Madea Goes to Jail (2009) - Quotes

Brown: You look bad. You look like you've been doing hard time.

Madea: [smokes] If you come up to me, I'ma cut er.

Cora: You did?

Madea: Yeah. That's what I did. They got womens up here with danglers, and I cut her right off.

Madea: I don't know what the hell you're blowing at, but keep blowing at me.

Woman: Come on, grandma!

Madea: Are you coming… Are you coming out? Hey! Are you coming out?

Woman: Move it, lady!

Madea: [turns a corner at the lot] I guess you aren't coming out. I like those shoes.

Woman: [honks her horn several times; sing-songy] Come on, come on, come on!

Madea: [A car drives away from a parking spot. The woman speeds her car into it, just before Madea could park; looking around in shock; drives up to the woman in pink, who gets out of her car] There's a spot right here. I got the groceries, and now, I just need to get up in here. Come on out. I know… Did she… I know damn well that you just… Excuse me! Excuse me! Lady, I know… I know damn well you saw me getting ready to take this spot.

Woman: I saw you, and I took it.

Madea: [The woman huffs at her, then walks to the Kmart; drives up to the woman each time as she approaches closer to the Kmart] Why don't you move your little red car before I move it for you? OK, go on into the store. Go on into the store. Just walk off. Just walk off like you're bad. You're bad? You're bad? OK. Excuse me! Excuse me! I said I was waiting for this spot, lady.

Woman: [tauntingly] Well, it's my spot now, grandma.

Madea: Lady… Lady, look here… Lady. Lady, lemme explain some… Lady, lemme explain something! Lady, lemme explain something!

Woman: [enters the store] Are you gonna follow me into the store?

Madea: [backs her car up; spots a crane-like forklift at a construction site beside the store. With a devious smile, she gets an idea] Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy. She's gonna make me tear the K and the B offa this Kmart. I need to back up. I oughta run into her. Lord, help me. I don't wanna get in no trouble, Lord. Help me, Jesus! Help me, Lord! You know I'm ready to drive straight through this glass. That's right. I'm gonna beat her ass.

Woman: [to Madea] Are you insane?!

Madea: Didn't I told you that was my parking spot, and you were gonna jump in front of me, and take my damn parking spot?

Woman: Are you insane?! Put my car down!

Madea: OK, I'm gonna put it down for you.

Woman: Old woman, put my car down!

Madea: [short pause] OK.

Woman: My husband is a police officer, and he's on his way right now!

Madea: [barrellrolls across the hood of her car] I ain't scared of no po-po! Call the po-po, ho! Call the po-po!

Woman: [on the phone; screaming voice] Honey, this woman… This… This Jemima the Hutt… She ruined my car!!

Madea: [gets into her car] Well, I better get the hell outta here. If he wants me, he better come to my house to get me!

Woman: [to Madea; on the phone] He will! Get over here now! The Kmart!

Judge Mablean: There's nothin you can do. She's going to jail this time!

Brian: [unsure] I don't know about that.

Judge Mablean: And why not?

Linda: Apparently your Honor, our officers forgot to mirandize her.

Madea: I was waiting for Miranda to come in and nobody came in there ! I was waiting for her. That's right. Ain't nobody miranda me, Miranda wasn't even in the room.