31 quotes
Misunderstanding Latin in a Roman context
Centurion
What's this then? "Romanes eunt domus"? "People called Romanes, they go the ouse"?
Brian
It–it says "Romans go home".
Centurion
No it doesn't. What's Latin for "Roman"? Come on. Come on!
Brian
Romanus"?
Centurion
Goes like?
Brian
Annus"?
Centurion
Vocative plural of "annus" is...?
Brian
Anni.
Centurion
Romani". "Eunt"? What is "eunt"?
[writing]
Brian
Go".
Centurion
Conjugate the verb "to go".
Brian
Ire, eo, is, it, imus, itis, eunt.
Centurion
So "eunt" is?
Brian
Third person plural, present indicative. "They go".
Centurion
But "Romans go home" is an order, so you must use the?
[tugs on Brian's ear]
Brian
Ah, imperative?
Centurion
Which is?
Brian
Uh, uhm, "I"! "I"!
Centurion
How many Romans?
Brian
Aah! Plural, plural! "Ite"! "Ite"!
Centurion
Ite". "Domus"? Nominative? "Go home", this is motion towards, isn't it, boy?
[writing]
Brian
Dative? Ah! Not dative! Not the dative, sir! Ah! Ah! Oh! Accusative, accusative! "Domum", sir. "Ad domum".
[centurion angrily draws his sword to Brian's throat]
Centurion
Except that "domus" takes the?
Brian
The locative, sir?
Centurion
Which is?
Brian
Domum"!
Centurion
Domum". "Um". Understand?
[writing]
Brian
Yes, sir.
Centurion
Now write it out a hundred times.
Brian
Yes sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar sir.
Centurion
Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off!
Brian
Oh, thank you sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar and everything, sir!
Brian
Finished!
Centurion
Right. Now don't do it again.
[leaves]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Moment of False Hope
Taglines
Just when you thought you were saved...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Prophetic Visions of Chaos and Destruction
Blood and Thunder Prophet
... And the beast shall be huge and black, and the eyes thereof red with the ] of living creatures, and the ] of Babylon shall ride forth on a three-headed serpent, and throughout the lands, there'll be a great rubbing of parts. Yeeah...
[[blood; [whore]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fraternal Greetings on Martyrdom
Reg
We, the People's Front of Judea, brackets, official, end brackets, do hereby convey our sincere fraternal and sisterly greetings to you, Brian, on this, the occasion of your martyrdom.
[reading prepared statement]
Brian
What?
Reg
Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to liberate the parent land from the hands of the Roman imperialist aggressors, excluding those concerned with drainage, medicine, roads, housing, education, viniculture and any other Romans contributing to the welfare of Jews of both sexes and hermaphrodites." Signed on behalf of the P.F.J., etcetera. And I'd just like to add, on a personal note, my own admiration for what you are doing for us, Brian, at what must be, after all, for you, a very difficult time.
Brian
Reg! Well, what are you going to do?
Reg
Good-bye, Brian, and thanks.
Francis
Well done, Brian. Keep it up, lad.
Stan/Loretta
Terrific work, Brian.
Reg
Yeah. Right. And...
The PFJ
For he's a jolly good fellow! For he's a jolly good fellow! For he's a jolly good fellow! And so say all of us!
[singing]
Stan/Loretta
And so say all of...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Banned in Norway for its humor
Taglines
The film that is so funny it was banned in Norway.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Interpretation of a Biblical Phrase
Man
I think it was, "Blessed are the cheesemakers"!
Gregory's wife
What's so special about the cheesemakers?
Gregory
Well, obviously it's not meant to be taken literally. It refers to any manufacturer of...dairy products.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Very Naughty Boy Explained
Mandy
Now, you listen here: e's not the ], e's a very naughty boy! Now go away!
[[Messiah]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Support for Brian through honking signal
Taglines
Honk if you love Brian.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Emphasizing Individuality and Independent Thought
Brian
Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't need to follow me. You don't need to follow anybody! You've got to think for yourselves! You're all individuals!
Crowd
Yes! We're all individuals!
[in unison]
Brian
You're all different!
Crowd
Yes, we are all different!
[in unison]
Man in crowd
I'm not...
Crowd
Shhh!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expressions of Envy and Good Fortune
Prisoner
You lucky bastards! You lucky, jammy bastards!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Controversial Film for All Audiences
Taglines
A motion picture destined to offend nearly two thirds of the civilized world. And severely annoy the other third.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Controversial Comedy: The Life of Brian
Taglines
See the movie that's controversial, sacrilegious, and blasphemous. But if that's not playing, see The Life of Brian.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings in a Chaotic Gathering
Simon
Tell them to stop it. I hadn't said a word for eighteen years till he came along.
Crowd
A miracle! He is the Messiah!
Simon
Well, he hurt my foot!
Crowd
Hurt my foot, Lord! Hurt my foot. Hurt mine...
Arthur
Hail, Messiah!
[kneels]
Brian
I'm not the Messiah!
Arthur
I say you are, Lord, and I should know, I've followed a few!
Crowd
Hail, Messiah!
Brian
I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen?! I'm not the Messiah, do you understand?! Honestly!
Woman
Only the true Messiah denies his divinity!
[pauses]
Brian
What?! Well, what sort of chance does that give me?! All right, I am the Messiah!
Crowd
He is! He is the Messiah!
[bow]
Brian
Now, FUCK OFF!!!
Arthur
How shall we fuck off, oh Lord?
Brian
Oh, just go away! Leave me alone!
Simon
You told these people to eat my juniper berries. You break my bloody foot. You break my vow of silence, and then you try and clean up on my juniper bushes!
[strangles Brian]
Brian
Oh, lay off!
Arthur
This is the Messiah, the Chosen One!
[stops Simon from strangling him]
Simon
No, he's not.
[strangles Brian again]
Arthur
AN UNBELIEVER!
Crowd
An Unbeliever!
Arthur
Persecute! Kill the heretic!
Brian
Leave him alone! Leave him alone! Leave him alone. Put him down. Please!
Judith
Brian.
Brian
Judith.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Disillusionment with Youth and Relationships
Mandy
So, there you are! I might have known it would end up like this. To think of all the love and affection I've wasted on you. Well, if that's how you treat your poor old mother in the autumn years of her life, all I can say is, "Go ahead. Be crucified. See if I care." I might have known it would end up like this. Sex, sex. That's all young people are interested in nowadays. I don't know what the world's coming to.
[storms off]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Unconventional Experiences
Prisoner
Oh, what I wouldn't give to be spat at in the face. I sometimes hang awake at night dreaming of being spat at in the face.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
On the Nature of Pleasing Others
Brian
There's no pleasing some people.
Ex-leper
That's just what Jesus said, sir.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion of Freedom and Misunderstandings
Nisus Wettus
Crucifixion?
Mr. Cheeky
Ah, no. Freedom.
Nisus Wettus
What?
Mr. Cheeky
Eh, freedom for me. They said I hadn't done anything, so I can go free and live on an island somewhere.
Nisus Wettus
Oh, oh that´s jolly good well. Off you go then.
Mr. Cheeky
No, I'm only pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really.
Nisus Wettus
Oh, I see, very good. Well...
[laughing]
Mr. Cheeky
Yes I know, out the door, one cross each, line on the left.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Simple Affirmation in a Crowded Scene
High Priest
Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath...
Matthias
May I say "yes"?
Guard
Yes.
Matthias
Yes.
High Priest
You have been found guilty by the elders of the town, of uttering the name of our Lord and so, as a blasphemer, you are to be stoned to death.
[the crowd reacts approvingly]
Matthias
Look. I-I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was, "That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.
High Priest
Blasphemy! He's said it again!
Crowd
Yes! Yes, he did! He did!
High Priest
Did you hear him?
Crowd
Yes! Yes, we did! We did!
Woman 1
Really!
High Priest
Are there any women here today?
Crowd
No. No. No. No...
[in male voices]
High Priest
Very well. By virtue of the authority vested in me—
[a woman throws a stone]
Matthias
Ow! Lay off! We haven't started yet!
High Priest
Come on! Who threw that? Who threw that stone? Come on.
Crowd
She did! She did! He did! He! He. He. Him. Him. Him. Him. He did.
[in female voices; in male voices]
Woman who casts 1st stone
Sorry. I thought we'd started.
High Priest
Go to the back.
Woman who casts 1st stone
Oh, dear.
[goes to the back]
High Priest
Always one, isn't there? Now, where were we?
Matthias
Look. I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying "Jehovah".
Crowd
Oooh! He said it again! Oooh!
High Priest
You're only making it worse for yourself!
Matthias
Making it worse? How could it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
High Priest
I'm warning you. If you say "Jehovah" once more— Right. Who threw that? Come on. Who threw that?
[a stone hits him]
Crowd
She did! It was her! He! He. Him. Him. Him. Him. Him. Him.
[in female voices; in male voices]
High Priest
Was it you?
Mrs. A
Yes.
High Priest
Right!
Mrs. A
Well, you did say "Jehovah".
[crowd stones her]
High Priest
Stop! Stop, will you? Stop that! Stop it! Now, look. No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle! Do you understand? Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear, even if they do say "Jehovah".
[crowd lets loose with stones, then crushes him with a large rock]
Woman 2
Good shot!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Comparing Epics: A Humorous Perspective
Taglines
Makes Ben-Hur look like an epic.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Striking of a Donkey Explained
Boring Prophet
A man shall strike his donkey.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Finding Positivity in Difficult Times
Mr. Frisbee III
Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say:Some things in ] are bad.They can really make you mad.Other things just make you swear and curse.When you're chewing on life's gristle,Don't grumble. Give a whistle.And this'll help things turn out for the best. And...
[[life; music]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Messianic Misunderstanding of a Naughty Boy
Taglines
He wasn't the messiah. He was a very naughty boy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Impact of Art in Modern Cinema
Quotes about Monty Python's Life of Brian
Nothing can alter the fact that if you were to make a list of all the greatest works of art in all fields and all the greatest contributors to those works of art, you would find that this scene of the incarnation, the story of the incarnation, has played the largest part. Now, in our 20th century this film produces a sort of graffiti version of it. And I don't think in the eyes of posterity it will have a very distinguished place.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Political Divisions in Galilee Campaign
Deadly Dirk
Campaign for Free Galilee!
Francis
Oh. Uh, People's Front of Judea. Officials.
Deadly Dirk
Oh.
Francis
What's your group doing here?
Deadly Dirk
We're going to kidnap Pilate's wife, take her back, issue demands.
Francis
So are we.
Deadly Dirk
What?
Francis
That's our plan!
Deadly Dirk
We were here first!
Francis
What do you mean?!
Deadly Dirk
We thought of it first!
Warris
Oh, yeah?
Deadly Dirk
Yes, a couple of years ago!
PFJ
Ha. Heh. Ha ha.
Deadly Dirk
We did!
Francis
Okay, c-co-come on. You got all your demands worked out, then?
Deadly Dirk
Course we have.
Francis
What are they?
Deadly Dirk
Well, I'm not telling you.
PFJ
Aghhh...
Francis
Oh, come on. Pull the other one.
PFJ
Shh!
Deadly Dirk
That's not the point! We thought of it before you!
Warris
Did not.
Deadly Dirk
We did!
Francis
You didn't.
CFG
We bloody did!
Brian
Shhhh!
PFJ
Shhhhh! Shh.
Deadly Dirk
You bastards! We've been planning this for months.
Francis
Well, tough titty for you, Fish Face.
[Deadly Dirk pokes him on the eye, a fight breaks out]
Brian
Brothers! Brothers! We should be struggling together.
PFJ Member
We are!
[in a headlock]
Brian
We mustn't fight each other! Surely we should be united against the common enemy!
All
The Judean People's Front!
Brian
No, no, the Romans!
Everyone
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.
Francis
Yeah. He's right
Random
Look out!
Deadly Dirk
Right! Where were we?
Francis
Uhh, you were going to punch me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Astrologers Identify Star Sign in Conversation
Mandy
So you're astrologers, are you? Well what is he then?
Wise man
Mmmm?
Mandy
What star sign is he?
Wise man
Well, Capricorn.
Mandy
Ehh, Capricorn, eh? What are they like?
Wise men
He is the son of God, our Messiah. King of the Jews.
Mandy
And that's Capricorn, is it?
Wise man
No, no, no. That's just him.
Mandy
Ohh, I was going to say, Otherwise, there'd be a lot of them.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Romans' Contributions and Unexpected Responses
Reg
All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
PFJ Member
Brought peace?
Reg
Oh, peace? SHUT UP!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Right to Have Babies
Stan
I want to have babies.
Reg
You want to have babies?!
Stan
It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
Reg
But you can't HAVE babies!
Stan
Don't you oppress me!
Reg
I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb! Where's the foetus gonna gestate? You gonna keep it in a box?
Judith
Look, I have an idea. Let's just say that Stan can't have have babies, which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans, but that he can have the right to have babies.
Francis
Agreed. We shall fight for your right to have babies, brother! Sister, sorry.
Reg
What's the point?!
Francis
What?
Reg
What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies when he can't have babies?!
Francis
It is symbolic of our struggle against repression!
[thinking]
Reg
Symbolic of his struggle against reality.
[quietly]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Confusion of Lost Belongings
Boring Prophet
And there shall in that time be ] of things going astray, and there will be a great ] as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia work base, that has an attachment…at this time, a friend shall lose his friend’s hammer and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before around eight o’clock...
[[rumours; [confusion]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Chosen One Awakens in Confusion
Crowd
LOOK! THERE HE IS! THE CHOSEN ONE HAS WOKEN!
[raising staves holding gourds and sandals]
Mandy
Brian!
Brian
Huuh. Hooh. Ooh! Mother. Ooh. Ha...
[starts dressing his clothes]
Mandy
Brian!
Brian
Hang on, mother! Shhh. Hello Mother.
[to Judith, who is also naked; a door knocked open, Mandy enters]
Mandy
Don't you hello mother me! What are all those people doing out there?!
Brian
Oh. Well-Well, I, uh...
Mandy
Come on! What have you been up to, my lad?!
Brian
Well, uh, I think they must have popped by for something.
Mandy
Popped by?! Swarmed by is more like it! There's a multitude out there!
Brian
Mm, they...they started following me yesterday.
Mandy
Well, they can stop following you right now. Now, stop following my son! You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
[opens the window to address his followers]
Crowd
The Messiah! The Messiah! The Messiah!
Mandy
The who?!
Crowd
The Messiah!
Mandy
Huh, there's no Messiah in here. There's a mess, all right, but no Messiah. Now, go away!
Crowd
BRIAN! BRIAN!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Survival and Command in Ancient Rome
Centurion
Hail Caesar!
Pontius Pilate
Hail.
Centurion
Only one survivor, sir.
Pilate
Ah. Thwow him to the floow.
Centurion
What, sir?
Pilate
Thwow him to the floow!
Pilate
Now, what is youw name, Jew?
Brian
Brian, sir.
Pilate
Bwian, eh?
Brian
No no, Brian. Ow!
[Centurion slaps him]
Pilate
Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! The little wascal has spiwit.
Centurion
Has what, sir?
Pilate
Spiwit.
Centurion
Yes, he did, sir.
Pilate
No, no: spiwits um, bwavado, a touch of dawing-do.
Centurion
Oh, um, about eleven, sir.
Pilate
So, you dawe to waid us?
Brian
To what, sir?
Pilate
Stwike him, Centuwion, vewy woughly!
Centurion
Oh and uh, throw him to the floor, sir?
[slaps Brian]
Pilate
What?
Centurion
Throw him to the floor again, sir?
Pilate
Oh yes, thwow him to the floow, please! Now, Jewish wapscallion…
[the Praetorians do so]
Brian
I'm not Jewish, I'm a Roman.
Pilate
A Woman?
Pilate
So, youw fathew was a Woman. Who was he?
Brian
He was a centurion in the Jerusalem garrisons.
Pontius Pilate
Weally? What was his name?
Brian
Naughtius Maximus.
[Centurion chuckles]
Pilate
Centuwion, do we have anyone with that name in the gawwison?
Centurion
Well, no sir.
Pilate
Well, you sound vewy suwe. Have you checked?
Centurion
Well, no, sir. Um, I think it's a joke, sir. Like, uh, Sillius Soddus or Biggus Dickus, sir.
Pilate
What's so funny about Biggus Dickus?
Centurion
Well, it's a joke name, sir.
Pilate
I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called Biggus Dickus. Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find youwself in gladiatow school vewy quickly with wotten behaviouw like that!
[a Praetorian in the room snickers]
Brian
Can I go now, sir?
[Centurion slaps him]
Pilate
Wait til Biggus Dickus heaws of this! Wight! Take him away!
[Praetorian snickers again.]
Centurion
Oh, sir, he—
Pilate
No, no. I want him fighting wabid wild animals within the week!
Centurion
Yes, sir. Come on, you.
[leads the laughing Praetorian out]
Pilate
I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy! Anybody else feel like a little giggle when I mention my fwiend Biggus… Dickus? What about you? Do you find it wisible when I say the name… Biggus… Dickus? He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's called Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks! Enough! What is all this? I've had enough of this wowdy, webel, sniggewing behaviouw! Silence! You call youwselves pwaetowian guards? Seize him! Seize him! Blow youw noses and seize him!
[to other Praetorians; to one Praetorian struggling not to laugh; all Praetorians laugh out loud; notices Brian escaping]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Meek: A Misunderstood Challenge
Reg
What ] blatantly fails to appreciate is that it's the meek who are the problem.
[[Jesus]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.