Galaxy Quest (1999) - Quotes

All Systems Functioning Normally

Taglines: All systems are functioning Commander.

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Avenging with Grabthar's Hammer

Taglines: By Grabthar's Hammer, by the Suns of Warvan, you shall be avenged.

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A Comedy of Galactic Proportions

Taglines: A comedy of galactic proportions.

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Cancelled Show Sparks New Adventures

Taglines: The show has been cancelled... but the adventure is just beginning.

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Perseverance in Adversity

Taglines: Never give up, never surrender!

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Return of Galaxy Quest After 18 Years

Voiceover: And now, back again after 18 years, The New Adventures of Galaxy Quest.

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Fireworks and Family Dinner Plans

Brandon's Mom: Where are you goin with those fireworks?

Brandon Wheegan: Well, the Protector got super-accelerated coming out of the black hole and just, like, nailed the atmosphere at Mach 15, which you guys know is pretty unstable, obviously, so we're gonna help Laredo guide it on the vox ultra-frequency carrier and use Roman candles for visual confirmation.

Brandon's Mom: Uh, all right. Dinner's at 7:00.

Brandon's Mom: Well, at least he's outside.

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Confrontation in the Face of Danger

Sarris: Let me remind you, sonny: I am a general. If you are counting on me to blink, then you are making a deadly mistake.

Jason Nesmith: Well, let me tell you somethin', Sarris! It doesn't take a great actor to recognize a bad one. You're sweating!

Gwen DeMarco: Armor almost gone, Jason!

Sarris: You fool! You fail to realize that with your armor gone, my ship will tear through yours like tissue paper!

Jason Nesmith: And what you fail to realize is my ship is dragging mines!

Sarris: OH, NO! TURN! TURN!

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Actors Face Off Against Their Adversary

Tommy Webber: Whoo!

Guy Fleegman: We're getting hammered, Jason! Return fire?

Jason Nesmith: No! Divert all energy to the armor!

Sarris: How adorable. The actors are going to play war with me.

Gwen DeMarco: Sarris ship accelerating toward us at Mark 2.

Jason Nesmith: Accelerate to Mark 4!

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Questioning the Logic of Fictional Elements

Gwen DeMarco: What is this thing? I mean, it serves no useful purpose for there to be a bunch of chompy, crushy things in the middle of a hallway!

Jason Nesmith: Gwen, Gwen!

Gwen DeMarco: No! I mean, we shouldn't have to do this! It makes no logical sense! Why is it here?

Jason Nesmith: Because it's on the television show!

Gwen DeMarco: Well, forget it! I'm not doing it! This episode was badly written!

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A Heroic Sacrifice in a Desperate Situation

Fred Kwan: [[oxygen] We gotta turn off that valve. Their ]'s almost gone.

Guy Fleegman: [brandishes an oversized alien gun] Listen. I'll go in. I'll create a distraction. I got this, I'm okay. I might be able to hold them back long enough for the aliens to escape.

Fred Kwan: [concerned] That's suicide.

Guy Fleegman: [[hero] I'm just a glorified extra, Fred, I'm a dead man anyway. If I gotta die, I'd rather go out a ] than a coward.

Fred Kwan: Guy. Guy, maybe you're the plucky comic relief, you ever think about that?

Guy Fleegman: Plucky?

Fred Kwan: [goofy laugh] Besides, I just had this really interesting idea. Yeah, let's go.

Guy Fleegman: Are you stoned?

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Debate on How to Defeat an Enemy

Alexander Dane: Fred's no good, Jason; you're just gonna have to kill it.

Jason Nesmith: Kill it"? Well, I'm open to any suggestions!

Tommy Webber: Go for the eyes, like in Episode 22!

Jason Nesmith: It doesn't have any eyes, Tommy!

Tommy Webber: Well, then go for the throat or mouth, its vulnerable spots!

Jason Nesmith: It's a rock: It doesn't have any vulnerable spots!

Guy Fleegman: [[weapon] I know! You construct a ]. Look around you. Can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?

Jason Nesmith: A LATHE?! GET OFF THE LINE, GUY!! Alexander, you're my advisor. Advise me!

Alexander Dane: Well, you're just gonna have to figure out what it wants. What is its motivation?

Jason Nesmith: It's a rock monster! It doesn't have motivation!

Alexander Dane: You see, this was your problem, Jason. You were never serious about the craft!

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Unexpected Sounds in a Calm Situation

Jason Nesmith: What? what was that?

Alexander Dane: Uh, nothing.

Jason Nesmith: I heard some squealin or somethin'.

Gwen DeMarco: Oh, no. Everything's fine.

Teb: But the animal is inside out.

Jason Nesmith: I heard that! It turned inside out?

Teb: And it exploded.

Jason Nesmith: Did I just hear that the animal turned inside out, and then it exploded? Hello?

Gwen DeMarco: [Flipping a bit of pig-lizard off her communicator] Hold, please.

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Misunderstanding Between Miners and Minors

Alexander Dane: Could they be the miners?

Fred Kwan: Sure, they're like, three years old.

Alexander Dane: Miners. Not minors.

Fred Kwan: You lost me.

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Debating the Safety of an Alien Planet

Guy Fleegman: Hey! Don't open that! It's an alien planet! Is there air?! You don't know!

Fred Kwan: [calmly sniffs the air and takes a few quick breaths] Seems okay.

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Fear of the Unknown in Space Adventure

Guy Fleegman: [whimpering] I changed my mind; I wanna go back.

Alexander Dane: After all the fuss you made about getting left behind?

Guy Fleegman: Yeah, but that's when I thought I was the crewman that stays on the ship and something is up there and it kills me. But now I'm thinking I'm the guy that gets killed by some monster five minutes after we land on the planet.

Jason Nesmith: You're not gonna die on the planet, Guy.

Guy Fleegman: I'm not? Then what's my last name?

Jason Nesmith: It's, uh, uh-- I don't know.

Guy Fleegman: Nobody knows. You know why? Because my character isn't important enough for a last name, because I'm gonna die five minutes in.

Gwen DeMarco: Guy, you have a last name.

Guy Fleegman: [puts his head on Gwen's shoulder and cries] DO I??!! DO I??!! FOR ALL YOU KNOW, I'M "CREWMAN #6"! Mommy! Mommy!

Alexander Dane: [wearily] Are we there yet?

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Seeking Refreshment in Unlikely Places

Gwen DeMarco: Alex, where are you going?

Alexander Dane: To see if there's a pub!

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Damage Report and Engine Status Inquiry

Computer: Forward thruster shaft, 87% damage. Aft vector guards, 96% damage. Structural breaches in quadrants 32, 34, 40...

Jason Nesmith: What about the engines?

Computer: Forward thruster shaft, 87% damage.

Gwen DeMarco: Computer, what about the engines? Why don't we have power?

Computer: The beryllium sphere has fractured under stress.

Gwen DeMarco: It's fractured.

Jason Nesmith: Can it be repaired?

Gwen DeMarco: Computer, can it be repaired?

Computer: Damage to beryllium sphere: Irreparable. New source of beryllium must be secured.

Gwen DeMarco: We need another one.

Alexander Dane: [to Jason] You broke the ship. You broke the bloody ship!

Jason Nesmith: [clears throat] Eh, uh-- Computer, is there, uh, a replacement Beryllium sphere on board?

Gwen DeMarco: Computer, is there a replacement Beryllium sphere on board?

Computer: Negative, no reserve Beryllium sphere exists on board.

Gwen DeMarco: [to crew] No, we have no extra Beryllium sphere on board.

Tommy Webber: You know, that is really getting annoying!

Gwen DeMarco: Look! I have one job on this lousy ship. It's stupid, but I'm gonna do it! Okay?

Tommy Webber: Sure, no problem.

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Navigating Unexpected Challenges in Space

Alexander Dane: Could you possibly try not to hit every...single...one?!

Tommy Webber: Sorry, man, they're driftin towards us! I think they're magnetic!

Unidentified Objects in Space Encounter

Guy Fleegman: [manning the sensor station; Sarris has sent missiles at the ''Protector''] Hey, guys, th–there's a red-uh thingy, movin toward the green thingy.

Jason Nesmith: What?

Guy Fleegman: [repeating] Red thingy, movin toward the green thingy. I think we're the green thingy.

Sarris: A little present for you, Commander.

Confusion Amidst Unfamiliar Surroundings

Mathesar: The medical quarters are to the left.

Tommy Webber: What the hell is going on?

Alexander Dane: Jason, what have you gotten us into?

Gwen DeMarco: I don't believe this, it's insane.

Fred Kwan: Wow, the floors are so clean.

Conflict Over Lines and Episode Roles

Jason Nesmith: [Keeping Dane from running away] Come on, old friend!

Alexander Dane: Old friend?! You stole all my best lines, you cut me out of episode two entirely!

Self-Love and Fan Appreciation in Galaxy Quest

Gwen DeMarco: [watching the fans' reaction to Nesmith] You've gotta admit, they really do love him.

Tommy Webber: Yeah, almost as much as he loves himself.

Reflections on Fame and Performance

Alexander Dane: How did I come to this?

Tommy Webber: Not again.

Alexander Dane: [[Richard III (play)|Richard III] I played ].

Fred Kwan: Five curtain calls.

Alexander Dane: There were five curtain calls. I was an actor once, damn it. Now look at me. Look at me! I can't go out there, and I won't say that stupid line one more time. I can't. I won't.

Gwen DeMarco: Well, Alex, at least you had a part. Okay? You played a character people loved. I mean, my TV Guide interview was six paragraphs about my boobs and how they fit into my suit! No one even bothered to ask what I do on the show.

Fred Kwan: You had the - wait. Wait, I'll think of it.

Gwen DeMarco: I repeated the computer, Fred.

Avenging with Grabthar's Hammer

Alexander Dane: By Grabthar's Hammer, by the Suns of Warvan, you shall be avenged.

Comment on Shirt Removal

Alexander Dane: [to Jason, after Jason fights Gorignak] I see you managed to get your shirt off.

A Unique Perspective on Great Savings

Alexander Dane: [completely deadpan] By Grabthar's Hammer... what a savings.

Frustration with Illogical Plot Decisions

Gwen DeMarco: [before going through the chompers; after going through the chompers] We shouldn’t have to do this! It makes no logical sense! Why is this here? Whoever wrote this episode should die!