20 quotes
Pursuit and Progress in Kangaroo Jack
Charlie Carbone
Getting closer! GETTING CLOSER!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Call for Proximity
Charlie Carbone
Closer, Louis!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Family Tensions and Humorous Disputes
Sal Maggio
Louis Booker, you degenerate moron. Were these medieval times and you, a knight in shining armor, you would have, I have no doubt, slayed the maiden and saved the dragon.
Louis
Shh! Waffles!
Charlie
Sal, we can explain...
Sal Maggio
(cuts Charlie off) As for you, Charlie. After the tragic death of your father, I married your mother promising her I would raise you as my own. You chose not to take the Maggio name; I did not complain. And when you wanted to go to Beauty School, as boys who lose their fathers early in life often do, I did not snivel at your intentions, did I?
Charlie
No, Salvatore, you didn't. In fact...
Sal Maggio
In fact, I happened to buy a beauty parlor so you could sit on your lazy butt all day long. $4.5 million you cost me. Were you anybody else, you would be dead by now.
[Gestures at the TV]
Charlie
Look, Sal, we know that you're upset.
Sal Maggio
It's not your fault.
Charlie
What?
Sal Maggio
A lion can raise a mouse, but the mouse is still a mouse. And you, Charlie, are that mouse. (To his men) Look at this. He takes it. Chicken blood.
Louis
Excuse me? Sal? You said he was a mouse, and he had chicken blood. So that would be mouse blood, not chicken blood. Right? My bad, Sal. I'll be here if you need me.
[Sal looks at him annoyed; awkwardly]
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Kangaroo Jack Demands Star Treatment
Kangaroo Jack
Wait a minute! The movie is called Kangaroo Jack! It should end with me! I'm a serious, classically trained actor. I can sing, I can dance, and I can jump out of the way of explosions-- Ow! Oh, yeah, no, that's gonna leave a mark. And I can do impersonations. Come on, people. Throw me a freaking bone. I have a son. I shall call him Mini-Roo. Now, that should be the way you end a film. With the star. Someone call my agent! That's all, blokes!
[slaps himself in the face; impersonates Dr. Evil; puts his sunglasses on; imitates Porky Pig stammering]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Moment of Misunderstood Intimacy
Louis Booker
Can you hold on a second? We're having a very intimate non-gay moment.
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Kangaroo Jack Reveals His Talents to Charlie
Charlie
It's you.
[sees Kangaroo Jack]
Kangaroo Jack
Yeah, it's me. Love the jacket, Charlie. It's hard enough to fit my shoulders. Nice! How'd you know red was my favorite color?
Charlie
You can talk!
Kangaroo Jack
And I can sing. I said a hip hop/Hippie to the hippie/The hip, hip a hop, and you don't stop, a rock it/To the bang-bang boogie, say, up jump the boogie/To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat.
[singing from "Rapper's Delight]
Charlie
This is great!
Kangaroo Jack
... see I am Jackie Legs and I like to say, "Hello" / To the black to the white...
Charlie
Jackie? Mr. Legs, if you would find your way clear to give me back my money?
Kangaroo Jack
Money? Oh, you mean that money...
Charlie
Stop that. Stop it! Stop that! Hey! Stop that, please! If Sal finds out...
Sal Maggio
(as a kangaroo) If I find out what, Charlie? That you lost my money?
Charlie
Sal?
Sal Maggio
I ask you to do something for me. This is not that!
Charlie
It wasn't my fault, it was Louis.
Louis
(as a kangaroo) Say what? My fault? That's how you pay me back after I saved your life?
Charlie
Louis?
Louis
Next time you're drowning in the ocean... CALL FREE WILLY! Let Willy set you free! You know what, Sal? You were right about him. Chicken blood!
Sal Maggio
Smell it on his father. Smell it on him. Chicken blood.
Kangaroo Jack
Oy! Chicken blood!
Kangaroo Jack, Louis, and Sal Maggio
Chicken blood, chicken blood, chicken blood!
[chanting]
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Questioning Identity in Kangaroo Jack
Louis Booker
This mysterious Mr. Smith we're gonna meet? I don't think that's his real name.
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Consequences of Disappointment and Betrayal
Frankie Lombardo
Sal is very disappointed to hear you lost that money. It's too late for that, Charlie. This time you screwed up big, final straw big. This from Sal Maggio. You don't get it, do you, Charlie? Sal's not disappointed cause he cares about the money. He's disappointed cause you two aren't dead! What do you think he was paying Smith fifty grand for?
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A Dangerous Misunderstanding of Loyalty
Frankie Lombardo
This is from Sal Maggio. He's very disappointed in you, Charlie.
[Cocks his pistol; points it at Charlie]
Charlie
Frankie! We got the money. We got it back! We got it!
[Picks up the package]
Frankie Lombardo
You don't get it, do ya, Charlie? Sal's not disappointed because he cares about the money. He's ‘disappointed because you two aren't dead. What do think he was payin Smith 50 grand for?
[Shakes his head]
Louis
You mean we traveled halfway across the world to pay for our own execution?
Frankie Lombardo
Yeah. You two were the bag men for your own hit. Pretty clever, eh?
[Smiles sinisterly]
Charlie
Not on our part.
Frankie Lombardo
Say good night.
[Prepares to shoot Charlie and Louis]
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Comparing Hurricanes to Two Characters' Impact
Frankie Lombardo
Hurricanes leave smaller trails than you two morons.
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Regret Over the Loss of a Kangaroo
Charlie Carbone
Oh god. I killed a kangaroo. I never saw it. It's such a beautiful animal. It's the state symbol of Australia, and I've killed it.
[Witnessing Jackie Legs' "death" of being hit by Charlie and Louis' jeep]
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The Kangaroo and the Missing Money
Louis
Charlie? CHARLIE!
[sobbing hysterically]
Charlie
What?
Louis
The kangaroo's got the money!
Charlie
What are you talking about?
Louis
I put the money in the jacket and the jacket on the kangaroo and now he's hopping away!
Charlie
The kangaroo has the money?
Louis
Uh-huh.
Charlie
The kangaroo has Salvatore's $50,000?
Louis
...Yeah.
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Threatening Words from Frankie Lombardo
Frankie Lombardo
You pansy-ass retards are dead. You hear me? Dead! I'll ] you like veal! I'll wear your eyeballs like jewelry!
[as he gets arrested by the police; [Ralph Breaks the Internet|slaughter]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pointing Out the Obvious
Louis Booker
Look, there it is, there! RIGHT THERE!
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Struggling with Reality and Cognitive Overload
Charlie Carbone
My brain is frying and I'm losing contact with reality. You don't understand this because this is how you normally function.
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Unexpected Situations Involving Kangaroos and Money
Charlie
WHO PUTS A JACKET WITH $50,000 ON A KANGAROO?!
[while he furiously whacks Louis' arm]
Louis
A DEAD KANGAROO! HE WAS DEAD, CHARLIE!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Naming a Son After a Friend
Louis Booker
I'm gonna name my first son after you. "Crazy-Ass White Boy".
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Checking on a friend's well-being
Charlie
Are you okay?
Louis
Yeah.
Charlie
Are you sure?
Louis
Yeah.
Charlie
Good. Because I am gonna beat you soft, Louis!
Louis
Like this is my fault?!
Charlie
First rule of aviation: You never shoot the pilot!
Blue
Assume crash positions!
[Abruptly sitting up]
Louis
Blue, we already crashed.
[Gesturing at the plane]
Blue
Oh, right. No worries then.
[Looking around]
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A Warning About Curiosity and Secrets
Louis
Hey, what's in here, man?
Frankie Lombardo
You will not look in that envelope under any circumstances, understood?
Louis
I can't hear you--
Frankie Lombardo
UNDERSTOOD!?
[shouts loud enough for Louis to hear him]
Louis
Oh, yeah.
[understands him better]
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Warning to a friend about attention
Charlie Carbone
Be careful, Louis! You almost missed one!
[Louis keeps smashing the jeep into termite mounds]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.