6 quotes
A Misunderstanding Among Friends
Jill
Oh, please! Tell me you don't feel this.
Jack
I didn't feel it. Maybe if you did it harder.
Jack
Little harder.
Erin
No, Jill, stop it. He's kidding
Jill
What?
Otto
Donkey fight!
Erin
Jill, are you okay?.
Jill
Yeah, no, I'm fine. Gary, that was... He didn't 100% percent connect.
Gary
Feel that, Daddy?
Jack
I... I actually did feel something, there. Pride in my son.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Bond of Womb-Mates
Jill Sadelstein
Why are you so afraid to admit that we are connected? Face it. We shared Mom's womb. We were womb-mates.
[to Jack]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings Across Time Zones
Al Pacino
Amongst this princely heap, if any here, by false intelligence... Hold me a foe if I unwittingly... or in my rage, committed aught that is hardly borne by any in this princely presence, I do reconcile myself to his friendly peace. Tis death to me to be at enmity, and desire all good men's love. Where were you, Popcorn?
Jack
What do you mean? It's 5:30.
Al Pacino
No, no, it's 9: 30 my time. I was waiting for you at 5:30.
Jack
Oh, it's four hours the other way. I just... I got confused. I...
Al Pacino
Okay, whatever, whatever, whatever. What's going on? How's she doing'?
Jack
We're, uh, we're, uh, we're coming along. That's how we're doing.
Al Pacino
Coming along? What does that mean, "coming along"? What does that mean?
Crowd #1
Come on, wrap it up!
Jack
It means we're getting there. We just need a little more time.
Al Pacino
Put her on the phone. I want to hear her voice.
Jack
Ah, she's not here right now.
Jill
This reminds me of that boat movie with Leonardo.
Erin
Titanic?
Jill
No, the one with the iceberg.
Al Pacino
Who is that?
Jack
That was, uh, Poopsie.
Al Pacino
Why won't you let me talk... Hey, can you... You got to be quiet. I can't hear him! All right? Please. Please! Yeah, listen, you get me this girl, or you don't get that Dunkaccino commercial, you understand? Don't you know me? Don't you know I would use all my power, all the power I have, to keep a commercial like that from happening'? Don't you know that?
Crowd #1
Is he seriously breaking out The Godfather?
Crowd #2
I swear to God, I'm going to cry.
Al Pacino
Put her on! Put her on!
Crowd #3
Pacino!
Jack
Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right. Hang on for a second. I'll put her on. Hello'?
Al Pacino
Jill, my darling, just to hear your voice. What are they doing? Why are they trying to keep us apart?
Jack
Nobody's keeping me apart from anybody. I'm my own person. You remember that.
Al Pacino
Oh, I know you're your own person. Nobody's like you.
Stunt Guy
Uh... Would you like a little privacy? I could finish up for you.
Al Pacino
No, no, it's okay. It's okay. Nobody wants to see you. But thanks, anyway. Jill. can you meet me when you dock in Spain'?
Jack
But what about your Shakespeare show'? Don't you have that to do?
Al Pacino
You kidding? This is L.A. They got Bruce Jenner playing Lord Rivers.
Jack
Yeah, I don't think so.
Al Pacino
Darling, put your brother on.
Jack
Okay. Here he is. Hello. Jack's back.
Al Pacino
Popcorn, we did it! We did it! I'm coming, I'm coming to get her!
Jack
You're coming to get her? She just said, "I don't think so," I thought.
Al Pacino
I can smell horny across an ocean. Here's how it's going to go down. 9PM tomorrow top deck, portside. I'll be there. Audience, could you tell me where I was?
Crowd #4
But he, poor soul.
Al Pacino
But he, poor soul, by your first order died.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Advice on Maintaining Personal Presentation
Jack Sadelstein
Don't forget your sweat shadow.
[to Jill]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Amidst Eccentric Expectations
Jack
I can't believe this. This is insane, man! You gotta call him!
Jill
Oh, cool your buns. You know I'm still hurting the whole Funbucket fiasco.
Jack
No, but Pacino liked you! I swear to God, he really liked you!
Jill
Oh, will you stop already? You know all he wants to do is play Twister with your sister.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Apology for Causing Discomfort to Others
Jack Sadelstein
I'm sorry that you make everyone uncomfortable. I really am.
[apologizing to Jill]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.