Houseboat (1958) - Quotes

Love, Life, and Family Dynamics

Taglines: Cary and Sophia...in love with life, each other, and Cary's irresistible, irrepressible kids!

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A Joyful Experience on a Houseboat

Taglines: It All Happens Happily on a Heaven of a Houseboat!

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Consequences of Unexpected Relationships

Angelo Donatello: My brother once took a dame like that to the Sons of Italy Ball. Boom: he's married.

Tom Winters: Oh, boom.

Angelo Donatello: And ever since, he's been having sons of Italy all over the place. You know what I mean? Six kids, doctor bills, his wife getting fat and sloppy. I mean, who needs it?

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Choosing Between Renting and Buying a Houseboat

Angelo Donatello: Did you make up your mind about the boat? Do you want to rent? Do you want to buy? Do you want to make a deal?

Tom Winters: It's a leaky, broken-down soggy derelict that'll probably sink and dump us all in the river. But I wouldn't think of living any other place.

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Modern Marriages and Their Comforts

Tom Winters: How are you and John getting along these days?

Carolyn Gibson: Well, it's one of those modern marriages. Electric blankets and everything.

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A Playful Exchange About Fishing and Cleaning

Cinzia Zaccardi: You see? When a fish comes, the bell rings and announces his arrival. Isn't it nice?

Tom Winters: Very nice. But tell me, do you think if you attach one end to a dust rag, the fish might dust the furniture for you?

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A Weight Loss Response to Punishment

Tom Winters: Go to your room. You're not gonna get anything to eat tonight.

David Winters: Thanks. I'm trying to lose weight.

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The Beauty of Life After Death

Tom Winters: Everything is constantly changing. So perhaps when our souls leave our bodies, we go back into God's universe in the security of being part of all life again and of all nature. So, for all we know, that sort of life after death may be very beautiful.

David Winters: If you say so. Hey, Pop.

Tom Winters: What?

David Winters: Don't do anything beautiful for a while, will you?

Tom Winters: I'll try not to.

David Winters: And give up smoking. It's bad for older people.

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The Inevitability of Change and Growing Up

Tom Winters: I know how you feel. But nothing ever stays exactly the same. Everything changes. Everybody has to leave. Everybody, sooner or later, and it's not so bad. Everything's different, but it's not so bad. You'll all be leaving me before long, and I have to get used to that. You can't remain children forever, no matter how much you want to.

Elizabeth Winters: Oh, why do you talk so much?

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Cultural Critique of Class Behavior

Tom Winters: I think I should apologize for the behavior of the upper classes in America.

Cinzia Zaccardi: They behave like the upper classes in Italy, also the lower classes.

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The Complexity of Understanding and Punishment

Tom Winters: You'll get a spanking you'll never forget.

Cinzia Zaccardi: Oh, yes. A spanking solves so many things. Or a slap in the face. It's so much easier than understanding.

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A Dance Between Stuffy and Belle

Tom Winters: I'm delighted you're the belle of the ball, but may I have this next dance?

Cinzia Zaccardi: Oh, yes.

Tom Winters: My recollection is a little hazy, but I believe I'm the fellow who brought you.

Cinzia Zaccardi: Oh, yes, you are the stuffy one.

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Cultural Differences in Marriage Practices

Elizabeth Winters: Listen, about married people.

Cinzia Zaccardi: What?

Elizabeth Winters: Do they sleep in the same bed together?

Cinzia Zaccardi: In America, sometimes. In Italy, always.

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A Playful Invitation with a Subtle Rejection

Angelo Donatello: The Sons of Italy Ball. We'll tie one on together, huh? What do you say? You want to be the lucky girl this year?

Cinzia Zaccardi: Mr. Donatello, you have a certain native charm. Please reserve it for the natives.

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Confusion Over Food and Household Roles

Elizabeth Winters: Cinzia's getting melon and prosciutto. That's ham. You eat it cold and you don't have to cook it.

Carolyn Gibson: Who's Cinzia?

Elizabeth Winters: Cinzia's our maid. She doesn't know how to cook.

Carolyn Gibson: So, I see. Where's your father?

Elizabeth Winters: Oh, he's doing the laundry for the weekend at the laundromat. We have to bring the clothes there because Cinzia doesn't know how to wash.

Carolyn Gibson: Just what does she do?

Elizabeth Winters: Oh, everything!

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A Humorous Exchange About Personal Hygiene

Tom Winters: How long is it since you had a bath?

Cinzia Zaccardi: Che cosa?

Tom Winters: A bath! You look as if you need a good scrubbing.

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Unexpected Revelation of Maternal Identity

Cinzia Zaccardi: Where is their mother?

Tom Winters: What did you say?

Cinzia Zaccardi: Their mother?

Tom Winters: You are looking at her. I'm a little new at the job.

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Parenting versus Policing in Child Rearing

Tom Winters: Well, you must have had a lot of experience raising children.

Cinzia Zaccardi: No, I have no experience. But I know when a little child is unhappy. I know, and how I know, when a father is unreasonable. Try to be a parent, not a policeman.

Tom Winters: I don't know what you know about parents. But I imagine you've had a wide acquaintance amongst policemen.

Tom Winters: I'll have to call one if you keep that up.

Uniforms, Courage, and Houseboat Dynamics

Capt. Alan Wilson: [to Cinzia in an evening dress; spanks Cinzia's behind] I love your new uniform. What do you wear on your day off? Eleanor, we're going to have to get rid of Sadie the Scrubber. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what i call a maid.

Cinzia Zaccardi: [throws a Martini in Alan's face] Uhh! There are those who require alcohol to give them courage. I'm not one of them. Is it dry enough?

The Paradox of Holding On and Letting Go

Arturo Zaccardi: I can lock her in her room, I can take her to Italy, but the only way I can keep her is to let her go away.

Class Differences in a Free Country

Angelo Donatello: Right down the road is my old man's grocery store. And across the river is the country club. Of course, there's a better class of people at the grocery store, but that's up to you. It's a free country.

Buffet Invitation with a Humorous Twist

Carolyn Gibson: Hello. They've got quite a buffet tonight. Would you care to come over and watch me eat crow?

Desire for Unconventional Connections

Cinzia Zaccardi: I'm tired of the best people. I wish I could meet some of the worst people!

Cinzia's Reflection on Performance and Age

Cinzia Zaccardi: I am already 22 and I haven't yet given my first performance for a man, any man!

Cinzia's Cooking Confidence and Simplicity

Cinzia Zaccardi: I can make boiled eggs very well now, and cereal. I just pour in milk, and it goes crack, pop, and snap. It does all the work. Even I cannot spoil it.

A Father's Concern for His Children

Tom Winters: It happens that I care. I don't want my kids parceled out like cabbages.

The Cycle of Life and Renewal

Tom Winters: Think what the world would be like if nothing ever died. There'd be no room for the new and the young and beautiful that's being born all the time.