30 quotes
Advanced Civilizations and Peaceful Intentions
Professor Donald Kessler
We know they're extremely advanced technologically, which suggests - very rightfully so - that they're peaceful. An advanced civilization, by definition, is not barbaric.
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Humanity's Resolve Against Alien Threat
General Decker
You think you can do anything you want? Well, you can't, you see, because we are human beings! And we have the United States Army that'll fight you to the last man! And we'll never surrender! Do you hear me?! ] ] will win! ] will survive! We will never, never surrender! We will win! The eagle will be triumphant!
[''The Martians break into the War Room and Decker approaches them, holding two pistols''; ''Starts shooting at them, to no effect''; ''The Martian Leader uses a shrinking ray to begin miniaturizing Decker, who does not seem to notice, with his voice rising in pitch as he gets smaller and smaller''; [w:We shall fight on the beaches|We'll fight you on the beaches! We'll fight you on the streets! We'll never, never surrender!; [w:Old Glory|Old Glory; ''Now smaller than the Martian Leader's foot''; [Democracy; ''The Martian Leader stomps on Decker, crushing him'']
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Concerns About Martians in Nevada
General Decker
You can't have Martians running all over Nevada!
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Martians Announce Their Peaceful Intentions
Martian Translator Device
We come in peace! We come in peace!
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Gratitude for Grandma's Support in Crisis
Richie Norris
I want to thank my Grandma for always being so good to me, and, and for helping save the world and everything.
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A Warning Against Future Mistakes
Grandma Florence Norris
Thank you, honey. But don't you dare let anything like this happen again.
[''As Taffy is awarding her the Congressional Medal of Honor'']
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Contemplating Mars Beyond Its Existence
Art Land
I'd been thinkin about Mars when there wasn't no Mars.
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A Human's Defiance Against Aliens
Billy Glenn Norris
DIE, YOU ALIEN SHITHEAD! Uh-oh. I surrender!
[''Prepares to shoot, but a Martian notices him''; ''Drops his gun and holds up a flag''; ''The Martian disintegrates him with a ray gun'']
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Congress Explosion in Mars Attacks!
Grandma Florence Norris
They blew up Congress!
[''laughs'']
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Unexpected Outcomes in Uncertain Situations
Taffy Dale
Guess it wasn't the dove.
[''Watching Martians massacre the Senate'']
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Cosmic Truths and Martian History Explained
Martian Translator Device
All green of skin... 800 centuries ago, their bodily fluids include the birth of half-breeds. For the fundamental truth self-determination of the cosmos, for dark is the suede that mows like a harvest.
['''''General Decker''': What the hell does that mean?!'']
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President's Call to Action in Crisis
President Dale
] via telephone] ...]..
[''Overhearing the Martians' destruction of [[France; [w:mon dieu|mon Dieu]
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Urgent Military Action Required for National Security
General Decker
Screw the press! This is a need-to-know situation. We should make it a top secret, and we should move in right away with DefCon-4!
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Sign of the Donut Explained
Richie Norris
Wow, he just made the international sign of the donut.
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Grandma's Concern About Extraterrestrial Visitors
Grandma Florence Norris
Richie, I think these guys are very sick.
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General Casey's Excitement About Meeting Martians
General Casey
Hello? This is General Casey. I get to meet the Martian Ambassador! Ain't that great? Oh, it's a hell of an honor. But didn't I always tell you, honey, if I just stayed in place and never spoke up, good things are bound to happen! Yeah... Okay.
[''Talking on the phone''; ''Makes kissing noises and hangs up the phone'']
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Martians Seeking Shelter on Earth
Art Land
If the Martians land, they're gonna need a place to stay. Just like everybody else.
[''Pitching a hotel/casino idea'']
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Defending Television from Alien Invasion
Sue Ann Norris
I'll tell you one thing, they ain't gettin the TV.
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General Decker Advocates for Extreme Measures
General Decker
We should nuke these assholes with everything we got, sir.
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Government Assurance Amidst Uncertainty
President Dale
I want the people to know that they still have two out of three branches of the government working for them, and that ] I want the people to know that the schools will still be open, okay? And I want the people to know that the garbage will still be carried out. And I want a cop on every corner - which, incidentally, we would already have, if they had listened to me in the last election!
[[w:Two Out of Three Ain't Bad|ain't bad!]
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Media Access to Martians Upon Arrival
Jason Stone
When the Martians land, will the press have access? Can we do interviews?
[''To Jerry Ross'']
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Martians Claim Friendship Despite Fearful Reactions
Martian Translator Device
Don't run! We are your friends!
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The Importance of Unity and Cooperation
President Dale
Why... are you doing this? Why? Isn't the ] big enough... for both of us? What is wrong with you people? We could work together. Why be enemies? Because we're different? Is that why? Think of the things that we could do. Think how strong we would be! ]... and ]... together. There is nothing that we could not accomplish. Think about it! Think about it. Why destroy... when you can create? We can have it all, or we can smash it all! Why can't we... work out our differences? Why can't we... work things out? Little people... why can't we all just... get along? What's this?
[''Making one last appeal to the Martians''; [universe; [Earth; [Mars; ''The Martian Leader sheds a single tear. Dale smiles to himself, impressed. The Martian Leader approaches him and shakes hands with Dale. Then, the Martian Leader's hand detaches from his arm''; ''The hand proceeds to crawl all over Dale's body. At the small of his back, it stabs through his body. Dale collapses to the ground, dead. From his dead body, a flag rises: a Martian flag'']
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Urgent Call to Action in Crisis
Cedric Williams
What are you guys gawking at?! Get that President outta here!
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A Dismissive Farewell from Billy Glenn Norris
Billy Glenn Norris
So long, retard.
[''About to get on the bus to leave for the Army, to his brother, Richie'']
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Intergalactic Emergency and Human Distractions
Art Land
Even in a time of so-called intergalactic emergency, people still want to roooooll them bones!
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Questioning Logic in Unusual Circumstances
Professor Donald Kessler
Mr. Ambassador, please! What are you doing? This doesn't make sense! It's not logical! It's not -
[''As the Martians disintegrate Congress''; ''A Martian knocks Kessler unconscious'']
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President's Assurance of a Real Outcome
President Dale
Rest assured that we will soon come out at a very real... outcome.
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Grandma's Confusion in Mars Attacks!
Grandma Florence Norris
I think it must be my ]!
[''After a Martian's head explodes''; [music]
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Ambition versus Dishonesty in Character Perspective
Art Land
I'm not a crook, I'm ambitious. There's a difference.
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