Hot Fuzz (2007) - Quotes

Nicholas Angel: Excuse me.

Underage Drinker: What?

Nicholas Angel: When's your birthday?

Underage Drinker: [confidently] 22nd of February.

Nicholas Angel: What year?

Underage Drinker: Every year.

Nicholas Angel: Get out.

Nicholas Angel: YOU! When's your birthday?

Underage Drinker #2: [clearly nervous and struggling to come up with a date] Uh... 8th of May, 1969?

Nicholas Angel: You're 37?

Underage Drinker #2: [nervously] Yeah?

Nicholas Angel: Get out!

Nicholas Angel: When's your birthday?

Underage Drinker #3: [panicking, with a very high-pitched voice] Errr--

Nicholas Angel: OUT!

Chief Inspector: I know what you're going to say, Nicholas, but the fact is you've been making us all look bad.

Nicholas Angel: I'm sorry, sir?

Chief Inspector: Of course, we all appreciate your efforts, but you've been rather letting the side down.

Met Inspector: It's all about being a team player, Nicholas.

Met Sergeant: You can't be the Sheriff of London.

Chief Inspector: If we let you carry on running around town, you'll continue to be exceptional... and we can't have that. You'll put us all out of a job.

Nicholas Angel: With respect, sir, you can't just make people disappear.

Chief Inspector: [Curls lip, menacingly] Yyyes I can, I'm the Chief Inspector

Nicholas Angel: Well, however you spin this, there's one thing you haven't taken into account... and that's what the team is gonna make of this!

Met Inspector: (sliding into the desk, next to the Met Sergeant) Hello, Nicholas. How's the hand?

Nicholas Angel: It's still a bit stiff.

Met Inspector: And how are things at home?

Nicholas Angel: I'm sorry, sir?

Met Inspector: (jovially) How's Janine?

Nicholas Angel: We're no longer together, sir.

Met Inspector: Right, well, then where are you living?

Met Sergeant: (leans over to Met Inspector; quietly) He's staying at the Section House, sir.

Met Inspector: With the recruits?

Met Sergeant: (looks into Nicholas's eyes) Yes, he's living out of cardboard boxes.

Met Inspector: Well then, you're packed already. Nicholas, we're offering you a smashing position with a delightful cottage in a lovely little place that has I think has won Village of the Year...I don't know how many times. It'll be good for you.

Nicholas Angel: (beat, then) I...don't really know what to say.

Met Inspector: Yes"?

Met Sergeant: (arrogantly) "Yes, thank you"? (He laughs briefly.)

Nicholas Angel: (shakes his head slowly) No, I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to...

Met Inspector: You want to...take this higher? (points up)

Nicholas Angel: (realising that's what he wants) Yes, yes, I do.

Met Inspector: [indicates the phone] You want me to bother the Chief Inspector about this?

Nicholas Angel: Yes.

Nicholas Angel: Yes, I do.

Met Inspector: [shrugs reluctantly, reaches for the desk phone, then shouts, off to his right] Okay. Kenneth!

Met Sergeant: Hello, Nicholas.

Nicholas Angel: Hello, Sergeant.

Met Sergeant: How's the hand?

Nicholas Angel: Still a bit stiff.

Met Sergeant: (sniffs deeply) It can get awfully hairy out there. I'm surprised you weren't snapped up sooner for a nice desk job, that's what I did.

Nicholas Angel: I like to think of my office as out on the street.

Met Sergeant: Indeed you do. Your arrest record is... (opens a page on his desk with his right hand, reads from it) 400% higher than any other officer (closes page), which is high time such...skills were put to better use. We're making you Sergeant.

Nicholas Angel: (grinning slightly) I see.

Met Sergeant: (quickly and quietly) In Sandford, Gloucestershire.

Nicholas Angel: In where, sorry?

Met Sergeant: In Sandford, Gloucestershire.

Nicholas Angel: (taking the new information in) That's... in the country.

Met Sergeant: Yes, lovely.

Nicholas Angel: Isn't there a Sergeant's position here in London?

Met Sergeant: (laughs briefly) No.

Nicholas Angel: Can I remain here as a PC?

Met Sergeant: (throws his hands up in the air) No.

Nicholas Angel: (sternly) Do I have any choice in this?

Met Sergeant: Neewww.

Nicholas Angel: Sergeant, I kinda like it here.

Met Sergeant: Well, you've always wanted a transfer to the country.

Nicholas Angel: In twenty years or so, yes.

Met Sergeant: Well done you.

Nicholas Angel: (thinks briefly) Hang on, I don't remember telling you that.

Met Sergeant: Yes, you did. (He leans over to his desk) You said (He cocks his head to one side and opens a corner of a thick document on his desk; reading from the document, quickly and quietly) "I'd love to settle in the country sometime, Janine." (He closes his document and looks at Nicholas)

Nicholas Angel: (Thinks carefully; sternly) I'd like to talk to the Inspector.

Met Sergeant: (leans forward to his desk phone/intercom) You can speak to the Inspector, but I can assure you, he will tell you exactly the same thing as I have. (He picks up the desk phone handset with his left hand, throws it into his right hand, and uses his left hand to dial the Met Inspector's number)

Met. Sergeant narrating: Police Constable Nicholas Angel: born, schooled in London. Graduated Canterbury University in 1993 with a double first in Politics and Sociology. Attended Hendon College of Police Training and displayed great attitude in field exercises, notably Urban Pacification and Riot Control. Academically excelled in theoretical coursework and final year examinations. Received the Baton of Honour, graduated with distinction into the Metropolitan Police Service and quickly established an effectiveness and popularity within the community. Proceeded to improve skill base with courses in advanced driving and advanced cycling. Became heavily involved in a number of extra-vocational activities and to this day holds the Met record for the hundred metre dash. In 2001, he began active duty with the renowned SO19 Armed Response Unit and received a Bravery Award for efforts in the resolution of Operation Crackdown. In the last twelve months, he has received nine special commendations, achieved highest arrest record for any officer in the Met and sustained three injuries in the line of duty, most recently in December when wounded by a man dressed as Father Christmas.

Joyce Cooper: I hope you had a pleasant trip—fascist!

Reverend Phillip Shooter: [after being shot] Fuck off, grasshopper! Jesus Christ!

Sgt. Tony Fisher: [upon being presented with an obvious murder scene] Hang about, hang about... you're saying this wasn't an accident?

Sgt. Tony Fisher: [after Sgt. Angel lays out a plan of action] Very good. What he said.

DC Andy Cartwright: You wanna be a big cop in a small town? Fuck off up the model village!

DS Andy Wainwright: Murder, murder, murder. Change the fucking record!

Sgt. Turner: [after Angel has arrested three underage drinkers] You really want to, process all this lot? My pen's runnin out.

Michael Armstrong AKA Lurch: Yarp.

Sgt. Turner: [Angel turns to face him, he is literally covered in firearms all over his black suit, he has a tooth pick in his mouth] Oh, Sgt. Angel, someone from London called for you. I'll tell em you'll ring em back.

PC Doris Thatcher: [after knocking Tina unconscious with a 'Slippery When Wet' sign] Nothing like a bit o girl-on-girl.

Sgt. Turner #2: I dunno, nobody tells me nothin'.

Tom Weaver: [while aiming a blunderbuss at Nicholas] You know what you are? A BLOODY BUSYBODY!

Simon Skinner: [after tripping and impaling his chin on the spire of a model church] Ooooow...Thith...really...hurtth.... I'm...going...to need thome...icee... creeeeeam....

Simon Skinner: [punch; punch''; punch; punch''; while fighting Angel] GET! OUT! OF MY! VILLAGE! , .

Simon Skinner: [taking a ginger-haired boy hostage; the child bites Skinner's hand and runs away] Stay back! Or the ginger-nut gets it! Ow! You little FUCKER!

Simon Skinner: My, my. Here come the Fuzz.

Simon Skinner: Absolute tosh, wasn't it? It's annoying that the understudies are actually professional actors. Greg over there was an extra in Straw Dogs and Sheri portrayed a cadaver in Prime Suspect.

Simon Skinner: I'm sure if we bashed your head in, all sorts of secrets would come tumbling out...

Simon Skinner: I'm a slasher, and I must be stopped!

Danny Butterman: [After Nicholas corrects Danny's use of "policeman" to "police officer"] What made you wanna be a policeman-officer?

Danny Butterman: [repeated by Danny and Nicholas] Do you want anything from the shop?

Danny Butterman: [cue to hit the sirens and rev the engine] Bring the noise!

Danny Butterman: You're off the fuckin chain!

Danny Butterman: Is it true that there is a place in a man's head that, if you shoot it, it will blow up?

Danny Butterman: [while Nicholas is chasing a shoplifter through the supermarket, Danny is reading the taglines of the cheap action films in the half-price bin] Supercop. Meet the cop that can't be stopped.

Danny Butterman: [discussing why a person would wear a hat to cover his face] He's fuck-ugly.

Danny Butterman: [seeing the vast collection of guns] By the power of Greyskull!

Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired your gun up in the air and gone "ahhrgh"?

Nicholas Angel: [after a farmer called Peter Ian Staker has phoned up about a lost swan] P.I. Staker... Right. Pisstaker! Come on!

Nicholas Angel: [distracting Michael with a chunky monkey] Hey biggun'. Playtime's over.

Nicholas Angel: [after stopping Danny's swan call] That's just going to scare it.

Nicholas Angel: Sergeant Butterman, the little hand says it's time to rock and roll.

Nicholas Angel: [after the village doctor is shot in the foot] You're a doctor. Deal with it!

Nicholas Angel: (whilst chasing Frank Butterman) PUNCH-THAT-SHIT!

Nicholas Angel: [after watching'' Point Break''] I won't argue that it wasn't a no-holds-barred adrenaline-fuelled thrill-ride, but there's no way that you could perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork.

Nicholas Angel: [seeing Danny's film collection] By the power of Greyskull...

Nicholas Angel: This shit just got real!

Nicholas Angel: [echoing line from'' [[w:Shaun Of The Dead|Shaun Of The Dead] What's the matter, Danny? Never taken a shortcut before?