26 quotes
The Essence of Jackass Entertainment Explained
Chris Pontius
That had everything. It had shit, it had danger, it had puke. That's what this show's all about...and sex appeal.
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Introducing a Bad Grandpa Character
Johnny Knoxville
Hello, I'm Irving Zistman, this is my wife, and grandaughter, and today, I'm a really bad grandpa!
[''Dressed as a mild-mannered, senior-citizen, with professional face make-up, accompanied by an elderly lady, and a willing, attractive, younger looking adult female in support'']
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Struggles of Being Steve-O
Steve-O
I'm Steve-O, and Oh, fuck! Why do I have to be Steve-O?!
[''About to get hit between the legs, in a strained voice''; ''freezes up'']
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Reflections on Failed Aspirations
Johnny Knoxville
So much for my aviation career.
[''after pulling a string off Chris' penis with a helicopter'']
Chris Pontius
So much for my love life.
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A Humorous Exchange About Grooming Habits
Rake Yohn
Dunn, do you shave your ass?
[''As Ryan Dunn is about to super glue his ass to Phil Margera's back'']
Ryan Dunn
Do I shave my ass?", look at me! I don't know what a razor feels like.
Johnny Knoxville
Well apparently, you don't know what toilet paper feels like either.
Dunn
I don't!
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Freaking Out Leads to More Consequences
Steve-O
See, Dave doesn't understand: the more you freak out, the more you get stung. Idiot.
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Extreme Ideas Beyond Conventional Limits
Chris Pontius
This is the kind of extreme shit most extreme dudes don't even think about.
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Embracing Chaos and Absurdity in Jackass
Johnny Knoxville
That's the story of Jackass, right there. Just pissing in the wind!
[''As Bam pees in front of a jet engine blowing in his face'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning a Popular Snack Combination
Johnny Knoxville
You don't like apple and peanut butter?
[''Steve-O just puked after biting an apple that was in Preston's buttocks'']
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The Ease of Entering Filmmaking
Johnny Knoxville
See, I told you it's not that hard to get into film!
[''after Wee-Man is hit in the groin by a random apple thrown at him by Jeff Tremaine'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Wish to Avoid Discomfort
Danger" Ehren McGhehey
Oh, I wish I could say that didn't suck!
[''WAfter getting his tooth pulled out by a Lamborghini'']
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Jackass 3D - Dialogue 7
Jason "Wee Man" Acuña
How's Santa doing?
Johnny Knoxville
Santa's fucking tired.
[''climbing a tree'']
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Santa's Regrets After a Night of Drinking
Johnny Knoxville
Santa did have a few drinks last night, so this ain't going to feel too good.
[''dressed as Santa Claus'']
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Bam Margera's Call to Action
Bam Margera
Get in ], shitbird!
[[w:Lamborghini|the Lambo]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Introduction to Jackass by Johnny Knoxville
Johnny Knoxville
Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Indifference Towards Knoxville's Ball Catching Skills
Bam Margera
Is Knoxville going to catch the ball?
Ryan Dunn
Who gives a shit?
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Bam Margera's Ranking of His Fears
Bam Margera
I change my mind. Stun guns are now the number one most thing that I hate now. Bulls are second, snakes are third. That sucked!
[''After he runs through an obstacle course full of tasers and cattle prods'']
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Introduction of Preston Lacy's Unique Prop
Preston Lacy
Hi, I'm Preston Lacy. And this is the Apple of my Ass.
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Reflecting on a Decade of Poo Cocktail
Johnny Knoxville
I think it was 10 years ago today I did the first Poo Cocktail. Now you're taking the reins and taking it to a whole nother level.
[''Preparing the Poo-Cocktail Supreme'']
Steve-O
Yep.
[''Unexcitedly'']
Johnny Knoxville
You look pretty happy about it.
Steve-O
You guys better let me out after this quick, because I'm going to be so claustrophobic, dude.
Johnny Knoxville
What, you have claustrophobia?
Chris Pontius
Just relax, and enjoy your shit.
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Unexpected Moments in a Gorilla Encounter
Bam Margera
Where's Phil?
Phil Margera
I had to take a mean shit.
[''From the bathroom'']
Bam Margera
There's a gorilla.
Phil Margera
I know, I had to take a mean shit, it was coming out. Hear it? It's all juicy. I had to do it.
Bam Margera
Phil, you are mingin'.
Phil Margera
I know, I had to.
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Job Descriptions in Jackass 3D
Jeff Tremaine
Jared, what's your job?
Jared Allen
MURDER KNOXVILLE'S FACE.
Jeff Tremaine
And Johnny, what's your job?
Johnny Knoxville
...Catch the ball?
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The Thrill of Barrel Surfing
Bam Margera
This is Barrel Surfing.
Steve-O
I think Barrel Surfing's for macho jerks with a death wish.
Chris Pontius
No, it's not. It's the ultimate thrill, the ultimate rush. Even more than sex.
Steve-O
Well, that depends on who you're doing it with.
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Consequences of Recklessness at Home
Chris Pontius
Shit! Dude, I know we shouldn't have done this at my fucking dad's house. He's already mad I'm fucking skipping school, he's gonna cut me off! That's coming out of my allowance.
[''after Johnny Knoxville wrecks the lattice with [[w:Personal watercraft|the jet-ski]
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Questioning Expectations and Consequences
Bam Margera
What did you think was going to happen?
[''After Chris Pontius complains about being stung in the face by [[w:scorpion|a scorpion]
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Frustration with Annoying Behavior
Johnny Knoxville
Oh, I hate it when they do that.
[''seeing a bull stomping its feet'']
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Unexpected Reactions Among Friends
Jason "Wee Man" Acuña
No fucking way, dude!
Ryan Dunn
Hey, is there blue on me?
Johnny Knoxville
Oh my god...I am so happy.
Ryan Dunn
Dude, that thing goes!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.