32 quotes
Awe in the Face of Nature's Majesty
Narrator
And so, onward and upward, the tired trekkers trudged on feverished footsies over perilous paths. When they finally beheld the mighty Ape Mountain, they reacted with awe.
Expedition
Aww.
Narrator
I said "]". A-W-E.
[[Awe]
Expedition
Ooh.
Narrator
That's better.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Belonging: A Discussion on Choices and Identity
Beatrice Stanhope
Well, of course he went back to the jungle. Where else would he go? The Hague?
Ursula
But why would he leave without saying goodbye?
Beatrice Stanhope
Well, personally, I think he acted rather sensibly. Showed good character. He understands that he belongs there, you belong here. It's really all a question of stripes and spots.
Ursula
What? Oh, no. You got to him. Mother, what did you say?
[realizes]
Beatrice Stanhope
I simply said that if he really cared for you, he'd leave you alone, let you get on with your life and marry Lyle.
Ursula
I am not marrying Lyle, Mother!
Arthur Stanhope
Beatrice, perhaps we should just--
Beatrice Stanhope
Arthur! Now, Ursula, darling, don't be ridiculous. There's a big difference between marriageable material and a fling in the jungle.
Ursula
A fling in the jungle"? A fling in the jungle? Who says I had a fling in the jungle?
Beatrice Stanhope
You don't think you can fool your mother, do you? You've been head over heels for that ape ever since you brought him here. Now, Ursula, that kind of love is fleeting. You'll get over it.
[Ursula realizes something]
Ursula
Did you just say love?
[suspiciously]
[smile drops; tries to lie]
Ursula
You did.
Beatrice Stanhope
Ursula!
Ursula
You're right.
Beatrice Stanhope
Don't say it!
Ursula
I love him. I'm outta here.
Beatrice Stanhope
Ursula, you can't love him! Arthur, say something!
Arthur Stanhope
Be careful out there, honey.
Beatrice Stanhope
What?!
Ursula
Goodbye, Daddy.
[hugs Arthur Stanhope]
Arthur Stanhope
I love you.
Beatrice Stanhope
What?!
Ursula
I love you, Mom. Thank you.
[leaves]
Beatrice Stanhope
Ursula! Arthur, do something!
Arthur Stanhope
What would you have me do? There's obviously no stopping her.
Beatrice Stanhope
Oh, God! Ursula!
[drinks a sip of her drink and leaves]
Arthur Stanhope
God, that woman's a pain in the ass.
[under his breath]
Narrator
Meanwhile, halfway across the world, another ass was feeling pain, as an ape named Ape was caged in a cage, hoping to hear the jungle king's awesome( jungle call)... Hey, I'm pretty good at that. ...and wondering if he would ever come. But the motion-sick mammal needn't have moaned, for that defender of the innocent, protector of the weak, and all-around good guy, George of the Jungle, was closer than he knew.
[the sound of George yelling is heard; intrigued; continuing his previous narration]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Friendships in Unlikely Situations
Narrator
Well, Ursula's fiancé is in prison, and there's a jungle man sleeping on her balcony. She could use a best friend right now.
Betsy
Hi.
Ursula Stanhope
Hi.
Betsy
I got here as fast as I could. Where is he?
Ursula Stanhope
Oh, he's in the waterf-- He's in the shower.
Betsy
Not anymore.
Ursula Stanhope
Oh! George.
[sees him naked]
George
Bad waterfall. First, water get hot, then George slip on this strange yellow rock. Oh. Hi. George of Jungle.
[holds up a bar of soap]
Betsy
Charmed, I'm sure.
Ursula Stanhope
George, hold this big book. Cover the booty. Get into some decent clothes. Sorry, Betsy.
[he holds book covering his front part; puts bowl on his rear]
George
Bye.
Betsy
No problem. Now I can see why they made him king of the jungle.
[to herself]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Choosing the Right Ape in the Game
Thor
There's five stinking apes out there. Which one are we taking to ]?
[[w:Las Vegas|(Las) Vegas]
Ape
Checkmate!
Max
The one who's playing ]!
[[chess]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Plan to Steal a Talking Ape
Thor
No, Max. Forget about it. I do not want to listen to anymore of your ideas.
Max
You'll like this one. We're gonna steal Georgie-Boy's talking ape.
Thor
You mean, back up the mountain?
Max
Thor, that ape is our ticket out of poaching and into show business. Think about it. We got a talking ape. What do Sigfried and Roy have?
Thor
Sequins?
Max
Exactly. Get ready for room service, mate, and girls. We're getting our ape and going to Vegas. By next weekend, we'll be headlining at the Tropicana. Nobody is gonna stop us.
Thor
Right. George of the Jungle must be halfway to Frisco by now.
Narrator
Ah, but the plotting poachers were only half-correct, for at that very moment, our handsome hero was all the way to San Francisco.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating the Joy of Dance
George
It dancin time.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concern Over Abandonment on a Rough Trail
Lyle
Ursula! Gosh, this trail's really rough.
N'Dugo
Drop him! You're not his donkey. "Ursula! Ursula!" Next cliff we pass, he's history.
[Swahili; mocking Lyle; Swahili; he and his men start going in another direction]
Lyle
Hey, come back here.
Max
They're not abandoning us, are they?
Kwame
They are threatening.
Lyle
If you don't mind, Kwame, I have a knack for getting the most out of my employees. Do you mind if I address the porters?
Kwame
They only speak Swahili.
Lyle
Well, I just happen to have a Swahili phrase book.
Kwame
Be my guest.
Lyle
Pardon me, girls. I know you're feeling pretty hey sailor up here about now. But, if you would just let me order a bowl of fried clams, we can all have smallpox tomorrow morning. I think our troubles are over.
[Swahili; The porters laugh. Lyle speaks English]
Max
Tell them I'll pay 50 zamoles a man if they'll help me capture the White Ape and bring him back alive.
Lyle
Alive? After he...uh...well, he pulled Ursula's scrunchy off. We know that much.
Max
50 zamoles a man. What do you say?
Kwame
They only speak Swahili.
N'Dugo
100 zamoles a man and you got a deal.
[in English]
Lyle
Hey, wait a second.
[shocked]
Max
Done.
[acceptingly]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desperation in the Face of Danger
Lyle Van de Groot
It was horrible. An almost 400-pound white ape man. The White Ape has my girlfriend. I held him off as long as I could. There's blood everywhere. The White Ape got my girlfriend. He weighs 400-pounds! The White Ape got my girlfriend! The White Ape got...help! Help! Man needs help!
[''Practicing his made-up story about Ursula getting captured by the White Ape'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Victory Through Mercenaries
Lyle Van de Groot
No hard feelings, Stonebelly. The best man won, that's all. Or, I should say, the guy who brought mercenaries won; that's all.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Ursula's Life-Changing Decision Unfolds
Narrator
Emboldened with jungle juju, Ursula Stanhope went inside to break the news to her parents, who took it extremely well.
Ursula
Mother, Daddy, I love you both very much. I have something very important to tell you, and I hope you'll understand. I don't wanna marry Lyle anymore.
Arthur and Beatrice
We understand, dear.
[kindly]
Narrator
Just kidding! The young Miss Stanhope proceeded to spill the beans...
[in a sing-song voice; Arthur sighs in annoyance, while Beatrice screams in anger and drops her glass, which shatters in slow motion]
Ursula
So anyway, I went to the jungle, and I wanted to get away before I got married...
[in fast motion]
Narrator
...very quickly...
Ursula
...and Lyle showed up and nobody got along with Lyle, he was a big pain in the ass, and anyway, so, he, he went off into the jungle by himself, and I, you know, I had to follow him. And a jungle man comes swinging through on a vine, just swinging through, and, and he, and then we, hit something, and I don't know what happened. The next thing I know I wake up all lightheaded--
[in fast motion]
Narrator
...until she got to the important part at the end.
[scene replays normally]
Ursula
And then, Lyle shot him. So, Lyle is in jail, and George is with me, and I don't wanna marry Lyle anymore.
[normal speed]
Beatrice
I knew it; It's that swinging man from the bridge I saw you smooching on TV.
Ursula
Mother, we weren't smooching.
Beatrice
How could you do this to me? Don't you realize the caliber of people who are going to be here?
Arthur
Calm down, Beatrice, and let her say--
Beatrice
I thought we would be introducing them to Lyle Van de Groot, not some wild man you found in the jungle!
Arthur
Beatrice, this is supposed to be her wedding, not yours.
Beatrice
So?
Arthur
Beatrice, I know you're upset, and so am I, but we can't force her to marry someone against her will.
Beatrice
Why not?
Ursula
Mom, Dad, I'm ready to go out there and apologize to everybody and tell them what really happened.
Beatrice
Absolutely not! As far as I'm concerned, you, you caught one of those viruses. Yes, one of those dreadful jungle viruses that get nice girls all confused. And if Lyle survives that awful jail, you will simply have to kiss and make up. As for this evening, we will hold our heads high, and we will carry on. Now, darling, where is that charming young friend of yours?
[changing gears]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Managing Anger in Unlikely Situations
Ape
I'm hungry.
Thor
Oh, shut up! You've been yakkin for two days straight, and I'm getting mad enough to...
Ape
You know, you really should work on your anger. Have you tried Brankowski's "Cage the Rage" technique?
Max
Don't let him get to you, Thor. He's just an ape.
Ape
That's a fine way to talk to your meal ticket. You keep that up, it's liable to affect my stage performance.
Max
Give him a banana, Thor. Won't be long now.
Thor
That's what you said yesterday. This trail's taking us to the middle of nowhere!
Max
The sign at the trail head said, "Shortcut to Ape River". Now, why would it say "shortcut" if it wasn't a-- Wait a minute. Maybe it's a fake. A decoy trail.
[realizes something]
Ape
Very good, Max. Actually, the trail is a fake. It circles Ape Mountain six times before heading right back to the treehouse.
Thor
Ohhh! Oh, I knew we was lost!
Max
Don't listen to him, Thor. He's just trying to trick us, lead us off the shortcut so we take twice as long on the regular trail.
Thor
We're already taking twice as long!
Max
Are you gonna let a monkey make a monkey out of you?
Thor
What?
Ape
Du-u-u-uh!
Max
Let's go. If he tells us the shortcut leads to the treehouse, then that's exactly where it doesn't lead.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
George's Bold Jungle Swing Decision
George
This biggest swing in jungle history. Will hurt very much...but George have to do it.
[''Whimpers'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Affection Revealed Between Characters
Mrs. Stanhope
Well, we haven't been friends for very long, George, but I already think I know something about you.
George
Oh?
Mrs. Stanhope
You are in love with my daughter.
George
Oh, Mrs. Ursula not so dumb.
Mrs. Stanhope
Charming. My concern, however, is that Ursula seems to reciprocate your feelings, and that does present a problem to me. You see, you and Ursula together would be unbefitting her social stature, you see? Let me put it in a way you might understand. Where you come from, zebras marry zebras and leopards marry leopards. Stripes with stripes, spots with spots. Well, Ursula is a stripe, and you are a spot, one which I intend to have removed as soon as possible.
[chuckles]
George
So you no want Ursula to love George?
Mrs. Stanhope
I would rather have my tongue nailed to this table every morning at breakfast.
George
That hurt.
Mrs. Stanhope
Not as much as you will if you do anything to screw up my daughter's marriage to Lyle Van de Groot. When Lyle returns, this wedding will proceed as planned. If you do anything to upset that, I will remove your reason for wearing a loin cloth.
Waiter
Steak tartare, Mrs. Stanhope?
Mrs. Stanhope
No, thank you. I've had quite enough protein for today. Have a pleasant evening, Mr. Jungle.
[walks away from a depressed George]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
George's Perspective on Teaching
George
George good teacher!
[''Ursula swings on a vine, knocking Max over, then slams into a tree'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Return to the Treehouse
Thor
Max, look. We're back at the treehouse.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Lyle's Unusual Morning in the Jungle
Narrator
The very next morning, Kwame and his men were drawing dangerously close. That is, dangerously close to shoving a coconut up Lyle's... sleeping bag.
[Lyle gets hit by tree branches; wryly]
Lyle
That's it! I've had it! I am the richest, smartest, handsomest guy here, so I get to go first! There's an elephant around here.
[suddenly trips and falls face first into elephant feces and everyone groans in disgust]
Guides
Ready!
[they all throw their heads back and guffaw at Lyle; a monkey, watching nearby, laughs with them; Lyle gets up, spitting out the feces]
Lyle
Those were nowhere near properly digested! In case anybody's wondering, I'm okay. Have you cleaned my lighter yet?
[Max and Thor laugh along with the porters]
N'Dugo
One moment. You blonde-haired baboon.
[in Swahili]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
George Embraces His Jungle Swinging Skills
George
]? ] Swing.
[''About to swing and save a man''; [w:Hamlet|To swing or not to swing; ''Man screams for help'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Facing the Odds in Adversity
Lyle
Hey! The important thing, Kwame, is that I was outnumbered.
N'Dugo
It's easy to be outnumbered when you're a ].
[in Swahili; [zero]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Advice on Jungle Attire and Comfort
Thor
I'm chafing, Max. I'm chafing big-time.
Max
Didn't I tell you not to wear twenty pounds of black leather in the jungle? Didn't I tell you? Cotton, I said. Cotton breathes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
George expresses discomfort in the jungle.
George
George not feel so good.
[''After crashing into a tree at a breakneck speed'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Remark on George's Secrets
Ape
George's Secrets." There's the shortest book ever written.
Spectators on boat
Watch out for that- Ooh...!
[''George smacks into tugboat pilothouse'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Luck in Life's Adventures
George
George just lucky, I guess.
[''Repeated line'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
George of the Jungle - Lyle Van de Groot
Lyle Van de Groot
Pardon me, girls. I know you're feeling pretty hey sailor up here about now. But if you would just let me order a bowl of ] we can all have ] tomorrow morning.
[''Translating with [[w:Swahili language|a Swahili phrasebook; [w:fried clams|fried clams; [w:smallpox|smallpox]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
George's Casual Approach to Challenges
George
George not even trying hard.
[''Swinging a lion over his head while protecting Ursula'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Talking Monkey Surprises Characters in Jungle
Ape
Run, Shep! Run for your life!
Max
Did that monkey just speak?
Thor
That monkey just spoke.
Ursula Stanhope
I knew it.
Lyle
He talked.
Max
Shoot it now.
[to Thor]
Ape
Hmm?
[turns and notices Max and Thor]
Max
With the tranquilizer gun, idiot. The ape's worth a fortune.
[lowers Thor's rifle]
George
NOOOOOOOO!
[runs towards Ape]
Lyle Van de Groot
Stop, or I'll shoot!
[Aims his handgun at George; in slow motion, Lyle inaudibly yells, "I mean it!" before he shoots George]
Ape
NOOOOOOOO!
Lyle Van de Groot
NOOOOOOOO!
Ursula
GEOOOOOOOORGE!
[fade to white]
Narrator
Whew! Okay, kids, let's settle down and review the important information. Lyle is a big doofus. Poor George was really shot, but can't die because, let's face it, he's the ].
[[hero]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
George Announces Shep's Arrival
George
Here comes Shep.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Contemplating Revenge on a Jerk
N'Dugo
I was on a bridge like this in ], and it was steady as a rock".
[Mocking Lyle in Swahili; [w:Maui|Maui; grunts]
Lyle
They probably think I'm the biggest jerk they've ever seen in their lives. I'll bet they're thinking of something ] to do to me.
[[evil]
Porter 1
That guy's the biggest jerk I've ever seen in my life.
[in Swahili]
Porter 2
Let's think of something evil to do to him.
[in Swahili; N'Dugo grunts]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
No One Dies in This Story
Narrator
Don't worry. Nobody dies in this story, they just get really big boo-boos. What did I tell you?
[''After Lyle causes N'Dugo to fall off rope bridge into gorge''; ''Scene cuts to camp with N'Dugo, bandaged, glaring at Lyle'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humor in George's Perspective on Others
George
Something funny about this fella.
[''Looks down the unconscious Ursula's blouse'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identifying the Assailant in the Line-up
Narrator
Meanwhile, Kwame and his men faced the next-to-impossible task of picking out George's assailant from a line-up of the usual suspects.
N'Dugo
No. No. Too short. Too sweaty. Wait a second. That's the guy. That's the guy who shot him. I never forget a face.
[sees Lyle but doesn't recognize him at first]
Lyle
Me?
N'Dugo
Yes, that's him! That's our baboon!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Self-Acceptance in Solitude
George
Sometime George smash into tree. And sometime... Sometime George fall out of treehouse. But not feel stupid. No people here to look stupid for. Just George.
[''George screams and falls out of treehouse'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
George's Wish for a Bigger Box
George
] in a crate] Next time George get bigger box.
[''Arrives in [[Africa]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.