Meet the Feebles (1995) - Quotes

A Taste-Free Movie Experience Awaits

Taglines: [[Bad Taste] From the creator of "]", comes a movie with no taste at all!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Fury of a Hippo with a Gun

Taglines: Hell hath no fury like a hippo with a machine gun.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Puppet Chaos Unleashed in Meet the Feebles

Taglines: Puppet spunk hits the fan!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Unconventional Life of Soft Toys

Taglines: Sex, drugs and soft toys.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Welcome to the Jungle Concept

Taglines: Welcome to the Jungle.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Welcome to the Fabulous Feebles Variety Hour

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen. Your attention please. Welcome to the newest, the greatest, the most spectacular in entertainment history. Put your hands together for the fabulous Feebles Variety Hour!

Feebles: ♪ Meet the Feebles, ♪

Wynard: ♪ Animal acts ♪

Dorothy: ♪ And other attractions. ♪

Barry: ♪ Samantha the pussy ♪

Dennis: ♪ A contortionist. ♪

Sid: ♪ A modernist. ♪

Feebles: ♪ A hippopotamus. ♪

Announcer: And now, here's Harry!

Harry: Yipeee! Ha ha! Hi, folks! Welcome to the Feebles Variety Hour. Oh, boy, what a line-up we've got for you tonight. But, first, give a huge reception to our very own Venus, the gorgeous hunk of hippo-hood, Heidi!

Heidi: ♪ I'm Heidi, hi! ♪

Feebles: ♪ We've got a show that's just sublime, ♪

Trevor: All right, you fat slag! Move your ass!

Heidi: How dare you speak to me like that, you horrible, spiteful, little rat!

Trevor: I've heard better singing from a mongoose with throat cancer.

Heidi: I won't stand for this treatment any longer! I'm an artiste! I demand respect!

Trevor: Artiste". Ha ha! That's a good one!

Heidi: That's it! I've had enough! I am going straight to Bletch!

Trevor: You do that, darling!

Sebastian: What is going on over there? Heidi, where are you going? Trevor, you haven't upset her again, have you? You know what happens when she gets into a tizz.

Trevor: Oh, the old cow's had it too good for too long.

Sebastian: Like it or not, Trevor, she's the star of the show. There's no Feebles without Heidi. Come on, everybody. We're going out live in twelve hours. Heaven forbid injecting some urgency into this occasion, but for God's sake, get a move on!

Trevor: What are you doing here, pincushion?

Robert: I was just watching the chowus.

Trevor: Hey, you're that new boy here, aren't you?

Robert: Yes, I am. I just stawted today. I'm Wobewt.

Trevor: You may be Wobewt to your friends, but you're fly shit to me! Piss off!

Robert: Yes siw.

Bletch: When are we due on the course?

Barry: One o'clock sharp. It's all arranged.

Bletch: Barry, how's your handicap?

Barry: She's at home, baking a cake, boss.

Cedric: It's a lovely course. I'm tempted to join the club myself.

Bletch: No chance of that I'm afraid, Cedric.

Cedric: You mean they discriminate against Scots?

Bletch: No, we just don't like assholes in the clubhouse.

Madame Udder: Oh, no! No, no. No, help, somebody! No, no!

Masked Masochist: Take that, you bitch!

Madame Udder: I beg you, please, no, stop it!

Masked Masochist: Call me "Sir", slut!

Madame Udder: Ow!

Robert: Weave hew awone! You wottew! Awe you aww wight, madam?

Trevor: Cut!

Madame Udder: Jesus Christ!

Trevor: You have a nasty habit of sticking your nose in where it's not wanted.

Robert: I'm sowwy.

Trevor: You ruined my take, kid. I never do two takes!

Robert: I didn't know it was a fiwm.

Madame Udder: Hurry it up, I'm freezing!

Robert: I'm sowwy for intewwupting. I won't distuwb you any wongew.

Trevor: We'll skip the whipping. Let's move on to the blowjob. Where's the Masked Masochist? Oh, Christ, that's all I need! He's carked! Didn't you realize you were sitting on his face?

Madame Udder: I felt a bit uncomfortable, but I thought it was my hemorrhoids.

Trevor: What the hell? Maybe I can sell it as a snuff movie.

Madame Udder: Well, you'll have to find a substitute. I don't do self abuse.

Trevor: No worries, Daisy. I know just the guy.

Sebastian: All right everybody, from the top! Music, please!

Sebastian: Stop!!!

Barry: Oh, for Christ sake! What the hell was wrong with that?

Sebastian: Who is holding that red pennant?

Robert: Me, siw.

Sebastian: And what on earth do you think you're doing?

Robert: I'm patwowwing the moat, siw.

Sebastian: Patrolling the moat? I see. You were instructed to stay upstage left.

Robert: Itawian pennant beawews of the 17th centuwy wewe fwequentwy known to patwow the wampawt, on the wookout for Tuwkish invadews.

Sebastian: How very elucidating.

Robert: I've been weading up on it, siw. My dwama teachew at schoow said I shouwd awways weseawch a wowe thowoughwy.

Sebastian: Really? Well let me tell you something. This is a television variety show, not a homage to Soviet Realism! Good grief! I asked for a pennant, not a pedant! All right, again! From the top!

Robert: Excuse me!

Sebastian: Stop!

Barry: Oh, shit!

Sid: Oh, God!

Sebastian: What is it?

Robert: It's just... Weww, I'm having twoubwe with my motivation. I don't undewstand why I wouwd wemain stiww when the scene itsewf suggests vigowous physicaw action, dangew even.

Sebastian: I suppose you'd like everyone to stop singing while you come forward to do a little war dance center stage. Is that it?

Robert: Weww, it had cwossed my mind!

Sebastian: Oh, my God!

Arthur: Sorry, guv, I hate to interrupt, but it don't look like the knife thrower's assistant is going to pull through. Shall I cancel Wynyard's act entirely?

Sebastian: I think not. I've got just the substitute.

Wynard: Jesus, Trevor, have you got the stuff? I'm hanging out, man. I'll get you the money tomorrow, I promise.

Robert: Hewwo, my name's Wobewt.

Wynard: Are you the new supplier?

Robert: No, I've been sent by the diwectow to assist you in youw knife-thwowing woutine.

Wynard: Oh, shit!

Robert: I was wondewing if you wouwd wike to pwactice.

Wynard: No, I don't know, man, I really don't know. It's not such a hot idea. Have you got any smack?

Robert: Smack?

Wynard: Horse, liquid sky, skag, snow, coke, crack, methadone, Benzedrine, pinkies, San Ped, Morning Glory, nutmeg, blue meanies, aspirin, Ados, paracetamol, Vicks VapoRub?!! Oh, you don't happen to be an asthmatic by any chance? Could I borrow your huffer?

Robert: I don't take dwugs of any sowt. I don't bewieve it's wight to abuse youw body wike that.

Wynard: Oh, well, that's easy for you to say. You haven't been to hell and back.

Robert: Eh?

Wynard: Nam!

Robert: [[w:Vietnam War|Vietnam] Oh, you've been to ]?

Wynard: [[w:Tet Offensive#Saigon|Tet Offensive 1968; [w:Viet Cong|Charlie] I saw the worst of it, kid. ]. ] had our backs against the wall! There were six of us. There were five of us. Every gook north of Saigon was drawing a bead on us. Take cover!

Jim: Wynyard! Cover me!

Wynard: Jim! Jim!

Chuck: Quickly, hurry up!

Wynard: Thanks, Jim, I owe you one!

Jim: I wasn't about to see my best buddy peppered with Charlie's lead.

Wynard: Three weeks later, we were on a routine patrol north of Tai Pang. Charlie was close, so close you could almost smell him. Where's Eightball?

Jim: Better go back and look for him.

Wynard: Eightball! Thank God!

Chuck: We thought the gooks had got you, Eightball.

Soldier gopher: Bỏ vũ khí xuống và giơ tay lên những con chó chạy theo chủ nghĩa xét lại. ("Drop your weapons and put your hands up revisionist running dogs.")

Wynard: In the days that followed, I wished a thousand times that it was my head on that stake.

Educator gopher: Thời gian học lại cho bọn đế quốc phát xít. ("Re-education time for fascist imperialists.") You... read... You... read.

Chuck: I can't see, you bastards! Oh God! Oh God!

Wynard: We didn't see Chuck for two days. We thought he was a goner. But then on the third night, they brought him back to us. The bastards had taken his legs.

Educator gopher: Tôi vẫn nói rằng doanh nghiệp tư nhân là chấp nhận được ở cấp làng cung cấp nó được kiểm soát chặt chẽ bởi bên. ("I still say that private enterprise is acceptable at a village level, providing it is strictly controlled by the party.")

Soldier gopher: Chúng ta không được để những điều nhỏ nhặt khát vọng tư sản nhuốm màu sư phạm xã hội chủ nghĩa. Cải cách là kẻ thù của cuộc cách mạng. ("We must not let petty bourgeois aspirations taint socialist pedagogy. Reform is the enemy of revolution.")

Wynard: The Cong hadn't finished with us yet. Their twisted communist minds had devised one last torture. As I stared down the muzzle of that gun, I thought of Chuck and Eightball and the thousands of others who had perished in that godforsaken wilderness. I was not afraid to join them.

Jim: Let's get out of here! Help me! Come on, buddy, help me up! Wynyard! Wynyard! Don't leave me! Please! Dear God, no! Nooo!

Wynard: It was six months before I got outta that Saigon hospital. By then, I was hooked on every barbiturate known to man.

Robert: Gosh! What an awfuw time you've had!

Wynard: Ah, hey kid, you want to express your sympathy in some kind of material way?

Robert: How can I do that?

Wynard: [[w:Vietnam Veterans of America|Vietnam Vets Association] ]. We're badly under-funded. Minimum donation fifty bucks. Thanks, kid. The Association was in bad need of a cash injection.

Bletch: Do you really think people are interested in nasal sex?

Trevor: Sure, boss. It's the latest fad.

Bletch: You got a title?

Trevor: I thought... "Dennis does Daisy".

Bletch: Nah. That's lousy.

Trevor: Well, how about... "Anal Antics"?

Bletch: Anal Antics"... Not bad. It has a certain ring to it. It will appeal to the intellectuals. Do you think it will do as well as our last release and win us the Hooker Prize? You know, I'm worried about Madame Bovine. We've lost money on her last two pictures.

Trevor: You want her replaced, boss?

Bletch: I think the public are tired of big udders. Find someone young and petite.

Trevor: Sure thing, boss.

Arthur: Here! You stuck it in the wrong way round!

Trevor: I'm sorry. I didn't know worms had nerves.

Robert: Evew since the nightmawe of Vietnam, he's been a hopewess dwug addict. It made me weawize just how wucky I am.

Lucille: How lucky we both are! I'm so glad we decided to get engaged.

Robert: Good wuck fow tonight, Wucy.

Lucille: Are you nervous?

Robert: Just a bit.

Lucille: Me too.

Robert: Actuawwy, I'm tewwibwy newvous. This is my fiwst show.

Lucille: You'll be wonderful. I know you will.

Trevor: I hope I'm not interrupting.

Lucille: I was just dressing for the show.

Trevor: So I see.

Lucille: What do you want?

Trevor: Oh, a moment of your time. We've got something to celebrate.

Lucille: What's that?

Trevor: Your new career. Lucille, I'm gonna put you in the movies.

Lucille: Movies!

Trevor: I've been watching you for some time. You've got that indefinable something. Star quality!

Lucille: That's my real ambition, to be in films!

Trevor: I've got a meaty part for you.

Lucille: Will I have to audition?

Trevor: That's what I'm here for.

Lucille: I feel woozy.

Trevor: Here, let me loosen your clothes. What beautiful white fur you've got, my dear.

Robert: Wuciwwe, you weft this in my woom...

Trevor: Take a hike! Can't you see that we're busy?

Robert: Wuciwwe!

Trevor: Oh, Jesus!

Lucille: Robert?

Robert: You've been dwinking!

Trevor: It's OK. I've finished with her anyway. Oh, go for your life, kid. She's a real good ride.

Robert: How couwd you do this?

Lucille: Robert!

Robert: Wuciwwe, how couwd you?

Lucille: No! Robert! Wait!

Heidi: It wasn't my fault.

Sebastian: You've been overeating again!

Heidi: Uh, no, I haven't.

Sebastian: There is Black Forest cherry cake in your cleavage!

Heidi: Ooh! How did that get there?

Sebastian: You know what chocolate does to your system.

Heidi: It was only a small wedge.

Sebastian: Your contract specifically states you are forbidden to eat gateaux on the day of a performance.

Heidi: I was depressed.

Sebastian: You're depressed? We're going out live in three hours, for God's sake!

Heidi: Don't speak to me like that! You don't understand! None of you understand! Bletch! Bletch!

Sebastian: Suddenly, I feel very, very old.

F. W.: Kill me if you want to, Harry. It's too late. It won't make any difference. The story's already gone to press.

Harry: You overgrown maggot! You're bluffing!

F. W.: Am I, Harry?

Newspaper Mouse: Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Famous Feeble has death row sex disease!

F. W.: Congratulations, you're front-page news.

Newspaper Mouse: Extra, extra! Read all about it! Extra! Extra, extra! Sex disease strikes Feeble fraternity. Thank you, ma'am. Extra, extra! Sex disease... Thank you, sir.

Bletch: Jesus Christ! Do you know anything about this, Trevor?

Trevor: Not a thing, boss.

Bletch: Why couldn't that goddamn bed-hopping bunny keep his member to himself? Who wrote this crap?

Trevor: I got a good idea, boss.

Bletch: Find him!

Lucille: Robert, we have to talk.

Robert: We have nothing to say to each othew.

Lucille: I want to tell you what happened.

Robert: I thought you wewe nice.

Lucille: I am nice.

Robert: No, you'we not. You'we woose! And you dwink!

Lucille: No!

Robert: You'we nothing but a woose wush, Wuciwwe, and I nevew want to see you again!

Bletch: He wouldn't dare! Oh, Christ, he's not!

Trevor: Oh, yes, he is, boss.

Sebastian: ♪ Sodomy! ♪

Chorus: ♪ I-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi ♪

Sebastian: ♪ Thousands more than can be named ♪

Chorus: ♪ Oooooooh ♪

Sebastian: ♪ No harm will come to your soul ♪

Chorus: ♪ Oooooooh ♪

Sebastian: ♪ We're not all Pentacostal ♪

Chorus: ♪ Sodomy ♪

Sebastian: ♪ You must think it very odd of me ♪

Chorus: ♪ Odd of Me ♪

Sebastian: ♪ But I enjoy the act of sodomy ♪

Chorus: ♪ Sodomy ♪

Sebastian: ♪ You might call the wrath of God on me ♪

Chorus: ♪ Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum ♪

Sebastian: ♪ The fact that fundamentalists ♪

Chorus: ♪ Bum Bum ♪

Sebastian: ♪ Of an activity that's fun ♪

Chorus: ♪ Bum Bum ♪

Sebastian: ♪ Open up your ring ♪

Bletch: Trevor...?

Trevor: Yeah, boss?

Bletch: I want that fudge packer eliminated!

Robert: I don't cawe what you've done, Wuciwwe. I wove you so vewy vewy much, and I want you to mawwy me.

Lucille: Oh, Robert, I love you too! I was never unfaithful, it was Trevor. He drugged my drink and tried to ravish me.

Robert: The diwty wat!

Bletch: Christ!

Bletch: Heidi! Put the gun down!

Bletch: Heidi, for God's sake! Heidi, I still love you!

Heidi: [tearfully] Bletch...

Bletch: Kill her, Trevor!

Trevor: It'll be a pleasure, boss.

Robert: You wottew!

Bletch: Oh, shit!

Arthur: Miss Heidi. I know you're a real star and all that. But I'm afraid I'm gonna have to dob you in.

Heidi: Could you do one last thing, Arthur?

Arthur: Anything, Heidi.

Heidi: Play "The Garden of Love".

Astral Travel and Unkind Comparisons

Guppy: Is something the matter, Mr. Bletch?

Abi: Please, do not interrupt me. I am traveling on the astral plane.

Trevor: I've heard better singing from a mongoose with throat cancer.

Ideological Purity in Revolutionary Movements

Vietnamese gophers: Soldier gopher: Chúng ta không được để những điều nhỏ nhặt khát vọng tư sản nhuốm màu sư phạm xã hội chủ nghĩa. Cải cách là kẻ thù của cuộc cách mạng. ("We must not let petty bourgeois aspirations taint socialist pedagogy. Reform is the enemy of revolution.")

Private Enterprise and Control at Village Level

Vietnamese gophers: Educator gopher: Tôi vẫn nói rằng doanh nghiệp tư nhân là chấp nhận được ở cấp làng cung cấp nó được kiểm soát chặt chẽ bởi bên. ("I still say that private enterprise is acceptable at a village level, providing it is strictly controlled by the party.")

Learning About Bad Behavior

Vietnamese gophers: [[w:Lyndon B. Johnson|Lyndon Johnson] Educator gopher: (pointing Chuck, Wynyard, and Jim to a blackboard that says "] is very bad egg") You... read... You... read.

Re-education for Fascist Imperialists

Vietnamese gophers: Educator gopher: Thời gian học lại cho bọn đế quốc phát xít. ("Re-education time for fascist imperialists.")

Confronting Oppression and Surrendering Arms

Vietnamese gophers: Soldier gopher: Bỏ vũ khí xuống và giơ tay lên những con chó chạy theo chủ nghĩa xét lại. ("Drop your weapons and put your hands up revisionist running dogs.")