Harold and Maude Quotes

Harold I haven't lived... I've died a few times.

Harold What?

Maude We'll transplant it. To the forest.

Harold You can't do that

Maude Why not?

Harold This is public property.

Maude Well, exactly.

Harold You sure have a way with people.

Maude Well, they're my species!

Priest I would be remiss in my duty, if I did not tell you, that the idea of...... intercourse... and the fact of your firm, young... body..... commingling, with the... withered flesh... sagging... breasts... and flabby b-... buttocks... makes me want... to vomit.

Psychiatrist Tell me, Harold, how many of these, uh, suicides have you performed?

Harold An accurate number would be difficult to gauge.

Psychiatrist Well, just give me a rough estimate.

Harold A rough estimate? I'd say... fifteen.

Psychiatrist Fifteen?

Harold That’s a rough estimate.

Psychiatrist Were they all done for your mother's benefit?

Harold No. No, I would not say "benefit.

Harold Maude?

Maude Hmm?

Harold Do you pray?

Maude Pray? No. I communicate.

Harold With God?

Maude With Life.

Uncle Victor Well, what do you say, Harold? Ah, it's a great life. There's action, adventure, advising, and you'll get a chance to see the war first-hand. And there are plenty of slant-eyed girls. I'll make a man out of you, Harold. You'll travel the world, put on a uniform, and take on a man's job. You'll walk tall, with a glint in your eye and a spring in your step, and the knowledge in your heart that you are working for peace and are serving your country, just like Nathan Hale. Now, that's what this country needs - more Nathan Hales. And, Harold, I think I can see a little Nathan Hale in you.

Motorcycle Officer License, lady?

Maude I don't have one. I don't believe in them.

Motorcycle Officer How long you been driving, lady?

Maude About 45 minutes, wouldn't you say, Harold? We were hoping to start sooner; but, you see, it's rather hard to find a truck.

Motorcycle Officer This your truck?

Maude Oh, no, I just took it.

Harold You hop in any car you want and just drive off?

Maude Well, not any car. I like to keep a variety. I'm always looking for the new experience.

Harold Maybe. Nevertheless, I think you're upsetting people. I don't know if that's right.

Maude Well, if some people get upset because they feel they have a hold on some things, I'm merely acting as a gentle reminder: here today, gone tomorrow, so don't get attached to things. Now, with that in mind, I'm not against collecting stuff...

Maude ] once wrote from Devil's Island that he would see the most glorious birds. Many years later in Brittany, he realized they had only been sea gulls... For me, they will always be... glorious birds.