19 quotes
A humorous take on stereotypes and assumptions
CPT Phineas J. Tucker
If these two men are gay then I'm a one-legged parrot. Anybody see me with a crutch and a cracker?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Personal Choices and Individual Freedom
CPT Phineas J. Tucker
Gentlemen, I have a very simple policy. What you shove up your ass is your own business.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Identification and Personal Expression
Chuck
I'm not an animal! I'm a whore!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating Love in All Its Forms
Kevin
Yeah, yeah! Gay love!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Domestic Partnerships in Humor
Larry
Domestic partnership.
Chuck
Domestic partnership? You mean like faggots?
Larry
No, I mean yeah. But no, not us. Obviously, just on paper.
Chuck
Paper faggots?
Larry
Well, the accepted vernacular is "gay"... but yes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friendship's Sacrifice and Commitment
Taglines
How far would you go for a friend?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Straight But Not So Secret
Taglines
They're as straight as can be, but don't tell anyone.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conspiracy Theories and Unexpected Revelations
Hobo/Witness
The wires are all in place, and they have tapped all of our phones. And the Chinese government is in on it! And ]... is Bigfoot.
[[Elizabeth Taylor]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Commitment Amidst New Love
Taglines
Chuck has just found the perfect girl. Too bad he's agreed to marry his best friend.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Items in the Shopping Cart
Chuck
What do you got?
Larry
Maxi Pads.
Chuck
What, do we have vaginas now? Put it back!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Love's Diversity and Human Identity
CPT Phineas J. Tucker
And most importantly, they showed us that no matter whom we choose to love, be they heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, bisexual, trisexual, quadrisexual, pansexual, transexual, omnisexual or that thing where the chick ties the belt around your neck and tinkles on a ballon, it has absolutely nothing to do with who we are as people.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Chuck's Frustration with a Character's Insult
Chuck
The only thing I'm doing with my eyes is putting a bag over your head, you toothless moron!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Code of Commitment
CPT Phineas J. Tucker
Whenever, whatever. That's the code.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Character's Remark on Personal Loss
CPT Phineas J. Tucker
So were my balls. Now I only have one of them.
[''When Chuck says he and Larry have always been together, in reference to their shifts in the fire department'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Debate on Language and Labels
Protestor
Faggot!
[to Chuck]
Chuck
What did you call me?
Protestor
Faggot.
Chuck
The accepted vernacular is "gay"!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Casual greeting among friends
Kevin
Hey, apple dumpling. What's crack-a-lacking?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Symbolism of Rings Explained
Asian Minister
Now place the ring on his hand. A ring is like a circle, it goes on forever. It's not like a triangle, triangle have corners. It's like a circle.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected House Guests and Strong Reactions
Eric
What happened to your place?
Chuck
Uh... Roaches. Yeah, big giant roaches. They ate my dog.
Tori
Bastards.
Larry
Language!
Eric
Roaches are so eewwy!
Chuck
Did ya here that? Roaches are eewwy.
Larry
Eewwy is another word not allowed said in this house. Okay?
Chuck
I think eewwys a nice word.
Larry
Shut up.
Chuck
Eewwy!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected News About Larry's Condition
Larry
Chuck. What's going on, man?
Chuck
Brace yourself, Larry. What I'm gonna tell you is pretty rough. They removed your entire body. You're nothing but a head now.
Larry
What?
Chuck
They said that there was enough fat in your head to rebuild you a new body, so they got scientists in the other room working on it. God willing, you're gonna be alright.
Larry
Oh, you know, you're such a dick.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.