Kill Bill: Vol. 2 Quotes

The Bride/Beatrix Kiddo My Pussy Wagon died on me.

Bill I was just admiring your sword. Quite a piece of work. Speaking of which, how is Hanzo-san?

The Bride He's good.

Bill Has his sushi gotten any better?

Bill You know, I couldn't believe it. You got him to make you a sword.

The Bride It was easy. I just dropped your name, Bill.

Bill That'd do it.

Bill Now, when it comes to you, and us, I have a few unanswered questions. So, before this tale of bloody revenge reaches its climax, I'm going to ask you some questions, and I want you to tell me the truth. However, therein lies the dilemma. Because, when it comes to the subject of me, I believe you are truly and utterly incapable of telling the truth – especially to me, and least of all to yourself. And, when it comes to the subject of me, I am truly and utterly incapable of believing anything you say.

The Bride How do you suppose we solve this dilemma?

Bill Well! It just so happens I have a solution.

Bill As you know, I'm quite keen on comic books. Especially the ones about superheroes. I find the whole mythology surrounding superheroes fascinating. Take my favorite superhero, Superman. Not a great comic book. Not particularly well drawn. But the mythology … the mythology is not only great, it's unique.

The Bride How long does this shit take to go into effect?!

Bill About two minutes, just long enough for me to finish my point. Now, a staple of the superhero mythology is there's the superhero and there's the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When that character wakes up in the morning, he's Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that characteristic Superman stands alone. Superman didn't become Superman. Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he's Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red "S", that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears – the glasses, the business suit – that's the costume. That's the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent? He's weak, he's unsure of himself, he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race. Sort of like Beatrix Kiddo and Mrs. Tommy Plympton.

The Bride Aso. The point emerges.

Bill You would've worn the costume of Arlene Plympton. But you were born Beatrix Kiddo. And every morning when you woke up, you'd still be Beatrix Kiddo. Oh, you can take the needle out.

The Bride Are you calling me a superhero?

Bill I'm calling you a killer! A natural born killer. You always have been, and you always will be. Moving to El Paso, working in a used record store, going to the movies with Tommy, clipping coupons. That's you … trying to disguise yourself as a worker bee. That's you trying to blend in with the hive. But you're not a worker bee. You're a renegade killer bee. And no matter how much beer you drank or barbecue you ate or how fat your ass got, nothing in the world would ever change that.

Bill He'll accept you as his student.

The Bride What happened to you?

Bill Nothing.

The Bride Get in a fight?

Bill Friendly contest.

The Bride Why did he accept me?

Bill Because he's a very, very, very old man, and like all rotten bastards, when they become old, they get lonely. Which has no effect on their dispositions, but it does teach them the value of company.

Bill Well, just seeing those steps again makes me ache. You're gonna have a lot of fun carrying buckets of water up and down that fucker.

The Bride When will I see you again?

Bill That's the name of my ] of the seventies.

The Bride What?

Bill Nothing. When he tells me you're done.

The Bride When do you think that might be?

Bill That, my dearest, depends entirely on you. Now, remember: no sarcasm, no backtalk. At least not for the first year or so. You're gonna have to let him warm up to you. He hates Caucasians, despises Americans, and has nothing but contempt for women, so in your case … it might take a little while. Adiós.

Taglines The whole thrilling tale is revealed.

Bill Is that not the perfect visual image of life and death? A fish flapping on the carpet, and a fish not flapping on the carpet.

Elle Driver I'm sorry, Budd. That was rude of me, wasn't it? Budd, I'd like you to meet my friend, the black mamba. Black mamba, this is Budd. You know, before I picked that little fella up, I looked it up on the internet. Fascinating creature, the black mamba. Listen to this. "In Africa, the saying goes, In the bush an elephant can kill you, a leopard can kill you, and a black mamba can kill you. But only with the mamba — and this is true in Africa since the dawn of time — is death sure. Hence its handle: Death Incarnate.'" Pretty cool, huh? "Its neurotoxic venom is one of nature's most effective poisons, acting on the nervous system, causing paralysis. The venom of a black mamba can kill a human in four hours if, say, bitten on the ankle or the thumb. However, a bite to the face or torso can bring death from paralysis within 20 minutes." Now, you should listen to this, cause this concerns you. "The amount of venom that can be delivered from a single bite can be gargantuan." You know, I've always liked that word "gargantuan," and I so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence. "If not treated quickly with anti-venom, 10 to 15 milligrams can be fatal to human beings. However, the black mamba can deliver as much as 100 to 400 milligrams of venom from a single bite." Now in these last agonizing minutes of life you have left, let me answer the question you asked earlier more thoroughly. Right at this moment, the biggest "R" I feel is Regret. Regret that maybe the greatest warrior I have ever known met her end at the hands of a bushwhackin', scrub, alky piece of shit like you. That woman deserved better.

Esteban Vihaio Being a fool for a woman such as yourself … is only the right thing to do. What were we talking about?

The Bride Bill. Where's Bill?

Esteban Vihaio Where's Bill? Yeah, hm … Bill is on the Villa Quatro, on the road to Salina. I will draw you a map. Bill is like a son to me. Do you know why I help you?

The Bride No.

Esteban Vihaio Because he would want me to.

The Bride Now, that I don't believe.

Esteban Vihaio Ah! How else is he going to see you again?

The Bride Master …

Pai Mei Your Mandarin is lousy. It causes my ears great discomfort. You bray like an ass! You are not to speak unless spoken to. Is it too much to hope … you understand Cantonese?

The Bride I speak Japanese very well …

Pai Mei I didn't ask if you speak Japanese … I asked if you understand Cantonese?

The Bride A little.

Pai Mei You are here to learn the mysteries of Kung Fu, not linguistics. If you can't understand me, I will communicate with you like I would a dog! When I yell, when I point, when I beat you with my stick! Bill is your master, is he not?

The Bride Yes, he is.

Pai Mei Your master tells me … you're not entirely unschooled. What training do you possess?

The Bride I am proficient in Tiger-Crane Style, and I am more than proficient in the exquisite art of the Samurai sword.

Pai Mei Hmph! The exquisite art of the Samurai sword. Don't make me laugh! Your so-called exquisite art is only fit for … Japanese fatheads! Your anger amuses me. Do you believe you are my match?

The Bride No.

Pai Mei Are you aware I kill at will?

The Bride Yes.

Pai Mei Is it your wish to die?

The Bride No!

Pai Mei Then you must be stupid … so stupid! Rise, and let me look at your ridiculous face. Rise. So, my pathetic friend … is there anything that you can do well? What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? Oh yes, you speak Japanese. I despise the goddamn Japs!

Bill I'm a killer! I'm a murdering bastard, you know that. And there are consequences to breaking the heart of a murdering bastard.

Bill Mommy is still angry at Daddy.

B.B. Why?

Bill Well, sweetie, I love Mommy, but I did to Mommy what you did to Emilio.

B.B. You stomped on Mommy?

Bill Worse. I shot Mommy. Not pretend shoot, like we were just doing. I shot her for real.

B.B. Why? Did you want to see what would happen?

Bill No, I knew what would happen to Mommy if I shot her. What I didn't know is, when I shot Mommy, what would happen to me.

B.B. What happened?

Taglines The bride is back for the final cut

Taglines Back with a vengeance.

Bill Once upon a time in China, some believe around the year one double-ought three, head priest of the White Lotus Clan, Pai Mei, was walking down the road – contemplating whatever it is that a man of Pai Mei's nearly infinite powers would contemplate - which is another way of saying "who knows?" - when a Shaolin monk appeared on the road, traveling in the opposite direction. As the monk and the priest crossed paths, Pai Mei, in a practically unfathomable display of generosity, gave the monk the slightest of nods. The nod was not returned.Now, was it the intention of the Shaolin monk to insult Pai Mei? Or did he just fail to see the generous social gesture? The motives of the monk remain unknown. What is known were the consequences.The next morning Pai Mei appeared at the Shaolin Temple and demanded of the Temple's head abbot that he offer Pai Mei his neck to repay the insult. The Abbot at first tried to console Pai Mei, only to find Pai Mei was … inconsolable.So began the massacre of the Shaolin Temple and all sixty of the monks inside at the fists of the White Lotus. And so began the legend of Pai Mei's five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique.

Budd So, which "R" you filled with?

Elle Driver What?

Budd They say the number one killer of old people is retirement. People got a job to do, they tend to live a little bit longer so they can do it. I've always figured that warriors and their enemies share the same relationship. So, now that you're not gonna have to face your enemy no more on the battlefield, which "R" you filled with? Relief … or regret?

Elle Driver A little bit of both.

Budd Horseshit. I'm sure you do feel a little bit of both. But I know damn well that you feel one more than you feel the other. And the question was, which one is it?

Elle Driver Regret.

The Bride To my brother, Budd, the only man I ever loved. Bill.

Elle Driver What's that?

The Bride Budd's Hanzo sword.

Elle Driver He said, he pawned it.

The Bride Guess that makes him a liar now, don't it. Elle?

Elle Driver Bea.

The Bride There's something I'm curious about, just between us girls. What did you say to Pai Mei to make him snatch out your eye?

Elle Driver I called him a miserable, old fool.

The Bride Ooh, bad idea.

Elle Driver You know what I did? I killed that miserable, old fool.

Elle Driver How do you like the fish heads you miserable, old fool? I poisoned his fish heads.

Pai Mei (in Cantonese) Elle, you treacherous dog, I gave you my word.

Elle Driver And I told him, "To me the word of an old fool like you is worth less than nothing.

Elle Driver That's right! I killed your master. And now I'm going to kill you too -- with your own sword, no less. Which, in the very immediate future, will become...my sword.

The Bride Bitch. You don't have a future.

The Bride/Beatrix Kiddo Looked dead, didn't I? Well, I wasn't, but it wasn't for lack of trying I can tell you that. Actually, Bill's last bullet put me in a coma, a coma I was to lie in for four years. When I woke up, I went on what the movie advertisements referred to as a roaring rampage of revenge. I roared and I rampaged and I got bloody satisfaction. I've killed a hell of a lot of people to get to this point. But I have only one more. The last one, the one I'm driving to right now. The only one left. And when I arrive at my destination, I am gonna kill Bill.

Bill Pai Mei taught you the five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique?

The Bride Of course he did.

Bill Why didn't you tell me?

The Bride I don't know … because I'm a bad person.

Bill No. You're not a bad person. You're a terrific person. You're my favorite person. But every once in a while, you can be a real cunt.

Bill How do I look?

The Bride You look ready.

Elle Driver Let me put it this way: if you ever start feeling sentimental, go to Barstow, California. When you get here, walk into a florist and buy a bunch of flowers. Then you take those flowers to Huntington Cemetery on Fuller and Guadalupe, look for the headstone marked Paula Schultz, then lay them on the grave. Because you will be standing at the final resting place of Beatrix Kiddo.

Elle Driver Bill?

Budd Wrong brother, you hateful bitch.

Elle Driver Budd?

Budd Bingo!

Elle Driver And to what do I owe this dubious pleasure?

Budd I just caught me the cowgirl that ain't never been caught.

Elle Driver Did you kill her?

Budd Well, not yet I ain't. I shot her full of rock salt. She's so gentle right now, I could perform a coup de grâce with a rock. Anyhow, guess what I'm holding in my hand right now.

Elle Driver What?

Budd A brand spanking new Hattori Hanzo sword. And I'm here to tell you, Elle, that's what I call sharp.

Elle Driver How much?

Budd Oh, that's hard to say, being that it's priceless and all.

Elle Driver What's the terms?

Budd You get your bony ass down here first thing in the morning, with a million dollars in folding cash, and I'll give you the greatest sword ever made by a man. How do you like the sound of that?

Elle Driver Sounds like we got a deal. One condition.

Budd What?

Elle Driver She must suffer to her last breath.

Budd Well, that, Elle darling, I can pretty much damn well guarantee.

Elle Driver Then I'll see you in the morning … millionaire.

The Bride You and I have unfinished business.

Bill Baby, you ain't kidding.

Taglines Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Bill Do you find me sadistic? You know, Kiddo, I'd like to believe that you're aware enough, even now, to know that there's nothing sadistic in my actions. This moment, this is me at my most … masochistic.

The Bride Bill, it's your bab–

Taglines Kill is love.

Bill I suppose the traditional way to conclude this is we cross Hanzo swords. Well, it just so happens this hacienda comes with its very own private beach. And this private beach just so happens to look particularly beautiful bathed in moonlight. And there just so happens to be a full moon out tonight. So, swordfighter, if you want to sword fight, that's where I suggest. But if you wanna be old school about it, and you know I'm all about old school, then we can wait till dawn, and slice each other up at sunrise, like a couple of real-life, honest-to-goodness samurais.

Budd You're telling me she cut her way through eighty-eight bodyguards before she got to O-Ren?

Bill Nah, there weren't really eighty-eight of them. They just called themselves "The Crazy 88".

Budd How come?

Bill I don't know, I guess they thought it sounded cool. Anyhow, they all fell under her Hanzo sword.

Budd She's got a Hanzo sword?

Bill He made one for her.

Budd Didn't he swear a blood oath to never make another sword?

Bill It would appear he has broken it.

Budd Them Japs sure know how to hold a grudge, don't they? Or maybe … you just tend to bring that out in people.

Bill I know this is a ridiculous question before I ask it, but you haven't by chance kept up with your sword play?

Budd I...umm... I pawned that years ago.

Bill You hocked a Hattori Hanzo sword!

Budd Yeah.

Bill It was priceless.

Budd Well not in El Paso, it ain't. In El Paso, I got me $250 for it. I'm a bouncer in a titty bar, Bill. If she wants to fight with me, all she has to do is come down to the club and start some shit and we'll be in a fight.

Bill I know we haven't spoken in some time, and the last time we spoke wasn't the most pleasant. But you've got to get over being mad at me and start becoming afraid of Beatrix, because she is coming, and she's coming to kill you. And unless you accept my assistance, I have no doubt she will succeed.

Budd I don't dodge guilt, and I don't jew out of paying my comeuppance.

Bill Can't we just forget the past?

Budd That woman deserves her revenge, and we deserve to die. But then again, so does she. So I guess we'll just see … won't we?