New Musical Experience in Girlesque
Taglines:
New Musical Girlesque!!!
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A Conversation About Past Recognition
Detective Sam Grunion:
Ah, Madame Egelichi! Don't you remember me?
Madame Egelichi: [slaps his face]
Yes,I do!
Detective Sam Grunion:
No, I mean BEFORE that!
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Methods of Coercion Discussed in Conversation
Madame Egelichi: [pointing to Harpo]
Alphonse! Hannibal! This creature won't talk!
Alphonse:
There are WAYS of making him talk!
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Detective Grunion Assists a Troubled Client
Detective Sam Grunion:
Come in. Is there anything I can do for you? What a ridiculous statement.
Grunion's Client:
Mr. Grunion. I want you to help me.
Detective Sam Grunion:
I have a little sand left. What seems to be the trouble?
Grunion's Client:
Some men are following me.
Detective Sam Grunion:
Really? I can't understand why.
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A Conversation on Life and Death
Detective Sam Grunion: [objecting to being killed with a straight razor]
This'll never do. I got a hide like an elephant. By the way, did you ever try to hide an elephant?
Ivan:
You will be dead in five minutes
Detective Sam Grunion:
Huh! For your information, my doctor gave me three years to live, and I don't intend to make a fool out of HIM.
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Duality of Friendship and Connection
Mr. Lyons:
Are you a friend of Mr. Yorkman?
Faustino the Great: [crossing fingers before him]
Friend? Ha. Max and I are just-a like that - two heads on the same neck.
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Mind-Reading Demonstration Turns Awkward
Faustino the Great:
I no like-a to brag, but the thing I'm-a most unknown for is-a mind-reading. I give you demonstration. You're thinking of something.
Mike Johnson: [dubiously]
Right, so far.
Faustino the Great:
You're thinking of a nice juicy steak with a French-a fried-a potatoes.
Mike Johnson: [far less than impressed]
The exit's over there.
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Musical Terms and Confusion in Conversation
Faustino the Great:
Never mind the pianissimo. I'm gonna make it-a very simple for you: we play it allegro pizzicato. That's what-a you call em, high-class Carnegie Hall stuff. You know allegro pizzicato?
Mr. Lyons:
No.
Faustino the Great:
You know Jimmy Pizzicato?
Mr. Lyons:
No.
Faustino the Great:
None of the Pizzicatos, uh?
Mr. Lyons:
No.
Faustino the Great:
What DO you know?
Mr. Lyons:
I know pistachio.
Faustino the Great: [shrugs]
Pistachio? Ha! We play it!
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The Value of Time in Pursuing Passions
Faustino the Great:
How long you study music?
Mr. Lyons:
Fifteen years.
Faustino the Great:
Fifteen. You know, two more years you could've been a plumber?
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A plea for authenticity in performance
Faustino the Great:
Look-a, Mr. Lyons, I know you wanna make a good impression, but-a please - don't play better than me.
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Reluctance to follow in dangerous situations
Detective Sam Grunion: [to Madam Egelichi]
Oh, no. I'm not gonna follow you and get shot. If I was half-shot I'd follow you.
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Suit Misunderstanding Encountered by Detective Grunion
Detective Sam Grunion:
Hey, that's not my suit you're pulling.
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A Case of Mistaken Identity
Detective Sam Grunion:
Mackinaw, you know I have a full record of the case, and tonight at the opening of the play you MAY have the solution, but when the curtain rises, Madam Egelichi will be in the front box, and sitting next to her will be Count B'ullabaisse - but if you take away the count's silk hat, his opera cloak and his full dress suit you'll have ME, shivering in my underwear.
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The Trials of a Broadway Hopeful
Detective Sam Grunion:
Here's another Broadway hopeful: Faustino the Great. For 20 years he was an organ grinder with a monkey. Then one day the monkey went on strike. He wanted shorter hours and longer bananas.
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Confession of a Detective's Success
Detective Sam Grunion:
I am the same Sam Grunion who solved the international uranium-mining swindle. Scotland Yard was baffled; the FBI was baffled. They sent for me and the case was solved immediately: I confessed.
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