30 quotes
Labor Practices in a Cartoonish Business
ACME Chairman
This is unacceptable! We cannot have nine-year-olds working in sweatshops making ACME sneakers, not when three-year-olds work for so much less! Yes?
[the VPs jump for their buzzers; VP Child Labor hits his first; The Chairman points to him]
VP Child Labor
But, sir, they require naps.
ACME Chairman
Put double espresso in their sippy cups!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion of Mysterious Creatures and the Blue Monkey
Mother
This isn't about the ], is it?
[[w:Them!|giant ants]
Kate Houghton
Giant... ants?
Mother
Cause they're not really ants... anymore.
[drinks from a flask of blue liquid]
D.J. Drake
Tell me about the Blue Monkey.
Mother
How do you know about that thing that I've never heard of in my entire life?
[spews her beverage on D.J.]
D.J. Drake
My dad told me.
Mother
What is the point of making them pinky-swear?!
[pauses]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Daffy Duck's Unconventional Welcome
Kate Houghton
Dynamite?! Who has dynamite?
Daffy Duck
Welcome to my world.
[scoffs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Daffy Duck's Unique Approach to Teamwork
Daffy Duck
It's good to stretch.
[stretches]
D.J. Drake
You know, I'm getting really tired of throwing you out of the car.
Daffy Duck
That's my plan in a nutshell. Now listen. If we run into anything that requires super-spy skills, like cracking wise, smooching dames, you better leave that to me. However, if we have any security guarding needs...
D.J. Drake
Very funny, duck! I'm not a security guard! For your information, it's just a job. It's what I do for money.
Daffy Duck
Mm-hmm.
D.J. Drake
What I really do is...I'm...I'm a... I'm a stuntman.
Daffy Duck
Hah! You, a stuntman? Please!
D.J. Drake
I am! Did you see those Mummy movies? I'm in them more than Brendan Fraser is. Oh, no, he couldn't stand that! One day, he decides to say, "No-no-no! The Bren-Master does all his own stunts"!
[Daffy rolls his eyes, complete with cartoon sound effect]
Daffy Duck
Listen, muscles. If this heap ever makes it to Vegas, I'll do all the stunts. Capische?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Quest for the Blue Monkey Diamond
D.J. Drake
So what about this Blue Monkey?
Dusty Tails
Your father's assignment was to track it down before the chairman could. The diamond has supernatural powers. It would be a disaster if it fell into the wrong hands. I was supposed to give him this.
[shows DJ a Queen of Diamonds playing card with the Mona Lisa's face superimposed on it; Daffy takes the card briefly]
Daffy Duck
This is not a king-sized diamond. This is a Queen of Diamonds! What kind of sick joke is this?!
D.J. Drake
Can I have that?
Dusty Tails
That is so sweet! You, trying to take over for your father. These evil forces, they're bad people!
Daffy Duck
Relax, sister! I don't know the meaning of the word "fear"!
[opens the door and finds himself facing a lit cannon with Yosemite Sam and his henchmen]
Yosemite Sam
Say your prayers, Duck!
Daffy Duck
Fear: Noun. A state of terror".
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Nature of Showbiz and Betrayal
Elmer Fudd
I'll take that!
Bugs Bunny
Eh, what gives, Doc? We made thoity-five pictures together.
Elmer Fudd
Well, as it tuwns out, I'm secwetwy evil.
Daffy Duck
That's showbiz for ya.
[snorts]
Elmer Fudd
Now, make with the card, so I can pwease my dark masters!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Affections in a Chaotic Moment
D.J. Drake
Miss Houghton!
[indicating Daffy in hand]
Camera crew
Get out of the way! Watch out!
Bugs Bunny
Well, what do you know? I've ].
[[w:Finding Nemo|found Nemo]
Daffy
I think she likes you.
[to DJ, about Kate]
D.J. Drake
Oops!
Security Guard
Your father would be so ashamed of you.
[to D.J.]
D.J. Drake
But I was... it was...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Tense Encounter Among Classic Characters
Daffy Duck
Well, this is ].
[[w:Surrealism|surreal]
Elmer Fudd
Stop, or I'll fire!
[producing icons that represent each word he says; attempts to take aim again]
Bugs and Daffy
Yipe!
[in unison]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Choice Between Idol and Miscreant
Daffy Duck
So, it has come to this. I'm afraid that Brothers Warner must choose between a handsome matinee idol, or this miscreant perpetrator of LOW burlesque.
[points at Bugs, who is wearing Groucho glasses and a spinning bowtie; everyone laughs]
Mr. Warner's Brother
Whichever one's not the duck.
Daffy Duck
Say, that's the stuff from my office.
Mr. Warner
You don't have an office.
Mr. Warner's Brother
Not any more.
Daffy Duck
Symbolically, this is bad. Please, Brother! Uh, other Brother? Icy she-wolf? Help me, please! I'm too young and tender to retire. Hoo-Hoo?
[begs at the Warner Bros.; jumps on Kate]
Kate Houghton
Let me escort you out.
Daffy Duck
WAIT! I haven't tried toadying, kowtowing and butt-kissing yet! I'm still begging here!
[Kate drags Daffy out of the boardroom]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Challenges of Being a Boss
ACME Chairman
Oh, my God! Young man, what am I going to do with you?! You've done nothing but screw up! You've walked off mesas! You've been smashed by boulders! You've been run over by diesel trucks! And don't blame the equipment! The equipment is good; it's ACME equipment. You're a coyote! Be wile! All right, now... buck up and let's see a little smile. Little bigger. Little bigger. Oh, that's nice. Now, just go take a shower, and don't come back until you smell better! But be careful! There's some men moving a safe up there, and I don't want you to— And be careful of the box of fireworks, because— I suppose I should mention the plate-glass window— Oh, It's tough being the boss.
[to a miserable Wile E. Coyote; calms down; Wile E. smiles, briefly and unenthusiastically; Wile E. gives a bigger one, this time holding it; Wile E.'s smile spreads to a disproportionate size; Wile E., now cheered up, heads upstairs; a cartoonish jet-engine, followed by a "crash" sound, is heard; released fireworks are heard; shattering glass is heard]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Yosemite Sam Claims the Clown Car
Yosemite Sam
Outta my way, fancy boy! I'm-a commandeerin this here clown car!
[to Jeff Gordon, who is dressed up in his racecar driver uniform]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bugs Bunny Proposes Avoiding Obstacles
Bugs Bunny
Eh, just a suggestion, but all those in favor of not hittin that wall, say "aye".
D.J. and Kate
Aye!
[in unison]
Daffy Duck
MOTHER.
Spy car computer
Taking you to ]!
[[w: Whistler's Mother|Mother]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Duck's Perspective on Fame and Humor
Bugs Bunny
I'm telling ya, Daffy, I heard the Warner brothers say you were their best duck.
Daffy Duck
Flattered though I may be, flattened I will not, in order for you to get all the laughs. It's all, "hoo-hoo, yuk-yuk," and then, "bam, wham, BLAM!
Bugs Bunny
And your tail is on fire.
Daffy Duck
Exactly my point. The—
Bugs Bunny
No, really. Your tail's on fire.
Bugs Bunny
Daff, you're accident-prone.
Daffy Duck
What am I talking to you for? All you have to do is munch on a carrot, and people love you.
[sadly, as he extinguishes his tail]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounter with Extraterrestrial Threats
Daffy Duck
Yikes! Illegal aliens!
Dalek
Exterminate them!
Mother
Darn! I knew this day would come...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Career Challenges and Unexpected News
Bugs Bunny
: Doesn’t anyone knock anymore?
[while playing dead]
Kate Houghton
: Why are you torturing me? What have I ever done that... Great. I just fired the son of our biggest star. This has been a career making day, Kate. First you get rid of the Duck everybody hates, but then, of course, they all want him back. And worst of all, you get into a big fight with Bugs Bunny… who you revere, and who you've tried to model your life after.
[aggravated; before she can say anything, she sees posters of Damien Drake and a picture of both him and his son, D.J., in front of the Warner Bros. Studio and she quickly gets her answer; Bugs appears in a knight’s armor with a sly, arrogant and narrow look and smiles upon her confession of her wrongdoings and saying that he was right from the start about the bad decision she made and should’ve kept Daffy before she begins to tears up; these words soon cause Bugs to turn surprised and wonders with thought]
Bugs
Oh, I hate to see a grown man cry! Especially when it's a girl. Listen, toots. Would it stop the waterworks if I told you Daffy was going to Las Vegas with that guy DJ?
[finally unable to bear it any longer; acts sarcastic to audience]
Kate Houghton
It might.
Bugs
Well, then. How's about we travel in style in this?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Music and Extras
Bugs Bunny
You’ve got no music in your soul, sister.
Kate Houghton
I am aware of that, yes.
Bugs Bunny
He sure went for all the extras. What a maroon.
Kate Houghton
Don't touch anything. This is Damien Drake's car—
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounter in a Painting
D.J. Drake
Hello?
Damian Drake
Son?
D.J. Drake
Dad? What are you doing in the painting?
Damian Drake
I wanted you to keep out of this, but there's nobody I can trust. Can you hold on a second?
D.J. Drake
Are you shooting a movie or something?
Daffy Duck
A new Damian Drake movie? Cool!
[hops in sofa with popcorn and soda in hand]
Damian Drake
Come to Las Vegas. Ask Dusty Tails for the Blue Monkey.
[more fighting in background]
D.J. Drake
The Blue Monkey? What's a blue monkey?
Damian Drake
A diamond. A very special diamond. Find Dusty Tails.
D.J. Drake
Hey! Dad, do you need me to call the police or something?
[as the fighting continues yet still]
Damian Drake
No. No police.
[uses his mouth to pull the pin out of a hand grenade, lobbing it behind him; the grenade explodes on a thug]
D.J. Drake
Dad, are you all right?
Damian Drake
I'm sorry I never told you this before, but I—
[thugs finally manage to catch him in a hold, Damian struggles visibly. The video call cuts off]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate Over Throwing Objects Out the Window
Yosemite Sam
Throw it out the window! Throw it out! Throw it out!
Nasty Canasta
But innocent people could get hurt.
Yosemite Sam
Throw it out the window!
Cottontail Smith
But it'll send the wrong message to children!
Yosemite Sam
I said, "Throw it out the— Ooh!
[dynamite explodes in front of them]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings in a comical exchange
Bugs Bunny
Ha! Outta gas!
Kate Houghton
What? It doesn't work like that.
Bugs Bunny
Thanks, Toots.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Game of Wits and Cards
Foghorn Leghorn
Card, sir?
[to D.J.]
D.J. Drake
Hit me.
Foghorn Leghorn
Don't-I say, don't cha wanna look at your cards first, son? Boy's bout as sharp as a bowlin ball.
D.J. Drake
Hit me!
Yosemite Sam
Hit me!
Yosemite Sam
No, no, no! HIT ME, FRAGNABBIT!
Foghorn Leghorn
He's the boss. Card, sir?
[actually hitting Sam with a paddle, who is reduced to incoherent angry babbling]
D.J. Drake
Hit me?
[nervous, believing he'd get the same treatment]
Foghorn Leghorn
Twenty-one, a winner!
[DJ quickly snatches the card and runs off, Daffy in tow]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggles with Character Interpretation and Political Correctness
Porky Pig
Eh, at first they tell me to lose the stutter. Now they tell me I'm not funny! It's a pain in the butt, being p-p-p-politically correct.
[to Speedy; sighs]
Speedy Gonzales
You're telling me.
Shaggy
What kind of performance do you call that?! You made me sound like a total space cadet, man!
Matthew Lillard
I'm sorry you feel that way. I was just trying to be real to your character.
Shaggy
If you, like, goof on me in the ], I'm coming after you!
[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed|sequel]
Scooby-Doo
Yeah! And I'll give you a Scooby Sna-AAAAAARRRRLLL!
Kate Houghton
There are a few areas of the script I think we need to address. There's no heart, no cooperation, nobody learns anything...
[to Bugs]
Bugs Bunny
Daffy learns not to stick his head in a jet engine.
[as Sam Sheepdog and Ralph Wolf both enter the cafeteria, and then sit down at a nearby table]
Kate Houghton
He's gone.
Bugs Bunny
No, Daffy always comes back. I just tell him how much I need him. We hug, we cry, I drop somethin heavy on him, I laugh.
Kate Houghton
The duck is history, okay? So, the question is, how can we help you reposition your brand identity? Answer, we'll team you up with a hot female co-star.
[calms down, as Ralph attempts to eat a sheep with a fork, but Sam stops him]
Bugs Bunny
Usually, I play the female love interest.
[spins around and dresses up in a woman's dress, wig, and makeup, and then speaks in a falsetto voice]
Michigan J. Frog
Hello, my baby. Hello, my honey. Hello, my ragtime gal.
[to Bugs, singing]
Kate Houghton
Okay, about the cross-dressing thing. In the past, funny. Today, disturbing.
[to Bugs, as Michigan continues singing]
Bugs Bunny
Listen, lady, if you don't find a rabbit wearing lipstick amusing, you and I have nothin to say to each other.
[as he takes off the dress, and the wig]
Kate Houghton
Look, I'm trying to be nice, but I was brought in to leverage your synergy! And I'm not going to let you, or some wacky duck...
[gets serious]
Bugs Bunny
Daffy.
[wipes the makeup off his face]
Kate Houghton
Wacky, daffy, nutty, fruit cake, crispy over rice, it doesn't matter!
Bugs Bunny
Well, these matter. And this. ] tile with his name on it from underneath the table, and then puts it on the top of the table next to the Award statuettes] And they say we get Daffy back. Right, boys?
[gets out his eight Award statuettes from underneath the table, and then puts them on the top of the table; gets out his [[w:Hollywood Walk of Fame|Hollywood Walk of Fame; to his Award statuettes]
Bugs's Award statuettes
We want Daffy! We want Daffy! Bring him Back! We love Daffy!
[in unison]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Daffy Duck Suggests Nighttime Entertainment Options
Daffy Duck
I say we do Cirque de Soleil and call it a night. How bout the Liberace Museum? All right. Let's see what this baby can really do. Now that's an interesting feature.
[D.J. makes a mad dash for his car; suddenly the car sputters and turns to pieces from all the long driving]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigation Disagreement Between Bugs and Daffy
Bugs Bunny
I told ya we shoulda made that left toin at ].
[[w:Albuquerque, New Mexico|Albuqwirky]
Daffy Duck
Don't start that again!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Springtime Situations in Looney Tunes
D.J. Drake
There's a man there! He's got a woman! She's tied up in a burlap sack and he's taking her to the ]!
[[w:Eiffel Tower|Eiffel Tower]
Pepe Le Pew
Ah, eet eez Spring, eez eet not?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Product Placement and Consumer Commentary
D.J. Drake
Hey, look at that!
Bugs Bunny
Is it a mirage, or just product placement?
Daffy Duck
Who cares? With shopping convenience at such low prices! Water! Fresca! Mountain Dew! Your product name here! Woo-hoo-hoo!
[runs toward the image]
D.J. Drake
Is this your idea?
[to Kate]
Kate Houghton
The audience expects it. They don't even notice this kind of thing anymore.
[opens her mouth to object, then gets defensive]
Bugs Bunny
Nice of Wal-Mart to provide these Wal-Mart beverages in retoin for us saying "Wal-Mart" so many times.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of a Failed Plan
Bugs Bunny
See, I told you this wouldn’t work without—
[Elmer shoots Bugs]
Bugs Bunny
Oh! Oh pain! Oh agony!
[coughing and groaning]
Mr. Warner's Brother
You're fired.
Mr. Warner
You got rid of our best duck.
Kate Houghton
What?! You can't fire me. My films have made 950 million dollars!
[Kate stands up from her seat and looks at the Warner Bros., with Bugs (no longer hurt or all bandaged up) pretending to be the third Warner Brother]
Mr. Warner
That's not a billion.
Mr. Warner's Brother
Nope. Not a billion.
Kate Houghton
Okay, I think we can all agree that the decision of firing the duck was a bad one. But it's time to move on. And by move on, I mean reverse course and get Daffy back.
Warner Brothers
By Monday.
Kate Houghton
I'll have Daffy back by Monday.
Bugs Bunny
Eh, that went well. Listen, dollface, if I know Daffy, he's already hit the road by now.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Daffy Duck Questions Show Business Practices
Daffy Duck
Hold everything. "Daffy gets blasted." Mm-hmm. Page 7: "Daffy gets blasted." Uh-huh. Page 8: "Daffy gets blasted again!" What's the matter with you people? We can't do this kind of stuff anymore. The Brothers Warner, show biz legends like me shouldn't have to play stooge… to that long-eared, carrot-chomping, overbite-challenged—
[looking over the script; to the boardroom members, Kate Houghton, and the Warner Bros.; to the Warner Bros.]
Bugs Bunny
Eh, what's up, doc? Hi, Bobby. How's your wife? Great nose job, Chuck. Thanks, goils. Good rug, Mel. Never wouldv'e guessed it. Eh, pardon me.
[to the boardroom members; to Daffy]
Daffy Duck
The pleasure is mine.
Bugs Bunny
Warner Brothers, I think Daff's right. Maybe I'll take a vacation. Go visit my five hundred and foity-two nieces and nephews.
[to the Warner Bros.; shows the boardroom members his wallet full of photos of his many relatives]
Kate Houghton
Mr. Duck, excuse me, I'm sorry. I don't see how we can have a Bugs Bunny movie without Bugs Bunny.
[to Daffy]
Daffy Duck
Oh, my. Heavens, no. You can't have a Bugs Bunny movie without Bugs Bunny. And if you don't mind me asking, who's glorified personal assistant are you?
Kate Houghton
Kate Houghton, Vice President Comedy.
Daffy Duck
Oh. Right.
[Looks down to see his hands on ice]
Mr. Warner
Kate did Lethal Weapon Babies.
[to his brother about Kate]
Mr. Warner's Brother
Finally. A ] that I can take my grandchildren to see.
[[w:Lethal Weapon|Lethal Weapon]
Kate Houghton
Gentlemen, check your phones. Our current research shows that Bugs Bunny is a core asset that appeals to male and female audiences both young and old alike throughout the universe, while your fanbase is limited down to angry fat guys in basements.
[to the boardroom members; shows Daffy a green bar graph chart accompanied by Bugs' picture next to it on each boardroom member's phone; the graph chart switches to a red bar graph chart accompanied by a 2D sprite of Daffy on it, which crashes in the ground as the graph goes down]
Daffy Duck
Yeah, but... but... Aw, come on, fellas! I'm thrice the entertainer the rabbit is!
[to the boardroom members]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Daffy Duck's Name Ownership Dispute
Daffy Duck
Some grip, lady.
[to Kate]
Kate Houghton
I need you to eject this duck immediately.
[to D.J.]
D.J. Drake
Lady, this is Daffy Duck.
Kate Houghton
Exactly. Not anymore. We already owned the name.
Daffy Duck
Oh, yeah?! Well, you can't stop me from calling myself D... D... Well, what do you know?
[to Kate; gasps; gasps again]
D.J. Drake
You fired Daffy Duck?
[to Kate]
Kate Houghton
No, I didn't. I did... I mean... They did.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Yosemite Sam's Frustration with Clichés
Yosemite Sam
Come back here, ya card-carryin cuy-ote! Yikes! Ooooh! Dad-burned slapstick cliché!
[and slips on a banana peel, which he then shoots repeatedly]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Hunting Wabbits and Self-Preservation
Elmer Fudd
Shhh. Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits. Ba ha ha ha!
[to the audience]
Daffy Duck
I am a duck bent on self-preservationum.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.