Joe Dirt (2001) - Quotes

Questioning a Wig's Purpose in Stunt Work

Zander Kelly: Why have you got a wig? You doing stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?

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Comment on Outdated Hairstyles

Zander Kelly: God Almighty, manna from inbred heaven. Hey freak boy: 1976 called, it wants its hairstyle back.

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Self-Reflection on Identity and Perception

Zander Kelly: What's the story here? I'm a white trash idiot - the end.

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Commentary on White Trash Stereotypes

Zander Kelly: Now, you're tellin me you were so ingrained with white trash DNA, your facial hair actually grows in on its own all white trashy like that?

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A Desire for Distance and Disinterest

Joe Dirt: I don't care about this, and I don't care about these! And I hope I never see you again for the next twenty-five years!

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Fireworks Stand Inventory Inquiry

Joe Dirt: You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?

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Unexpected Comparison of Faces and Posteriors

Joe Dirt: My face and your ass... I mean, your ass and my face.

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Applying Lotion for Skin Care

Joe Dirt: I'm puttin the lotion on the skin!

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Unexpected Messiness in Joe Dirt's Life

Joe Dirt: I got the poo on me!!

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Innocent comment about visibility

Joe Dirt: [while on air balloon] I can see down your shirt!

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Injury and Misunderstanding of Pain

Joe Dirt: I thought I had broken my ass bone!

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A Call to Practice and Patience

Joe Dirt: Why don't you go practice fallin down, I'll be there in a minute.

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A Unique Challenge for a Fight

Joe Dirt: You wanna fight? Why don't you stick your head up my butt and fight for air?

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A Humorous Twist on Misfortune

Joe Dirt: Luckily, my neck broke my fall.

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Everything can be fixed with time.

Joe Dirt: That shit'll buff out.

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Inappropriate Comments on Family Dynamics

Joe Dirt: [To himself] YOU JUST SAID YOUR SISTER WAS HOT. WHAT A FUH-REAK. You're goin to Hell, man, but it was worth it.

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Three Rules for Dealing with Crocodiles

Joe Dirt: There are three rules when dealin with a deadly crocodile. Rule number one, I'm number one. Rule number two, the croc's number two.

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Finding Home in Unexpected Places

Joe Dirt: [Joe falls off a swing] And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feelin that Brandy was lookin up at that same moon. Then I realized I had a home all along, in Silvertown.

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Joe Dirt's Unique Name Explanation

Joe Dirt: My name is Joe Dirté. I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.

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Joe Dirt's Assurance of Gentleness

Joe Dirt: [Trying to scrape Charlie the dog's testicles off the frozen porch] Now, this ain't no flapjack. I'll go real easy. I won't look.

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Joe Dirt's Challenge to Speak Up

Joe Dirt: [puts up fists] You guys got somethin to say to me? Why don't you say it in the microphone. I got a backup mic right here. Check one two, testing, testing. Yup, they both workin and guess what? They don't like no feedback, what's up?