Grandma's Boy (2006) - Quotes

Regret Over Choices in Relationships

Jeff: [sigh] I shoulda worn a condom.

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Severing Ties and Moving On

Jeff: You're dead to me, over.

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Casual Greeting from Jeff

Jeff: What's up, Douche Bigalow?

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Casual Inquiry from Jeff

Jeff: What's goin on, shitlips?

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Jeff's Lighthearted Introduction About His Bush

Jeff: Hi, I'm Jeff. I have a bush too. it's not grey.

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Challenging the Nerds for a Duel

Jeff: Line up, you fuckin nerds. Who wants a shot at the champ?!

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Confronting Negative Attitudes Directly

Jeff: I'll run over your attitude. It sucks.

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Christmas Gifts from Roommates in Car Beds

Jeff: My roommates said they'd get me rims for christmas. And a CB Radio so I can talk to other car beds.

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A Harsh Insult from Jeff

Jeff: You were a dirty old whore.

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Unexpected Confessions of a Friend

Jeff: I can't believe you came on my mom. You might be the biggest perv in the world right now.

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Offering Comfort Through Stuffed Animals

Jeff: Do you need a stuffed animal? I have a dog. I think I have a bear. Yeah, I have a bear.

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Frustration at Dinner Time

Alex: Ooh, dinner time. Oh, Fuck! Damn! Cocksucking fucker ass fuck! Ohhh! Goddamn it!

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Imagining a fight against a helpless opponent

Alex: [while playing video game; [Mike Tyson|Tyson] This is like if ] fought an infant.

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Excitement Over Delicious Food Choices

Alex: Oh, yes! Finally, a roommate who goes shopping. Chicken cutlet, spaghetti with garlic bread, oh my God, the wings to go with the breast. I don't know what you are but I'm gonna fucking eat you, too.

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Unexpected Situations and Unforeseen Outcomes

Alex: Yeah, it was my roommates, they're crazy. They tied me up. I was like one of those little calfs at the rodeo, all helpless, and you know, right when I was about to call the police, I came...and that felt nice.

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Attempting to Save a Baby from Fire

Alex: There was this fire...and I was trying to save it from this baby...

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A Friend's Reassurance in Tough Times

Alex: Don't slit your wrists, Kane. I'm here.

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Casual Expression of Familiarity

Alex: Yeah, I know...west west, yo.

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A Disturbance During an Unusual Moment

Alex: I didn't wanna disturb you. You were balls deep in that turtle with a thumb in your mouth.

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A Comment on Unconventional Behavior

Alex: [to J.P. after exiting Samantha's office] You're fuckin weird, man.

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A Defense Against Judgment

Alex: Don't judge me, monkey!

Understanding the Food Chain Dynamics

Alex: Dude, you do know that lions eat deer, right?

The Risks of Substance Use in Professions

Alex: You can't get stoned and be an accountant, you make too many mistakes, you lose people millions of dollars, you get fired.

Embracing Unconventional Perspectives on Life

Alex: At least I have a bush!

A Unique Perspective on Sleeping Arrangements

Alex: Dude, your bed's a car.

Grandma's Unexpected Consumption of Marijuana

Alex: My grandma drank all my pot.

Comment on Fashion Price Inquiry

Alex: [[The Matrix (film)|Matrix] Hey JP, that's a great outfit. How much do clothes cost in the ]?

Confusion About a Character Named Jonny

Alex: Jonny...? Who the fuck is Jonny?

Uncontrollable Pleasure and Apologies

Alex: Oh! Oh! Oh my God! I'm sorry, I can't stop cumming, I'm sorry! Oh-ho-ho, it feels so good!

Level Six Strategy and Tips

Alex: [to children sitting at wedding reception table] So, you can't kill the demon at the end of level six? Do you have the magic arrows? Easy, here's what you do. Hide behind the boulder. When the demon comes out of the cave, shoot him three times with the magic arrows. Then his head will start to spin. Once that happens, you jump up on the boulder, you do a flying downward thrust with the sword of doom, and that's it - level six is done.