Igor Quotes

Igor As somebody I loved once said: It's better to be a good nobody, than an evil somebody.

Eva You're upset. I know... who's the strange woman living with Igor? But, I assure you, Igor and I are just friends. As his girlfriend, you have nothing to worry about.

Igor For generations, King Malbert has kept us in the dark, by creating the clouds with a weather ray! He lied to us! We trusted him and he lied to us! He tricked us into thinking we need to be evil to survive. But we don't! None of us do.

Igor Nice weather we're having, huh? Here in the Kingdom of Malaria, every day's forecast is rainy, with a 100% chance of horror! It wasn't always like this, though. Years ago, Malaria was a sunny land of farmers, until the mysterious storm clouds rolled in, and never left. They killed our crops, and our people became poor. And that's when King Malbert thought up a new way for us to make money: Evil Inventions! The kind that crush you, kill you, bring you back to life, then kill you again way worse! We invent them, and the world pays us not to unleash them. Oh, it's a great gig, especially if you're an evil scientist. Fame, fortune, a rent-free castle in the hills. They get it all! They're the top of the heap!

Dr. Holzwurm Igor, pull the switch!

Dr. Holzwurm's Igor Yes, Master.

Igor And the bottom of the heap? Those are the poor schlobs like me, born with a hunch on our back, Igors. Actually, that Igor's not me.

Dr. Herzschlag Igor, pull the switch!

Dr. Herzschlag's Igor Yes, Master!

Igor No, no, no, that's not me, either. That's me. See? I look nothing like those guys, much better looking. Anyway, all Igors are forced to serve evil scientists. Our life is a permanent graveyard shift. But I never wanted to be an Igor. I always wanted to be an evil scientist. Unfortunately, the hunch on my back was a one-way ticket to… Igor School. I majored in Talking With A Slur and graduated with a Yes Masters Degree. Then it was off to find a job.

Igor I... I don't believe it. I'm a failure. I'm an Igor. Get rid of that thing. I never want to see it again.

Scamper Funny you should say that.

Brain Uh... Igor? Where did the monster go?

Igor I don't know, Brain.

Scamper May I suggest.... LOOKING BEHIND YOU!?!?! It was just a suggestion.

Igor Maybe it just spontaneously combusted?

Brain Oh, yeah sure. I've read about that in... WHO AM I KIDDING?! I CAN'T READ!

Eva RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Scamper And just like that she was out of their lives.

Igor I did it. I.... I created life!!

Brain Has that hole always been there?

Igor Monster want a brain wash*

King Malbert WAIT, WHAT'S HAPPENING!

Igor The end of Malaria's evil role in the world.

Carl Cristall Camera 2.

Igor Oh, uhh, oh, excellent, uh, thank you. Uhh... For generations, King Malbert has kept us in the dark, by creating the clouds, with a weather ray. He lied to us! We trusted him, and he lied to us! He tricked us into thinking we needed to be evil to survive, but we don't! None of us do.

King Malbert THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS, HE HAS NO PROOF! WHERE'S HIS PROOF? I DEMAND TO SEE PROOF! I DEMAND TO SEE...

Brain Oops.

Scamper Eh. I'm sure he's fine.

Dr. Schadenfreude Long live King Schadenfreude! Everybody! King Malbert the liar is dead! Long live King Schadenfreude! Everybody say "Long live--

Igor Pull the SWITCH!

Scamper Do not yell at me.

Igor Oh, I'm sorry. I was just... Pull the switch. Please pull the switch.

Scamper That's better.

Brain Wait, wait, wait, wait! Why does *he* get to pull the switch?

Scamper Because I'm not an idiot, Brian.

Brain My name is NOT Brian!

Scamper Then you must have his jar.

Igor Stop! You can both pull the switch. On the count of three. One...

Brain Hey, no fair!

Igor You made my monster an actress!

Igor They didn't appreciate my creative style. But eventually I landed a job for Dr. Glickenstein.

Dr. Glickenstein Pull the switch!

Igor Not the smartest scientist. His last invention was an Evil Lasagna. It didn't kill anyone, and it actually tasted pretty good.

Igor That's Brain, one of my other inventions. Legend has it when the smartest man in the world died, they put his brain in a jar... this is not that brain.

Taglines All men are not created evil.

Taglines Adventure just got reinvented! (UK DVD cover)

Dr. Glickenstein Now to take the old cow for a test drive!

Igor No, Master! The rocket is going to...!

Igor Uh, yeah, that.

Scamper Finally! Now I can throw out that rug in the foyer, that thing is hideous. We were all thinking it, I just said it.

Eva Which play are they rehearsing?

Eva We haven't met. Hi, I'm Eva.

Eva You're upset. I know... who's the strange woman living with Igor? But, I assure you, Igor and I are just friends. As his girlfriend, you have nothing to worry about.

Heidi I'm not his girlfriend.

Eva You're not? But the way he looks at you... he never looks at me that way.

Heidi Maybe... some men like women, who don't look like they were put together in the junkyard.

Eva Right.

Heidi You have a very ugly face.

Igor Hi, I'm here about the "Igor Wanted" ad. My name's Igor. Well, of course it is. I have a hunch, what's my name gonna be? Kevin?

Igor That's Scamper, one of my most successful inventions. I made him immortal, which is kind of a hassle for him, since he doesn't want to live.

Eva I'm not evil. I'm Eva. (Igor: That is the correct answer.)

Taglines He's got a monster of a problem.

Igor Okay, monster. I command you to kill that fly. Kill it! KILL IT!!! KILL IT, GIRL! Come on! You're a killer! Maim it! Wound it! Insult it! Something! Kill it! Kill it! KILL! KILL! KILL!

Eva As an actor, I feel VERY deeply about everything. And enjoy every minute of it.

Igor OH GOD! She's killing blind orphans! That's so evil! I mean, which is great, but... BLIND ORPHANS!