Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005) - Quotes

Welcome to the party of chaos

Taglines: Sex. Murder. Mystery. Welcome to the party.

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A Challenging Week in a Tough City

Taglines: A bad week in a tough town.

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A Message About Friendship and Boundaries

Harry: [Lights a cigarette; Mimics the slapping] That's it. That's the true story of what happened last Christmas. That was some pretty harsh shit. The old guy back there, right? But, whatever, he's creepy, fuck him, don't worry bout him. Uh, anyhow, so, um, thanks for coming. Thanks for taking the trip to L.A. with me. Uh...I mean, if I have to-to sum it up, and I do, cause it's like, you know, the end, I would say this movie is...is about friendship. Friendship is...is...is sacred.

Gay Perry: What are you doing?

Harry: I'm just trying to wrap up the movie, and leave the people a message.

Gay Perry: Oh. Well, I got a message for ya: Get your feet off my fucking desk.

Harry: Sorry. I work for Perry now–

Gay Perry: [Covers Harry's mouth; to the audience; Uncovers Harry's mouth] And stop narrating. That's it, please stay for the end credits. If you're wondering who the best boy is, it's somebody's nephew. Um, don't forget to validate your parking, and to all you good people in the Midwest, sorry we said "fuck" so much. Say "Good night".

Harry: Thanks, again.

Gay Perry: [Turns off the camera] Now go. Vanish.

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Unexpected Encounters at a Funeral

Harmony's Dad: Do I know you?

Gay Perry: No. Just in town for the funeral.

Harmony's Dad: What do you want?

Gay Perry: Well, I was going to go to the zoo, but it was closed, so I thought I'd come here and look at an animal.

Harmony's Dad: Son of a... Who do you think you're talking to? I buried my daughter today!

Gay Perry: No. You buried her twenty years ago. Harmony was right, her sister was murdered. You pulled the trigger. It just took this long for the bullet to hit.

Harmony's Dad: Who are you? I loved my girl.

Harmony's Dad: You fucker! If I could get out of this bed...

Gay Perry: Yeah? Well, you can't.

Harmony's Dad: You bastard! Old man that can't defend himself. Big tough guy.

Gay Perry: Yeah, that's right. Big tough guy.

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Unexpected Discoveries in a Dark Situation

Gay Perry: Is that the body?

Harry: No, that's the other corpse, from the last guy who stayed here.

Gay Perry: Fuck off.

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Ambiguity of Imagery in Tense Moments

Gay Perry: I want you to picture a bullet inside your head right now. Can you do that for me?

Gunman: Fuck you. Anyway, that's ambiguous.

Gay Perry: Ambiguous. No, no, I don't think so.

Harry: No, I think what he means is that when you say "Picture it inside your head", okay, is that that a bullet will be inside your head. Or picture it in your head.

Gay Perry: Harry, will you shut up...

Harry: Well, he's got a point.

Gunman: Look, I don't know anything about a girl, seriously. I was bluffing.

Harry: Oh okay, you know what? I think you are bluffing right now.

Gay Perry: Harry, what are you doing?

Harry: [sticks one bullet in the cylinder and spins it] Well what I am doing for the guy who likes to bluff, is I am playing a little game called "Am I bluffing?" Where is she? Where the fuck is Harmony?

Gay Perry: Harry...

Harry: [spins the cylinder again; closes the cylinder] You want to play hard ball, I can do that. Where is the girl!

Gay Perry: What...did you just do!?!?!

Harry: There was only one bullet in that, right?

Gay Perry: You put a live round into that gun?

Harry: Well, I didn't know, I thought there was like an...eight percent chance.

Gay Perry: Eight?

Harry: Eight...

Gay Perry: Eight!? Who taught you math!?

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Exploring Childhood Influences on Adult Relationships

Harry: What is it out here with these women?

Harmony: Oh please, Harry, they're no different from anywhere else.

Harry: Yes, they are. These are damaged goods, every one of them, from way back. I'm telling you, you take a guy who sleeps with 100 women a year, go into his childhood - dollars to doughnuts, it's relatively unspectacular... Now, you take one of these... gals, who sleeps with 100 guys a year, and I bet you if you look in their childhood, there's something rotten in Denver.

Harmony: Denmark.

Harry: That too! But it's abandonment, it's abuse, it's, "My uncle put his ping-ping in my papa!"... and then they all come out here! I swear to God, it's like somebody took America by the East Coast, and shook it, and all the normal girls managed to hang on.

Harmony: OK, everyone who hates Harry raise your hand!

Gay Perry: See that? Obedient little bitches too.

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Unexpected Confession Between Friends

Harry: Perry?

Gay Perry: Yeah?

Harry: I peed on it.

Gay Perry: What? You peed on what?

Harry: I peed on the corpse. Can they do, like, ID from that?

Gay Perry: I'm sorry, you peed on...?

Harry: On the corpse. My question is...

Gay Perry: No, my question, I get to go first: Why in pluperfect hell would you pee on a corpse?

Harry: I didn't intend to! It's not like I did it for kicks!

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Misunderstanding About Sleep and Its Effects

Gay Perry: Go. Sleep badly. Any questions, hesitate to call.

Harry: Bad.

Gay Perry: Excuse me?

Harry: Sleep bad. Otherwise, it makes it seem like the mechanism that allows you to sleep...

Gay Perry: What, fuckhead? Badly's an adverb. Who taught you grammar? Get out. Vanish.

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Defining Idiocy Through Humor and Sarcasm

Gay Perry: Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?

Harry: A picture of me?

Gay Perry: No! The definition of the word "idiot"! Which you fucking are!

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A Conversation on Intelligence and Self-Awareness

Harry: Do you think I'm stupid?

Gay Perry: I don't think you'd know how to feed yourself, if you didn't flap your mouth so much. Yes, I think you're stupid.

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Fatherly Love and Unique Expressions of Pain

Perry: How about you, Harry, did your father love you?

Harry: Ah, sometimes, you know - like when I dressed up like a bottle. How about yours?

Perry: Well, he used to beat me in Morse code, so it's possible, but he never actually said the words.

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A Humorous Exchange on Christmas Apologies

Gay Perry: Merry Christmas, sorry I fucked you over.

Harry: No problem. Don't quit your gay job.

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A Loaded Derringer and Its Limitations

Harry: Oh Wow. Woo. It's tiny. Is this real?

Gay Perry: Yeah, it's a Derringer. It's loaded. I call it my faggot gun.

Harry: Because...

Gay Perry: Because it's only good for a couple shots, then you gotta drop it for something better. You asked, chief.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Humorous Banter on Relationships and Meals

Harmony: [about the blonde woman in the room] She's been fucked more times than she's had hot meals.

Harry: Mmmm, I heard about that. It was neck and neck until she skipped lunch.

Miscommunication Over Drinks

Harry: Umm, clearly I'm interrupting. I feel badly. Let me... What are you drinking?

Harmony: Bad.

Harry: Bad? Sorry... feel...?

Harmony: You feel bad.

Harry: Bad?

Harmony: Badly is an adverb. So, to say you feel badly would be saying that the mechanism which allows you to feel is broken.

A Tense Confrontation Between Two Characters

Harry: You know what? You'd better be her doctor.

Harry: Walk away, don't think, just do it.

Agent Type: What are you, her brother or something? It's none of your business, man. I will fuck you up.

Harry: [coolly] No. You'll try, and that little experiment will end in tears, my friend. So, again for the cheap seats, do not think, walk the fuck away - or let's you and me go outside right now. It's past my bedtime. Make a choice.

Identity and Humor in Relationships

Harry: Still gay?

Gay Perry: Me? No, I'm knee-deep in pussy. I just love the name so much I can't get rid of it.

Conflicted Truths in Relationships

Harry: I sent Harmony home believing A, we'd meet tomorrow to go over her case, and B, I'm not actually gay. Please do not ask me how I did B.

Narrative Confusion and Apologies

Harry: And that's how she got to the same party as me. Oh shit. I skipped something. Damn it. This whole robot bit. I made a big deal, then I like totally forgot. Fuck, this is bad narrating. Like my dad telling a joke. "Oh, wait back up. I forgot to tell you the cowboy rode a blue horse." Fuck. Anyway, I don't know if you want to see it now, but here's the fucking robot stuff for your viewing pleasure. Can I say "fuck" more?

Questioning Narration and Perception in Life

Harry: Anyway, by now you may wonder how I wound up here. Or maybe not. Maybe you wonder how silly putty picks shit up from comic books. The point is, I don't see another goddamn narrator, so pipe down.

Physical Soreness in a 1950s Context

Harry: Wow, I feel sore. I mean physically, not like a guy who's angry in a movie in the 1950's.

Commitment to a definitive conclusion

Harry: [[Lord of the Rings] Don't worry, I saw ]. I'm not going to end this 17 times.

Contemplating Destiny and Dreams in Los Angeles

Harry: I tell him about destiny; he's shaking his head. About dream girls; he doesn't care. I mention the underwear thing? He has a fucking conniption. And you? How bout it, filmgoer? Have you solved the case of the - the dead people in L.A.? Times Square audiences, please don't shout at the screen, and stop picking at that, it'll just get worse.

Conflicted Emotions of Desire and Pity

Harry: It was the first time I felt how pitying someone and wanting to fuck them can get all tangled up in your head. Overwhelming sadness, meanwhile you got a Rodney. Is that sick? I think… yeah… I think that's sick.