31 quotes
Power Dynamics Among Campers
Lars
AHHHHHH!
[''tied to a tree, campers come at him with lit torches'']
Dawson
Shut up! Hey Lars, guess what? We're in charge now. You know what we found out? We found out that if you don't have a job, you get deported! So Lars, buddy, you with us, or against us?
Lars
I'm with you.
Lars
I love you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desperation in the Face of Hunger
Gerry
At least Josh got out...where there's food. We have to resort...to more desperate measures.
[''voice-over while writing letter to grandma, he glances at Josh's empty bed and continues'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Learning Names Through a Game
Lars
Now let's play a game to help us learn each other's names.
Josh
Ve already know each odder's names.
[''Making fun of Lars’ accent'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Critique of American Historical Awareness
Nicholas
You Americans have NO sense of history.
[''to Camp MVP member after beating him in naming five American Vice Presidents'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Recognition of Weight Achievement at Camp
Lars
Congratulations, Mr. Simms. You are the fattest boy in camp.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sneaky Treats and Unexpected Downloads
Gerry
Don't tell anyone, but I uh…snuck in some Oreos. Just in case.
Josh
That was very sneaky of you, Gerry. Chipmunks! Download! Now!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Liposuction: Option or Obsession Discussion Tonight
Tony
Attention campers, the topic for tonight's discussion is, "Liposuction: Option or Obsession.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Salami Sam's Warning
Sam
WATCH OUT FOR *SALAMI SAM*!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Overcoming Struggles Together
Tony
Kids: at age twelve, I weighed 319 pounds. I had bad skin, low self esteem, and no self-respect. Now, I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk. Pounds are gonna fly, and fat is..... outta here, mister! And we're gonna do it TOGETHER!
Josh
Oh, my, god.
Kid
I wanna go home!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Announcement of Camp Hope Ownership Change
Alice Bushkin
Harvey and I are saddened and dismayed to announce that we are no longer the owners of Camp Hope.
Harvey Bushkin
Sometimes, in life, things don't work out the way you planned, and in those situations, sometimes you file chapter 9 bankruptcy. We worked our whole life, and what do we have to show? Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
[''struggling to get his voice''; ''sobs'']
Alice Bushkin
Harvey, please stop. Okay, kids, out with the old, and in with the new. Now, your new owner is gonna introduce himself in a minute. But, you know what I would like? Please, could you give us just one more Camp Hope "Hi, hi, hiya"?
[''to the crowd''; ''sobbing and gasps can be heard in audience'']
Crowd
Hiya.
[''in a somber tone'']
Alice Bushkin
God bless all of you.
Harvey Bushkin
One word of advice, NEVER LET ANYONE SIGN YOUR CHECKS!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Vision of Potential and Future Success
Tony
Can you smell it? There's a life force in here tonight. Do you feel it? Hmm? I look around this room, and I see potential.
[''introducing himself to camp audience'']
Tony
I see the future chairman of a Fortune 500 company.
Tony
I see a famous rap artist.
Tony
I see the president of the United States of America.
Gerry
He's from England!
[''comments to himself'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Lars's Sleep Disturbance Warning
Lars
Now, I must inform you, I have a severely deviated septum. When I sleep I make a very disturbing sound...Don't be alarmed, I am fine. Now…go to sleep…
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unconventional Advice on Overcoming Challenges
Tony
Repulse the monkey...part the wild horse's mane.
[''Leading a meditation exercise'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unintended Consequences in a Camp Setting
Nicholas
Oh, my. I didn't mean to.
[''passes gas directly into Gerry's face'']
Gerry
Just go!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggles with Body Image and Peer Pressure
Pat
Gerry, I'm just so tired of being the fat guy.
Gerry
I know, Pat, but you don't want to be those guys. They're jerks, forget them.
Gerry
FORGET YOU!
Pat
Yeah, YOU CAN KEEP YOUR WASHBOARD STOMACHS, AND YOUR OILY MUSCLES, I DON'T *WANT* THEM!
[''stands up and yells'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Question About Identity and Origin
Roy
Lars? What kind of name is that? Where you from?
Lars
...Far away.
[''steps towards Roy'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Weighing In at Camp Heavyweights
Tony
Josh Birnbaum, step on up! Get on the scale, son! All right!
[''high-fives Josh'']
Tony
Get off the scale.
[''angrily'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Warning Against Dangerous Weight Loss Methods
Julie
As a healthcare professional, I would like to take this opportunity to warn you that Tony Perkins weight loss system is not only ineffective, it's also downright dangerous. If he isn't stopped, somebody's child, maybe *yours*, *will* be hurt.
[''in the Camp Hell video'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Lars Expresses Unexpected Weight Loss Feelings
Lars
I'm feeling skinny, Tony!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
An Awkward Encounter at Camp
Roy
Headed to fat camp?
Gerry
No...why do you say that?
Roy
Cause you’re fat. That your dad?
[''points to man seated beside Gerry'']
Gerry
No...w-why do you say that?
Roy
Cause he's fat too!
Gerry
Well, so are you.
Roy
I know, that's why I'm going to fat camp. I'm Roy.
Gerry
I'm Gerry. Yeah, I guess I am going.
Roy
I knew it! And that's your dad too, right?
Gerry
Hell no!
Roy
Well you're gonna love camp, man. Camp is awesome. Plus, nobody picks on you because YOU’RE not the fat kid, EVERYBODY'S the fat kid. Just stick with me, Gerry, because I'm the man!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Comedic Exchange About Seymour Butts
Josh
The candy belongs to Seymour Butts.
Tony
Seymour Butts? Who's Seymour Butts? Who's Seymour Butts, hmm? WHO'S SEYMOUR BUTTS?!!
Josh
Nobody's seen more butts than you, Uncle Tony!
Tony
You picked the wrong man to mess with.
Josh
Oh, I didn't know I was messing with a man!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Campers Prepare for Evaluation Day
Tony
Time to wake up, campers! Today is evaluation day. The key word here is value. Do you have any? Not yet! But before summer's over, this camp's gonna be filled with skinny winners!
[''over the loudspeakers'']
Roy
Skinny weiners?" You hear that, guys?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Stretching Before Exercise
Tony
Congratulations, you've just joined the 76% of Americans who forget to stretch before doing any physical activity.
[''Tony chases Josh down a hill and Josh gets a leg cramp'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Weight Issues at Camp
Gerry
It's a fat camp! Are you crazy? No way! I'm not going to camp with a bunch of fat loads!
Mrs. Garner
Gerry!
Roger Johnson
Now that's not kind, Gerry.
Maury Garner
We're doing this for your own good. We gotta nip this thing in the bud.
Gerry
I'm fine. This is a joke, right?
Gerry
You're fatter than I am, why don't you go to the camp?
[''to his dad'']
Mrs. Garner
You show your father some respect.
Maury Garner
First I think we should have a little pow-wow, and then we will call you with our decision.
[''to Roger'']
Gerry
I'll give you my decision right now. I'm not going.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Change and Growth
Roy
Funny, Josh. But really man, what happened? Talk to us.
Josh
Josh was bad.
[''half-unaware'']
Roy
Oh man. Oh geez.
Josh
Josh…now…good.
Gerry
Good? Wha...what do you mean?
Josh
Must be...
Josh
good to see my big ass again!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Challenge and Inner Peace
Tony
First we're going to take an hour meditation break. Then we're going to climb that 1000-foot rock face over there with our bare hands and feet. I know you can do it, I have faith in you. But for now, observe the silence of the chi.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Lars' "Body" System for Supervision
Julie
Lars, shouldn’t you be watching the kids?
Lars
I have them on the "body" system.
Julie
The "body" system?
Lars
Yeah, the body system.
Lars
BODY!
Boys
BUDDY!
[''holding hands'']
Lars
BODY!
Boys
BUDDY!
Lars
BODY!
Boys
BUDDY!
Julie
Oh! Buddy'!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Lessons in Unconventional Pizza Choices
Pat
And what did we learn today?
Roy
Don't put ] on your pizza.
[''wagging his index finger seriously''; [w:Twinkies|Twinkies]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Empowerment and Self-Respect in Transformation
Pat
We're as good as anybody, it's time we started acting like it. First we've got to take control of ourselves before we can take control of this camp. We've got to get healthy for ourselves. We start respecting ourselves, *no one* can touch us. That's right, you heard me right.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Reunion at Summer Camp
Julie
Oh my gosh... is that Tim?
Tim
WHOOOOO!
[''dancing around the bonfire, shirtless and covered in chocolate sauce, and chowing down on a bag of marshmallows'']
Pat
..He looks like a human ].
[[w:S'more|S'more]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Water Safety Warning in Heavyweights
Lars
Hey, don't pee in the water! Hey, don't drink the water, he peed in it!
[''Pushes another kid in the water'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.