18 quotes
Failed Date Night Commentary
Seth
Nice job, you fucked up date night.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Love and Conflict in Relationships
Chelsea
All I ever wanted to do was spend my life loving you, you disgusting sack of shit.
Seth
If that's all you wanted, then why did you hire the sleaziest lawyer in town, you pathologically deluded, morally bankrupt, in-denial, self-esteem-deficient bitch on wheels?
Chelsea
I am NOT in denial.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Stress and Hair Loss Concerns
Seth
Oh my God! My hair is falling out!
[in the shower]
Chelsea
You know stress will do that to ya!
Seth
Holy shit! It's really falling out!
Chelsea
That's so weird!
Seth
Oh my God! Oh, Jesus! Oh my God! Oh, jeez! AHHHHHHHHHHH! What did you do to me?
[steps out of shower and looks into mirror]
Chelsea
I didn't do anything! You must have used my hair remover instead of your conditioner.
Seth
Noo! YOU PUT SOME IN THERE TO FUCK WITH ME!
Chelsea
I didn't do it! I swear!
Seth
Ooooohhhhh man, you are the fuckin devil! THE DEVIL!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation with a demon in Hell
Seth
Back to Hell, demon. Back to hell.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unpleasant Dinner Leads to Awkward Moment
Chelsea
Ugh, you are such a pig!
[sleeping in bed with Seth, he farts and the pets disperse]
Seth
Oh... man, I am so sorry! You know I had beans and broccoli for dinner and I washed them down with some crab cakes... OH!...
[farts loudly]
Chelsea
EWWW! Ew! Ew!
[simultaneously]
Seth
Goodness! I am so sorry. Would you like to spoon me? Because, I feel like I'm past the worst of it, and I need some cuddle-time - Oh, wait, no, I was wrong. Incoming! OH!...
[farts]
Chelsea
Ugh, you're sick! Ew!
[simultaneously]
Seth
My goodness! Keeping the neighbors up, huh? Feet are on fire. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Oh, man! I've got skills! I've got game! Ah... mmmm - oh! Ole!
[farts rapidly, four times; farts loudly]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Relationship Worse Than Yours
Taglines
A movie about a relationship...that's worse than yours.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Bitter Perspective on Unrequited Love
Taglines
If you can't be with the one you love...make their life a living hell.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertainty in Romantic Feelings
Chelsea
I really like this guy. I think that Seth could be the one.
Holly
Are you serious? Does he feel the same way?
Chelsea
Please, he's a man. He has no idea how he's feeling.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Personal Boundaries
Seth
Drop the probe and step away from my ass.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Marriage Strategy Discussion Between Friends
Holly
We're going to go over strategy. Now, remember, Chelsea, it took me three breakups, seven ultimatums, and God knows how many not-so-thinly veiled threats before Larry coughed up this ring.
Chelsea
Oooh. Okay, whatever it takes, I'm gonna marry that man.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Three B's as an Apology Strategy
Chelsea
Can I make it up to you?
Seth
What did you have in mind?
Chelsea
Back rub, blow-job, breakfast in bed.
Seth
The three B's! It has a chance at working.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Agreement Complicated by Mixed Emotions
Seth
But we agreed to $100,000. We shook on it. We had sex on it.
Chelsea
Hate sex.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Shift in Sexual Orientation
Seth
You've put me off women. I'm gay now. And not just a little gay-full on, Liberace gay.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Legal Threats Over Personal Injury
Seth
I'll sure your ass for damages for damaging my ass.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings in Friendships and Relationships
Larry Garnett
It's like a hooker taking a trick to court to get him to pay.
Holly
Don't call my best friend a hooker.
Larry Garnett
That's right, a hooker tells you the price up front.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Intentions in Communication
Seth
If you have a message for me, leave it after the beep and if you have a message for Chelsea then you REALLY HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF WHY.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unconventional Perspectives on Love and Romance
Taglines
An "Un-romantic" romantic comedy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Cost of Temporary Pleasure
Taglines
Sometimes the best sex in the world...just isn't worth it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.