8 quotes
Golf Skills vs. Perception of the Sport
Chubbs
Golf's no different from hockey. It requires talent and self-discipline.
Happy
Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant, probably a great golfer, huge ass.
Chubbs
Hey, I'll bet your neighbor the accountant can't drive the ball 400 yards. I'll bet your neighbor the accountant doesn't have a shot to get on the Pro Tour!
Happy
And how would I do that?
Chubbs
You win the Open tomorrow, and you're automatically on the Pro Tour. Then who knows, maybe you'll win the Tour Championship. Get that gold jacket that I never got.
Happy
Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a shit?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Golf Struggles and Humorous Banter
Announcer
We haven't seen Happy Gilmore play this badly since his first day on tour. He and Bob Barker are now dead last.
Barker
I can't believe you're a professional golfer. I think you should be working at the snack bar.
Happy
You better relax, Bob.
Barker
There is no way that you could have been as bad at hockey as you are at golf.
Happy
All right. Let's go! You like that, old man?! You want a piece of me?!
[punches Barker in the face]
Barker
I don't want a piece of you. I want the whole THING!
[shakes his head as he gets up from the ground; repeatedly punches Happy vigorously until he hits the water]
Happy
Now you're gonna get it, Bobby!
[angrily emerges from the water; he and Barker continue fighting, and they roll down the hill, until he conks Barker in the head and gets back on his feet]
Man from behind
Happy!
[cheers Happy on]
Happy
The Price is wrong, bitch!
Barker
I think you've had enough. No? Now you've had enough. Bitch.
[Happy tries to get back up again; kicks Happy in the face once more; sets off, then turns back to Happy]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Bet with Unexpected Consequences
Happy
I'll make you a bet. If you get this puck into that net, I'll never bother you again. But if you miss, you have to give me a big fat kiss. And you have to pretend you like it too.
Virginia
Do you always carry a puck with you?
Happy
Yeah. Holy shit. Talk about your all time backfires.
[Virginia shoots the puck and scores]
Virginia
Happy, I didn't see it go in.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Responsibility and Consequences in Conflict
Mover
You hit that guy!
Happy
He shouldn't have been standing there.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebration and Discontent in Happy Gilmore's Victory
Happy
Oh, my God!
Verne Lundquist
This is incredible! Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket.
Shooter
No! NOOOOO!
[bends down in defeat and agony]
Happy
I love you, you and you.
[kisses his grandmother; kisses Virginia; kisses Otto]
Shooter
Doug! Doug! Impossible! That's mine! My jacket! It's mine!
[steals Happy's gold jacket from Doug, and runs away]
Happy
Hey! He stole my jacket!
Mr. Larson
I believe that is Mr. Gilmore's. I'll get you, Shooter!
[to himself; in anger; in slow-motion, Shooter runs as he puts on Happy's jacket. The crowd chases him. He angrily growls as he swings his arms]
Man
We're gonna get you, you bastard!
Shooter
No! Get off! Ow! Get off! Get off!
[screams, then collapses offscreen as the crowd attacks him]
Mr. Larson
Stay still!
Shooter
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Breakfast Choices in a Confrontation
McGavin
You're in big trouble, though, pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
Happy
You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?!
McGavin
No!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Feat in Golf Challenge
Mr. Larson
Trying to reach the green from here, Shooter?
McGavin
That's not possible, sir.
Mr. Larson
I beg to differ, Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago.
McGavin
Well, moron, good for Happy Gilm- OH MY GOD!!!
[turning round and seeing Mr. Larson; recoils]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Unique Approach to Golf
Taglines
He doesn't play golf... he destroys it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.