Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003) - Quotes

D.J. Drake: [[w:Eiffel Tower|Eiffel Tower] There's a man there! He's got a woman! She's tied up in a burlap sack and he's taking her to the ]!

Pepe Le Pew: Ah, eet eez Spring, eez eet not?

Daffy Duck: [[w:Surrealism|surreal] Well, this is ].

Elmer Fudd: [producing icons that represent each word he says; attempts to take aim again] Stop, or I'll fire!

Bugs and Daffy: [in unison] Yipe!

Elmer Fudd: I'll take that!

Bugs Bunny: Eh, what gives, Doc? We made thoity-five pictures together.

Elmer Fudd: Well, as it tuwns out, I'm secwetwy evil.

Daffy Duck: [snorts] That's showbiz for ya.

Elmer Fudd: Now, make with the card, so I can pwease my dark masters!

Daffy Duck: Yikes! Illegal aliens!

Dalek: Exterminate them!

Mother: Darn! I knew this day would come...

Mother: [[w:Them!|giant ants] This isn't about the ], is it?

Kate Houghton: Giant... ants?

Mother: [drinks from a flask of blue liquid] Cause they're not really ants... anymore.

D.J. Drake: Tell me about the Blue Monkey.

Mother: [spews her beverage on D.J.] How do you know about that thing that I've never heard of in my entire life?

D.J. Drake: My dad told me.

Mother: [pauses] What is the point of making them pinky-swear?!

ACME Chairman: [to a miserable Wile E. Coyote; calms down; Wile E. smiles, briefly and unenthusiastically; Wile E. gives a bigger one, this time holding it; Wile E.'s smile spreads to a disproportionate size; Wile E., now cheered up, heads upstairs; a cartoonish jet-engine, followed by a "crash" sound, is heard; released fireworks are heard; shattering glass is heard] Oh, my God! Young man, what am I going to do with you?! You've done nothing but screw up! You've walked off mesas! You've been smashed by boulders! You've been run over by diesel trucks! And don't blame the equipment! The equipment is good; it's ACME equipment. You're a coyote! Be wile! All right, now... buck up and let's see a little smile. Little bigger. Little bigger. Oh, that's nice. Now, just go take a shower, and don't come back until you smell better! But be careful! There's some men moving a safe up there, and I don't want you to— And be careful of the box of fireworks, because— I suppose I should mention the plate-glass window— Oh, It's tough being the boss.

Bugs Bunny: [[w:Albuquerque, New Mexico|Albuqwirky] I told ya we shoulda made that left toin at ].

Daffy Duck: Don't start that again!

D.J. Drake: Hey, look at that!

Bugs Bunny: Is it a mirage, or just product placement?

Daffy Duck: [runs toward the image] Who cares? With shopping convenience at such low prices! Water! Fresca! Mountain Dew! Your product name here! Woo-hoo-hoo!

D.J. Drake: [to Kate] Is this your idea?

Kate Houghton: [opens her mouth to object, then gets defensive] The audience expects it. They don't even notice this kind of thing anymore.

Bugs Bunny: Nice of Wal-Mart to provide these Wal-Mart beverages in retoin for us saying "Wal-Mart" so many times.

Bugs Bunny: I'm telling ya, Daffy, I heard the Warner brothers say you were their best duck.

Daffy Duck: Flattered though I may be, flattened I will not, in order for you to get all the laughs. It's all, "hoo-hoo, yuk-yuk," and then, "bam, wham, BLAM!

Bugs Bunny: And your tail is on fire.

Daffy Duck: Exactly my point. The—

Bugs Bunny: No, really. Your tail's on fire.

Bugs Bunny: Daff, you're accident-prone.

Daffy Duck: [sadly, as he extinguishes his tail] What am I talking to you for? All you have to do is munch on a carrot, and people love you.

Bugs Bunny: Ha! Outta gas!

Kate Houghton: What? It doesn't work like that.

Bugs Bunny: Thanks, Toots.

Bugs Bunny: Eh, just a suggestion, but all those in favor of not hittin that wall, say "aye".

D.J. and Kate: [in unison] Aye!

Daffy Duck: MOTHER.

Spy car computer: [[w: Whistler's Mother|Mother] Taking you to ]!

Yosemite Sam: Throw it out the window! Throw it out! Throw it out!

Nasty Canasta: But innocent people could get hurt.

Yosemite Sam: Throw it out the window!

Cottontail Smith: But it'll send the wrong message to children!

Yosemite Sam: [dynamite explodes in front of them] I said, "Throw it out the— Ooh!

Kate Houghton: Dynamite?! Who has dynamite?

Daffy Duck: [scoffs] Welcome to my world.

Yosemite Sam: [to Jeff Gordon, who is dressed up in his racecar driver uniform] Outta my way, fancy boy! I'm-a commandeerin this here clown car!

Daffy Duck: [D.J. makes a mad dash for his car; suddenly the car sputters and turns to pieces from all the long driving] I say we do Cirque de Soleil and call it a night. How bout the Liberace Museum? All right. Let's see what this baby can really do. Now that's an interesting feature.

Foghorn Leghorn: [to D.J.] Card, sir?

D.J. Drake: Hit me.

Foghorn Leghorn: Don't-I say, don't cha wanna look at your cards first, son? Boy's bout as sharp as a bowlin ball.

D.J. Drake: Hit me!

Yosemite Sam: Hit me!

Yosemite Sam: No, no, no! HIT ME, FRAGNABBIT!

Foghorn Leghorn: [actually hitting Sam with a paddle, who is reduced to incoherent angry babbling] He's the boss. Card, sir?

D.J. Drake: [nervous, believing he'd get the same treatment] Hit me?

Foghorn Leghorn: [DJ quickly snatches the card and runs off, Daffy in tow] Twenty-one, a winner!

Yosemite Sam: [and slips on a banana peel, which he then shoots repeatedly] Come back here, ya card-carryin cuy-ote! Yikes! Ooooh! Dad-burned slapstick cliché!

D.J. Drake: So what about this Blue Monkey?

Dusty Tails: [shows DJ a Queen of Diamonds playing card with the Mona Lisa's face superimposed on it; Daffy takes the card briefly] Your father's assignment was to track it down before the chairman could. The diamond has supernatural powers. It would be a disaster if it fell into the wrong hands. I was supposed to give him this.

Daffy Duck: This is not a king-sized diamond. This is a Queen of Diamonds! What kind of sick joke is this?!

D.J. Drake: Can I have that?

Dusty Tails: That is so sweet! You, trying to take over for your father. These evil forces, they're bad people!

Daffy Duck: [opens the door and finds himself facing a lit cannon with Yosemite Sam and his henchmen] Relax, sister! I don't know the meaning of the word "fear"!

Yosemite Sam: Say your prayers, Duck!

Daffy Duck: Fear: Noun. A state of terror".

Bugs Bunny: You’ve got no music in your soul, sister.

Kate Houghton: I am aware of that, yes.

Bugs Bunny: He sure went for all the extras. What a maroon.

Kate Houghton: Don't touch anything. This is Damien Drake's car—

Bugs Bunny: [while playing dead] : Doesn’t anyone knock anymore?

Kate Houghton: [aggravated; before she can say anything, she sees posters of Damien Drake and a picture of both him and his son, D.J., in front of the Warner Bros. Studio and she quickly gets her answer; Bugs appears in a knight’s armor with a sly, arrogant and narrow look and smiles upon her confession of her wrongdoings and saying that he was right from the start about the bad decision she made and should’ve kept Daffy before she begins to tears up; these words soon cause Bugs to turn surprised and wonders with thought] : Why are you torturing me? What have I ever done that... Great. I just fired the son of our biggest star. This has been a career making day, Kate. First you get rid of the Duck everybody hates, but then, of course, they all want him back. And worst of all, you get into a big fight with Bugs Bunny… who you revere, and who you've tried to model your life after.

Bugs: [finally unable to bear it any longer; acts sarcastic to audience] Oh, I hate to see a grown man cry! Especially when it's a girl. Listen, toots. Would it stop the waterworks if I told you Daffy was going to Las Vegas with that guy DJ?

Kate Houghton: It might.

Bugs: Well, then. How's about we travel in style in this?

ACME Chairman: [the VPs jump for their buzzers; VP Child Labor hits his first; The Chairman points to him] This is unacceptable! We cannot have nine-year-olds working in sweatshops making ACME sneakers, not when three-year-olds work for so much less! Yes?

VP Child Labor: But, sir, they require naps.

ACME Chairman: Put double espresso in their sippy cups!

Daffy Duck: [stretches] It's good to stretch.

D.J. Drake: You know, I'm getting really tired of throwing you out of the car.

Daffy Duck: That's my plan in a nutshell. Now listen. If we run into anything that requires super-spy skills, like cracking wise, smooching dames, you better leave that to me. However, if we have any security guarding needs...

D.J. Drake: Very funny, duck! I'm not a security guard! For your information, it's just a job. It's what I do for money.

Daffy Duck: Mm-hmm.

D.J. Drake: What I really do is...I'm...I'm a... I'm a stuntman.

Daffy Duck: Hah! You, a stuntman? Please!

D.J. Drake: [Daffy rolls his eyes, complete with cartoon sound effect] I am! Did you see those Mummy movies? I'm in them more than Brendan Fraser is. Oh, no, he couldn't stand that! One day, he decides to say, "No-no-no! The Bren-Master does all his own stunts"!

Daffy Duck: Listen, muscles. If this heap ever makes it to Vegas, I'll do all the stunts. Capische?

Bugs Bunny: [Elmer shoots Bugs] See, I told you this wouldn’t work without—

Bugs Bunny: [coughing and groaning] Oh! Oh pain! Oh agony!

Mr. Warner's Brother: You're fired.

Mr. Warner: You got rid of our best duck.

Kate Houghton: [Kate stands up from her seat and looks at the Warner Bros., with Bugs (no longer hurt or all bandaged up) pretending to be the third Warner Brother] What?! You can't fire me. My films have made 950 million dollars!

Mr. Warner: That's not a billion.

Mr. Warner's Brother: Nope. Not a billion.

Kate Houghton: Okay, I think we can all agree that the decision of firing the duck was a bad one. But it's time to move on. And by move on, I mean reverse course and get Daffy back.

Warner Brothers: By Monday.

Kate Houghton: I'll have Daffy back by Monday.

Bugs Bunny: Eh, that went well. Listen, dollface, if I know Daffy, he's already hit the road by now.

D.J. Drake: Hello?

Damian Drake: Son?

D.J. Drake: Dad? What are you doing in the painting?

Damian Drake: I wanted you to keep out of this, but there's nobody I can trust. Can you hold on a second?

D.J. Drake: Are you shooting a movie or something?

Daffy Duck: [hops in sofa with popcorn and soda in hand] A new Damian Drake movie? Cool!

Damian Drake: [more fighting in background] Come to Las Vegas. Ask Dusty Tails for the Blue Monkey.

D.J. Drake: The Blue Monkey? What's a blue monkey?

Damian Drake: A diamond. A very special diamond. Find Dusty Tails.

D.J. Drake: [as the fighting continues yet still] Hey! Dad, do you need me to call the police or something?

Damian Drake: [uses his mouth to pull the pin out of a hand grenade, lobbing it behind him; the grenade explodes on a thug] No. No police.

D.J. Drake: Dad, are you all right?

Damian Drake: [thugs finally manage to catch him in a hold, Damian struggles visibly. The video call cuts off] I'm sorry I never told you this before, but I—

Porky Pig: [to Speedy; sighs] Eh, at first they tell me to lose the stutter. Now they tell me I'm not funny! It's a pain in the butt, being p-p-p-politically correct.

Speedy Gonzales: You're telling me.

Shaggy: What kind of performance do you call that?! You made me sound like a total space cadet, man!

Matthew Lillard: I'm sorry you feel that way. I was just trying to be real to your character.

Shaggy: [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed|sequel] If you, like, goof on me in the ], I'm coming after you!

Scooby-Doo: Yeah! And I'll give you a Scooby Sna-AAAAAARRRRLLL!

Kate Houghton: [to Bugs] There are a few areas of the script I think we need to address. There's no heart, no cooperation, nobody learns anything...

Bugs Bunny: [as Sam Sheepdog and Ralph Wolf both enter the cafeteria, and then sit down at a nearby table] Daffy learns not to stick his head in a jet engine.

Kate Houghton: He's gone.

Bugs Bunny: No, Daffy always comes back. I just tell him how much I need him. We hug, we cry, I drop somethin heavy on him, I laugh.

Kate Houghton: [calms down, as Ralph attempts to eat a sheep with a fork, but Sam stops him] The duck is history, okay? So, the question is, how can we help you reposition your brand identity? Answer, we'll team you up with a hot female co-star.

Bugs Bunny: [spins around and dresses up in a woman's dress, wig, and makeup, and then speaks in a falsetto voice] Usually, I play the female love interest.

Michigan J. Frog: [to Bugs, singing] Hello, my baby. Hello, my honey. Hello, my ragtime gal.

Kate Houghton: [to Bugs, as Michigan continues singing] Okay, about the cross-dressing thing. In the past, funny. Today, disturbing.

Bugs Bunny: [as he takes off the dress, and the wig] Listen, lady, if you don't find a rabbit wearing lipstick amusing, you and I have nothin to say to each other.

Kate Houghton: [gets serious] Look, I'm trying to be nice, but I was brought in to leverage your synergy! And I'm not going to let you, or some wacky duck...

Bugs Bunny: [wipes the makeup off his face] Daffy.

Kate Houghton: Wacky, daffy, nutty, fruit cake, crispy over rice, it doesn't matter!

Bugs Bunny: [gets out his eight Award statuettes from underneath the table, and then puts them on the top of the table; gets out his [[w:Hollywood Walk of Fame|Hollywood Walk of Fame; to his Award statuettes] Well, these matter. And this. ] tile with his name on it from underneath the table, and then puts it on the top of the table next to the Award statuettes] And they say we get Daffy back. Right, boys?

Bugs's Award statuettes: [in unison] We want Daffy! We want Daffy! Bring him Back! We love Daffy!

D.J. Drake: [indicating Daffy in hand] Miss Houghton!

Camera crew: Get out of the way! Watch out!

Bugs Bunny: [[w:Finding Nemo|found Nemo] Well, what do you know? I've ].

Daffy: [to DJ, about Kate] I think she likes you.

D.J. Drake: Oops!

Security Guard: [to D.J.] Your father would be so ashamed of you.

D.J. Drake: But I was... it was...

Daffy Duck: [to Kate] Some grip, lady.

Kate Houghton: [to D.J.] I need you to eject this duck immediately.

D.J. Drake: Lady, this is Daffy Duck.

Kate Houghton: Exactly. Not anymore. We already owned the name.

Daffy Duck: [to Kate; gasps; gasps again] Oh, yeah?! Well, you can't stop me from calling myself D... D... Well, what do you know?

D.J. Drake: [to Kate] You fired Daffy Duck?

Kate Houghton: No, I didn't. I did... I mean... They did.

Daffy Duck: [points at Bugs, who is wearing Groucho glasses and a spinning bowtie; everyone laughs] So, it has come to this. I'm afraid that Brothers Warner must choose between a handsome matinee idol, or this miscreant perpetrator of LOW burlesque.

Mr. Warner's Brother: Whichever one's not the duck.

Daffy Duck: Say, that's the stuff from my office.

Mr. Warner: You don't have an office.

Mr. Warner's Brother: Not any more.

Daffy Duck: [begs at the Warner Bros.; jumps on Kate] Symbolically, this is bad. Please, Brother! Uh, other Brother? Icy she-wolf? Help me, please! I'm too young and tender to retire. Hoo-Hoo?

Kate Houghton: Let me escort you out.

Daffy Duck: [Kate drags Daffy out of the boardroom] WAIT! I haven't tried toadying, kowtowing and butt-kissing yet! I'm still begging here!

Daffy Duck: [looking over the script; to the boardroom members, Kate Houghton, and the Warner Bros.; to the Warner Bros.] Hold everything. "Daffy gets blasted." Mm-hmm. Page 7: "Daffy gets blasted." Uh-huh. Page 8: "Daffy gets blasted again!" What's the matter with you people? We can't do this kind of stuff anymore. The Brothers Warner, show biz legends like me shouldn't have to play stooge… to that long-eared, carrot-chomping, overbite-challenged—

Bugs Bunny: [to the boardroom members; to Daffy] Eh, what's up, doc? Hi, Bobby. How's your wife? Great nose job, Chuck. Thanks, goils. Good rug, Mel. Never wouldv'e guessed it. Eh, pardon me.

Daffy Duck: The pleasure is mine.

Bugs Bunny: [to the Warner Bros.; shows the boardroom members his wallet full of photos of his many relatives] Warner Brothers, I think Daff's right. Maybe I'll take a vacation. Go visit my five hundred and foity-two nieces and nephews.

Kate Houghton: [to Daffy] Mr. Duck, excuse me, I'm sorry. I don't see how we can have a Bugs Bunny movie without Bugs Bunny.

Daffy Duck: Oh, my. Heavens, no. You can't have a Bugs Bunny movie without Bugs Bunny. And if you don't mind me asking, who's glorified personal assistant are you?

Kate Houghton: Kate Houghton, Vice President Comedy.

Daffy Duck: [Looks down to see his hands on ice] Oh. Right.

Mr. Warner: [to his brother about Kate] Kate did Lethal Weapon Babies.

Mr. Warner's Brother: [[w:Lethal Weapon|Lethal Weapon] Finally. A ] that I can take my grandchildren to see.

Kate Houghton: [to the boardroom members; shows Daffy a green bar graph chart accompanied by Bugs' picture next to it on each boardroom member's phone; the graph chart switches to a red bar graph chart accompanied by a 2D sprite of Daffy on it, which crashes in the ground as the graph goes down] Gentlemen, check your phones. Our current research shows that Bugs Bunny is a core asset that appeals to male and female audiences both young and old alike throughout the universe, while your fanbase is limited down to angry fat guys in basements.

Daffy Duck: [to the boardroom members] Yeah, but... but... Aw, come on, fellas! I'm thrice the entertainer the rabbit is!

Elmer Fudd: [to the audience] Shhh. Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits. Ba ha ha ha!

Daffy Duck: I am a duck bent on self-preservationum.