Hollywood Shuffle Quotes

Mr. Jones And I got a new one, Bobby! Winky Dinky Ho Cake.

Bobby Taylor Ho cake?

Mr. Jones Ho Cake! Hos got to eat too!

Bobby Taylor I have the respect of the community, and that makes me proud...So if you can't take pride in your job, remember, there's always work at the post office..

Speed Realism is important to me, and this was bullshit. This is the movie where the criminals wait for Dirty Larry to reach into his jacket and pull out a big ass gun. What did they think he was looking for, his American Express card?

Tyrone He's supposed to take the money.

Speed Right.

Tyrone Take the ho. Take the ho! You know that.

Speed Right.

Tyrone And take the car and get the fuck outta there.

Speed I can't believe it. Because, he would have been dead a long time ago. Talkin that shit, "Make my day.

Tyrone Right, right! Cause as soon as he said, "Make my day," boom. Do 50 bullets in your ass make your day?

Speed I believe this movie. A dude could jump off a mountain and not hurt himself, cause he did brace himself, and knew something about the levels of gravitivity and polarity.

NAACP spokesman They'll never play the ] until they stop playing the ].

Uncle Ray There ain't nothin to it but to do it.

Sam Ace I knew exactly what she could do. And she did too. As she walked towards me, I saw that twinkle in her eyes. I knew it was time - to do the nasty. And I like - doin the nasty. She was a good kisser; but her breath was stinky. But so what? You don't get rid of a Rolls Royce because it has a dent in it. I had never done it before on my desk. I was just glad to be on top. I'd hate to. do the nasty with a stapler up my ass.

The guy from the Dirty Larry clip What you say, honky sucker pig-head jive-turkey fool?

Tyrone I didn't like this movie at all. First of all, it was the fact that I couldn't say the title. I get tired of titles I can't pronounce and shit. If you want people to come and see it, a muthafucker got to be able to tell his woman where he's gonna take her.

Casting Director Relax! But I need some tension at the same time. But not too relaxed. But don't forget to give me sparkle.

Jheri Curl Please! Gimme my activator!

Protestor I think Bobby Taylor is a two-bit goat smellin spook, obviously from the Coon Repertoire Theater of America. We are out here sweatin like niggas on the way to an election in Georgia because he chooses to bug his eyes, yank his dick, and pull his raggedy skid marked drawers out the cracka his Black ass! I have nothing else to say about Bobby Taylor!

Mr. Jones Bobby, this ain't the Poot Butt League', man...ain't no Poot Butts around here. This is not your average hot dog stand You know what this is? This is Winky Dinky Dog. It sends chills up my spine every time I say it - Winky Dinky Dog! Bobby...say it with me...Winky Dinky Dog! WINKY DINKY DAAWWGG!

Bobby Taylor Hi. My name is Robert Taylor - and I'm a black actor. I had to learn to play these slave part - and now you can too, in Hollywood's first "Black Acting School". It teaches you everything! Learn Jive Talking 101...Let's talk to a graduate. This is Ricky Taylor. Ricky graduated from my class three years ago. Ricky, can you tell us what you've been doing since you graduated.

Ricky Taylor Well, Robert, I've played nine crooks, four gang leaders, two dope dealers, and I played a rapist twice. That was fun. Currently, I'm filming a prison movie. I play this tough con and I have to fuck this new inmate.

Bobby Taylor That sounds wonderful! I'm so happy for you. Need I say any more? It's Hollywood's first Black Acting School. It teaches you everything.

Speed Dirty Larry - the movie where the crooks wait for Larry to go in his jacket, pull out a big ass gun. What'd they think he was lookin for? His American Express card? Damn! We both gave "Dirty Larry" the finger!

Bobby Taylor How can you tell if you have a good script?

Batty Boy Does your character…die?

Bobby Taylor No.

Batty Boy Then it’s a good script. Just one hit movie can give you success for life. It’s not about art! It’s about sequel! One film... one!! You can make an entire career. Just look at me! Batty, batty, batty!

Speed Welcome to Sneakin In The Movies. My name is Speed and this is my homeboy Tyrone. And we are like movie critics and shit

Tyrone Well not really. Peep this. Each week me and my boy, you know, we go to different theaters and stuff and sneak in and check out the movie.

Speed Then we come back and tell you all what's up. Like if you should pay money and shit.

Casting Director I have another very good idea. Could you tell him to be a little more - you know.

Director Yeah, Bobby - Bobby, I need a little more black. You know what I'm saying? Like, stick your ass out, bug the eyes, you know how to move, you know.

Bobby Taylor Yeah, jive - jive ass. Jive ass. Jive ass.

Bobby Taylor I read in a magazine that you still take acting classes. And that you don't drink or do drugs.

Body Guard #2 Relax, Mr. Batty. Relax.

Body Guard #1 Don't say drugs around the man. And don't say coke or free base, neither - unless you got some.

Bobby Taylor I wish Tiny would bring his big fat ass out here... Tiny! I'm going to make it up to you, I'm going to be a star.

Tiny No, you're gonna be seein stars!

Jesse Wilson This is bull shit.

Bobby Taylor What are you talking about?

Jesse Wilson This is some more of the white man's stereotype of a black man, yeah, brother.

Bobby Taylor Really?

Jesse Wilson Yeah, brother. Only an Uncle Tom would do this shit. They just lookin for somebody to sell out.

Bobby Taylor Sell out?

Jesse Wilson The only role they gonna let us do is a slave, a butler, or some street hood or something. Don't sell out, brother. Don't be a butler or a slave.

Receptionist Jesse Wilson? Jesse Wilson, you're next.

Jesse Wilson That's me! Good luck, brotha.