and Fan Appreciation in Galaxy Quest
Gwen DeMarco
You've gotta admit, they really do love him.
[watching the fans' reaction to Nesmith]
Tommy Webber
Yeah, almost as much as he loves himself.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Return of Galaxy Quest After 18 Years
Voiceover
And now, back again after 18 years, The New Adventures of Galaxy Quest.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.