Machete Quotes

Taglines Michelle Rodriguez as She

Taglines He knows the score. He gets the women. And he kills the bad guys!

Machete Machete don't text.

Taglines A Pissed Off Mexican Out to Settle a Score

Taglines Yesterday He Was a Decent Man Living a Decent Life. Now He is a Brutal Savage Who Must Slaughter to Stay Alive.

Taglines Steven Seagal as Torrez

Stillman Helter Skelter's here.

McLaughlin Welcome to America.

Sartana Well, there's a law and there's what's right. I'm going to do what's right.

Henchman Please, father. Have mercy.

Padre God has mercy, I don't!

Sartana I thought Machete don't text.

Machete Machete improvise.

Taglines They just fucked with the wrong Mexican!

Taglines Jessica Alba as Sartana

Stillman I'd rather see that Mexican dance the Bolero at the end of a rope.

Torrez You're Machete's girl. I know, because you're his type.

Sartana What type is that?

Torrez Dead.

Taglines Lindsay Lohan as The Sister

Taglines If you're going to hire Machete to kill the bad guy, you better make damn sure the bad guy isn't you!

April In the name of my father...

McLaughlin My father"? April?

April I forgot the rest.

Booth Machete sent me a text.

Osiris What did it say?

Booth You just fucked with the wrong Mexican.

Padre Cuban?

Machete Mexican.

Padre I absolve you of all your sins. Now, get the fuck out!

Booth's Bodyguard #1 Hey, hey-heh, boss. Who are you?

Machete The new gardener.

Booth's Bodyguard #1 The gardener.

Booth's Bodyguard #1 Just fucking with you, chief. It's Hungarian for I going to kill you, you little monkey. You know what, there's a big pile of shit in the back. You can go and clean that up, all right? Make sure you do a good job.

Booth's Bodyguard #1 Make sure to wipe those boots off. Carrying shit in the house.

Booth's Bodyguard #1 You ever noticed how you let a Mexican into your house just because he's got gardening tools? No questions asked, you just let him right in. Could have a chainsaw. You know, a machete...

Padre It's not safe for you to be here.

Machete I'm not looking for "safe".

Padre No, I mean it's not safe for me for you to be here!

Taglines Danny Trejo as Machete

Sartana We didn't cross the border. The border crossed us.

Doctor How's the eye?

Shé What eye?

Senator McLaughlin Well, I wanna thank y'all for coming out today, and I wanna thank my supporters from the bottom of my heart. Because we have been tested -- tested by fire. Our border has been put to the test, and let me tell you: we have failed that test. The aliens, the infiltrators, the outsiders, they come right across by light of day or dark of night. They'll bleed us, they're parasites. They'll bleed us until we as a city, a county, a state, a nation are all bled out. Make no mistake: we are at war. Every time an illegal dances across our border it is an act of aggression against this sovereign state, an overt act of terrorism. Everywhere I go in this state people are talking about change. I say "why change"? This is a great state founded on the principles of liberty, I don't wanna change that. Our rightful citizens are hardworking Americans who earn their paychecks by the grit of their guts and the sweat of their brow! I don't wanna change that! "Change," that's what they want, change. Change the laws, open the doors. Red rover, red rover, let the terrorists come over! Let me tell you what change that'll bring: 68 cents. The jingle-jangle of pennies in your pocket because the scavengers, the leeches, the parasites are walking away with your money, while you're left with the change. So, I wanna say one more thing: who you gonna vote for?

Taglines Robert De Niro as The Senator

Taglines given an offer he couldn't refuse...