30 quotes
Challenging the Nerds for a Duel
Jeff
Line up, you fuckin nerds. Who wants a shot at the champ?!
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Comment on Fashion Price Inquiry
Alex
Hey JP, that's a great outfit. How much do clothes cost in the ]?
[[The Matrix (film)|Matrix]
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Grandma's Unexpected Consumption of Marijuana
Alex
My grandma drank all my pot.
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Unexpected Situations and Unforeseen Outcomes
Alex
Yeah, it was my roommates, they're crazy. They tied me up. I was like one of those little calfs at the rodeo, all helpless, and you know, right when I was about to call the police, I came...and that felt nice.
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Imagining a fight against a helpless opponent
Alex
This is like if ] fought an infant.
[while playing video game; [Mike Tyson|Tyson]
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Confronting Negative Attitudes Directly
Jeff
I'll run over your attitude. It sucks.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jeff's Lighthearted Introduction About His Bush
Jeff
Hi, I'm Jeff. I have a bush too. it's not grey.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion About a Character Named Jonny
Alex
Jonny...? Who the fuck is Jonny?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Attempting to Save a Baby from Fire
Alex
There was this fire...and I was trying to save it from this baby...
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Casual Inquiry from Jeff
Jeff
What's goin on, shitlips?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Severing Ties and Moving On
Jeff
You're dead to me, over.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration at Dinner Time
Alex
Ooh, dinner time. Oh, Fuck! Damn! Cocksucking fucker ass fuck! Ohhh! Goddamn it!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Unique Perspective on Sleeping Arrangements
Alex
Dude, your bed's a car.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Casual Greeting from Jeff
Jeff
What's up, Douche Bigalow?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Friend's Reassurance in Tough Times
Alex
Don't slit your wrists, Kane. I'm here.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Unconventional Perspectives on Life
Alex
At least I have a bush!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding the Food Chain Dynamics
Alex
Dude, you do know that lions eat deer, right?
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Uncontrollable Pleasure and Apologies
Alex
Oh! Oh! Oh my God! I'm sorry, I can't stop cumming, I'm sorry! Oh-ho-ho, it feels so good!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Casual Expression of Familiarity
Alex
Yeah, I know...west west, yo.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Christmas Gifts from Roommates in Car Beds
Jeff
My roommates said they'd get me rims for christmas. And a CB Radio so I can talk to other car beds.
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Level Six Strategy and Tips
Alex
So, you can't kill the demon at the end of level six? Do you have the magic arrows? Easy, here's what you do. Hide behind the boulder. When the demon comes out of the cave, shoot him three times with the magic arrows. Then his head will start to spin. Once that happens, you jump up on the boulder, you do a flying downward thrust with the sword of doom, and that's it - level six is done.
[to children sitting at wedding reception table]
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A Disturbance During an Unusual Moment
Alex
I didn't wanna disturb you. You were balls deep in that turtle with a thumb in your mouth.
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A Harsh Insult from Jeff
Jeff
You were a dirty old whore.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Regret Over Choices in Relationships
Jeff
I shoulda worn a condom.
[sigh]
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The Risks of Substance Use in Professions
Alex
You can't get stoned and be an accountant, you make too many mistakes, you lose people millions of dollars, you get fired.
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Offering Comfort Through Stuffed Animals
Jeff
Do you need a stuffed animal? I have a dog. I think I have a bear. Yeah, I have a bear.
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Excitement Over Delicious Food Choices
Alex
Oh, yes! Finally, a roommate who goes shopping. Chicken cutlet, spaghetti with garlic bread, oh my God, the wings to go with the breast. I don't know what you are but I'm gonna fucking eat you, too.
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A Defense Against Judgment
Alex
Don't judge me, monkey!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Confessions of a Friend
Jeff
I can't believe you came on my mom. You might be the biggest perv in the world right now.
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A Comment on Unconventional Behavior
Alex
You're fuckin weird, man.
[to J.P. after exiting Samantha's office]
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