His Girl Friday Quotes

Hildy A big fat lummox like you - hiring an airplane to write: Hildy, don't be hasty, remember my dimple. Walter. It delayed our divorce twenty minutes while the judge went out to watch it.

Walter I've still got the dimple and in the same place.

Walter You persuade Hildy to do the story and you can write out a nice fat insurance policy for me.

Mollie Malloy I came to tell ya what I think of ya, all of ya...You crumbs have been makin a fool out of me long enough. I never said I loved Earl Williams and was willing to marry him on the gallows. You made that up, and about my being a soul-mate and having a love-nest with him...I met Mr. Williams just once in my life when he was wandering around in the rain without his hat and coat on like a sick dog the day before the shooting. I went up to him like any human being would and I asked him what was the matter. And - and he told me about being fired after being on the same job for fourteen years. And I brought him up to my room because it was warm there...Aw listen to me, please. I tell ya, he just sat there talking to me all night. He never once laid a hand on me. And - and in the morning, he went away. And I never saw him again till that day of the trial. Sure I was his witness!...That's why you're persecuting me, because Earl Williams treated me decent and not like an animal, and I said so!...It's a wonder a bolt of lightning don't come down and strike you all dead! A poor little fella that never meant nobody no harm. Sitting there this minute with the Angel of Death beside him, and you cracking jokes!

Walter Burns Well Butch, where are you?...Well, what are you doing there? Haven't you even started?...Listen, it's a matter of life and death!...Well, you can't stop for a dame now! I don't care if you've been after her for six years. Butch - our whole lives are at stake! Are you going to let a woman come between us after all we've been through?...Butch, I'd put my arm in fire for you, up to here. Now you can't double-cross me...Put her on, I'll talk to her. Oh, good evening madam. Now listen, you ten-cent glamour girl. You can't keep Butch away from his duty!

Walter Burns You're getting a great little girl for yourself...You're getting something else too, Bruce, you're getting a great newspaperman ... One of the best I ever knew. Sorry to see her go. Darn sorry, Hildy.

Mollie Malloy Now you want me to talk...Oh ain't that funny. You wouldn't listen to me before. Not even for a minute. And now you want me to talk...What do ya want to know for? So you can write some more lies, so you can sell some more papers. I'll give you a wonderful story - only this time it'll be true!

Walter Burns I wish you hadn't done that, Hildy...Divorce me. Makes a fellow lose all faith in himself...Almost gives him a feeling he wasn't wanted.

Hildy All I know is that instead of two weeks in Atlantic City with my bridegroom, I spent two weeks in a coal mine with John Krupsky. You don't deny that, do you Walter?

Walter Deny it? I'm proud of it. We beat the whole country on that story.

Hildy Well, I suppose we did. That isn't what I got married for!

Hildegard Hildy Johnson How you have messed up my life. What am I going to do?...I could be on that train right now. What a sap I am falling for your line: "They're gonna name streets after me." Johnson Street!

Walter Listen, Bruce, I, uh, let me get that straight, I must have misunderstood you. You mean you're taking the sleeper today and then getting married tomorrow?

Bruce Oh, well, it's not like that.

Walter Well, what is it like?

Hildy Oh poor Walter. He'll toss and turn all night. Perhaps we better tell him Mother's coming along, too.

Walter Mother? Why, your mother kicked the bucket!

Bruce No, my mother, my mother.

Walter Oh, your mother. Oh, well, that relieves my mind.

Hildy It was cruel to let you suffer that way. Isn't Walter sweet? Always wanting to protect me.

Walter Well, I admit I wasn't much of a husband, but you can always count on me, Hildy.

Hildegard Hildy Johnson And so, into this little tortured mind came the idea that that gun had been produced for use. And use it he did. But the state has a production-for-use plan too. It has a gallows. And at seven a.m. unless a miracle occurs, that gallows will be used to separate the soul of Earl Williams from his body. And out of Mollie Malloy's life will go the one kindly soul she ever knew.

Walter What's the use of fighting, Hildy? I'll tell you what you do. You come back to work on the paper, and if we find we can't get along in a friendly fashion, we'll get married again.

Hildy Oh Walter, you're wonderful - in a loathsome sort of way. Listen, Walter, you are no longer my husband and no longer my boss. And you're not going to be my boss.

Walter All right, take it. Work for somebody else. That's the gratitude I get.

Hildy Oh, I wish you'd stop hamming.

Walter What were you when you came here five years ago? A little college girl from a school of journalism. I took a doll-faced hick.

Hildy Well, you wouldn't take me if I hadn't been doll-faced...

Walter Listen. I made a great reporter out of you, Hildy. But you won't be half as good on any other paper and you know it. We're a team. That's what we are. You need me and I need you, and the paper needs both of us.

Hildy Sold American! Listen, Walter, the paper's gonna have to get along without me. So are you. It just didn't work out, Walter.

Walter Well, it would have worked out if you'd been satisfied with just being editor and reporter - but not you! You had to marry me and spoil everything.

Hildy I wasn't satisfied? I suppose I proposed to you?

Hildy Listen to me, you great big bumble-headed baboon.

Walter I'll make it thirty-five bucks and not a cent more.

Hildy Walter, are you gonna listen?

Walter But good grief, how much is that other paper gonna pay you?

Hildy There isn't any other paper.

Walter Oh! Well in that case, the raise is off. You go back to your old salary...

Hildy Walter, I want to show you something. It's here. It's a ring. Take a good look at it. Do you know what it is? It's an engagement ring. I tried to tell you right away, but you would start reminiscing. I'm getting married, Walter, and I'm also getting as far away from the newspaper business as I can get.

Walter What?

Hildy I am through.

Walter You can marry all you want to, Hildy, but you can't quit the newspaper business.

Hildy Oh! Why not?

Walter I know you, Hildy. I know what quitting would mean to you.

Hildy And what would it mean?

Walter It would kill ya.

Hildy You can't sell me that, Walter Burns.

Walter Who says I can't? You're a newspaperman.

Hildy That's why I'm quitting. I want to go someplace where I can be a woman.

Walter You mean be a traitor.

Hildy A traitor? A traitor to what?

Walter A traitor to journalism. You're a journalist, Hildy.

Hildy A journalist? Hell, what does that mean? Peeking through keyholes? Chasing after fire engines? Waking people up in the middle of the night to ask them if Hitler's gonna start another war? Stealing pictures off old ladies? I know all about reporters, Walter. A lot of daffy buttinskis running around without a nickel in their pockets and for what? So a million hired girls and motormen's wives'll know what's going on. Why-... Golly, what's the use? Walter, you-you wouldn't know what it means to want to be respectable and live a half-way normal life. The point is, I-I'm through.

Walter Hildy, you've got to help me out. Just this once...This will bring us back together again. Just the way we used to be. This is bigger than anything that ever happened to us. Don't do it for me, do it for the paper.

Hildy Scram, Svengali.

Walter Now look, if you won't do it for love, how about money? Forget the other offer. I'll raise you twenty-five bucks a week.

Bruce Baldwin I was sitting right in the taxi where you left me and the young lady seemed to have a dizzy spell and I just...Yes, she's a blonde. Yes, very blonde.

Bruce Baldwin I don't know what they're gonna think up there in Albany. They had to send the money to the police station...Where's mother? She said she was coming up here...Where'd she go?...Hildy! Tell me where my mother was going?...Did she get the money from you?...I'll take that money, Hildy...I've decided I can handle things around here and I'll take that certified check too...This is my wallet. Say, there's something funny going on. Hey, what are you doing?... Hildy, I'm taking the nine o'clock train...Hildy, I just want you to answer me one question - you don't want to come with me...answer me, Hildy, you don't, do you?...Hildy, tell me, please tell me the truth. If you ever loved me, Hildy -? You're doing all this to her, I know that. She wanted to get away from you and everything you stand for, but you were too smart. You caught her and changed her mind... Come on, Hildy, you're coming with me right now...I see, I'll keep. I'm like something in the icebox, aren't I?...You just don't love me...The point is that you never intended to be decent and live like a human being...I see what you are now. You're just like him and all the rest...I understand all right, I understand...Oh Hildy, I don't think you ever loved me at all...

Mayor Do you realize there are two hundred thousand votes at stake? And if Earl Williams don't hang, we're gonna lose em?

Mayor A guy who's done nothing for the last forty years but play pinochle gets elected Governor and right away, he thinks he's a Tarzan.

Diamond Louie Down Western Avenue, we was going sixty-five miles an hour...We run smack into a police patrol. you know what I mean? We busted it in half!...Can you imagine bumping into a load of cops? They come rolling out like oranges!...When I come to, I was running down Thirty-fourth Street...The driver got knocked cold...I don't think she's squawking much, you know what I mean?...Say listen, me with a gun on the hip and a kidnapped old lady on my hands, I'm gonna stick around askin questions from a lot of cops?

Walter Burns No, no, never mind the Chinese earthquake for heaven's sake...Look, I don't care if there's a million dead...No, no, junk the Polish Corridor...Take all those Miss America pictures off Page Six...Take Hitler and stick him on the funny page...No, no, leave the rooster story alone - that's human interest.

Hildegard Hildy Johnson Next time you see me, I should be riding in a Rolls Royce giving interviews on success...So long you wage-slaves...When you're crawling up fire escapes and getting kicked out of front doors, and eating Christmas dinners in one-armed joints, don't forget your pal, Hildy Johnson!..And when the road beyond unfolds...

Bruce Even ten minutes is a long time to be away from you.

Hildy What did you say?

Bruce What?

Hildy Go on. Well, go ahead.

Bruce Well, I just said, Even ten minutes is a long time to be away from you.

Hildy I heard you the first time. I like it. That's why I asked you to say it again.

Hildegard Hildy Johnson I'm going into business for myself...I'm getting married tomorrow...It's gonna be all right. I'm gonna settle down. I'm through with the newspaper business.

Walter And I still claim I was tight the night I proposed to you. If you had been a gentleman, you would have forgotten all about it. But not you.

Walter You're losing your eye. You used to be able to pitch better than that.

Hildegard Hildy Johnson Tell me. Is the Lord of the Universe in?

Walter Burns Tell him if he'll reprieve Earl Williams, we'll support him for senator. Tell him the Morning Post will be behind him hook, line, and sinker.

Hildegard Hildy Johnson Now get this, you double-crossing chimpanzee! There ain't gonna be any interview and there ain't gonna be any story. And that certified check of yours is leaving with me in twenty minutes. I wouldn't cover the burning of Rome for you if they were just lighting it up. And if I ever lay my two eyes on you again, I'm gonna walk right up to you and hammer on that monkey skull of yours til it rings like a Chinese gong! Do you hear that? That's the story I just wrote. Yes, yes, I know we had a bargain. I just said I'd write it. I didn't say I wouldn't tear it up. It's all in little pieces now, Walter, and I hope to do the same for you some day. And that my friends, is my farewell to the newspaper game. I'm gonna be a woman, not a news-getting machine. I'm gonna have babies and take care of them. Give em cod liver oil and watch their teeth grow.

Hildy He's an insurance salesman. That's a good, honest business, isn't it?

Walter Oh certainly, it's honest. It's also adventurous, it's romantic. Listen, Hildy, I can't picture you being surrounded by policies, policies...

Hildy I can, I can, and I like it, what's more. Besides, he forgets the office when he's with me...He doesn't treat me like an errand boy either, Walter. He treats me like a woman.

Walter He does, does he? How did I treat ya, like a water buffalo?

Hildy I don't know from water buffalos, but I do know about him. He's kind and he's sweet and he's considerate. He wants a home and children.

Walter Sounds more like a guy I ought to marry. What's his name?

Hildy Uh, Baldwin. Bruce Baldwin.

Walter Baldwin, Baldwin. Oh, I knew a Baldwin once. A horse thief in Mississippi. Couldn't be the same fella, could it?

Hildy You're now talking about the man I'm marrying tomorrow.

Walter Tomorrow? As soon as that?

Bruce You know, Hildy, he's not such a bad fellow.

Hildy No, he should make some girl real happy.

Bruce Uh-huh.

Hildy Slap-happy.

Bruce He's not the man for you. I can see that. But I sort of like him. He's got a lot of charm.

Hildy Well, he comes by it naturally. His grandfather was a snake.

Hildegard Hildy Johnson All right, now here's your story. The jailbreak of your dreams. It seems that expert Dr. Egelhoffer, the profound thinker from New York, was giving Williams a final sanity test in the Sheriff's office - you know, sticking a lot of pins in him so that he could get his reflexes. Well, he decided to re-enact the crime exactly as it had taken place, in order to study Williams powers of co-ordination...Of course, he had to have a gun to re-enact the crime with. And who do you suppose supplied it? Peter B. Hartwell, "B" for brains...Well, the Sheriff gave his gun to the Professor and the Professor gave it to Earl, and Earl shot the Professor right in the classified ads...No, ads. Ain't it perfect? If the Sheriff had unrolled a red carpet and loaned Williams an umbrella, it couldn't have been more ideal...Egelhoffer wasn't badly hurt. They took him to the County Hospital...

Walter She deserves all this happiness, Bruce. All the things I couldn't give her. Yeah, all she ever wanted was a home.

Bruce Well, I'll certainly try to give her one.

Walter I know you will, Bruce. Where are you gonna live?

Bruce Albany.

Walter Albany, huh? Got a family up there then?

Bruce No, just my mother.

Walter Just your mother. Oh, you're gonna live with your mother?

Bruce Well, just for the first year.

Walter Oh, that will be nice! Yes, yes, a home with mother - in Albany too!

Bruce Mighty nice little town - Albany. They've got the state capital there, you know.

Walter Well Bruce, how is business up there? Any better?

Bruce Well, Albany's a mighty good insurance town. Most people there take it out pretty early in life.

Walter Yeah, well I can see why they would.

Bruce I figure I'm in one business that really helps people. Of course, we don't help you much while you're alive, but afterward - that's what counts!

Walter Well, he'll (Egelhoffer) say the same as all the rest.

Hildy Suppose he does.

Walter Well, what's the scheme, Hildy?

Hildy Look Walter, you get the interview with Earl Williams. Print Egelhoffer's statement. And right alongside of it - you know, double column - run your interview. Alienist says he's sane. Interview shows he's goofy.

Walter Aw Hildy, you can do it. You could save that poor devil's life.

Hildy I spent six weeks in Reno, then Bermuda, oh, about four months, I guess. It seems like yesterday to me.

Walter Maybe it was yesterday, Hildy. Been seeing me in your dreams?

Hildy Oh, no, Mama doesn't dream about you anymore, Walter. You wouldn't know the old girl now.

Walter I'd know you anytime, anyplace, anywhere.

Bruce How long would the interview take?

Walter Oh, about an hour for the interview. Another hour to write it. That's about all.

Bruce Hildy, we could take the six o'clock train if it'd save a man's life.

Hildy No, Bruce. If you want to save Earl Williams life, you write the interview yourself. You're still a good reporter.

Walter Aw, Hildy. You know I can't write that kind of thing. It takes a woman's touch. It needs that heart, that...

Hildy Now don't get poetic, Walter. Get Sweeney. He's the best man you've got on the paper for that sob-sister stuff.

Walter So Sweeney has twins, and Earl Williams gets hanged tomorrow. Well you argue with her. You argue with her. Otherwise, you're going on a honeymoon with blood on your hands. How can you have any happiness after that? All through the years, you'll remember that a man went to the gallows because she was too selfish to wait two hours. I tell ya, Bruce, Earl Williams face will come between you on the train tonight and at the preacher's tomorrow, and all the rest of your lives.

Hildy I just remembered. Sweeney was only married four months ago.

Walter All right, Hildy, you win. I'm licked.