19 quotes
Maturity and Connections in Relationships
Joyce Klaven
Peter always connected better with women.
Zooey
You know, I can see that because he is a great boyfriend.
Peter
Thank you fiancee.
Oswald Klaven
Also, you got to understand, Zooey, Peter matured sexually at a very early age. I remember taking him swimming when he was twelve-years-old, kid had a bush like a forty-year-old Serbian.
Peter
Oh come on!
Zooey
Good to know.
Oswald
Kid had a Speedo full of Brillo.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Between Friends
Sydney
You get home safe, Pistol.
Peter
You got it, Joben.
Sydney
I'm sorry, what?
Peter
Er...nothing.
Sydney
No, what did you say?
Peter
Nah, I don't know. You nicknamed me Pistol, and I just called you..."Joben". It means nothing. I don't...I'm drunk, I'm gonna call a cab.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Our Primitive Instincts
Sydney
Society tells us we're civilized, but the truth is we are animals. Sometimes we just have to let it out. Try it.
Peter
Blaaah!
Sydney
Good. Now gently remove your tampon and try again.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating the Joy of Music and Friendship
Peter Klaven
Slapping the bass! Slappa da bass! Slappa da bass mon! Slappa de bass mon!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Best Man's Unexpected Challenge
Taglines
He needed a best man...he got the worst.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating Love and Honesty in Marriage
Sydney Fife
Zooey, you are about to marry one of the most honest, kind and fun-loving people I've ever had the honor of knowing. The Pistol is a pleasure giver that's for sure. So beautiful Zooey, give it back. Yeah? Return the favor. And if you do, I guarantee that you will have a beautiful and pleasure filled union.
[winks]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Making Friends Through Unconventional Approaches
Peter
So what do I do? How do I make friends?
Robbie
If you see a cool-looking guy, strike up a conversation and ask him on a man date.
Peter
A what?
Robbie
A man date.
Peter
Okay.
Robbie
You know what I mean?
Peter
No.
Robbie
By that I mean casual lunch or after-work drinks, okay? No dinner and no movies. You're not taking these boys to see ].
[[The Devil Wears Prada]
Peter
Ohhhh, God I love that movie. No, I won't.
[Robbie gives him a look]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Apology and Friendship in Uncertain Times
Doug
Hi Peter, I saw your billboards, they're spectacular. I'm sorry for calling you a whore. Best of luck with Sydney, if you're not still together... you can Facebook me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expressions of Friendship and Affection
Peter
I love you, man.
Sydney
I love you, too, bud.
Peter
I love you, dude.
Sydney
I love you, Bro Montana.
Peter
I love you, Holmes.
Sydney
I love you, Broseph Goebbels.
Peter
I love you, muchacha.
Sydney
I love you, Tycho Brohe.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Observations on Social Situations and Humor
Peter
I'm Peter Klaven, I'm the realtor.
Sydney
Hey, check out these two. That guy needs to fart.
Peter
He does seem to be clenching.
Sydney
Watch the leg. Boom!
Peter
He farted in my open house.
Sydney
He sure did. Look at him, crop dusting across your open house.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Aging and Plans: A Humorous Exchange
Peter
Hey Mel? Do you have any plans on June 30th?
Mel
I'm 89 years old, what the fuck kind of plans would I have?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Taste of Betrayal
Doug
I just wish I could take back that kiss...
Sydney
Woah!
Doug
...because now I know it was the taste of betrayal.
Peter
It wasn't the taste of betrayal!
Doug
It was the taste of betrayal.
Peter
It wasn't the ta...
Doug
It was the taste of betrayal...you fucking whore!
Peter
I can actually explain that.
Sydney
I would love to hear that!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Man Enough to Express Your Feelings
Taglines
Are You Man Enough To Say It?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Power of Commitment Over Intention
Sydney Fife
Trying is having the intention to fail. You've got to scrap that word from your vocab. Say you're gonna do it and you will.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion on Unusual Relationship Behaviors
Sydney
Wait, you jerked off to a picture of your own girlfriend? You - that - wow, that is sick! Oh my God, what is wrong with you?
Peter
What's wrong with that?
Sydney
Pedro, there is so much wrong - I don't even know where to begin...That is sick, man!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Casual Expression of Agreement
Peter Klaven
Totally... Totes McGotes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Discussion on Boundaries and Respect
Peter
Look man, you told my fiancée she needs to give me blowies, in front of my whole family. Alright? You owe me.
Sydney
You make a valid point.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concerns About Space and Odor in House
Man In Open House
I like it, but I'm not sure about the space...I'm thinking it might be a little bit small.
[after trying to discreetly fart at an open house]
Sydney
Totally, and it smells like fart. Make sure you roll down the windows on the way home, sweetheart.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication About Meeting at Muscle Beach
Sydney
Just meet me at Muscle Beach in like...I don't know...half an hour?
[on phone]
Peter
Muscle Beach. Half an hour. I will see you there or I will see you on another time.
Sydney
That was very confusing. I don't know if you're gonna come or not.
Peter
No, I'll be there. I'll be there.
Sydney
Alright I'll see you then, buddy.
[laughing]
Peter
Alright. Laters on the menjay. What did I just say?
[Hangs up]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.