Love at First Bite (1979) - Quotes

Count Dracula: I heard a rooster crow.

Cindy Sondheim: [''Sarcastically''] Very cute! I told you I have got a man in here...

Count Dracula: Now you do.

Dr. Jeffery Rosenberg: [''triumphantly''] Well, Count, what do you say to that?

Count Dracula: I would say, leave Cindy alone and find yourself a nice Jewish girl, Doctor!

Dr. Jeffery Rosenberg: [''looks at star''] Huh? Ah shit! It's the other one, isn't it?

Dr. Jeffery Rosenberg: [''speaking of Count Dracula''] Where is he?

Cindy Sondheim: He'll be here.

Dr. Jeffery Rosenberg: Another fly by night character.

Dr. Jeffery Rosenberg: No!

Cindy Soundheim: What?

Dr. Jeffery Rosenberg: No! It can't be!

Cindy Soundheim: What, Jeffrey?

Dr. Jeffery Rosenberg: Dracula!

Cindy Soundheim: [''Amazed''] How did you know his name?

Cindy Sondheim: Can I get you anything?

Count Dracula: [''looking around at the mess in Cindy's apartment''] A broom, perhaps?

Cindy Sondheim: Eh? Oh, I hate housework. It killed my mother.

Renfield: I thought you were having fun.

Count Dracula: Fun? How would you like to go around looking like a head waiter for 700 years?

Renfield: You have 30 seconds to tell me where Miss Sondheim is, or...

Cindy's Modeling Agent: Or what? You'll eat your lunch in my office?

Renfield: [''Laughs as he reveals that his 'lunch' is a cobra''] No-o-o, my lunch will eat you.

Reverend Mike: I knew Brother Alvin... and he was a swinger!

Mourners: Yes! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Alleluia! etc.

Reverend Mike: He loved his booze, hahahaha. He loved his women.

Mourners: Yeah! And my wife, too! Yes, he did! Sure did! etc.

Reverend Mike: But must of all, he loved his Cadillac Saville, and it's a beaute. I know, because he left it to me, Hallelujah!

Mourners: Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! etc.

Reverend Mike: I showed him how God wanted him to have a swell time while he was alive. Because, brothers and sisters, when you is gone, you is gone. And ain't no way, no how, nobody's going to bring you back here once you is dead!

Count Dracula: Good Evening.

Count Dracula: [''to Reverend Mike, thinking him a Hotel receptionist''] I am Count Dracula. I would like a large suite with a bath. I have a reservation.

Count Dracula: [''Confused''] This is not the lobby of the Plaza Hotel?

Air Stewardess: Pardon me, would you like Chicken Kiev, Chateaubriand, or Veal Cutlet Florentine for lunch?

Renfield: Everything you mentioned is dead. Don't you have anything that's alive... and kicking?

Lady on plane with Cat: [''scoffs at Renfield''] I'll have the Chicken Kiev, miss. Oh, why don't you bring a nice juicy mouse for little Salome here?

Renfield: Could I have one, too?

Alexei Rugalov: You dirty bat! You bit my mother!

Count Dracula: What is your name?

Rugalov: Alexei. Rugalov.

Count Dracula: [''recalls''] No, Alexei. I bit your mother, , and your grandmother.

Commissare Woman: [''Leaves''] Either you spend the rest of your life in an efficiency apartment with seven dissidents and one toilet, or you gather your aristocratic shit together and split. .

Count Dracula: Renfield.

Renfield: Yes, master?

Count Dracula: What is an efficiency apartment?

Renfield: I don't know, master. What's a toilet?

Commissare Woman: You, and your... cockroach-eating friend over there, have 48 hours to get out! Good evening, Comrade Count!

Count Dracula: Wait one minute. This is my home. My people cleared the land. We tortured innocent peasants for it. We even murdered for it. By Romanian law, that makes it ours.

Renfield: I think they're from the government.

Count Dracula: How do you know?

Renfield: They're wearing shoes.

Renfield: Master, please be careful!

Count Dracula: What is it?

Renfield: You nearly stepped on my dinner!

Count Dracula: [''sees the large black beetle''] Forgive me. Bon appetit!

Count Dracula: Renfield! Renfield!

Renfield: [...] Yes, Master!

Count Dracula: [''thrusts his glass at him''] How many times do I have to tell you: body temperature!

Black mourner: Alvin - I told you to go find your roots, but who told you to drink the water?

Dr. Jeffrey Van Helsing-Rosenberg: Look, a check. She paid me everything she owes me. She left me, but she learned something. She's a responsible person ... or whatever.

Dr. Jeffrey Van Helsing-Rosenberg: [''After having set fire to Dracula's Coffin''] This is a perfect example of a man taking charge of his own life! And I feel... pretty good.

Dr. Jeffrey Van Helsing-Rosenberg: [''is about to set Dracula's coffin on fire''; [Wikipedia:Disco Inferno|Burn, Baby! Burn!; ''throws the lit match on the coffin, and the coffin begins to ignite''] In the name of all the Van Helsings who have ever lived... ]

Dr. Jeffrey Van Helsing-Rosenberg: [''picking hotel room lock''] Every now and then it sure helps to have a patient doing five to ten for breaking and entering.

Dr. Jeffrey Van Helsing-Rosenberg: You know what Freud said: if you don't pay for it, you don't get better.

Dr. Jeffrey Van Helsing-Rosenberg: [''repeated line''] I'm a doctor! I know what I'm doing.

Cindy Sondheim: [''talking to her kitten, sitting in the fridge''; ''kisses the kitten''] : So that's where you've been for the last two days, and I thought you were lost, you little devil .

Count Vladimir Dracula: Ah, Cindy Sondheim, you should have lived in an earlier age. Things were simpler, less complicated. Do you know how many women had nervous breakdowns in the fourteenth century? Two.

Count Vladimir Dracula: I never drink wine, and I do not smoke shit.

Count Vladimir Dracula: [''after biting a wino''] What was that maniac drinking? Tastes like the Volga river at low tide!

Count Vladimir Dracula: I'm going out for a bite to drink.

Count Vladimir Dracula: [''reading an American phrase book''] What is this? "Copyright 1923"? Renfield, you bumbling moron, this book is as out of date as... I am.

Count Vladimir Dracula: Without me, Transylvania will be as exciting as Bucharest... on a Monday night.

Count Vladimir Dracula: You see? Even a child knows! The wolf is a very misunderstood creature. He never kills for sport, only what is needed. And he always protects the young... and the old.

Count Vladimir Dracula: Children of the night, shut up!