Heathers (1989) - Quotes

Conflict Over Control and Consequences

J.D.: Do you think that just because you started this thing you can end it?!

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Friendship and Rivalry in Heathers

Veronica: Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a megabitch?!

Heather Duke: Because I can be.

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Questioning Peer Pressure in Youth Culture

Veronica: If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?

Heather McNamara: Probably.

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The Impact of Suicide on Personal Privacy

Heather McNamara: Suicide is a private thing.

Veronica: Heather, you're throwing your life away to become a statistic in the US-fucking-A Today! That's about the least private thing I can think of!

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The Struggle for Respectful Treatment

Veronica: All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.

Veronica's Dad: I don't patronize bunny rabbits!

Veronica's Mom: Treated like human beings? Is that what you just said, Little Miss Voice of a Generation? Just how do you think adults act with other adults? You think it's all just a game of doubles tennis? When teenagers complain about wanting to be treated like human beings, it's usually because they're being treated like human beings.

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A Father's Love and Societal Expectations

Kurt's Dad: [at Kurt and Ram's funeral] My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.

J.D.: Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse.

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Conflicted Prayers and Dark Humor in Tragedy

Heather McNamara: [praying over Heather Chandler's casket] Oh God, this is a tragic thing, and sometimes I have a hard time dealing with it and stuff. Please send Heather to Heaven and all that.

Peter Dawson: Dear God, please make sure this never happens to me, cause I don't think I can handle suicide. Plus, early acceptance into an Ivy League school and please let it be Harvard. Amen.

Ram Sweeney: Jesus, God in Heaven, why did you have to kill such hot snatch? It's a joke, man. Jeez, people are so serious. Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven, pray for all us sinners so we don't get caught. —Another joke, man.

Heather Duke: [smiles] I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times, and I felt bad every time I did it, but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus! Hallelujah!

Veronica Sawyer: Hi, I'm sorry. Technically I did not kill Heather Chandler, but hey, who am I trying to kid, right? I just want my high school to be a nice place. Amen. Did that sound bitchy?

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Consequences of a Dark Joke

Veronica: Oh my God! I just killed my best friend!

J.D.: And your worst enemy!

Veronica: Same difference!

J.D.: What are we gonna tell the cops? "Fuck it if she can't take a joke, Sarge"?!

Veronica: Oh, the cops! I can't believe this is my life! Oh my God! I'm gonna have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford!

J.D.: Ah, right. Just a little freaked here. Well, at least you got what ya wanted, ya know?

Veronica: Got what I wanted?! It is one thing to want somebody out of your life! It is another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer!

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Conflict and Betrayal Among Friends

Heather Chandler: You stupid fuck!

Veronica: You goddamn bitch!

Heather Chandler: You were nothing before you met me! You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn! You were a bluebird! You were a brownie! You were a Girl Scout cookie! I got you into a Remington party! What's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke!

Veronica: LICK IT UP, BABY! Lick! It! Up!

Heather Chandler: Monday morning, you're history. I'll tell everyone about tonight. Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. Nobody at Westerburg's gonna let you play their reindeer games!

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Struggles with Friendship and Popularity

J.D.: Is your life perfect?

Veronica: I'm on my way to a party at Remington University... No, my life's not perfect. I don't really like my friends.

J.D.: I...I don't really like your friends either.

Veronica: Well, it's just like - they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.

J.D.: Maybe it's time to take a vacation.

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Cafeteria Policies on Inclusivity and Behavior

Kurt: Hey, Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a no fags policy?

J.D.: Well, they, uh, seem to have an open door policy on assholes, though, don't they?

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Faith and Guidance in Troubled Times

Father Ripper: [[Jesus] We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it's ] Christ, and he's in the book.

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Questioning Boundaries in Friendship

Heather Duke: Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?

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Boredom in the Afterlife

Heather Chandler: God, Veronica. My afterlife is so boring. If I have to sing Kumbaya one more time…

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Confrontation Over Color Choices and Identity

Heather Chandler: Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask if you can be red, knowing that I'm always red.

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A Bold Statement on Personal Appearance

Heather Chandler: [[Mother Teresa] Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like ]?

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The Burden of Popularity in High School

Heather Chandler: They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshipped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior.

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A Call for Maturity and Change

Heather Chandler: [[w:Bulimia|Bulimia] Grow up, Heather. ]’s so ’87.

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Contemplating Life After Destruction

Jason "J.D." Dean: Let's pretend I blew up the school - all the schools. Now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?

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Recognition of Unexpected Power

Jason "J.D." Dean: Color me impressed. You, uh... you really fucked me up pretty bad, Veronica. You, um... you got power, power I didn’t think you had. The slate is clean.

The Impact of Extremes on Perception

Jason "J.D." Dean: The extreme always seems to make an impression.

Teasing Turns Dark in Unrequited Love

Jason "J.D." Dean: [finding Veronica, who has apparently hung herself] I can't believe you did it. I was teasing. I loved you. Course, I was coming up here to kill ya...

Embracing Chaos and Its Consequences

Jason "J.D." Dean: Today was great, chaos is great! Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.

Love and Slushies: A Bold Proposition

Jason "J.D." Dean: Our love is god, let's go get a slushie!

Critique of High School Culture and Masculinity

Jason "J.D." Dean: Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except date rapes and AIDS jokes.

Casual Introductions in Heathers

Jason "J.D." Dean: Greetings and Salutations.

A Call for Maturity and Acceptance

Veronica Sawyer: I say we just grow up, be adults, and die.

The Complexity of Human Happiness

Veronica Sawyer: If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host.

Teen Angst and Consequences in Chaos

Veronica Sawyer: Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count. Everybody's sad...but it's kind of a weird kind of sad. Suicide gave Heather depth, Kurt a soul, Ram a brain! I don't know what it's given me, but I have no control over myself when I'm with J.D.! Are we going to prom or to hell?!

Conflicted Reflections on Friendship and Betrayal

Veronica Sawyer: Dear Diary, Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west... wait east. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho.

Lessons on Life and Self-Discovery

Veronica Sawyer: Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people "real life." She said real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, "Yes." I said, "You're beautiful.