29 quotes
Caution: Potential Side Effects of Viewing
Taglines
Warning: this movie may cause the munchies, cotton mouth, and memory loss!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Master of the Custodial Arts
Thurgood
I, myself, am a master of the custodial arts..or a janitor if you wanna be a dick about it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Negotiating the Price of a Record
Brian
Lady, you want seven bucks for a used Kenny Loggins record? I'll give you five.
Woman
Uh-uh. He autographed it himself...
Brian
Okay, I'll give you four.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Reaction to Ice Cream Mention
Scarface
Ahhhh this motherfucker said ice cream, B!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conversations About Origins and Backgrounds
Samson
So, tell me about yourself.
Thurgood
Well yaknow I be from Jamaica, mon. Lord have mercy.
Samson
What part of Jamaica?
Thurgood
Right near the beach. BOY!
Samson
I think you're bullshitting me.
Thurgood
Samson Simpson! I stick by my story! I'm from Jamaica. If I wasn't Jamaican than why would I wear this hat? hm?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friendship and Laughter in Half Baked
Taglines
A comedy about best buds!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confidence in Self-Image and Intelligence
Thurgood
I'm sexy... I'm a scholar... people like me
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friends Unite to Rescue Their Companion
Taglines
They'll do anything to save their best bud.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Bold Departure from a Conversation
Scarface
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, and fuck you, I'm out!
[To each of his fellow burger employees; To the old lady customer; the old lady gives a thumb-up]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation and Fast Food Humor in Half Baked
Scarface
I'm right behind you. Turn around and ask me for a heffer with cheese, yo. Why you gotta make me feel inferior cause I'm on the grill, B? Damn!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate on Substance Addiction in Rehab
Thurgood
I'm here today because I'm addicted..to marijuana.
Rehab patient
You in here cuz of marijuana?! Man, this is some BULLSHIT!
Cocaine addict
Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke.
Rehab patient
I seen him !
[do it]
Cocaine addict
Now that's an addiction, man. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?
Thurgood
No, I can't say I have.
Cocaine addict
I didn't think so.
[sits back down]
Rehab patient
Boo this man!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Memorable Line from Half Baked
Thurgood
Kenny's Sweet Virgin ASS!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Identity in a Tense Exchange
Samson
I'm gonna take your little Mexican friend here and I'm gonna kill him.
Scarface
I'm Cuban, b!
Samson
Yes, Cuban B!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding in a humorous exchange
Kenny
Hey girl, you hungry?
[''to police horse'']
Overweight woman
Fuck you, nigga!
[''walking by'']
Kenny
Hey, I'm sorry...I was talking to the horse here.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Unique Friendship in Half Baked
Thurgood
Abba Zabba....You're my only friend
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
New Slang Among Kids: Abracadabra
Thurgood
Abracadabra? That`s the newest slang, all the kids are saying it! Abracadabra my nigga!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Identity and Substance Use Humor
Brian
I'll pretend I'm Jamaican man! Yeah!
Thurgood
You have smoked yourself retarded!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggles and Humor in Everyday Life
Nasty Nate
So the next time I come for you, I'm gonna want some cocktail...FRUIT!
Sir-Smoke-Alot
I want to talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden! Cause it's hard being black and gifted. Sometimes I just wanna throw it all down and get lifted!
Sir-Smoke-Alot
I'm impotent, man! Get away from me, bitch!
Kenny
Ya hear that? I'm somebody's bitch!
Brian
Get some...sour cream and onion chips, with some dip, man. Some beef jerkey, some peanut butter. Get some Hagen-Dagz ice-cream bars. A whole lotta of chocolate. Gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, pink popcorn. GRAHAM CRACKERS!!! Graham crackers with the marshmallows. Little marshmallows with little chocolate bars and we'll make some s'mores man. Celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas, we need two big pizzas, man, everything on em, water, a whole lotta water and.......Funyuns.
Brian
Don't worry. Don't worry. l'm not gonna do what everyone thinks l'm gonna do: Flip out, man! All l wanna know is: who's comin with me? Who's comin', man? Who's comin with me?
Enhancement Smoker
You ever see the back of a twenty dollar bill... on weed? Oh, there's some weird shit in there, man. There's a dude sittin in the bushes, man, does he have a gun? I dunno, man, I dunno! Wha, wha? RED TEAM GO, RED TEAM GO. It's just some weird shit, man!
Sir-Smoke-Alot
Doctor says I need a back-iotomy!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating a playful moment of confidence
Thurgood
I got some booty, I got some booty!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Request from a Scientist
Scientist
Janitor? Uh, janitor?
Thurgood
Ah! Oh..sorry bout that. What is it, scientist?
Scientist
I know this isn't your responsibility but, uh, could you be a dear and run this down to the supply department for me? It's on the second floor.
[hands Thurgood a note]
Thurgood
Just run this down?
Scientist
Yes, but make sure you bring the order right back to me. I need it A.S.A.P.
Thurgood
Gotcha. Hey, I know this isn't your responsibility but just mop the rest of this shit up I'll be right back.
[hands him a mop]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Take on Urgency and Priorities
Kenny
Hey, if I`m not back in 10 minutes call the police.
Thurgood
If he ain't back in 10 minutes, we callin Dominoes!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Balancing Love for Weed and Women
Thurgood
Let me tell you something: I love weed. I love it! But not as much as I love pussy!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Excessive Marijuana Use Comment
Thurgood
You guys smoke ENTIRELY too much reefer.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Phone Call Among Friends
Thurgood
(answering phone) Mr. Nice Guy - party accessories.
Samson
Well did you get my message?
Thurgood
Who is this?
Samson
This is SAMPSON, smarty pants!
Thurgood
Operator with an emergency breakthrough from your sister. (high-pitched voice) "Samson, it's Shelia! Mama fell-
Samson
SHUT UP, BITCH!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing a Carefree Attitude Towards Ideas
Brian
I just wanna say that that was a great idea, Thurgood. I mean how do you come up with...
Scarface
Just smoke it, yo.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion About Drug Dealing Duration
Thurgood
Yea. Um, So how long's been in ?
[your dad; jail]
Mary Jane
Four years next month.
Thurgood
Four years. And what exactly was he selling?
Mary Jane
Marijuana.
Thurgood
FOUR YEARS JUST FOR WEED?! DAMN!
Mary Jane
Just? No, no, no, no. Not just. Marijuana is terrible. It's a gateway drug. I mean, everybody knows that it leads to other stuff.
Thurgood
Yeah, mostly junk food.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication About the Door and Alarm
Scarface
Man, you didn't say nothing bout no door, yo!
Thurgood
Just chill out, man. I smoked weed here all the time. This door's never locked.
Thurgood
I didn't say the alarm would be off, though. I just said it's never locked.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Leads to Humorous Crossbow Panic
Samson
Delilah, get me "eight fourteen".
Delilah
Eight fourteen.
[''to another woman'']
Thurgood
What the fucks "eight fourteen"?
[''whispers to Scarface and Brian'']
Thurgood
AH! I'm sorry y'all, I don't want to be the first nigga to die from a crossbow.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cannabis Use and Personal Loss Discussion
Brian
You smoke?
Mary Jane
No my grandmother died from lung cancer.
Brian
That's all the more reason to toke up man! It'll ease the pain!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.