Hamburger: The Motion Picture (1986) - Quotes

College degree with added benefits

Taglines: Get a college degree with everything on it.

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A Student's Struggle at Burger University

Taglines: Russell's been kicked out of seven colleges. His last hope is Burger U. Now he's majoring in bull.

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Humor Worth Savoring

Taglines: ...it's funny enough to eat!

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Desires and Misunderstandings Among Characters

Russell: Ah, If you're looking for a payphone, forget it.

Biker Gang Leader: I want a woman!

Conchita: A real man!

Biker Gang Leader: Ok!

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Shoe Debate Between Fred and Mrs. Vunk

Fred: Can you put this on?

Mrs. Vunk: They're off, Fred...

Fred: No, put your shoes back on, Mrs. Vunk.

Mrs. Vunk: Why, Fred...?

Fred: I like heels.

Mrs. Vunk: Oh!

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Conchita's Quest for a Real Man

Conchita: Ah, you fruit-ah-cake!

Conchita: What good are you?!

Conchita: I come to this country to find a real man...and I will!

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Unexpected Desires in Conversation

Conchita: Now you tell me, what would you like for the woman to do to you?

Russell: (Smiles as he comes up with an plan) Oh, the woman? Nothing!

Conchita: Nothing?! Then what excites you?

Russell: Oh, tall, dark, sexy, sweaty, sun-tanned guerrilla fighters.

Conchita: Si...si, si, si.

Russell: Like your brother.

Conchita: (rolls down off him) No!

Russell: (starts talking and waiving his hands in a stereotyped gay fashion) Oh yes! He...he spends up a whole day fighting in the hills, single handedly killing half a dozen government troops with his great, big machete.

Russell: Hmm, the sun is setting, he comes home. I'm waiting for him by the campfire...

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Unexpected Demands and Unconventional Encounters

Russell: (assuming it's his roommate who has just went out hoping to get laid) Don't tell me, you forgot your dick!

Conchita: (bursting in with a submachine gun) I...want yours!

Conchita: Oy, Conchita Margarita Consuela Mario Henya Lopez Nazanine never takes no for an answer...now strip.

Conchita: Your clothes - you take them off, and make love to me now.

Russell: Conchita, Conchita, there is no sex at Buster Burger U.!

Conchita: Oh yea?

Russell: Ok, the pants...

Russell: Are we satisfied?

Conchita: Ah, I will tell you seven orgasms from now.

Conchita: Make that eleven.

Russell: Jesus, it's just not my day.

Conchita: You will do as I say...or I will scream rape.

Russell: Conchita, can we talk about this?

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A Mother's Approval of Food

Mrs. Vunk: Hmm...hmm...

Mia Vunk: Good?

Mrs. Vunk: Hmm...the best.

Mrs. Vunk: Yea...ah...hmm.

Drill Sergeant: What the hell is happening?

Mrs. Vunk: That big.

Drill Sergeant: Well, this is the only table that's having one...

Mrs. Vunk: Yea...yeaaaa...

Mrs. Vunk: Yea...yea...

Mrs. Vunk: Yea...ah...oh!

Mrs. Vunk: Oh, oh, ohhhh!

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Unexpected Reactions in a Tense Moment

Mrs. Vunk: oh...oh...

Drill Sergeant: You're soaking wet, Mrs. Vunk.

Mrs. Vunk: ah...spicy...chicken balls.

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A Love for Dining Out

Fred: I love eating out!

Russell: You're a dead man!

Fred: Then I wanna die like this!

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Hot Flashes in a Tense Moment

Mrs. Vunk: Oh...ah...

Drill Sergeant: You're ok, Mrs. Vunk?

Mrs. Vunk: Ah...ah...

Mia Vunk: She's got, ah, hot flashes.

Mrs. Vunk: I do?

Drill Sergeant: Kind of young for hot flashes, aren't you?

Mrs. Vunk: Well, I...I...I got it from my husband.

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Confrontation Over Cookies in Hamburger Movie Scene

Lyman Vunk: Put those cookies back...MOTHERFUCKER.

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Service Rights and Customer Behavior

Lyman Vunk: We reserve the right...to refuse service...to ASSHOLES like YOU.

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Bulls in Every Bite

Lyman Vunk: Lots of bulls...in every bite.

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Informed Choices in Consumer Responsibility

Lyman Vunk: You eat it, you buy it!

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Boundaries at BusterBurger University

Conchita: I was hoping you to show. I am Conchita Nazanine. In "Gwokamolee" I am known as "The Lay of The Land".

Conchita: I could teach you things you never knew could happen between two peoples!

Russell: Ah, not tonight! No sex at BusterBurger U., remember?

A Bold Proposal for a Unique Night

Mrs. Vunk: Fred?

Fred: Yea?

Mrs. Vunk: I'll trade in all 70,000 franchises for just one night of stiff board banging with a human piledriver like you.

Ambition and Opportunity in a Burger Empire

Fred: Nice spread you have here, Mr. Vunk.

Lyman Vunk: It took a lot of burgers to fill a Buster house like this, young man!

Lyman Vunk: You play your cards right, and you could have everything that I have!

Fred: Everything?

Lyman Vunk: Everything!

Name Confusion in a Humorous Exchange

Drill Sergeant: Nazanine? Is that your real name or what?

Conchita: Conchita Margarita Consuela Mario Henya Lopez Nazanine. It's real, mi general.

Drill Sergeant: It says here you're from "GWOK-a-mole". You look like you're from "GWOK-a-mole"!

Conchita: Gwok-a-MOL-ee"!

Drill Sergeant: Whatever!

Conchita: I have come to your country to learn the fast way to feed my starving people of the south.

Drill Sergeant: Then you came to the right place, sister.

Sister Sara: Yes?

Drill Sergeant: No!

Sister Sara: Sorry...

The Importance of Sexual Self-Control

Undergraduate Counselor: Expelled - lewd conduct, expelled - nude conduct, hospitalized...your thing in a sling...?

Undergraduate Counselor: Do you believe yourself to be God's gift to women?

Russell: No, of course not! I just ask a girl to a movie and before we even leave the house we're in bed. It's been like this since my freshman year. I haven't seen a movie since E.T.!

Undergraduate Counselor: Russell, you must learn to exercise a little...sexual self control, if you expect to succeed in life.

Undergraduate Counselor: Now, I know that these are liberal times...

Undergraduate Counselor: ...And well...I'm not exactly blind.

Undergraduate Counselor: It's no secret what women of all ages want...

Undergraduate Counselor: ...Virile...hard bodied...young men.

Undergraduate Counselor: Like you.

Undergraduate Counselor: Let's find out...

Undergraduate Counselor: Oh...oh...

Undergraduate Counselor: Ah!

Undergraduate Counselor: Oh, Dean Doobery!

Russell: Oh, my father is gonna kill me.