Kangaroo Jack (2003) - Quotes

Kangaroo Jack Demands Star Treatment

Kangaroo Jack: [slaps himself in the face; impersonates Dr. Evil; puts his sunglasses on; imitates Porky Pig stammering] Wait a minute! The movie is called Kangaroo Jack! It should end with me! I'm a serious, classically trained actor. I can sing, I can dance, and I can jump out of the way of explosions-- Ow! Oh, yeah, no, that's gonna leave a mark. And I can do impersonations. Come on, people. Throw me a freaking bone. I have a son. I shall call him Mini-Roo. Now, that should be the way you end a film. With the star. Someone call my agent! That's all, blokes!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Threatening Words from Frankie Lombardo

Frankie Lombardo: [as he gets arrested by the police; [Ralph Breaks the Internet|slaughter] You pansy-ass retards are dead. You hear me? Dead! I'll ] you like veal! I'll wear your eyeballs like jewelry!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Dangerous Misunderstanding of Loyalty

Frankie Lombardo: [Cocks his pistol; points it at Charlie] This is from Sal Maggio. He's very disappointed in you, Charlie.

Charlie: [Picks up the package] Frankie! We got the money. We got it back! We got it!

Frankie Lombardo: [Shakes his head] You don't get it, do ya, Charlie? Sal's not disappointed because he cares about the money. He's ‘disappointed because you two aren't dead. What do think he was payin Smith 50 grand for?

Louis: You mean we traveled halfway across the world to pay for our own execution?

Frankie Lombardo: [Smiles sinisterly] Yeah. You two were the bag men for your own hit. Pretty clever, eh?

Charlie: Not on our part.

Frankie Lombardo: [Prepares to shoot Charlie and Louis] Say good night.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Kangaroo Jack Reveals His Talents to Charlie

Charlie: [sees Kangaroo Jack] It's you.

Kangaroo Jack: Yeah, it's me. Love the jacket, Charlie. It's hard enough to fit my shoulders. Nice! How'd you know red was my favorite color?

Charlie: You can talk!

Kangaroo Jack: [singing from "Rapper's Delight] And I can sing. I said a hip hop/Hippie to the hippie/The hip, hip a hop, and you don't stop, a rock it/To the bang-bang boogie, say, up jump the boogie/To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat.

Charlie: This is great!

Kangaroo Jack: ... see I am Jackie Legs and I like to say, "Hello" / To the black to the white...

Charlie: Jackie? Mr. Legs, if you would find your way clear to give me back my money?

Kangaroo Jack: Money? Oh, you mean that money...

Charlie: Stop that. Stop it! Stop that! Hey! Stop that, please! If Sal finds out...

Sal Maggio: (as a kangaroo) If I find out what, Charlie? That you lost my money?

Charlie: Sal?

Sal Maggio: I ask you to do something for me. This is not that!

Charlie: It wasn't my fault, it was Louis.

Louis: (as a kangaroo) Say what? My fault? That's how you pay me back after I saved your life?

Charlie: Louis?

Louis: Next time you're drowning in the ocean... CALL FREE WILLY! Let Willy set you free! You know what, Sal? You were right about him. Chicken blood!

Sal Maggio: Smell it on his father. Smell it on him. Chicken blood.

Kangaroo Jack: Oy! Chicken blood!

Kangaroo Jack, Louis, and Sal Maggio: [chanting] Chicken blood, chicken blood, chicken blood!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Checking on a friend's well-being

Charlie: Are you okay?

Louis: Yeah.

Charlie: Are you sure?

Louis: Yeah.

Charlie: Good. Because I am gonna beat you soft, Louis!

Louis: Like this is my fault?!

Charlie: First rule of aviation: You never shoot the pilot!

Blue: [Abruptly sitting up] Assume crash positions!

Louis: [Gesturing at the plane] Blue, we already crashed.

Blue: [Looking around] Oh, right. No worries then.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Unexpected Situations Involving Kangaroos and Money

Charlie: [while he furiously whacks Louis' arm] WHO PUTS A JACKET WITH $50,000 ON A KANGAROO?!

Louis: A DEAD KANGAROO! HE WAS DEAD, CHARLIE!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Kangaroo and the Missing Money

Louis: [sobbing hysterically] Charlie? CHARLIE!

Charlie: What?

Louis: The kangaroo's got the money!

Charlie: What are you talking about?

Louis: I put the money in the jacket and the jacket on the kangaroo and now he's hopping away!

Charlie: The kangaroo has the money?

Louis: Uh-huh.

Charlie: The kangaroo has Salvatore's $50,000?

Louis: ...Yeah.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Warning About Curiosity and Secrets

Louis: Hey, what's in here, man?

Frankie Lombardo: You will not look in that envelope under any circumstances, understood?

Louis: I can't hear you--

Frankie Lombardo: [shouts loud enough for Louis to hear him] UNDERSTOOD!?

Louis: [understands him better] Oh, yeah.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Family Tensions and Humorous Disputes

Sal Maggio: Louis Booker, you degenerate moron. Were these medieval times and you, a knight in shining armor, you would have, I have no doubt, slayed the maiden and saved the dragon.

Louis: Shh! Waffles!

Charlie: Sal, we can explain...

Sal Maggio: (cuts Charlie off) As for you, Charlie. After the tragic death of your father, I married your mother promising her I would raise you as my own. You chose not to take the Maggio name; I did not complain. And when you wanted to go to Beauty School, as boys who lose their fathers early in life often do, I did not snivel at your intentions, did I?

Charlie: No, Salvatore, you didn't. In fact...

Sal Maggio: [Gestures at the TV] In fact, I happened to buy a beauty parlor so you could sit on your lazy butt all day long. $4.5 million you cost me. Were you anybody else, you would be dead by now.

Charlie: Look, Sal, we know that you're upset.

Sal Maggio: It's not your fault.

Charlie: What?

Sal Maggio: A lion can raise a mouse, but the mouse is still a mouse. And you, Charlie, are that mouse. (To his men) Look at this. He takes it. Chicken blood.

Louis: [Sal looks at him annoyed; awkwardly] Excuse me? Sal? You said he was a mouse, and he had chicken blood. So that would be mouse blood, not chicken blood. Right? My bad, Sal. I'll be here if you need me.

Consequences of Disappointment and Betrayal

Frankie Lombardo: Sal is very disappointed to hear you lost that money. It's too late for that, Charlie. This time you screwed up big, final straw big. This from Sal Maggio. You don't get it, do you, Charlie? Sal's not disappointed cause he cares about the money. He's disappointed cause you two aren't dead! What do you think he was paying Smith fifty grand for?

Comparing Hurricanes to Two Characters' Impact

Frankie Lombardo: Hurricanes leave smaller trails than you two morons.

Questioning Identity in Kangaroo Jack

Louis Booker: This mysterious Mr. Smith we're gonna meet? I don't think that's his real name.

A Moment of Misunderstood Intimacy

Louis Booker: Can you hold on a second? We're having a very intimate non-gay moment.

Pointing Out the Obvious

Louis Booker: Look, there it is, there! RIGHT THERE!

Naming a Son After a Friend

Louis Booker: I'm gonna name my first son after you. "Crazy-Ass White Boy".

Struggling with Reality and Cognitive Overload

Charlie Carbone: My brain is frying and I'm losing contact with reality. You don't understand this because this is how you normally function.

A Call for Proximity

Charlie Carbone: Closer, Louis!

Warning to a friend about attention

Charlie Carbone: [Louis keeps smashing the jeep into termite mounds] Be careful, Louis! You almost missed one!

Pursuit and Progress in Kangaroo Jack

Charlie Carbone: Getting closer! GETTING CLOSER!

Regret Over the Loss of a Kangaroo

Charlie Carbone: [Witnessing Jackie Legs' "death" of being hit by Charlie and Louis' jeep] Oh god. I killed a kangaroo. I never saw it. It's such a beautiful animal. It's the state symbol of Australia, and I've killed it.