14 quotes
Learning About Bad Behavior
Vietnamese gophers
Educator gopher: (pointing Chuck, Wynyard, and Jim to a blackboard that says "] is very bad egg") You... read... You... read.
[[w:Lyndon B. Johnson|Lyndon Johnson]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Astral Travel and Unkind Comparisons
Guppy
Is something the matter, Mr. Bletch?
Abi
Please, do not interrupt me. I am traveling on the astral plane.
Trevor
I've heard better singing from a mongoose with throat cancer.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Taste-Free Movie Experience Awaits
Taglines
From the creator of "]", comes a movie with no taste at all!
[[Bad Taste]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Welcome to the Jungle Concept
Taglines
Welcome to the Jungle.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fury of a Hippo with a Gun
Taglines
Hell hath no fury like a hippo with a machine gun.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Re-education for Fascist Imperialists
Vietnamese gophers
Educator gopher: Thời gian học lại cho bọn đế quốc phát xít. ("Re-education time for fascist imperialists.")
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bletch's Unexpected Moment of Realization
Bletch
Oh, shit! I was just about to pop my cookies!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Defiant Stand Against Betrayal
Heidi
Eat lead, you man-stealing slut!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Private Enterprise and Control at Village Level
Vietnamese gophers
Educator gopher: Tôi vẫn nói rằng doanh nghiệp tư nhân là chấp nhận được ở cấp làng cung cấp nó được kiểm soát chặt chẽ bởi bên. ("I still say that private enterprise is acceptable at a village level, providing it is strictly controlled by the party.")
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Oppression and Surrendering Arms
Vietnamese gophers
Soldier gopher: Bỏ vũ khí xuống và giơ tay lên những con chó chạy theo chủ nghĩa xét lại. ("Drop your weapons and put your hands up revisionist running dogs.")
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Ideological Purity in Revolutionary Movements
Vietnamese gophers
Soldier gopher: Chúng ta không được để những điều nhỏ nhặt khát vọng tư sản nhuốm màu sư phạm xã hội chủ nghĩa. Cải cách là kẻ thù của cuộc cách mạng. ("We must not let petty bourgeois aspirations taint socialist pedagogy. Reform is the enemy of revolution.")
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Unconventional Life of Soft Toys
Taglines
Sex, drugs and soft toys.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Puppet Chaos Unleashed in Meet the Feebles
Taglines
Puppet spunk hits the fan!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Welcome to the Fabulous Feebles Variety Hour
Announcer
Ladies and gentlemen. Your attention please. Welcome to the newest, the greatest, the most spectacular in entertainment history. Put your hands together for the fabulous Feebles Variety Hour!
Feebles
♪ Meet the Feebles, ♪
Wynard
♪ Animal acts ♪
Dorothy
♪ And other attractions. ♪
Barry
♪ Samantha the pussy ♪
Dennis
♪ A contortionist. ♪
Sid
♪ A modernist. ♪
Feebles
♪ A hippopotamus. ♪
Announcer
And now, here's Harry!
Harry
Yipeee! Ha ha! Hi, folks! Welcome to the Feebles Variety Hour. Oh, boy, what a line-up we've got for you tonight. But, first, give a huge reception to our very own Venus, the gorgeous hunk of hippo-hood, Heidi!
Heidi
♪ I'm Heidi, hi! ♪
Feebles
♪ We've got a show that's just sublime, ♪
Trevor
All right, you fat slag! Move your ass!
Heidi
How dare you speak to me like that, you horrible, spiteful, little rat!
Trevor
I've heard better singing from a mongoose with throat cancer.
Heidi
I won't stand for this treatment any longer! I'm an artiste! I demand respect!
Trevor
Artiste". Ha ha! That's a good one!
Heidi
That's it! I've had enough! I am going straight to Bletch!
Trevor
You do that, darling!
Sebastian
What is going on over there? Heidi, where are you going? Trevor, you haven't upset her again, have you? You know what happens when she gets into a tizz.
Trevor
Oh, the old cow's had it too good for too long.
Sebastian
Like it or not, Trevor, she's the star of the show. There's no Feebles without Heidi. Come on, everybody. We're going out live in twelve hours. Heaven forbid injecting some urgency into this occasion, but for God's sake, get a move on!
Trevor
What are you doing here, pincushion?
Robert
I was just watching the chowus.
Trevor
Hey, you're that new boy here, aren't you?
Robert
Yes, I am. I just stawted today. I'm Wobewt.
Trevor
You may be Wobewt to your friends, but you're fly shit to me! Piss off!
Robert
Yes siw.
Bletch
When are we due on the course?
Barry
One o'clock sharp. It's all arranged.
Bletch
Barry, how's your handicap?
Barry
She's at home, baking a cake, boss.
Cedric
It's a lovely course. I'm tempted to join the club myself.
Bletch
No chance of that I'm afraid, Cedric.
Cedric
You mean they discriminate against Scots?
Bletch
No, we just don't like assholes in the clubhouse.
Madame Udder
Oh, no! No, no. No, help, somebody! No, no!
Masked Masochist
Take that, you bitch!
Madame Udder
I beg you, please, no, stop it!
Masked Masochist
Call me "Sir", slut!
Madame Udder
Ow!
Robert
Weave hew awone! You wottew! Awe you aww wight, madam?
Trevor
Cut!
Madame Udder
Jesus Christ!
Trevor
You have a nasty habit of sticking your nose in where it's not wanted.
Robert
I'm sowwy.
Trevor
You ruined my take, kid. I never do two takes!
Robert
I didn't know it was a fiwm.
Madame Udder
Hurry it up, I'm freezing!
Robert
I'm sowwy for intewwupting. I won't distuwb you any wongew.
Trevor
We'll skip the whipping. Let's move on to the blowjob. Where's the Masked Masochist? Oh, Christ, that's all I need! He's carked! Didn't you realize you were sitting on his face?
Madame Udder
I felt a bit uncomfortable, but I thought it was my hemorrhoids.
Trevor
What the hell? Maybe I can sell it as a snuff movie.
Madame Udder
Well, you'll have to find a substitute. I don't do self abuse.
Trevor
No worries, Daisy. I know just the guy.
Sebastian
All right everybody, from the top! Music, please!
Sebastian
Stop!!!
Barry
Oh, for Christ sake! What the hell was wrong with that?
Sebastian
Who is holding that red pennant?
Robert
Me, siw.
Sebastian
And what on earth do you think you're doing?
Robert
I'm patwowwing the moat, siw.
Sebastian
Patrolling the moat? I see. You were instructed to stay upstage left.
Robert
Itawian pennant beawews of the 17th centuwy wewe fwequentwy known to patwow the wampawt, on the wookout for Tuwkish invadews.
Sebastian
How very elucidating.
Robert
I've been weading up on it, siw. My dwama teachew at schoow said I shouwd awways weseawch a wowe thowoughwy.
Sebastian
Really? Well let me tell you something. This is a television variety show, not a homage to Soviet Realism! Good grief! I asked for a pennant, not a pedant! All right, again! From the top!
Robert
Excuse me!
Sebastian
Stop!
Barry
Oh, shit!
Sid
Oh, God!
Sebastian
What is it?
Robert
It's just... Weww, I'm having twoubwe with my motivation. I don't undewstand why I wouwd wemain stiww when the scene itsewf suggests vigowous physicaw action, dangew even.
Sebastian
I suppose you'd like everyone to stop singing while you come forward to do a little war dance center stage. Is that it?
Robert
Weww, it had cwossed my mind!
Sebastian
Oh, my God!
Arthur
Sorry, guv, I hate to interrupt, but it don't look like the knife thrower's assistant is going to pull through. Shall I cancel Wynyard's act entirely?
Sebastian
I think not. I've got just the substitute.
Wynard
Jesus, Trevor, have you got the stuff? I'm hanging out, man. I'll get you the money tomorrow, I promise.
Robert
Hewwo, my name's Wobewt.
Wynard
Are you the new supplier?
Robert
No, I've been sent by the diwectow to assist you in youw knife-thwowing woutine.
Wynard
Oh, shit!
Robert
I was wondewing if you wouwd wike to pwactice.
Wynard
No, I don't know, man, I really don't know. It's not such a hot idea. Have you got any smack?
Robert
Smack?
Wynard
Horse, liquid sky, skag, snow, coke, crack, methadone, Benzedrine, pinkies, San Ped, Morning Glory, nutmeg, blue meanies, aspirin, Ados, paracetamol, Vicks VapoRub?!! Oh, you don't happen to be an asthmatic by any chance? Could I borrow your huffer?
Robert
I don't take dwugs of any sowt. I don't bewieve it's wight to abuse youw body wike that.
Wynard
Oh, well, that's easy for you to say. You haven't been to hell and back.
Robert
Eh?
Wynard
Nam!
Robert
Oh, you've been to ]?
[[w:Vietnam War|Vietnam]
Wynard
I saw the worst of it, kid. ]. ] had our backs against the wall! There were six of us. There were five of us. Every gook north of Saigon was drawing a bead on us. Take cover!
[[w:Tet Offensive#Saigon|Tet Offensive 1968; [w:Viet Cong|Charlie]
Jim
Wynyard! Cover me!
Wynard
Jim! Jim!
Chuck
Quickly, hurry up!
Wynard
Thanks, Jim, I owe you one!
Jim
I wasn't about to see my best buddy peppered with Charlie's lead.
Wynard
Three weeks later, we were on a routine patrol north of Tai Pang. Charlie was close, so close you could almost smell him. Where's Eightball?
Jim
Better go back and look for him.
Wynard
Eightball! Thank God!
Chuck
We thought the gooks had got you, Eightball.
Soldier gopher
Bỏ vũ khí xuống và giơ tay lên những con chó chạy theo chủ nghĩa xét lại. ("Drop your weapons and put your hands up revisionist running dogs.")
Wynard
In the days that followed, I wished a thousand times that it was my head on that stake.
Educator gopher
Thời gian học lại cho bọn đế quốc phát xít. ("Re-education time for fascist imperialists.") You... read... You... read.
Chuck
I can't see, you bastards! Oh God! Oh God!
Wynard
We didn't see Chuck for two days. We thought he was a goner. But then on the third night, they brought him back to us. The bastards had taken his legs.
Educator gopher
Tôi vẫn nói rằng doanh nghiệp tư nhân là chấp nhận được ở cấp làng cung cấp nó được kiểm soát chặt chẽ bởi bên. ("I still say that private enterprise is acceptable at a village level, providing it is strictly controlled by the party.")
Soldier gopher
Chúng ta không được để những điều nhỏ nhặt khát vọng tư sản nhuốm màu sư phạm xã hội chủ nghĩa. Cải cách là kẻ thù của cuộc cách mạng. ("We must not let petty bourgeois aspirations taint socialist pedagogy. Reform is the enemy of revolution.")
Wynard
The Cong hadn't finished with us yet. Their twisted communist minds had devised one last torture. As I stared down the muzzle of that gun, I thought of Chuck and Eightball and the thousands of others who had perished in that godforsaken wilderness. I was not afraid to join them.
Jim
Let's get out of here! Help me! Come on, buddy, help me up! Wynyard! Wynyard! Don't leave me! Please! Dear God, no! Nooo!
Wynard
It was six months before I got outta that Saigon hospital. By then, I was hooked on every barbiturate known to man.
Robert
Gosh! What an awfuw time you've had!
Wynard
Ah, hey kid, you want to express your sympathy in some kind of material way?
Robert
How can I do that?
Wynard
]. We're badly under-funded. Minimum donation fifty bucks. Thanks, kid. The Association was in bad need of a cash injection.
[[w:Vietnam Veterans of America|Vietnam Vets Association]
Bletch
Do you really think people are interested in nasal sex?
Trevor
Sure, boss. It's the latest fad.
Bletch
You got a title?
Trevor
I thought... "Dennis does Daisy".
Bletch
Nah. That's lousy.
Trevor
Well, how about... "Anal Antics"?
Bletch
Anal Antics"... Not bad. It has a certain ring to it. It will appeal to the intellectuals. Do you think it will do as well as our last release and win us the Hooker Prize? You know, I'm worried about Madame Bovine. We've lost money on her last two pictures.
Trevor
You want her replaced, boss?
Bletch
I think the public are tired of big udders. Find someone young and petite.
Trevor
Sure thing, boss.
Arthur
Here! You stuck it in the wrong way round!
Trevor
I'm sorry. I didn't know worms had nerves.
Robert
Evew since the nightmawe of Vietnam, he's been a hopewess dwug addict. It made me weawize just how wucky I am.
Lucille
How lucky we both are! I'm so glad we decided to get engaged.
Robert
Good wuck fow tonight, Wucy.
Lucille
Are you nervous?
Robert
Just a bit.
Lucille
Me too.
Robert
Actuawwy, I'm tewwibwy newvous. This is my fiwst show.
Lucille
You'll be wonderful. I know you will.
Trevor
I hope I'm not interrupting.
Lucille
I was just dressing for the show.
Trevor
So I see.
Lucille
What do you want?
Trevor
Oh, a moment of your time. We've got something to celebrate.
Lucille
What's that?
Trevor
Your new career. Lucille, I'm gonna put you in the movies.
Lucille
Movies!
Trevor
I've been watching you for some time. You've got that indefinable something. Star quality!
Lucille
That's my real ambition, to be in films!
Trevor
I've got a meaty part for you.
Lucille
Will I have to audition?
Trevor
That's what I'm here for.
Lucille
I feel woozy.
Trevor
Here, let me loosen your clothes. What beautiful white fur you've got, my dear.
Robert
Wuciwwe, you weft this in my woom...
Trevor
Take a hike! Can't you see that we're busy?
Robert
Wuciwwe!
Trevor
Oh, Jesus!
Lucille
Robert?
Robert
You've been dwinking!
Trevor
It's OK. I've finished with her anyway. Oh, go for your life, kid. She's a real good ride.
Robert
How couwd you do this?
Lucille
Robert!
Robert
Wuciwwe, how couwd you?
Lucille
No! Robert! Wait!
Heidi
It wasn't my fault.
Sebastian
You've been overeating again!
Heidi
Uh, no, I haven't.
Sebastian
There is Black Forest cherry cake in your cleavage!
Heidi
Ooh! How did that get there?
Sebastian
You know what chocolate does to your system.
Heidi
It was only a small wedge.
Sebastian
Your contract specifically states you are forbidden to eat gateaux on the day of a performance.
Heidi
I was depressed.
Sebastian
You're depressed? We're going out live in three hours, for God's sake!
Heidi
Don't speak to me like that! You don't understand! None of you understand! Bletch! Bletch!
Sebastian
Suddenly, I feel very, very old.
F. W.
Kill me if you want to, Harry. It's too late. It won't make any difference. The story's already gone to press.
Harry
You overgrown maggot! You're bluffing!
F. W.
Am I, Harry?
Newspaper Mouse
Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Famous Feeble has death row sex disease!
F. W.
Congratulations, you're front-page news.
Newspaper Mouse
Extra, extra! Read all about it! Extra! Extra, extra! Sex disease strikes Feeble fraternity. Thank you, ma'am. Extra, extra! Sex disease... Thank you, sir.
Bletch
Jesus Christ! Do you know anything about this, Trevor?
Trevor
Not a thing, boss.
Bletch
Why couldn't that goddamn bed-hopping bunny keep his member to himself? Who wrote this crap?
Trevor
I got a good idea, boss.
Bletch
Find him!
Lucille
Robert, we have to talk.
Robert
We have nothing to say to each othew.
Lucille
I want to tell you what happened.
Robert
I thought you wewe nice.
Lucille
I am nice.
Robert
No, you'we not. You'we woose! And you dwink!
Lucille
No!
Robert
You'we nothing but a woose wush, Wuciwwe, and I nevew want to see you again!
Bletch
He wouldn't dare! Oh, Christ, he's not!
Trevor
Oh, yes, he is, boss.
Sebastian
♪ Sodomy! ♪
Chorus
♪ I-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi ♪
Sebastian
♪ Thousands more than can be named ♪
Chorus
♪ Oooooooh ♪
Sebastian
♪ No harm will come to your soul ♪
Chorus
♪ Oooooooh ♪
Sebastian
♪ We're not all Pentacostal ♪
Chorus
♪ Sodomy ♪
Sebastian
♪ You must think it very odd of me ♪
Chorus
♪ Odd of Me ♪
Sebastian
♪ But I enjoy the act of sodomy ♪
Chorus
♪ Sodomy ♪
Sebastian
♪ You might call the wrath of God on me ♪
Chorus
♪ Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum ♪
Sebastian
♪ The fact that fundamentalists ♪
Chorus
♪ Bum Bum ♪
Sebastian
♪ Of an activity that's fun ♪
Chorus
♪ Bum Bum ♪
Sebastian
♪ Open up your ring ♪
Bletch
Trevor...?
Trevor
Yeah, boss?
Bletch
I want that fudge packer eliminated!
Robert
I don't cawe what you've done, Wuciwwe. I wove you so vewy vewy much, and I want you to mawwy me.
Lucille
Oh, Robert, I love you too! I was never unfaithful, it was Trevor. He drugged my drink and tried to ravish me.
Robert
The diwty wat!
Bletch
Christ!
Bletch
Heidi! Put the gun down!
Bletch
Heidi, for God's sake! Heidi, I still love you!
Heidi
Bletch...
[tearfully]
Bletch
Kill her, Trevor!
Trevor
It'll be a pleasure, boss.
Robert
You wottew!
Bletch
Oh, shit!
Arthur
Miss Heidi. I know you're a real star and all that. But I'm afraid I'm gonna have to dob you in.
Heidi
Could you do one last thing, Arthur?
Arthur
Anything, Heidi.
Heidi
Play "The Garden of Love".
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.