Kick-Ass (2010) - Quotes

Taglines: With no power comes no responsibility.

Taglines: You are fucking awesome!

Taglines: I can't read your mind, but I can kick your ass.

Taglines: I can't see through walls, but I can kick your ass.

Taglines: I can't be invisible, but I can kick your ass.

Taglines: I can't fly, but I can kick your ass.

Taglines: Shut up. Kick Ass.

Frank D'Amico: [fighting Hit-Girl; picks up gun; points gun at Hit-Girl] Ruin my business, huh? Kill every single fucking guy on my payroll?! God, I wish I had a son like you. Time for a family reunion.

Dave/Kick-Ass: [Frank looks up to see Kick-Ass holding a bazooka; blasts a bullet at Frank, causing him to crash through the window and the bazooka bullet explodes, finally killing him] Hey! Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?

Huge Goon: [grabs the bazooka] Everything is under control.

Red Mist: Under control? You're grabbing a fucking bazooka, you dumbass!

Marcus Williams: You owe that kid a childhood.

Big Daddy: I'll tell you who owes her a childhood: FRANK D'AMICO!

Dave/Kick-Ass: [panting] I didn't say anything to anyone, I swear!

Big Daddy: Good move, Ass-Kick. Let's keep it that way.

Hit Girl: [shows cartridge in her hand; Dave shakes his head] You know what this is? It's all the cartridge crap that comes out of your gay little taser when you fire it. You do know the police could've traced this right back to you if they found it? But lucky for you, I picked it up.

Dave/Kick-Ass: [in relief; walks over to claim the stuff from Hit-Girl; Big Daddy takes it from his hands] Thank you.

Big Daddy: Let's call it insurance. Makes it easier for us to take your word. See, we like you, but we don't trust you.

Hit Girl: Don't take it personal, though. We don't trust anybody.

Big Daddy: I rerouted your IP adress. Finding you was way too easy.

Dave/Kick-Ass: [stammering] Oh, shit. Shit, I hadn't thought…my God, I…I owe you. You know what? I'm thinking of just shutting my site down anyway. Quitting. I mean, this is…it's fucking insane. I'm in way over my head.

Hit Girl: It's a shame. You have potential.

Big Daddy: Your call. But you know, we're around if you need us.

Dave/Kick-Ass: How do I get a hold of you?

Hit Girl: [sarcastically] You just contact the mayor's office, he has a special signal he shines in the sky. It's in the shape of a giant cock.

Big Daddy: [to Hit-Girl; jumps out of window] You need us, put on your website that you're on vacation. We'll find you. Hit-Girl, back to headquarters.

Hit Girl: [to Dave, as she follows Big Daddy; Blows him a kiss and then jumps out of window, leaving Dave distraught] Sweet dreams.

Mindy: You know what? Everyone likes Kick-Ass. If you see the clip he's actually pretty good.

Damon: [''laughs sarcastically''] Good at getting his ass... kicked. They should call him Ass-Kick, instead.

Mindy: That doesn't even make sense.

Damon: So, have you thought a little more about what you might want for your birthday?

Mindy: Can I get a puppy?

Damon: [in disbelief] You wanna get a dog?

Mindy: Yeah, a cuddly, fluffy one. And a Bratz Movie Star Makeover Sasha.

Mindy: [laughing; [w:butterfly knife|butterfly knife] I'm just messing with you, Daddy. Look, I'd love a Benchmade Model 42 ].

Damon: [in relief] Oh, child. You always knock me for a loop. You know what?

Mindy: What?

Damon: I'm gonna get you two.

Mindy: Two?

Damon: One balisong. Two balisong. That's what you get.

Dave: How come nobody's ever tried to be a superhero?

Marty: Boy, I don't know. Probably cause it's fucking impossible, dipshit.

Dave: What, putting on a mask and helping people? How's that impossible?

Todd: That's not superhero, though. How is that super? Super's like being stronger than everybody and flying and shit. That's just hero.

Marty: No, it's not even hero. It's just fucking psycho.

Todd: Hmm.

Dave: [[w:Bruce Wayne|Bruce Wayne] Hello? ]? He didn't have any powers.

Todd: Yes, but he had all the expensive shit that doesn't exist. I thought you mean like, "How come nobody does it in real life?

Dave: Yeah, Todd. That's what I meant.

Marty: Dude, if anybody did it in real life, they'd get their ass kicked. They'd be dead in like a day.

Todd: A day.

Dave: [Todd and Marty just give Dave looks of disagreement; [w:Paris Hilton|Paris Hilton; [w:Spider-Man|Spider-Man] Yeah, okay, I'm not saying they should do it. I just can't figure out why nobody does. Seriously, out of all the millions of people who love superheroes, you'd think one would give it a try. Jesus, doesn't that bug you guys? Like thousands of people want to be ]; nobody wants to be ].

Marty: [to Todd] Yeah, what's with that? She has like no tits, at all.

Rasul: [gets stabbed by Hit-Girl] You are so fucking dead, man!

Huge Goon: [[Scarface] *Quoting Tony Montana from ].

Huge Goon: [about to fire the bazooka] Say hello to my little friend!

Huge Goon: Fuck this shit, I'm getting the bazooka!

Frank D'Amico: [in mockingly childish falsetto; in normal voice] Mommy! I want a Kick-Ass party! Dumb little fucks.

Chris D'Amico/Red Mist: [[Batman (1989 film)|Wait 'til they get a load of me!] As a great man once said, "]".

Chris D'Amico/Red Mist: That's right, we're superheroes, you love us.

Damon Macready/Big Daddy: Mindy? No more homework, baby doll. It's time for Frank D'Amico to go bye-bye.

Damon Macready/Big Daddy: [lifts up gun at Mindy; shoots Mindy in the chest] You're gonna be fine, babydoll!

Mindy Macready/Hit-Girl: [after saving Big Daddy and Kick-Ass from being executed on live television; destroys the video camera] Show's over, motherfuckers.

Mindy Macready/Hit-Girl: [after killing Cody in his car with a [[w:Car crusher|car crusher] What a douche.

Mindy Macready/Hit-Girl: [[w:Kick-Ass (film)|main article] Okay, you cunts, let's see what you can do now.

Dave Lizewski/Kick-Ass: [[Spider-Man (film)|Spider-Man] *This quote rephrased a quote from ].

Dave Lizewski/Kick-Ass: With no power comes no responsibility, except that wasn't true.

Dave Lizewski/Kick-Ass: [while attempting to rescue a stubborn cat named 'Mister Bitey' who was stuck on a billboard platform; falls off platform] FUCK YOU, Mister Bitey!

Dave Lizewski/Kick-Ass: [narrating] I always wondered why nobody did it before me. I mean, all those comic books, movies, t. v. shows, you'd think that one eccentric loner would have made himself a costume. I mean, is everyday life really so exciting? Are schools and offices so thrilling that I'm the only one who ever fantasised about this? Come on, be honest with yourself. At some point in our lives, we all wanted to be a superhero.